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Brunotheboxer · 9 June 2009, 03:47 AM

by choice. I'm not knocking those that have kids and there are more here that have them then don't so I know I will be flamed for this thread and it won't be perceived well but we have come to the decision that we never want them..

It is NOT selfish to not want kids
Man, someone called my wife and I selfish because we both chose not to have kids. It pissed me off because we put a lot of time and effort into our decision. It was not something we took lightly. It's just that once the introspection was done, we both knew that it was not the best decision for us. For US, not everyone else. But for some reason certain people with kids take offense to our choice to be child free.

Other folks are very family oriented and have raising kids at the top of their priority list. That is great; we just chose another path. We do not party we just prefer peace, quiet, and the solitude of each other's company.

I just felt like telling you this so take it for what its worth and don't try to convince me I'm making a bad decision and that I will regret it when I'm older.

jdc · 9 June 2009, 03:53 AM

Bruno as you said it is your personal choice and should be respected as such. You have obviously discussed this with your wife and come to a decision you are both comfortable with. We have friends with and without children, makes no difference to us.

diablojota · 9 June 2009, 04:02 AM

I have to say that I respect your choice. I think it is completely up to you and your spouse to determine whether or not you have kids. That's no one's business but your own.

I have found though, that some of my friends (of certain religious orientations) get more fussy with me about my decisions. I am not really interested in having children myself. That may change in time, I'm just not ready. I'm fine with their fussiness, and that's their choice, but ultimately we stay friends because we appreciate one another.

Welshwatchman · 9 June 2009, 04:04 AM

I said that ..... once.

Question is have you had the "Plums" thing done?

Brunotheboxer · 9 June 2009, 04:12 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Welshwatchman

I said that ..... once.

Question is have you had the "Plums" thing done?

Seriously considering it in the near future.

Flaxmoore · 9 June 2009, 04:15 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brunotheboxer

Seriously considering it in the near future.

It's not bad. I have a hematoma from it, but no pain. The hematoma will resolve in a few weeks, I'm told.

JJ Irani · 9 June 2009, 04:18 AM

Hey Bruno,

While I do respect your decision, I have 2 girls and 4 grandkids.

But, hell......if I knew grandkids were going to be so much fun, I would have had them FIRST!!

Brunotheboxer · 9 June 2009, 04:25 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Timber Loftis

In a world where one of the greatest environmental threats is overpopulation, I don't see how anyone could take umbrage with your decision.

Well said.

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Hey Bruno,

While I do respect your decision, I have 2 girls and 4 grandkids.

But, hell......if I knew grandkids were going to be so much fun, I would have had them FIRST!!

Thats beautiful.. I'm sure you are a terrific father and a great grandfather and have a wonderful family.. I respect you 100%. For you and your wife not having kids would have been a huge mistake.

Bebot · 11 June 2009, 04:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Hey Bruno,

While I do respect your decision, I have 2 girls and 4 grandkids.

But, hell......if I knew grandkids were going to be so much fun, I would have had them FIRST!!

Can't wait till my kids give us some grandkids.

But hey Bruno. It is you and your wife's choice and should be respected.

Kind of like religion. You always respect others religion you them to respect yours.

onkyo · 9 June 2009, 04:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brunotheboxer

Seriously considering it in the near future.

Let me say "OUCH" for you.....

For me, no sharp objects below the belt.

Jocke · 9 June 2009, 04:29 AM

I respect your decision, there are a lot of not planned or desired kids out there.

If you not are into it 110% IMHO it's a bad decision to get kids because someone expect
you to do it.

So just follow your (and your wifes) heart.

Jocke

unclesallie · 10 June 2009, 04:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by onkyo

Let me say "OUCH" for you.....

For me, no sharp objects below the belt.

Pav: amen, and say amen, again, brother!

Bruno: you have the right to live your life as you see fit on this issue(having children or not).

rsmithsss · 9 June 2009, 08:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Brunotheboxer

Seriously considering it in the near future.

