My life has "flipped" in one year...(I need a little advice please)

[mfer]

Well, thanks for readying this long story first off all.

Two Christmases ago, my wife told me something was wrong with our marriage. She wasn't happy and the spark was gone. We (I really) tried to work things out, go to counseling, etc. Well she never tried too hard and we grew further apart. Each day was torture as I didn't know how to talk to my wife anymore. I started running (a lot) to deal with things. The good thing about running for me is that I don't think. I finally moved out of the house on one night when she was sitting on another guy in a hot tub, getting way to friendly with him and looking at me while doing it. Quite horrible. Well, I moved to my brother's house that night and file for divorce. As aside, I ran so much, I did a marathon and in doing so lost about 3" and 30lbs.

Well as fate would have it, I met a wonderful woman and we have been dating for almost 9 months now (not much downtime, I know). We have been living with each other for 8 months. Sounds weird, I know, but I have never gotten along with anyone better in my life. We are around each other a lot and always have things to talk about. We want the same things in life, friendship, and food. Food is important for me and her. I love to eat and so does she. I don't mean big quantities, but non-typical American cuisine (and that is easy for her b/c she isn't originally from the US). Anyway, I'm getting off topic. We are in our low 30's now and thinking about the rest of our life. We are talking marriage and family. Her family is wonderful also. Am I crazy to be thinking of diving into the marriage pool so soon?!?!?! Everyday is just wonderful. I don't worry about anything just know that if I have her around. I know things will work out somehow and things just don't bother me. I feel like we are driving 100mph, but somehow its "safe" if that makes any sense. Basically, am I going to fast?

Thanks!

[Lisa]

Any kids involved?

[mfer]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Any kids involved?

None on either side.

[Rockrolex]

Try to step outside yourself for a minute. Do you have any doubts at all about this relationship? Try to be objective when you ask yourself that question. If you do, then back off and try to determine why. If not, then go for it.

Of course this is coming from someone who's been married for 40+ years and I can't say I did that when I asked my wife to marry me. This is one of those "Do as I say, not as I do" situations.

[Numismatist]

They always say at the initial stages there are a lot of hormones at work that affect judgment. I'd say if you're sure you're over that period, then go for it! If not, hang on and make sure it's all good!

Glad to see you've recovered from such a bad time.

And of course, the final decider: does she like Rolex?

[kcmo]

Mik, I think it's wonderful that you've found love again. You deserve it! I think, as with most things, it's always best to take your time. You've already been hurt and obviously don't want to experience that again. Only you really know if this is the 'right' girl for you. It certainly sounds like she's a supportive girlfriend...

If you know in your heart that this is right, then go with your instinct. Communication is soooo important - as is putting one another first. Friendship is everything in a relationship.

Best of luck!

[Jocke]

I believe you did good and it sounds like you meet a great woman that fits you.
Maybe I have give it some more time before getting married, is that important for
you to do it fast? If you are made for each other some waiting will not break your
relationship, right?

Whatever you do you get my blessings and I wish you all happiness.

Good luck.

Jocke

BYW. Don´t stop running, if you both love food you have to get rid of it.

[Lisa]

I couldn't have said it better than Jocke - she sounds like a winner and you sound like a good couple, but what would it hurt to give things some time? It doesn't sound like she's going anywhere anytime soon... and there is a lot to be said for letting things settle in a little - you've had a lot of upheaval lately. Best wishes to you - it sounds like you two have a promising future together.

[Carolina]

I agree with Jocke and Lisa. No harm in taking your time. I'm glad you found such a great person to share your life with!

[DSJ]

I agree with these posts. I'm happy you're happy again though.

[frostie]

Happy that things worked out and it is amazing that you found a new woman

Take a deep breath and some time

Those things need their time and when the right time has come you will know it

[boa2]

It sounds like you've met a wonderful woman. Please do post a photo of you two. I suspect you're going to be very happy together, forever. Your adoration and admiration for this woman is so transparent. And hers for you. I'm very happy for you.

