Matrimony

[idk01]

You have two choices in life: You can stay single and be miserable, or get
married and wish you were dead ...


At a cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your
wedding ring on the wrong finger?" "Yes, I am. I married the wrong man."
__________

A lady inserted an ad in the classifieds: "Husband Wanted". Next day she
received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
__________

When a woman steals your husband, there is no better revenge than to let
her keep him.
__________

A woman is incomplete until she is married. Then she is finished
__________

A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get
married?" Father replied, "I don't know son, I'm still paying."
__________

A young son asked, "Is it true Dad, that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife until he marries her?" Dad replied, "That happens in
every country, son."
__________

Then there was a woman who said, "I never knew what real happiness was
until
I got married, and by then, it was too late."
__________

Marriage is the triumph of imagination over intelligence.
__________

If you want your spouse to listen and pay strict attention to every word
you say -- talk in your sleep.
__________

Just think, if it weren't for marriage, men would go through life thinking
they had no faults at all.
__________

First guy says, "My wife's an angel!" Second guy remarks, "You're lucky,
mine's still alive."
_________

And finally.........

Husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop with their nine children. A
blind man joins them after a few minutes. When the bus arrives, they find
it overloaded and only the wife and the nine kids are able to fit onto the
bus.

So the husband and the blind man decide to walk. After a while, the husband
gets irritated by the ticking of the stick of the blind man as he taps it
on the sidewalk, and says to him, "Why don't you put a piece of rubber at
the end of your stick? That ticking sound is driving me crazy." The blind
man replies, "If you had put a rubber at the end of YOUR stick, we'd be
riding the bus, so shut up.

[limbo]

[figbo]

[marshallr47]

Good one!

[Kapture1]

Hahaha

[sleddog]

[rfknauss]

[Bisquitlips]

[1000ftSub]

[swatty]

[Lion]

Very good!!!

[chrislkb]

Good one! What a classic ender!

[JJ Irani]

[G M]

Bwahahahaahahaa.

[2th Dr]

Thanks Dave! That's just what I needed!!!

[Fang]

very good but here is :

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas .

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust!'


'God Bless.'

[idk01]

Originally Posted by Fang

very good but here is :

RED SKELTON'S RECIPE FOR THE PERFECT MARRIAGE

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage, good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on Fridays.

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in Texas .

3. I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. 'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said 'There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!' So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me, 'In the lake.'

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, 'Am I too late for the garbage?' The driver said, 'No, jump in!'

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, 'What's on the TV?'
I said, 'Dust!'


'God Bless.'

Brilliant classic :thumbusp: