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Uncle-AJ · 14 July 2009, 03:17 AM

Have you ever made a witty retort that you were ultra proud of, one that makes you snigger every time you think about it. Here's one I made that still makes me laugh, I may have told this before but it would have been years ago so here we go again.

When my wife first came out to Saudi to join me, we had only been married seven months. We lived on the third floor of an apartment block, we had a kitchen, living room, dining room and one bedroom. In the kitchen we had a small refrigerator which had one of those small freezer compartments with a flap. It was just big enough to get a box of frozen hamburgers in and a small tray of ice. Fortunately we lived about five minutes walk from the centre of town so each evening we would go shopping for the following days meal.

Now it was a year and a day since we had been married, September 2nd 1974. We had managed to get some bacon (illegal in Saudi) from a contact I had and Brenda had made a quiche. She put it in the oven and off we went to town to do our shopping. She assured me it had forty minutes cooking time so it would be ready by the time we got back. Well forty minutes later we got back to the apartment to be greeted by plumes of smoke coming from the kitchen. When we checked the oven, Brenda had put the grill on by mistake and the quiche was cinders. She was all upset and in an effort to make her feel better I just said, "Bloody typical, the guarantee ran out yesterday and look what's happened." We both laughed out loud and still do whenever we mention it.

Tools · 14 July 2009, 03:26 AM

I'm pretty sure I had a witty retort for breakfast yesterday..

.................

Hard to tell with Pam's cooking...

Uncle-AJ · 14 July 2009, 03:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tools

I'm pretty sure I had a witty retort for breakfast yesterday..

.................

Hard to tell with Pam's cooking...

Don't you mean you did a retort? Was it smelly?

Prince · 14 July 2009, 03:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Tools

I'm pretty sure I had a witty retort for breakfast yesterday..

.................

See Larry, it's the old age kicking in again. I keep a pad and pencil handy to write this stuff down, so I won't forget it. Only problem is... I forget where I put the pad and pencil!!!

mailman · 14 July 2009, 03:30 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prince

See Larry, it's the old age kicking in again. I keep a pad and pencil handy to write this stuff down, so I won't forget it. Only problem is... I forget where I put the pad and pencil!!!

Is the pad anything like JJ's diaper

Prince · 14 July 2009, 03:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mailman

Is the pad anything like JJ's diaper

No, Paul. There's NOTHING like JJ's diaper!!

JJ Irani · 14 July 2009, 03:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mailman

Is the pad anything like JJ's diaper

Now how the hell did I get dragged into this one, ya tosser??!!

mailman · 14 July 2009, 03:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Now how the hell did I get dragged into this one, ya tosser??!!

It was an excutive decision

Prince · 14 July 2009, 03:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Now how the hell did I get dragged into this one, ya tosser??!!

Same way you always do, JJ. And we just wait for the above response you always provide. It's just a tradition on TRF, my friend!

away36 · 14 July 2009, 11:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Now how the hell did I get dragged into this one, ya tosser??!!

If we were smart we'd drag you in by the fingers so you wouldn't be able to respond!

allanofcalifornia · 14 July 2009, 04:41 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mailman

Is the pad anything like JJ's diaper

Are those the diapers that JJ stole from his sheep?

Allan

mailman · 14 July 2009, 05:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by allanofcalifornia

Are those the diapers that JJ stole from his sheep?

Allan

Sheep diapers won't fit him. They have bigger wankers than JJ

redshirt1957 · 14 July 2009, 10:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Prince

See Larry, it's the old age kicking in again. I keep a pad and pencil handy to write this stuff down, so I won't forget it. Only problem is... I forget where I put the pad and pencil!!!

Nothing like forgetting where you pencil is and having to pee. What a mess.

Yume-sama · 14 July 2009, 03:44 AM

I usually come up with my witty comebacks about 2 days after.

Then I say them to myself, and feel like I've won.

mailman · 14 July 2009, 03:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Yume-sama

I usually come up with my witty comebacks about 2 days after.

Then I say them to myself, and feel like I've won.

Small personal victories can sometimes be the best

johnnybazookajoe · 14 July 2009, 03:54 AM

I remember one time coming into O'Hare, I just picked up my bags from baggage claims, when I saw a little girl with red hair walking with her mother. One of the United baggage claim reps commented on the little girl's hair, saying, "I would give anything for red hair like that". I didn't say this out loud because it would have been incredibly rude, but I told myself "you just have to give up your self respect". Before you judge me, I myself have blond hair but my sideburns and bear grow red, and my sister is a red head. I'm pretty sure it would have been a solid comment if I said it out loud.

mfer · 14 July 2009, 04:08 AM

My buddy dropped me off at my house as I drank to much. I came in and the lady said...

"Drunk again!"

I said "Great!!!! Me too!"

johnnybazookajoe · 14 July 2009, 07:26 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mfer

My buddy dropped me off at my house as I drank to much. I came in and the lady said...

"Drunk again!"

I said "Great!!!! Me too!"

Nice.

