Welsh sheep

[aria]

Did you hear the price of lamb in Wales has just gone up?

It's now £4.95 per hour

[Andad]

HaHa, one for Peter.

[padi56]

Originally Posted by directioneng

HaHa, one for Peter.

No comment other its complete lies about us Welsh and sheep its more a Kiwi Aussie thing.

Aussie sheep stock-man and his wife had just got married and found a quiet hotel for their wedding night.
The man approached the front desk and asked for a room.
He said, 'We're on our honeymoon and we need a nice room, with a good strong bed."
The clerk winked,'You want the 'Bridal'?'
The sheep drover reflected on this for a moment and then replied,
"Nah, I reckon not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it."
__________________

A New Zealander, a sheep and a dog were survivors of a terrible shipwreck.

They found themselves stranded on a desert island and after being there for a while they got into the habit of going to the beach every evening to watch the sun go down.

One particular evening, the sky was red with beautiful cirrus clouds, the breeze was warm and gentle; a perfect night for romance. As they sat there, the sheep started looking better and better to the Kiwi.

Soon, he leaned over to the sheep and put his arm around it.

But the dog got jealous, growling fiercely until the Kiwi took his arm from around the sheep.

After that, the three of them continued to enjoy the sunsets together, but there was no more cuddling.

A few weeks passed by and lo, and behold, there was another shipwreck.

The only survivor was a beautiful young woman, the most beautiful woman the Kiwi had ever seen.

She was in a pretty bad way when they rescued her, and they slowly nursed her back to health.

When the young maiden was well enough, they introduced her to their evening beach ritual.

It was another beautiful evening: red cirrus clouds, a warm and gentle breeze; perfect for a night of romance.

Pretty soon the New Zealander started to get 'those feelings' again. He fought them as long as he could, but he finally gave in and leaned over to the young woman, cautiously, and whispered in her ear...

'Would you mind taking the dog for a walk?'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Top Sheep Questions & Answers.
Q: How do New Zealand guys find their sheep in long grass?
A: Very satisfying.

Q: What do you call 4 sheep tied to a lamppost?
A: A leisure centre.

Q: Why do New Zealand men wear only
singlets,when sheep hunting.
A: because Sheep can hear zippers.


Q: How do you get a sheep to push harder?
A: Face it toward a cliff.

Q: Why do the horses run so fast in New Zealand?
A: Because they know what's done to the sheep!

Q: Did you know that they've just discovered two new uses for sheep in New Zealand?
A: Meat and wool.

Q: What is the smallest organ in a sheep?
A: A New Zealand's shepherd's tally-whacker.

Q: What's the difference between a sheep and a Russian car?
A: It's marginally less embarrassing being seen getting out of the back of a sheep

Positive proof of Kiwis liking for sheep.
__________________

A Tale of a Few Sheep.
A guy from New Zealand buys several sheep, hoping to breed them for wool.

After several weeks, he notices that none of the sheep are getting pregnant, and phones a vet for help.

The vet tells him that he should try artificial insemination.

The New Zealand guy doesn't have the slightest idea what this means but, not wanting to display his ignorance, only asks the vet how he will know when the sheep are pregnant.

The vet tells him that they will stop standing around and instead will lie down and wallow in grass when they are pregnant.

The man hangs up and gives it some thought. He comes to the conclusion that artificial insemination means he has to impregnate the sheep himself.

So, he loads the sheep into his trusty Japanese car, drives them out into the woods, has sex with them all, brings them back, and goes to bed.

Next morning, he wakes and looks out at the sheep. Seeing that they are all still standing around, he deduces that the first try didn't take, and loads them in the car again.

He drives them out to the woods, bangs each sheep twice for good measure, brings them back, and goes to bed exhausted.

Next morning, he wakes to find the sheep still just standing round.

Try again.. he tells himself, and proceeds to load them up, and drive them out to the woods. He spends all day sh@gg#ng the sheep,and fast winding his watches,and upon returning home, falls listlessly into bed.But then noticed his arms were becoming quite wooly,and started to worry he might be turning into one of his wooly back sheep.

The next morning, he cannot even raise himself from the bed to look out of the window BaaaBaaaaBaaaa he cried.

He asks his wife to look, and tell him if the sheep are lying in the grass.

No, she says,

they're all in the car,some on the roof

and one of them is even beeping the horn.
__________________
No Wool Downstairs.
A husky Australian guy looking for sex, accepted a prostitute's terms.

When she undressed, he noticed that she had no pubic hair.

The man shouted, "What, no wool? In my country all women have wool down there."

The prostitute snapped back, "What do you want to do, knit or have sex?" if you want wool plenty of sheep outside.
__________________

