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mikecagney412 · 24 March 2012, 09:05 AM

Jonestown, AZ.— A local man is a hero today after he single-handedly stopped a couple who were attempting to rob a coffee shop. His quick thinking saved the day according to restaurant manager Ted Barkins. "He just started quoting movie lines from Pulp Fiction. The robbers kind of went berserk and then they just left." Local hero, Paul Horner, who thwarted the would-be robbers said, "It was really lucky that I had my wallet with me that said 'bad motherf*cker' on it. They came around asking for everybody's wallet and I just held it up, you know like how Samuel L. Jackson did it in Pulp Fiction."

Longtime diner Susan Litchfield said the robbers asked Mr. Horner what was in his hand. He told them it was his wallet that said 'bad motherf*cker' on it.

"Yeah it was crazy. After I said that they started freaking out, so in my best tough black guy voice I said to them: Normally, both your asses would be dead as f*cking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this sh*t while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you," Horner said. "Then the robbers looked at each other and just ran out of the restaurant. I knew my vast knowledge of Pulp Fiction would pay off for me one day."
Barkins said he was a little concerned about the health of Mr. Horner after the robbers had left and everyone at the restaurant was waiting around for police to arrive. "It seemed like Mr. Horner's brain had temporarily snapped. I told him that I think the cops are on their way and he said, 'I don't wanna hear about no motherf*ckin' ifs. All I wanna hear from your ass is, you ain't got no problem, Paul. I'm on the motherf*cker. Go back in there, chill them ******s out and wait for the cavalry which should be coming directly'. Then he started asking me questions about the menu. He asked me aboYut our hamburgers and if I knew what they called a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France? It was really weird, but hey, he's a hero I guess."

Officer Miller from the Jonestown Police Department said, "It's fortunate that this small town has a person like Mr. Horner living in it. If he hadn't have had so much free time on his hands he never would have been able to quote so many lines from Pulp Fiction. Down time is the real hero here today."

The robbers are described as a white male and female aged 35-45. Any information please contact the Jonestown Police Department.

Haha oh man what a funny story! Too much down time!

http://www.iywib.com/local_man_saves...ocal_man_saves

Paladin · 24 March 2012, 09:10 AM

IF the story is for real, it sounds like a couple drugged up armed robbers who have a death wish. Arizona permits its citizens to carry concealed weapons without permit....

FeelingTheBlues · 24 March 2012, 09:13 AM

Oh dear, I almost wish this would be a joke!

Thank you for sharing that story, I must admit that when I started reading I wondered if it would involve a gimp and the basement of a pawn shop.

A.J.R. · 24 March 2012, 09:21 AM

Wowzers

MoBe · 24 March 2012, 09:25 AM

I would have gone midieval on them stupid would be robbers.

`more proof that criminals are stupid.

Mosco · 24 March 2012, 09:27 AM

This. Is. AWESOME.

capote · 24 March 2012, 09:28 AM

Good for him that it worked out his way. He could also have ended up with a bullet in his brain for confusing fiction with reality.

mjclark32 · 24 March 2012, 09:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mosco

This. Is. AWESOME.

bayerische · 24 March 2012, 01:33 PM

Awesome!

Love the movie.

Lmbeauleap · 24 March 2012, 02:24 PM

I sure hope Vincent didn't shoot Marvin in the face later

mikecagney412 · 24 March 2012, 02:37 PM

everyone involved in this article is probably

Baco Noir · 24 March 2012, 02:39 PM

Great movie, great story!

kilyung · 24 March 2012, 02:52 PM

"That was pretty f***ing trippy!"

wokafu · 24 March 2012, 03:25 PM

wow...i wonder can i get natalie portman if i pull out the v for vendetta lines :D...great story tho..thanks for sharing

fusionstorm · 24 March 2012, 03:36 PM

Amusing, but totally fake.

azguy · 25 March 2012, 12:26 AM

I live in Arizona, never heard of Jonestown

tranny · 25 March 2012, 12:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by fusionstorm

Amusing, but totally fake.

It's a week early for that.

Awesome story. I cracked up.

EDIT: Aw, damn... There's no such place as Jonestown, Arizona.