Art161's suggestion is great. My wife and I camped for 2 months in South America, took 2 months to drive across the US, and then car-camped around Europe for 5 months. You don't have to go to such an extreme, but I tell you, there's nothing like spending such concentrated time creating the greatest memories of your life alongside your best friend.

Congratulations, Mik!

[mfer]

Thanks for everyone's good blessings and thoughts.

I guess the first time I got married I was kind of pressured into it. This time I want to. We have taken trips together already. Went on a 6 day cruise in the Caribbean and just did a mini-vacation in Austin with her and her sisters. I feel like I'm over at her parent's house ever weekend, and loving the food/company. We don't even speak the same language, but we manage quite well. I know that we haven't "dated" long, but we have lived together 24/7 since one month into the relationship. It is weird, but there have been no compromises. We just look at each other sometimes with this "Holy sh*t" look on our face about how we like/love all the same things, conversations, company, and of course food.

And as requested...
Here we are on our cruise posing..


And here we are on my 30th bday party (smokey)

[Carolina]

You guys make a really cute couple!

Do you two really not have a language in common, or did you mean that English is not your girlfriend's first language? If it's the former, that has to be a bit of a challenge!

[boa2]

Your photos say it all...You two are lifers!

I think he meant that he doesn't speak the same language as her family. Correct?

[mfer]

Originally Posted by Carolina

You guys make a really cute couple!

Do you two really not have a language in common, or did you mean that English is not your girlfriend's first language? If it's the former, that has to be a bit of a challenge!

Originally Posted by boa2

Your photos say it all...You two are lifers!

I think he meant that he doesn't speak the same language as her family. Correct?

Man, if we didn't speak the same language, that would be REALLY tough.

No she speaks English, just fine. I'm learning bits of Cantonese, but the tones are REEEEEEEALY hard for a westerner to hear. You can say "sic" 9 different ways or tones.

Her parents don't understand much English, but if I talk real slow, they get me most of the time. I'm picking up on the VERY slow Cantonese as well. There aren't many/any books/CD's out there on Cantonese. Lots of Mandarin.

[Carolina]

Originally Posted by mfer

Man, if we didn't speak the same language, that would be REALLY tough.

No she speaks English, just fine. I'm learning bits of Cantonese, but the tones are REEEEEEEALY hard for a westerner to hear. You can say "sic" 9 different ways or tones.

Her parents don't understand much English, but if I talk real slow, they get me most of the time. I'm picking up on the VERY slow Cantonese as well. There aren't many/any books/CD's out there on Cantonese. Lots of Mandarin.

Whoops, just reread your last post. Long conversations would be tough without a common language!

I actually have a second cousin who married an Italian guy, and he spoke NO English (and she, no Italian). Plus, they dated long distance. Yet, they are married today, living in Italy!

Just as an aside, there are a lot of great language immersion schools popping up these days - we have one in our school system. If you two get married and have children, they could actually be educated in Chinese. I'm know, I'm jumping the gun here...

[boa2]

Believe it or not, a friend of mine married a Mexican woman when they spoke maybe 10 words of each other's language. Nearly six years later, they speak pretty good English & Spanish, respectively, and they're very happily married.

[vibes]

Originally Posted by mfer

Man, if we didn't speak the same language, that would be REALLY tough.

No she speaks English, just fine. I'm learning bits of Cantonese, but the tones are REEEEEEEALY hard for a westerner to hear. You can say "sic" 9 different ways or tones.

Her parents don't understand much English, but if I talk real slow, they get me most of the time. I'm picking up on the VERY slow Cantonese as well. There aren't many/any books/CD's out there on Cantonese. Lots of Mandarin.

So, she and her family are probably from Hong Kong, Macau, or some other part of southern China, correct?

You may have done this already, but if not, you may want to talk a bit about what expectations there might be for you in her family that are different from expectations in an American family. Is she the oldest child in her family? Will she be expected to take care of her parents when they're older? What about raising children, if you had them? Would she and/or her family have any different expectations there?

I lived in Hong Kong for a couple years and studied in mainland China for a few months while I was working on my undergraduate degree (Chinese language), so I feel your pain in learning Cantonese. I speak it better than Mandarin because of the time I spent in HK, and I love it. It's a very fun language to learn and speak, but it's hard to due to the lack of available materials, as you've already discovered. If you ever have the time and means to spend a good six months (minimum) in HK/Macau/certain parts of Guangdong province, that will really help you in your language quest.