I had it done less than a year ago. It was my worst fear period. I dreaded the appointment for weeks. I was going to die. My equipment would be irreparably damaged. It would hurt severely. Etc, etc....

It was fine! My doc was great, it was relatively painless. I encourage anyone considering it seriously to do it. I can't believe I waited so long!

(Btw, I'm 35 and very "active" and the vasectomy only increased the "activities")!

Brunotheboxer · 9 June 2009, 08:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by KJacques

Personally, I could care less what anyone does and think that there are plenty of people out there that shouldn't have kids because of what they bring to their development.

But for myself, I am blessed with my girls and am glad I had them young. Whether it was riding them on motorcycles when they were little or dancing with them at wedding receptions now, they have given me some of the greatest joy in my life.

And only my child would shoot a double biceps pose at a wedding rehearsal dinner.

Strong delts and bi's... Good for her as body building is one of my favorite activities and it is obviously hers too.

Quote:

Originally Posted by away36

Bruno......bottom line....it's YOUR life!!!

OUR life.. Well not you and me but Kristen and I...

Quote:

Originally Posted by rsmithsss

I had it done less than a year ago. It was my worst fear period. I dreaded the appointment for weeks. I was going to die. My equipment would be irreparably damaged. It would hurt severely. Etc, etc....

It was fine! My doc was great, it was relatively painless. I encourage anyone considering it seriously to do it. I can't believe I waited so long!

(Btw, I'm 35 and very "active" and the vasectomy only increased the "activities")!

Thanks for this. As I am terrified of this procedure.

Alcan · 9 June 2009, 08:50 AM

Bruno, take some advice from an old guy:

Frozen peas. Lots of 'em.

Brunotheboxer · 9 June 2009, 08:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alcan

Bruno, take some advice from an old guy:

frozen peas

Before, during or after?

Flaxmoore · 9 June 2009, 04:09 AM

I respect and I sympathize. I've never liked being around small children, and there is enough genetic weirdness in our families to make kids a bad idea.

Had a vasectomy 5/22 to be sure.

Timber Loftis · 9 June 2009, 04:09 AM

In a world where one of the greatest environmental threats is overpopulation, I don't see how anyone could take umbrage with your decision.

JJ Irani · 9 June 2009, 04:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Timber Loftis

In a world where one of the greatest environmental threats is overpopulation, I don't see how anyone could take umbrage with your decision.

Cato · 9 June 2009, 04:25 AM

Some people should not have children; many people are happier without kids. I have a co worker who just retired congratulate me with tears in her eyes when I had my little girl. She really regretted not having children. On the other hand she really lived her life to the fullest. Fast cars, travel, country clubs, etc.

Mosco · 9 June 2009, 04:32 AM

As many of you know, my wife and I have 3 small children - and I totally understand the decision not to have them, it is just too late for us

They are a lot of work, but in the rare occasions that they're behaving, they're a lot of fun. Having said that, I would give anything for a few more years alone with Erin... Truth be told - none of them were planned. However, once we found out that she was pregnant - the alternative was not even considered. As they say - it is what it is, we made our bed, had fun in it

and now have to live with our decisions. Bruno, as someone on the opposite side of your reality, I don't judge you at all, I think it is your decision for the making, no one else's!

Carolina · 9 June 2009, 04:50 AM

It's your life, and your decision alone. And frankly, such a personal decision is not anyone else's business. There are a myriad of reasons why a couple would choose to not have kids. And, I'm sure there are selfish reasons to boot - so be it. It's still not anyone's business. (btw, not implying your reason are selfish).

The only thing that upsets me a little is the "child-free" movement that seems to demonize kids and their parents. It's like a lot of other issues, though - both sides throw stones, and vitriol helps no one.

As far as over-population goes? I have a hard time believing that is still a threat when many couples do not even have the required number of children to "replace" them when they pass away. I know that I've read that some European countries have a birth rate of < 2 children per couple.