Bummer.

fespo276 · 25 March 2012, 12:41 AM

This story has "The Onion" written all over it.

HL65 · 25 March 2012, 01:24 AM

fusionstorm · 25 March 2012, 06:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by transio

It's a week early for that.

Awesome story. I cracked up.

EDIT: Aw, damn... There's no such place as Jonestown, Arizona.

Bummer.

One's BS meter should stay on year-round......

T.S.Eliot · 25 March 2012, 06:24 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by FeelingTheBlues

Oh dear, I almost wish this would be a joke!

Thank you for sharing that story, I must admit that when I started reading I wondered if it would involve a gimp and the basement of a pawn shop.

Quote:

Originally Posted by MoBe

I would have gone midieval on them stupid would be robbers.

`more proof that criminals are stupid.

This is hilarious!

GradyPhilpott · 25 March 2012, 09:08 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mikecagney412

Officer Miller from the Jonestown Police Department said, "It's fortunate that this small town has a person like Mr. Horner living in it. If he hadn't have had so much free time on his hands he never would have been able to quote so many lines from Pulp Fiction. Down time is the real hero here today."

That has to be the funniest post-crime cop quote I've heard in my life.

Three cheers for down time!

Quote:

Originally Posted by fusionstorm

Amusing, but totally fake.

Still hilarious, though.

johnny80s · 25 March 2012, 10:04 AM

And his wallet had "BAD MUTHERF**CKER" on it

24 March 2012, 09:05 AM	#1
mikecagney412 Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Pittsburgh Watch: 1655 Posts: 97	Local Man Is Hero Thanks to Knowledge Of Pulp Fiction ( funny news article AZ) Jonestown, AZ.— A local man is a hero today after he single-handedly stopped a couple who were attempting to rob a coffee shop. His quick thinking saved the day according to restaurant manager Ted Barkins. "He just started quoting movie lines from Pulp Fiction. The robbers kind of went berserk and then they just left." Local hero, Paul Horner, who thwarted the would-be robbers said, "It was really lucky that I had my wallet with me that said 'bad motherfcker' on it. They came around asking for everybody's wallet and I just held it up, you know like how Samuel L. Jackson did it in Pulp Fiction." Longtime diner Susan Litchfield said the robbers asked Mr. Horner what was in his hand. He told them it was his wallet that said 'bad motherfcker' on it. "Yeah it was crazy. After I said that they started freaking out, so in my best tough black guy voice I said to them: Normally, both your asses would be dead as fcking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this sht while I'm in a transitional period so I don't wanna kill you, I wanna help you," Horner said. "Then the robbers looked at each other and just ran out of the restaurant. I knew my vast knowledge of Pulp Fiction would pay off for me one day." Barkins said he was a little concerned about the health of Mr. Horner after the robbers had left and everyone at the restaurant was waiting around for police to arrive. "It seemed like Mr. Horner's brain had temporarily snapped. I told him that I think the cops are on their way and he said, 'I don't wanna hear about no motherfckin' ifs. All I wanna hear from your ass is, you ain't got no problem, Paul. I'm on the motherfcker. Go back in there, chill them ******s out and wait for the cavalry which should be coming directly'. Then he started asking me questions about the menu. He asked me aboYut our hamburgers and if I knew what they called a Quarter Pounder with cheese in France? It was really weird, but hey, he's a hero I guess." Officer Miller from the Jonestown Police Department said, "It's fortunate that this small town has a person like Mr. Horner living in it. If he hadn't have had so much free time on his hands he never would have been able to quote so many lines from Pulp Fiction. Down time is the real hero here today." The robbers are described as a white male and female aged 35-45. Any information please contact the Jonestown Police Department. Haha oh man what a funny story! Too much down time! http://www.iywib.com/local_man_saves...ocal_man_saves

24 March 2012, 09:10 AM	#2
Paladin "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: So. California Posts: 1,232	IF the story is for real, it sounds like a couple drugged up armed robbers who have a death wish. Arizona permits its citizens to carry concealed weapons without permit.... __________________ 1601, 1675/3, 16753, 16750, 16750, 16700, 16610, 18238

