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Porsche · 29 September 2020, 11:29 AM

When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison.
To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.
Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight.
The older I get, the earlier it gets late.
When I say, "The other day”, I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.
Cop: "Please step out of the car.” Me: "I'm too drunk. You get in."
I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.
I had my patience tested. I'm negative.
Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.
If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"
When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing.
I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.
I hate when a couple argues in public and I miss the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.
When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"
I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome.
When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminium can stuffed with celery?
I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.
When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."
Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. *Spend30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.
Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

Psmith · 29 September 2020, 11:32 AM

sgwatchguy · 29 September 2020, 11:42 AM

aczaja10 · 29 September 2020, 01:32 PM

I laughed out loud at many of these. Thank you OP. I needed that.

swatty · 5 October 2020, 04:48 PM

Andad · 5 October 2020, 04:54 PM

Some so close to home.

Bluside · 5 October 2020, 09:59 PM

Yes indeed.

Spectre38 · 6 October 2020, 01:58 PM

Love them... absolutely love them. Thank you.

29 September 2020, 11:29 AM	#1
Porsche 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Real Name: John Location: ɹǝpun Watch: and learn Posts: 2,986	todays selection When one door closes and another door opens, you are probably in prison. To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it. Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 pm is the new midnight. The older I get, the earlier it gets late. When I say, "The other day”, I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago. Cop: "Please step out of the car.” Me: "I'm too drunk. You get in." I remember being able to get up without making sound effects. I had my patience tested. I'm negative. Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer, it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers. If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?" When you ask me what I am doing today, and I say "nothing," it does not mean I am free. It means I am doing nothing. I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever. I hate when a couple argues in public and I miss the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on. When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?" I don't remember much from last night, but the fact that I needed sunglasses to open the fridge this morning tells me it was awesome. When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminium can stuffed with celery? I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited. When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east." Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out. Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops. __________________ Obey Gravity, it's the Law!* ROLEX --- SEIKO --- HEUER TRF REHAUT T H E R O L E X F O R U M T H E R O L E X F O R U M T H E R O L E X F O R U M T H E R O L E X F O R U M T H E R O L E X F O R U M T H E R O L E X F O R U M

29 September 2020, 11:32 AM	#2
Psmith "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Real Name: Clive Location: Exoplanet Watch: spring-driven Posts: 38,856	__________________

29 September 2020, 11:42 AM	#3
sgwatchguy "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2020 Real Name: KP Jimmy Location: Singapore Watch: R/AP/FPJ/Hermès/et Posts: 6,597	__________________

5 October 2020, 04:54 PM	#6
Andad 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Real Name: Eddie Location: Australia Watch: A few. Posts: 37,528	Some so close to home. __________________ E

6 October 2020, 01:58 PM	#8
Spectre38 "TRF" Member Join Date: Jun 2020 Real Name: Paul Location: Out West Watch: and be amazed. Posts: 1,552	Love them... absolutely love them. Thank you. __________________ Card Carrying Member of the Global Association of Retro Grouch Curmudgeons

29 September 2020, 01:32 PM	#4
aczaja10 "TRF" Member Join Date: Mar 2016 Location: In my car Posts: 959	I laughed out loud at many of these. Thank you OP. I needed that.

5 October 2020, 04:48 PM	#5
swatty 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Real Name: Peter Location: Sydney Watch: The Game Posts: 17,415

5 October 2020, 09:59 PM	#7
Bluside 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: Sep 2015 Location: Florida Posts: 3,081	Yes indeed.

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