Taffi Abernathy · 9 June 2009, 04:38 AM

Maggots reproduce - it doesn't take a lot of talent. Many people also reproduce because of expectations which are not necessarily their own, faulty birth control, impulsivity, etc., the end result being children come into this world not wanted, and therefore, not receiving the care and attention they need and deserve. The selfish route in my opinion, is having children when you don't want them. This decision is a private one between you and your wife, and you needn't justify it to anyone.

Goodwatch · 9 June 2009, 05:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taffi Abernathy

Maggots reproduce .

Actually they don't. It are the flies that reproduce and a maggot (larvae) is just a stage in the result of that reproduction.

Brunotheboxer · 9 June 2009, 05:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbits76

I think the selfish ones are those that call you it without consideration for your wife and your's feelings and intelligence.

I never wanted kids but with Claire something clicked. We planned our boy and I now wouldn't be without him. He is hard work and sometimes at the hardest moments I think "God, what have I done" but then he'll giggle or dance and it makes my day.

That sounds corny but it is honestly how I feel.

Do what's right for your wife and you and kudos for the honesty!

J

Quite the contrary, I dont think thats corny at all.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goodwatch

Actually they don't. It are the flies that reproduce and a maggot (larvae) is just a stage in the result of that reproduction.

lol. I know funny and thats funny.

Taffi Abernathy · 9 June 2009, 06:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goodwatch

Actually they don't. It are the flies that reproduce and a maggot (larvae) is just a stage in the result of that reproduction.

Uh oh, there goes my biology grade . . .

Goodwatch · 9 June 2009, 06:07 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Taffi Abernathy

Uh oh, there goes my biology grade . . .

I was in Mr. Spock mode

Yume-sama · 9 June 2009, 04:42 AM

I understand, dogs are hard enough to take care of.

I myself need to have someone to pass down my (limited) knowledge and Rolex watches to.

Taffi Abernathy · 9 June 2009, 04:46 AM

I myself need to have someone to pass down my (limited) knowledge and Rolex watches to.

[/QUOTE]

I'm a deserving candidate. (BTW, congrats on your 1300th post.)

Lisa · 9 June 2009, 04:43 AM

Bruno, if anyone calls you "selfish" for not wanting kids, so what? That's rude of them, and doesn't even dignify a response.

You may find this ironic, but my husband and I never wanted kids. We were married 14 years before we reconsidered. During that time when we wanted to be childless, we heard it all: sympathy because we MUST be infertile; anger because we didn't do god's bidding and reproduce (a co-worker blurted out, "why did you even bother to get married, then?!"); complaints from our parents because they wanted grandkids.... and so on... we enjoyed being irresponsible and not having to worry about anyone but ourselves. We both owned two-seater cars and had a blast in them.

Looking back, I have no complaints that we waited until our mid- and late- thirties to have any kids. But that said, I might suggest you keep your options open until you're older. We were CERTAIN we didn't want kids for 14 years of marriage. If anyone had tried to tell me we would change our minds I would have laughed at them.

So why did we change our minds? Growing older had a lot to do with it....and after the loss of all remaining grandparents in the span of 4 years, we started to consider the cycle of life and our place in it. We thought about being old there being "nothing left of us" when we died. We also felt that we could create some pretty interesting offspring! So, we joined the ranks of parents.

Your choice is rational and realistic - you know yourselves and what you want from life. No one should try to tell you differently.

9 June 2009, 03:47 AM	#1
Brunotheboxer Banned Join Date: Mar 2008 Real Name: Bruno Location: Boston/Cape Cod Watch: 16610,PAM. 111, G Posts: 7,608	My wife and I are never having kids...... by choice. I'm not knocking those that have kids and there are more here that have them then don't so I know I will be flamed for this thread and it won't be perceived well but we have come to the decision that we never want them.. It is NOT selfish to not want kids Man, someone called my wife and I selfish because we both chose not to have kids. It pissed me off because we put a lot of time and effort into our decision. It was not something we took lightly. It's just that once the introspection was done, we both knew that it was not the best decision for us. For US, not everyone else. But for some reason certain people with kids take offense to our choice to be child free. Other folks are very family oriented and have raising kids at the top of their priority list. That is great; we just chose another path. We do not party we just prefer peace, quiet, and the solitude of each other's company. I just felt like telling you this so take it for what its worth and don't try to convince me I'm making a bad decision and that I will regret it when I'm older.

