ROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEX
|
27 April 2009, 03:55 AM | #1 |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Real Name: Dave
Location: Australia
Watch: DJ16233TT
Posts: 18,485
|
If Tommy Cooper was alive today :-)
I met this bloke with a didgeridoo and he was playing Dancing Queen on it.
I thought, "That's Aboriginal." This lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins. It was a turtle disaster. I told my girlfriend I had a job in a bowling alley. She said "Tenpin?" I said, "No, permanent." I went in to a pet shop. I said, "Can I buy a goldfish?" The guy said, "Do you want an aquarium?" I said, "I don't care what star sign it is." I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver. Batman came up to me and he hit me over the head with a vase and he went T'PAU ! I said "Don't you mean KAPOW?? He said "No, I've got china in my hand." I bought some Armageddon cheese today, and it said on the packet. 'Best Before End' I went to buy a watch, and the man in the shop said "Analogue." I said "No, just a watch." I went into a shop and I said, "Can someone sell me a kettle." The bloke said "Kenwood" I said, "Where is he then?" My mate is in love with two schoolbags. He's bisatchel. I went to the doctor. I said to him "I'm frightened of lapels." He said, "You've got cholera." I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P something T something R. I was reading this book today, The History Of Glue. I couldn't put it down. I phoned the local ramblers club today, but the bloke who answered just went on and on. The recruitment consultant asked me "What do you think of voluntary work?? I said "I wouldn't do it if you paid me." I was in the jungle and there was this monkey with a tin opener. I said, "You don't need a tin opener to peel a banana." He said, "No, this is for the custard." This policeman came up to me with a pencil and a piece of very thin paper. He said, "I want you to trace someone for me." I told my mum that I'd opened a theater. She said, "Are you having me on?" I said, "Well I'll give you an audition, but I'm not promising you anything." I phoned the local builders today, I said to them "Can I have a skip outside my house?" He said, "I'm not stopping you!" This cowboy walks in to a German car showroom and he says "Audi!" I fancied a game of darts with my mate. He s aid, "Nearest the bull goes first" He went "Baah" and I went "Moo" He said "You're closest" I was driving up the motorway and my boss phoned me and he told me I'd been promoted. I was so shocked I swerved the car. He phoned me again to say I'd been promoted even higher and I swerved again. He then made me managing director and I went right off into a tree. The police came and asked me what had happened. I said "I careered off the road" I visited the offices of the RSPCA today. It's tiny: you couldn't swing a cat in there. I was stealing things in the supermarket today while balanced on the shoulders of a couple of vampires. I was charged with shoplifting on two counts. I bought a train ticket to France and the ticket seller said "Eurostar" I said "Well I've been on telly but I'm no Dean Martin. I phoned the local gym and I asked if they could teach me how to do the splits. He said, "How flexible are you?" I said, "I can't make Tuesdays or Thursdays." I went to the local video shop and I said, "Can I take out The Elephant Man?" He said, "He's not your type." I said "Can I borrow Batman Forever?" He said, "No, you'll have to bring it back tomorrow"
__________________
Apprentice to Terry Newton; Superstar and Fake Sleuth |
27 April 2009, 03:58 AM | #2 |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Real Name: Allan
Location: St. Augustine, FL
Watch: Daytona/Sub/GMT/DJ
Posts: 20,323
|
LMAO
You mean THIS Tommy Cooper?
__________________
Member: Rolex Keeper's Society "You see, you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself." - Rick Nelson |
27 April 2009, 04:03 AM | #3 |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Real Name: Dave
Location: Australia
Watch: DJ16233TT
Posts: 18,485
|
Thats the Man!,
I've been using one of his gags for years now, usually grab a taxi on the way home from the airport, as soon as we are at home, he tells me the cost so I hand over the creditcard, sign the name then hand him an envelope and tell him, here ya go mate, Have a drink on me :-) inside the envelope is a tea bag I do it to clients too, they are all getting use to it now
__________________
Apprentice to Terry Newton; Superstar and Fake Sleuth |
27 April 2009, 04:07 AM | #4 | |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Real Name: Allan
Location: St. Augustine, FL
Watch: Daytona/Sub/GMT/DJ
Posts: 20,323
|
Quote:
__________________
Member: Rolex Keeper's Society "You see, you can't please everyone, so you got to please yourself." - Rick Nelson |
|
27 April 2009, 06:09 AM | #5 |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Real Name: Gordon
Location: Irvine, Scotland
Watch: SS DJ, SS GMTIIC
Posts: 339
|
Absolute class! Thank you!
If the legend was still alive today he would love this material!
__________________
|
27 April 2009, 06:38 AM | #6 |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: Sydney
Posts: 4,624
|
|
27 April 2009, 03:59 AM | #7 |
Fondly Remembered
Join Date: May 2005
Real Name: JJ
Location: Auckland, NZ
Watch: ALL SOLD!!
Posts: 74,319
|
All very good!!
__________________
Words fail me in expressing my utmost thanks to ALL of you for this wonderful support during my hour of need!! I firmly believe that my time on planet earth is NOT yet up!! I shall fight this to the very end.......and WIN!! |
27 April 2009, 07:22 AM | #8 |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Real Name: Leo
Location: Midwest
Watch: GMT-II 16710 PEPSI
Posts: 21,461
|
Excellent puns and play on words!!!
__________________
SS GMT-II 16710 PEPSI(Z-serial#) THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND BOYS IS THE PRICE OF THE TOYS!!! MontBlanc Meisterstuck Doue Silver Barley MontBlanc Meisterstuck Solitaire Doue Signum Proud Card Carrying Member of the Curmudgeons.....Yikes!!! |
27 April 2009, 07:33 AM | #9 |
2024 Pledge Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Real Name: Richard
Location: USA
Watch: YM Deep Space
Posts: 12,521
|
__________________
Rolex Yacht-Master 40mm (SS-YG / Deep Space MOP) 16623 Breitling Aerospace Titanium / 18K with UTC. Omega Speedmaster 3510.50 Oris TT1 Pro Diver Regulator 43MM |
27 April 2009, 10:02 AM | #10 |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Real Name: Only Mom Knows
Location: Land Of The Free
Watch: 116520,16610,16013
Posts: 1,573
|
LOL
__________________
Contentment Is Not The Fulfillment Of Getting All The Watches You Want, It Is The Realization Of How Many Rolexes You Already Have. |
27 April 2009, 12:05 PM | #11 |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Oct 2008
Real Name: Andy
Location: Kuala Lumpur, MY
Watch: Me Watching You!!
Posts: 3,260
|
|
27 April 2009, 01:17 PM | #12 |
⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
2024 SubLV41 Sponsor & Boutique Seller Join Date: Sep 2008
Real Name: Oscar
Location: Florida
Watch: Me!!!
Posts: 23,233
|
__________________
|
27 April 2009, 06:09 PM | #13 |
2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Real Name: Peter
Location: Sydney
Watch: The Game
Posts: 17,415
|
Very Good Dave
|
28 April 2009, 10:29 AM | #14 |
"TRF" Member
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: Melbourne, Aus.
Watch: Z Series 16613
Posts: 887
|
Dave,
You have some of the best jokes I've seen here. Excellent taste, my friend. I can imagine Tommy Cooper loving them!
__________________
|
Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests) | |
|
|
*Banners
Of The Month*
This space is provided to horological resources.