Sammy: 9/14/1999 - 9/07/2012 - Say a prayer for Sammy & for the "pack" he left behind

[Grissom]

We had to put Sammy down yesterday, and that was incredibly painful.

G-d blessed us back on September 14, 1999, when Sammy was born. He has been a part of our family for almost 13 years. This Lab/Golden mix was a "mistake" according to his breeder.....the product of a Championship Lab getting to a Championship Golden Retriever, at just the right time. Thank G-d for that "mistake"!! The breeder was a friend of mine, and knew we were looking for a dog, and although she was selling these puppies for $500.00, she offered me one as a gift. And Sammy turned out to indeed be a gift - a gift from G-d! Well, I grabbed one of my kids, hopped into the car, and off we were to check out the puppies. As is often the case, Sammy chose us.......and soon we were heading back home with this rather large puppy. I remember how scared he was, being away from everything he knew and felt safe around, that first night, so I did what I always did, when we got a new puppy.....curled up next to him on the floor, held him, and slept with him. Well, that puppy turned into a magnificent, kind, loving, brilliant 75lb member of our family. He helped raise the kids, teaching them about unconditional love, and was always there to lend an ear, if you needed to talk. He would sleep with us in our bed (that was challenging, at times!), and was very fair....he would often make the rounds, sleeping with each of us, as he saw fit! Sammy and I developed a very special relationship. He could simply look at me, and I would know what he wanted. Although I had hoped for a watchdog, Sammy never really ended up taking on that roll. He was too darn friendly and loving....and greeted everyone with a tail wagging so intense, it seemed as if his whole body get into the act!! This crazy doggy never barked.....he just looked at you, poked you with his paw or nose, or whined a little. In fact, at about 4 or 5 years of age, for some reason, he decided to back, and that freaked all of us out, being as we had decided that he somehow couldn't bark.....but in reality he simply had nothing to say, I guess, until that moment!! In fact, earlier this year, our next door neighbor's toddler fell into their pool.....my wife heard screaming, and ran next door to help......I had no idea any of this was going on until Sammy BARKED....when he heard Alex scream for me......and that got my attention enough to go and see what he barked at, and that got me outside, so I could go and help as well. Thank G-d for Sammy!! (As an aside, she gave him CPR, and that little boy survived without any residual issues whatsoever.)

Well, I worked hard caring for our baby.....seeing him through a few injuries, illnesses, and the like, and I think he knew that he could count on my if he got sick or hurt, so he never really seemed to worry, when that happened, over the years. From around 10 years of age, I started to make his food myself, keeping him lean and pumped full of antioxidants and other good stuff. I began to take him to the vet evry 6 months, for rountine exam and blood work, since he was now a "senior". At 12 years old, everyone said he looked 6 years old.....so I thought I was successful, in keeping my baby healthy. A few years ago, we noticed he had a huge ear hematoma, as we were driving to Berkeley to move my son in, for his graduated studies in Environmental Engineering. We had to make a quick pit stop in Los Angeles, find a vet, and have the hematoma evacuated, and while they wanted to do all sorts of procedures, I suggested a much less invasive approach that they reluctantly did, which worked like a charm!! I had done it again, for him!!

This time, however, with him being diagnosed with cancer (a huge abdominal tumor), I was unable to save him, although G-d knows I really tried......n spite of all of our efforts, and prayers. When he was no longer able to even stand up or walk a few steps to pee, we knew it was time. He went downhill so fast.....in a matter of months.....so sad.....so we made an appointment for the vet to come to the house the next day. We had allowed Sammy to maintain his dignity right up until that very moment. We helped him get up, helped him walk, but he was basically willing and able to do much of the work himself...we just assisted. If he had a little accident in the house, we said that's ok....we are just glad you are still able to go, and it doesn't matter where.....and I think he knew that while it wasn't really "proper" to go in the house, that this time, it was ok. We always made sure we cleaned him up nice, and always made sure he was feeling fresh. I hand fed him when he was too weak to stand and eat. The other night, it hit me: I was lying next to him, comforting him, exactly like those very first nights when we brought him home......his life had come full circle.......and I cried......

As we are on 1/2 an acre, we decided to bury him in the back yard, so that we would make sure that even in death, he would be handled with respect, by those who really loved him, and so that he would rest in familiar surroundings. The night, before we dug a grave (first time I have ever done that - how horrible that was), and then yesterday, we sat outside with him, on the grass, all of those who loved him, and who he loved, with soft music playing. Knowing this was coming, we had been feeding him all his favorite food for the last few days....Alex made him a nice steak, potatoes with cheese sauce (I threw in some healthy vegetables, still hoping for a miracle, I suppose). We held him, talked to him, and about him....told him we loved him, and not too worry, that his suffering would be over soon. I asked him to forgive me many times, and told him how sorry I was that I could not have fixed him.....I had always fixed things for him, when he was ill, or injured, and feel so bad that I was unable to do so this time. The vet came with his assistant. G-d.....typing this is so painful...... After 13 years of being a part of our family, having raised him from a puppy, this was it.......