9 June 2009, 04:02 AM	#3
diablojota "TRF" Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Real Name: Frank Location: Chattanooga, TN Watch: SS Submariner Date Posts: 4,042	I have to say that I respect your choice. I think it is completely up to you and your spouse to determine whether or not you have kids. That's no one's business but your own. I have found though, that some of my friends (of certain religious orientations) get more fussy with me about my decisions. I am not really interested in having children myself. That may change in time, I'm just not ready. I'm fine with their fussiness, and that's their choice, but ultimately we stay friends because we appreciate one another. __________________ RTFT - Read The Friggin' Thread FcB

9 June 2009, 04:04 AM	#4
Welshwatchman "TRF" Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Real Name: Paul Location: Wales, UK Posts: 14,578	I said that ..... once. Question is have you had the "Plums" thing done? __________________ ..33

9 June 2009, 04:18 AM	#7
JJ Irani Fondly Remembered Join Date: May 2005 Real Name: JJ Location: Auckland, NZ Watch: ALL SOLD!! Posts: 74,319	Hey Bruno, While I do respect your decision, I have 2 girls and 4 grandkids. But, hell......if I knew grandkids were going to be so much fun, I would have had them FIRST!! __________________ Words fail me in expressing my utmost thanks to ALL of you for this wonderful support during my hour of need!! I firmly believe that my time on planet earth is NOT yet up!! I shall fight this to the very end.......and WIN!!

9 June 2009, 04:29 AM	#11
Jocke 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Real Name: Jocke Location: Sweden Watch: A dozen of Rolex's Posts: 22,541	I respect your decision, there are a lot of not planned or desired kids out there. If you not are into it 110% IMHO it's a bad decision to get kids because someone expect you to do it. So just follow your (and your wifes) heart. Jocke __________________ This message is written in perfect swenglish. What is best a custom Rolex or a Rolex that is stuck in custom? Buy a professional camera and you´re a professional photographer, buy a flute and you own a flute.

9 June 2009, 03:53 AM	#2
jdc "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Real Name: Martin Location: UK Posts: 7,023	Bruno as you said it is your personal choice and should be respected as such. You have obviously discussed this with your wife and come to a decision you are both comfortable with. We have friends with and without children, makes no difference to us.

9 June 2009, 08:50 AM	#15
Alcan 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Real Name: Al Location: Way Up North Watch: your P's & Q's Posts: 10,473	Bruno, take some advice from an old guy: Frozen peas. Lots of 'em. __________________ Member #1,315 I don't want to get technical, but according to chemistry alcohol IS a solution!

9 June 2009, 04:09 AM	#17
Flaxmoore Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Real Name: Casey Location: Toledo, Ohio Watch: Alpha Milsub Posts: 704	I respect and I sympathize. I've never liked being around small children, and there is enough genetic weirdness in our families to make kids a bad idea. Had a vasectomy 5/22 to be sure.

9 June 2009, 04:09 AM	#18
Timber Loftis "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2007 Real Name: Jon Location: Chicago Watch: IIc,DJII,P244,A1-Z Posts: 2,857	In a world where one of the greatest environmental threats is overpopulation, I don't see how anyone could take umbrage with your decision.

9 June 2009, 04:25 AM	#20
Cato Banned Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: Land of the Lost Watch: 116610LN Posts: 2,201	Some people should not have children; many people are happier without kids. I have a co worker who just retired congratulate me with tears in her eyes when I had my little girl. She really regretted not having children. On the other hand she really lived her life to the fullest. Fast cars, travel, country clubs, etc.