East Bay Rider · 14 July 2009, 11:28 AM

We had my mother in law (RIP) visiting for the holidays. My wife had made the big dinner and the table was set with the best dishes, crystal etc. My wife was excited to have her mother visiting and had pulled out all the stops. Dinner was almost ready and we were all milling around the table getting ready to sit. My mother in law asked me "Bill, where do you want me?"
Without hesitation I responded "On a plane back to Florida."

I'm still proud of that moment. I laughed, she didn't. I was kidding, sort of.

Watchdog · 14 July 2009, 03:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by East Bay Rider

We had my mother in law (RIP) visiting for the holidays. My wife had made the big dinner and the table was set with the best dishes, crystal etc. My wife was excited to have her mother visiting and had pulled out all the stops. Dinner was almost ready and we were all milling around the table getting ready to sit. My mother in law asked me "Bill, where do you want me?"
Without hesitation I responded "On a plane back to Florida."

I'm still proud of that moment. I laughed, she didn't. I was kidding, sort of.

away36 · 14 July 2009, 09:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by East Bay Rider

We had my mother in law (RIP) visiting for the holidays. My wife had made the big dinner and the table was set with the best dishes, crystal etc. My wife was excited to have her mother visiting and had pulled out all the stops. Dinner was almost ready and we were all milling around the table getting ready to sit. My mother in law asked me "Bill, where do you want me?"
Without hesitation I responded "On a plane back to Florida."

I'm still proud of that moment. I laughed, she didn't. I was kidding, sort of.

TOOOOO funny, Bill!

tifosi · 15 July 2009, 02:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by East Bay Rider

We had my mother in law (RIP) visiting for the holidays. My wife had made the big dinner and the table was set with the best dishes, crystal etc. My wife was excited to have her mother visiting and had pulled out all the stops. Dinner was almost ready and we were all milling around the table getting ready to sit. My mother in law asked me "Bill, where do you want me?"
Without hesitation I responded "On a plane back to Florida."

I'm still proud of that moment. I laughed, she didn't. I was kidding, sort of.

That may have been the first time I actually laughed out loud at my computer! Hilarious.

mailman · 15 July 2009, 03:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by East Bay Rider

We had my mother in law (RIP) visiting for the holidays. My wife had made the big dinner and the table was set with the best dishes, crystal etc. My wife was excited to have her mother visiting and had pulled out all the stops. Dinner was almost ready and we were all milling around the table getting ready to sit. My mother in law asked me "Bill, where do you want me?"
Without hesitation I responded "On a plane back to Florida."

I'm still proud of that moment. I laughed, she didn't. I was kidding, sort of.

allanofcalifornia · 15 July 2009, 03:05 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by East Bay Rider

We had my mother in law (RIP) visiting for the holidays. My wife had made the big dinner and the table was set with the best dishes, crystal etc. My wife was excited to have her mother visiting and had pulled out all the stops. Dinner was almost ready and we were all milling around the table getting ready to sit. My mother in law asked me "Bill, where do you want me?"
Without hesitation I responded "On a plane back to Florida."

I'm still proud of that moment. I laughed, she didn't. I was kidding, sort of.

So, how is your ex-wife doing?

Allan

East Bay Rider · 15 July 2009, 08:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by allanofcalifornia

So, how is your ex-wife doing?

Allan

Really. We had our fair share of fights because of her. I never liked her, she never liked me. When I proposed to Wendrfull her mother cried. Now that she's passed I try not to repeat the things I used to say.

allanofcalifornia · 15 July 2009, 08:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by East Bay Rider

Really. We had our fair share of fights because of her. I never liked her, she never liked me. When I proposed to Wendrfull her mother cried. Now that she's passed I try not to repeat the things I used to say.

Sorry to hear that. Hopefully there is peace now and a happy family!

Allan

allanofcalifornia · 15 July 2009, 10:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by East Bay Rider

Really. We had our fair share of fights because of her. I never liked her, she never liked me. When I proposed to Wendrfull her mother cried. Now that she's passed I try not to repeat the things I used to say.

I got along fine with my in-laws. At times better than my wife did! The problem for us was a few years after my father died and I had my mother move in with us since she was unable to live by herself anymore. I could never think of putting her into a nursing home so we took her in.

Then the fireworks started!

It got interesting having my wife and mother in the same house. To make it worse, my mother was slowly declining and started to act more like a child at times. She lived with us for 6 years until she passed away last year. Even though there were rough times, I know she was much happier living with us and being able to have as much freedom as possible. We let her shop for her own groceries (snacks, drinks, etc.) and we gave her a part of the refrigerator. I am not happy she died but the household is more peaceful. Her death and having to figure out how to get her from California to New York to get buried, arrange the funeral, sell her car and sell her house is a whole other story for another time!

Allan

USP45Tim · 15 July 2009, 11:12 AM

There was this one time I was filming a movie on an airplane. Some bozo decided to let some snakes loose while we were in the air. After a fit of anger, I said "Get these snakes off my mother @$#%% plane"!!!!! I then proceeded to kill every last one of them.