As the Vet began injecting the pentobarbital, Sammy began to get drowsy. His breathing became less labored, and more relaxed. Boomer began to become very agitated, barking at the Vet......he knew what was coming......I got Boomer, and held him close, telling him it was ok (when it really will never be totally ok, in my heart), and with the other hand, I held Sammy's paw. I wanted that energy to flow from Sammy, through me, to Boomer, so that he could really feel what was happening, so that he would know how awful the cancer made Sammy feel, and so that he could sense both how peaceful this was going to be for Sammy, and so that he could sense better when Sammy crossed over. The process seemed to take forever.....the Vet had to give him more pentobarbitol, and that was horrible.....seeing him lingering in that halfway state, until he could find another vein, and begin injecting him once more..............all the time we are crying, watching Sammy's nostril so slowly open and close, as he took his final breaths.......until he passed over......no more life within that beautiful vessel that G-d has so graciously provided for one of the kindest Living Souls I have ever encountered in this life.........our Sammy was gone from this world, gone to be with his Creator......to await our rejoining him, in the next life.

I can unequivically say that this has been one of the most painful moments in my almost 60 years of life. I don't think the Vet does many house calls, like this, and I don't think his assistant has seen this process, outside of a very clinical setting, very often if at all.....she cried throughout the entire process, gently petting Sammy the whole time.

The Vet left, and we gently wrapped him in a towel that my son's name on it (my son was unable to be here for this), as Sammy had loved to lie on any towel that he found on the ground. We carried him to the gravesite, and carefully lowered him in. A little dirt got on his ear, and I was upset, but then remembered that he always liked to roll around in the grass and dirt, so perhaps it was fitting. We placed his favorite stuffed toy, his rope football, next to his head (he always seemed to have to have something in his mouth, especially when anyone came to the house....for 13 years, he always greeted whoever was at the door, with a toy in his mouth and a wagging tail, and he also loved to use his toys as "tools" to scratch his back...he would set them on the ground, and then lay on them, and flip himself on his back, and wiggle back and forth, using them to scratch his back - was so funny to watch! So now Sammy will have something to scratch his back with, on the other side!)........and then covered him with a Winnie The Pooh towel that he also would have loved to lay on, and began the process of burying him. We placed him so that he could see the house, and everything familiar to him for the last 13 years. We said a few prayers, and then just sat next to him...........

We placed flowers on his grave, and then we decided to take a drive, to get out of the house for a bit, with Boomer........to set outside, by the ocean, in the sun, and process what had just occured. We reflected over the last few months, and realized that the dread that had built up....the heaviness that was all around us in the house.....that was all about what we knew we were going to have to do, was now gone.......replaced by a feeling of emptiness.....a big hole........and while painful, not nearly as gut wrenching as that which accompanied the concept of we having to make that decision to put our Sammy to sleep........So that heaviness was now gone, replaced by that feeling of emptiness, and the healing process could now being. Boomer having been there for the entire process was good for him, I believe, for he also seems at peace.......and I don't think it would have been the same for him had we taken Sammy to the Vet, and had it done there, Sammy never to return......then the loss of Sammy, for Boomer, would have remained totally unresolved, at least in my opinion. I am keeping Boomer close to me from now one....where I go, he now goes.......and time will tell how we all eventually heal from this. He and I just went outside, and visited Sammy's grave.

I'm sorry for such a long post. I thank you all for indulging me, and I ask that you pray for Sammy, and for, as Cesar Milan would say, the rest of his "pack".....myself, Alex, Rebekah, William and Boomer.

For those of you who may face such a situation in the future, if you can do this at home, I highly recommend it, painful as it is, especially for the other pets in your "pack". Animals are more spiritually intuned than most of us, and when they can see and experience this kind of event, real time, I do believe it is much less traumatic, especially if it is done kindly, lovingly, humanely, and surrounded by family and friends. I would also like to say, that the horrible dread in the pit of the stomach that is right there when we are faced with this does go away, once our loved pet has crossed over, and while followed by that feeling of emptiness, it is much more manageable, than the other...........so there is a little light at the end of that terrible tunnel.

G-d bless you all, furry and not so much..........love one another, and cherish each moment with your loved ones, for ultimately, that is what we take with us, when we move on to the next level......the love.......

Nathan

In better times and health...........
G-d Bless you Sammy, and watch over you. Thank you for allowing us to be such a wonderful part of your life.
We will miss you....Nathan, Alex, Rebekah, William (.....and Boomer)

[MoBe]

Sorry for your loss.

[GermanyMatt]

Sad news and I'm sure it wasn't easy. Sammy is in a better place now. RIP.

[gmh1013]

I just lost oe of my cats a month ago....a very bad day.
still look down for her thinking she is at the foot of my bed sleeping....
Sorry for loss .....

[figbo]

I have a cat that is 20 yo. and he acts like a baby.I think I have Supercat.
My dogs lasted 15 and 18 and I miss them so much.