Sheep vs. Women


Sheep don't have a gag reflex, or upper teeth
You can get a better grip on a sheep's ear
Sheep don't shy away from boots and leather
Cotton mouth is easier to get rid of than a social disease
Nuttin' beats mutton
Sheep won't argue about whose turn it is to go get a towel
Sheep won't drink your liquor, smoke your weed, drink your coke, and then tell you they have to be home early
Sheep never ask if you're ready to settle down
Sheep never ask about you former lovers and then get pissed off when you tell them
No matter how old or ugly you are, you can always find a willing ewe
Sheep are never concerened about their reputation
Sheep won't tell all their friends about the time you couldn't get it up
Sheep won't ask if you're gay the first time you can't get it up for the second time
Sheep never insist on eating out
You'll never catch your sheep masturbating to a picture of Mel Gibson
Sheep don't get suspicious if you have to work late
Sheep don't smell like tuna fish
Sheep don't get moody once a month
You can eat a lamb chop without getting wool stuck in your teeth
A sheep doesn't expect you to support her for the rest of her life after one roll in the hay
A sheep never wears curlers and a mud pack to bed
A sheep doesn't stop screwing after the honeymoon
A sheep won't get drunk and throw up in your car
A sheep won't think that a weekend stay-over entitles her to rearrange your furniture and put up new curtains
A sheep won't expect you to pay...and pay...and pay...and pay
A sheep will never complain about the spittoon in your pickup
A sheep will never throw out your old copies of Playboy
A sheep won't care of you keep your fish bait in the refrigerator
A sheep won't get even with you by spending your paycheck on new clothes, none of which are see-through or meant to be worn in the bedroom
A sheep will never sue you for palimony
A sheep won't care if you screw her sister
A sheep won't care if your secretary is better looking than she is
A sheep will never tell you the ceiling needs to be painted while you're screwing
A sheep won't use you razor to shave its legs, or your pocketknife to open a paint can
Sheep never have a headache
A sheep won't give your favorite hunting shirt to Goodwill
A sheep won't leave wet nylons hanging all over the bathroom
A sheep will never ask you to stop on the way home from work and pick up a box of tampons
Sheep grow their own fur coats
A sheep will never leave a vibrator on the living room couch when you're having friends over to watch football
Sheep won't cheat on you with your best friend
A sheep will never ask if you'll still respect her in the morning
Sheep aren't into talking before or after sex
A sheep never yells at you for leaving the lid up
A sheep won't send you out for batteries for her vibrator
A sheep doesn't think it's demeaning or kinky to do it doggy style
A sheep won't mind if you put up mirrors in the bedroom
Sheep are "ram tough"
A sheep won't think your cheap and tacky if you: send daisies instead of long-stemmed red roses, tip less than 20%, wear levis with a hole in the seat, open beer bottles with your teeth
Sheep don't mind if you leave the lights on
Sheep don't mind doing it in the morning
Sheep don't mind doing it in a pickup truck
A sheep will never use the excuse that: she just did her nails, it's too hot, it's too cold, you'll wake the kids, you'll wake the neighbours, she's too drunk to enjoy it, she's not drunk enough to enjoy it
A sheep will never leave you for a plastic battery powered toy

[aria]

Oops hit a nerve

[watchwatcher]

[Hairdude1]

[Andad]

...Jeez Pete, is that all you have.

[Porsche]

Pete forgot this one...



A Kiwi old timer is in New Zealand, in a bar, talking to a young man.

The Old Man says, "Boy, look out there to the field. Do you see that fence? Look how well it's built. I built that fence stone by stone with me own two hands. I piled it for months."

"But do they call me McGreggor-the-Fence-Builder? Nooo..."

Then the old man gestured at the bar. "Look here at the bar. Do ya see how smooth and just it is? I planed that surface down by me own achin' back. I carved that wood with me own hard labour, for eight days."

"But do they call me McGreggor-the-Bar-builder? Nooo..."

Then the old man points out the window. "Eh, Laddy, look out to sea...Do ya see that pier that stretches out as far as the eye can see? I built that pier with the sweat off me back. I nailed it board by board."

"But do they call me McGreggor-the-Pier-Builder? Nooo..."

Then the old man looks around nervously, trying to make sure no one is paying attention.

"But ya f%$k one sheep..."

[Andad]

ouch!!

[padi56]

Now that Catherine Zeta-Jones-Douglas has become firmly established in Hollywood, and Charlotte Church is a well-known celebrity in the UK, the Welsh film industry is to receive additional funding to step up production. They are going to remake many well known films, but this time with a Welsh flavour.

The following are planned for release this year...

9½ Leeks

Trefforest Gump

Cwmando

The Lost Boyos

An American Werewolf in Powys

Huw Dares Gwyneth

Dai Hard

The Wizard of Oswestry

Cool Hand Look-you

Sheepless in Seattle Its all lies the sheep thing with us Welsh.

The Eagle has Llandudno

The Magnificent Severn

Haverfordwest Was Won

Austin Powys

The Magic Rhonddabout

Independence Dai

The Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysilio gogogoch that Time Forgot

Seven Brides from Seven Sisters

Welsh Connection

Welsh Connection II

The Bridge on the River Wye

Lawrence of Llandybie

A Beautiful Mind-you

The Welsh Patient

The King and Mair

The Sheepshag Redemption. Again absolutely no truth in the sheep Welsh thing. Eddie.

Breakfast at Taffynys

Look You Back in Bangor

Evans Can Wait

A Fishguard Called Rhonda

Where Eagles Aberdare

Dial M For Merthyr

Any Port Talbot In A Storm.

Dude, where's my Cardiff?

Pembrokeback Mountain

Milford Haven Is A Place On Earth.

Cwm fly with me.

Twin Town

Sleepless in Swansea.

Saving Private Ryan Giggs.
------------------------------------------

Practicing the sheep Hakka.
And not only the Kiwi practice this ancient art.

[Psmith]

[Barryboy]

As an aside, an ex-pat Welshman of my acquaintance got so fed up with the whole 'sheep-shagger' thing whilst living and working in London that he did some research and found out that there has only ever been one prosecution in the UK for somebody having unnatural relations with a sheep. The accused was a man from Essex.