9 June 2009, 04:32 AM	#21
Mosco "TRF" Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Real Name: Greg Location: Cincinnati Watch: I like to... Posts: 18,567	As many of you know, my wife and I have 3 small children - and I totally understand the decision not to have them, it is just too late for us They are a lot of work, but in the rare occasions that they're behaving, they're a lot of fun. Having said that, I would give anything for a few more years alone with Erin... Truth be told - none of them were planned. However, once we found out that she was pregnant - the alternative was not even considered. As they say - it is what it is, we made our bed, had fun in it and now have to live with our decisions. Bruno, as someone on the opposite side of your reality, I don't judge you at all, I think it is your decision for the making, no one else's! __________________ Instagram - @CaliberSwiss *“A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.” - Hunter S. Thompson*

9 June 2009, 04:50 AM	#22
Carolina "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: North Carolina Watch: it, Bubba! Posts: 6,271	It's your life, and your decision alone. And frankly, such a personal decision is not anyone else's business. There are a myriad of reasons why a couple would choose to not have kids. And, I'm sure there are selfish reasons to boot - so be it. It's still not anyone's business. (btw, not implying your reason are selfish). The only thing that upsets me a little is the "child-free" movement that seems to demonize kids and their parents. It's like a lot of other issues, though - both sides throw stones, and vitriol helps no one. As far as over-population goes? I have a hard time believing that is still a threat when many couples do not even have the required number of children to "replace" them when they pass away. I know that I've read that some European countries have a birth rate of < 2 children per couple. __________________ . .Member #5380 .

9 June 2009, 04:38 AM	#23
Taffi Abernathy "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Real Name: Faith Location: Philadelphia, PA Watch: TT DJ, SS DJ Posts: 4,053	Maggots reproduce - it doesn't take a lot of talent. Many people also reproduce because of expectations which are not necessarily their own, faulty birth control, impulsivity, etc., the end result being children come into this world not wanted, and therefore, not receiving the care and attention they need and deserve. The selfish route in my opinion, is having children when you don't want them. This decision is a private one between you and your wife, and you needn't justify it to anyone.

9 June 2009, 04:42 AM	#28
Yume-sama "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: CAN / SIN Watch: Plat. Masterpiece Posts: 1,959	I understand, dogs are hard enough to take care of. I myself need to have someone to pass down my (limited) knowledge and Rolex watches to.

9 June 2009, 04:46 AM	#29
Taffi Abernathy "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Real Name: Faith Location: Philadelphia, PA Watch: TT DJ, SS DJ Posts: 4,053	I myself need to have someone to pass down my (limited) knowledge and Rolex watches to. [/QUOTE] I'm a deserving candidate. (BTW, congrats on your 1300th post.)

9 June 2009, 04:43 AM	#30
Lisa "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: oklahoma city Posts: 15,741	Bruno, if anyone calls you "selfish" for not wanting kids, so what? That's rude of them, and doesn't even dignify a response. You may find this ironic, but my husband and I never wanted kids. We were married 14 years before we reconsidered. During that time when we wanted to be childless, we heard it all: sympathy because we MUST be infertile; anger because we didn't do god's bidding and reproduce (a co-worker blurted out, "why did you even bother to get married, then?!"); complaints from our parents because they wanted grandkids.... and so on... we enjoyed being irresponsible and not having to worry about anyone but ourselves. We both owned two-seater cars and had a blast in them. Looking back, I have no complaints that we waited until our mid- and late- thirties to have any kids. But that said, I might suggest you keep your options open until you're older. We were CERTAIN we didn't want kids for 14 years of marriage. If anyone had tried to tell me we would change our minds I would have laughed at them. So why did we change our minds? Growing older had a lot to do with it....and after the loss of all remaining grandparents in the span of 4 years, we started to consider the cycle of life and our place in it. We thought about being old there being "nothing left of us" when we died. We also felt that we could create some pretty interesting offspring! So, we joined the ranks of parents. Your choice is rational and realistic - you know yourselves and what you want from life. No one should try to tell you differently.

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