[threemonkeys]

Pets are so precious. You were an amazing dad to this lucky fellow.

My sympathy to you and your family.

[Jonathan007]

So sorry for the loss of your beautiful friend.

[keschete]

Soo very sorry for your loss!!! Our pets are part of our lives!! Bless you for caring for him so much!!!

[subtona]

sorry for the loss.

sammy is a handsome fellow

[GradyPhilpott]

It's always sad to say goodbye to an old friend.

My condolences.

[Brunotheboxer]

I'm sorry my friend.

[lavaman]

me too

[Numismatist]

Very sorry.

[Baco Noir]

Sorry for your loss and I know how it feels. My avatar is an oil painting of my old friend who spent 14 years with me, traveled from CO to AL, DC, OH, MT, and AK with me, backpacked many miles over a dozen summers, and would fetch until he couldn't walk if we allowed it. Some dogs become more like family than others and leave a huge hole in your heart when they pass. I'll leave you with this poem that was passed on to me when I lost Homer...


Just this side of heaven is a place called Rainbow Bridge.
When an animal dies that has been especially close to someone here, that pet goes to Rainbow Bridge. There are meadows and hills for all of our special friends so they can run and play together. There is plenty of food, water and sunshine, and our friends are warm and comfortable.

All the animals who had been ill and old are restored to health and vigor. Those who were hurt or maimed are made whole and strong again, just as we remember them in our dreams of days and times gone by. The animals are happy and content, except for one small thing; they each miss someone very special to them, who had to be left behind.

They all run and play together, but the day comes when one suddenly stops and looks into the distance. His bright eyes are intent. His eager body quivers. Suddenly he begins to run from the group, flying over the green grass, his legs carrying him faster and faster.

You have been spotted, and when you and your special friend finally meet, you cling together in joyous reunion, never to be parted again. The happy kisses rain upon your face; your hands again caress the beloved head, and you look once more into the trusting eyes of your pet, so long gone from your life but never absent from your heart.

Then you cross Rainbow Bridge together....

[crew]

I'm sorry for your loss.
In time I'm sure that your many memories will provide some comfort.

[JUSTROLEXES]

Sorry for your loss Nathan it's never easy when you have to make that call.

[G8RDPM]

I am so sorry for your loss.

[bgriz]

Such a touching story. Very sorry for the loss of your friend. He had a great life with you.

[East Bay Rider]

What a sad story. My condolences.
R. I. P.

[hdrazor251]

So sorry. I've had to make the same call twice. As painful as it is, you did what was best for Sammy.

[Boopie]

Sorry for your loss. You were lucky to have him as long as you did, although the loss hurts no matter when it happens.

[FeelingTheBlues]

I am deeply sorry for your loss Nathan, I am glad to read you cared so much about that member of your family and I am sure it is painful. I wish you and your family a lot of courage to get through this.

[joeychitwood]

Beautifully written account. It brought tears to my eyes.

We buried a beloved Siamese cat in our yard years ago. My middle daughter was about three years old. We buried Simon with her bowl, blanket and favorite toy and conducted a brief ceremony with the kids. About a year later, Emily, now four, looked at the tree we'd planted over the grave and asked, "Dad, are you ever going let let Simon out of the hole?"

[Grissom]

Thank you, Mark, Carl, and everyone who shared their thoughts and feelings, and who contacted me directly, and for allowing me to express my grief here, amongst friends......this has been very painful......and continues to be, as pretty much so many little things remind us of him.....simply making food for Boomer, which used to be a task I did for Sammy (which Boomer simply shared in), now feels so weird.....I made up the recipe specifically for Sammy.....using avocados, which he adored....and Boomer didn't really like them, but he indulged me, and ate them anyways......

Expressing my feelings and hearing from others does help, so again, thank you all for indulging me.......and rest assured that I will be there for you, in your times of need.....you just need to let me know....and for all of you who have suffered similar painful losses in your lives, whatever they may have been, our prayers are with you.

Nathan

I also wanted to share with you the lovely card sent to us, by our Holistic Vet, who is one of the most compassionate people I have met, and who helped me to make Sammy's final days much more comfortable and dignified......so funny, as although I just recently met him, he sent us this lovely heartfelt card, while the vet we have used for the last 20+ years couldn't have been bothered to even say "I'm sorry for your loss"....tough times do show us the real nature of those around us....

[Runnin' Rebel]

I'm sorry Nathan..

[drockadam]

So sorry to hear. Very sorry for your loss. I read the entire thread word for word. Ended up tearing up. Rest in Peace Sammy.

[seand442]

Sorry to hear. It is way too close to home right now. Our lab JD, was diagnosed with numerous tumors on his lungs last week. He is still trying to be the lab he is, but we can see the changes. Not eating as much, just laying around, breathing louder. It seems that he is almost looking at us sometimes, asking when it's time to go. We know it's coming, we just want to spend as much time with him as possible.

[Mosco]

sorry Nathan... R.I.P. Sammy

[Art 1]

Been there, it's a tough thing.

[Christiaan]

I'm so sorry.