Andad · 14 July 2009, 03:30 PM

I remember my last 'witty retort', James gave me 6 points.

No, no, sorry James, I didn't think it was funny, I'm not laughing.

away36 · 14 July 2009, 09:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by directioneng

I remember my last 'witty retort', James gave me 6 points.

No, no, sorry James, I didn't think it was funny, I'm not laughing.

14 July 2009, 03:17 AM	#1
Uncle-AJ "TRF" Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Real Name: Adrian Location: Bolton, UK. Watch: Daytona 116520 Posts: 6,844	Witty retort Have you ever made a witty retort that you were ultra proud of, one that makes you snigger every time you think about it. Here's one I made that still makes me laugh, I may have told this before but it would have been years ago so here we go again. When my wife first came out to Saudi to join me, we had only been married seven months. We lived on the third floor of an apartment block, we had a kitchen, living room, dining room and one bedroom. In the kitchen we had a small refrigerator which had one of those small freezer compartments with a flap. It was just big enough to get a box of frozen hamburgers in and a small tray of ice. Fortunately we lived about five minutes walk from the centre of town so each evening we would go shopping for the following days meal. Now it was a year and a day since we had been married, September 2nd 1974. We had managed to get some bacon (illegal in Saudi) from a contact I had and Brenda had made a quiche. She put it in the oven and off we went to town to do our shopping. She assured me it had forty minutes cooking time so it would be ready by the time we got back. Well forty minutes later we got back to the apartment to be greeted by plumes of smoke coming from the kitchen. When we checked the oven, Brenda had put the grill on by mistake and the quiche was cinders. She was all upset and in an effort to make her feel better I just said, "Bloody typical, the guarantee ran out yesterday and look what's happened." We both laughed out loud and still do whenever we mention it. __________________ A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.........Segal's Law Member #10

14 July 2009, 03:26 AM	#2
Tools TRF Moderator & 2024 SubLV41 Patron Join Date: May 2007 Real Name: Larry Location: Mojave Desert Watch: GMT's Posts: 43,516	I'm pretty sure I had a witty retort for breakfast yesterday.. ................. Hard to tell with Pam's cooking... __________________ (Chill ... It's just a watch Forum.....) NAWCC Member

14 July 2009, 03:54 AM	#16
johnnybazookajoe "TRF" Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Location: Belvidere, IL Watch: SS Sub Posts: 242	I remember one time coming into O'Hare, I just picked up my bags from baggage claims, when I saw a little girl with red hair walking with her mother. One of the United baggage claim reps commented on the little girl's hair, saying, "I would give anything for red hair like that". I didn't say this out loud because it would have been incredibly rude, but I told myself "you just have to give up your self respect". Before you judge me, I myself have blond hair but my sideburns and bear grow red, and my sister is a red head. I'm pretty sure it would have been a solid comment if I said it out loud. __________________ Sub-Date 16610 "M"

14 July 2009, 04:08 AM	#17
mfer "TRF" Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Real Name: Mik Location: USA Posts: 13,724	My buddy dropped me off at my house as I drank to much. I came in and the lady said... "Drunk again!" I said "Great!!!! Me too!" __________________ member#3242

14 July 2009, 11:28 AM	#19
East Bay Rider "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Real Name: Bill Location: East Bay RI Watch: GMT-II 16710LN Posts: 12,074	We had my mother in law (RIP) visiting for the holidays. My wife had made the big dinner and the table was set with the best dishes, crystal etc. My wife was excited to have her mother visiting and had pulled out all the stops. Dinner was almost ready and we were all milling around the table getting ready to sit. My mother in law asked me "Bill, where do you want me?" Without hesitation I responded "On a plane back to Florida." I'm still proud of that moment. I laughed, she didn't. I was kidding, sort of. __________________ I bought a cheap watch from the crazy man Floating down canal It doesn't use numbers or moving hands It always just says "now" Now you may be thinking that I was had But this watch is never wrong And if I have trouble the warranty said Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On J. Buffett Instagram: eastbayrider46

14 July 2009, 03:44 AM	#14
Yume-sama "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: CAN / SIN Watch: Plat. Masterpiece Posts: 1,959	I usually come up with my witty comebacks about 2 days after. Then I say them to myself, and feel like I've won.

15 July 2009, 11:12 AM	#28
USP45Tim "TRF" Member Join Date: Jun 2009 Real Name: Tim Location: Louisiana, Beach Watch: 16570T Posts: 191	There was this one time I was filming a movie on an airplane. Some bozo decided to let some snakes loose while we were in the air. After a fit of anger, I said "Get these snakes off my mother @$#%% plane"!!!!! I then proceeded to kill every last one of them.

14 July 2009, 03:30 PM	#29
Andad 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Real Name: Eddie Location: Australia Watch: A few. Posts: 37,534	I remember my last 'witty retort', James gave me 6 points. No, no, sorry James, I didn't think it was funny, I'm not laughing. __________________ E

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