I asked a few questions about cultural differences above. Those questions came out of my own experiences dating Chinese women. I've dated American-born, as well as ones from Taiwan, HK and mainland China. There were varying degrees of cultural differences, and ultimately, things that I just couldn't accept (family responsibilities being one of the major ones). I ended up marrying the first American of non-Asian descent I dated.

Whatever the case, best of luck to you both. You look very happy in your photos, and it's admirable that you're trying to learn the language and more about the culture.

[roadcarver]

Early 30's, you're still young. Take your time and its not like she's giving you an ultimatum (which is a bad thing). Enjoy dating for a while and don't jump into anything so quickly.

8 - 9 months is still considered short.

BTW, photos of you and your gf are quiet nice, you two make a great couple.

[GMTII Owner]

As I read your post, it sounds like you have found the one for you. You can ask us for advice or questions, but in reality, I believe you know the answer.

Good luck!!!

John

[MrCowboy99]

Buy her a rolex and not a ring... my recommendation is to take your time! Either way, best of luck in what makes you happy. I know, I've been there also.

[Welshwatchman]

She looks a really nice person as well as being a bit of a looker. You are also looking smooth and in the prime of your life.

My 2c, don't rush into anything. Just don't. If your relationship suffers as a consequence of you taking things steadily then the relationship wasn't as sound as you thought.

All the very best to you and all the worst to that old bitch you used to be married to.

[redshirt1957]

Originally Posted by Welshwatchman

She looks a really nice person as well as being a bit of a looker. You are also looking smooth and in the prime of your life.

My 2c, don't rush into anything. Just don't. If your relationship suffers as a consequence of you taking things steadily then the relationship wasn't as sound as you thought.

All the very best to you and all the worst to that old bitch you used to be married to.

Be nice as she is right now in Bubba rehab! That will teach her!

Can you imagine me giving advice on this thread?

[mfer]

Originally Posted by redshirt1957

Be nice as she is right now in Bubba rehab! That will teach her!

Can you imagine me giving advice on this thread?

I was expecting something deep and profound from you!!!!


So.....
where is it? The deep and profound thing you do!

[redshirt1957]

Originally Posted by mfer

I was expecting something deep and profound from you!!!!


So.....
where is it? The deep and profound thing you do!

I am a shallow person as I love everybody. Or as an ex-wife said to her mother; "Love to Bubba is like a door knob, it has to be turned often to work". Never knew what that meant, but I do remember the look on the mum-in-law.

[JJ Irani]

Originally Posted by redshirt1957

I am a shallow person as I love everybody. Or as an ex-wife said to her mother; "Love to Bubba is like a door knob, it has to be turned often to work". Never knew what that meant, but I do remember the look on the mum-in-law.

What a cracker!!

[CoopJr]

Originally Posted by Welshwatchman

She looks a really nice person as well as being a bit of a looker. You are also looking smooth and in the prime of your life.

My 2c, don't rush into anything. Just don't. If your relationship suffers as a consequence of you taking things steadily then the relationship wasn't as sound as you thought.

All the very best to you and all the worst to that old bitch you used to be married to.

Paul...I couldnt say it better myself. Mik...she's a cute girl...youre both young...don't rush into anything. Just my opinion but 9 months isnt long enough to get to know someone. My own advice is to wait a total of 2 years. My wife and I were together for 5 years before we were married.

[redshirt1957]

Originally Posted by CoopJr

Paul...I couldnt say it better myself. Mik...she's a cute girl...youre both young...don't rush into anything. Just my opinion but 9 months isnt long enough to get to know someone. My own advice is to wait a total of 2 years. My wife and I were together for 5 years before we were married.

When you give advice the members nod their heads and think, "good advice". Now if I was to give the exact same advice, most members here would have thought; "she married him after being together for 5 years? Hell, waiting does not seem to work so well."!

[frostie]

You are a cute couple

Take good care of her