24 March 2012, 09:13 AM	#3
FeelingTheBlues "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Real Name: Carl Location: Always moving Watch: If you wish... Posts: 22,039	Oh dear, I almost wish this would be a joke! Thank you for sharing that story, I must admit that when I started reading I wondered if it would involve a gimp and the basement of a pawn shop. __________________ Mon corps c'est un pays en guerre sur l'point d'finir, Le général de l'armée de terre s'attend au pire, J'ai faim, j'ai frette, je suis trop faible pour me lever debout, On va hisser le drapeau blanc un point c'est tout. - André Fortin

24 March 2012, 09:21 AM	#4
A.J.R. "TRF" Member Join Date: Jun 2011 Real Name: AJ Location: Oregon Watch: SUBC, DJII Posts: 1,827	Wowzers __________________

24 March 2012, 09:27 AM	#6
Mosco "TRF" Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Real Name: Greg Location: Cincinnati Watch: I like to... Posts: 18,567	This. Is. AWESOME. __________________ Instagram - @CaliberSwiss *“A man who procrastinates in his choosing will inevitably have his choice made for him by circumstance.” - Hunter S. Thompson*

24 March 2012, 09:25 AM	#5
MoBe "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Canada Posts: 6,773	I would have gone midieval on them stupid would be robbers. `more proof that criminals are stupid.

24 March 2012, 09:28 AM	#7
capote "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Real Name: Daniel Location: Sweden Watch: 16570 Posts: 7,315	Good for him that it worked out his way. He could also have ended up with a bullet in his brain for confusing fiction with reality.

24 March 2012, 01:33 PM	#9
bayerische "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Real Name: Andreas Location: Margaritaville Watch: Smurf Posts: 19,879	Awesome! Love the movie. __________________ Yeah, well, you know, that's just, like, your opinion, man.

24 March 2012, 02:24 PM	#10
Lmbeauleap "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2012 Location: Wisconsin Watch: Franken Posts: 437	I sure hope Vincent didn't shoot Marvin in the face later

24 March 2012, 02:37 PM	#11
mikecagney412 Member Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: Pittsburgh Watch: 1655 Posts: 97	everyone involved in this article is probably

24 March 2012, 02:39 PM	#12
Baco Noir "TRF" Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Real Name: Roger Location: Colorado Watch: this ya'll Posts: 4,975	Great movie, great story!

24 March 2012, 02:52 PM	#13
kilyung 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Location: Cave Watch: Sundial Posts: 33,940	"That was pretty f***ing trippy!"

24 March 2012, 03:25 PM	#14
wokafu "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2010 Location: Malaysia Watch: SM300+14060M Posts: 2,012	wow...i wonder can i get natalie portman if i pull out the v for vendetta lines :D...great story tho..thanks for sharing

24 March 2012, 03:36 PM	#15
fusionstorm "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2009 Location: Piedmont, CA Watch: various vintage Posts: 2,272	Amusing, but totally fake. __________________ 1680 MK II 2.2M (my daily); 1655 MK IV 8.1M (my 1st vintage); 16660 x 4 - 8.0M spider & matte 7.4M, 8.0M, 8.0M; 16610LV F MK I/MK I; 116528 Z; 14060 M COSC; Tudor 75090 Gone.....never forgotten: 14000 F, 14060 V COSC, PAM 048, 16623 F, 1680 MK V 3.1M, 16800 matte 8.3M & 1655 MK IV 7.4M

25 March 2012, 12:26 AM	#16
azguy Banned Join Date: Sep 2011 Real Name: ------- Location: ------- Watch: --------- Posts: 12,609	I live in Arizona, never heard of Jonestown

25 March 2012, 12:41 AM	#18
fespo276 "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2006 Location: CT Watch: 116610LN Posts: 160	This story has "The Onion" written all over it.

25 March 2012, 01:24 AM	#19
HL65 TRF Moderator & 2024 SubLV41 Patron Join Date: Dec 2007 Real Name: Ken Location: SW Florida Watch: One on my wrist. Posts: 64,011	__________________ *SPEM SUCCESSUS ALIT*

25 March 2012, 10:04 AM	#23
johnny80s "TRF" Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Real Name: John Location: Chicago Posts: 499	And his wallet had "BAD MUTHERF**CKER" on it

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