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5 January 2013, 05:32 AM | #1 |
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Retired husband
RETIRED HUSBAND
After I retired, my wife insisted that I accompany her on her trips to Target. Unfortunately, like most men, I found shopping boring and preferred to get in and get out. Equally unfortunate, my wife is like most women - she loves to browse. Yesterday my dear wife received the following letter from the local Target: Dear Mrs. Harris, Over the past six months, your husband has caused quite a commotion in our store. We cannot tolerate this behavior and have been forced to ban both of you from the store. Our complaints against your husband, Mr. Harris, are listed below and are documented by our video surveillance cameras: 1. June 15: He took 24 boxes of condoms and randomly put them in other people's carts when they weren't looking. 2. July 2: Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minute intervals. 3. July 7: He made a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to the women's restroom. 4. July 19: Walked up to an employee and told her in an official voice,'Code 3 in Housewares. Get on it right away'. This caused the employee to leave her assigned station and receive a reprimand from her Supervisor that in turn resulted with a union grievance, causing management to lose time and costing the company money. We don't have a Code 3. 5. August 4: Went to the Service Desk and tried to put a bag of M&Ms on layaway. 6. August 14: Moved a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area. 7. August 15: Set up a tent in the camping department and told the children shoppers he'd invite them in if they would bring pillows and blankets from the bedding department to which twenty children obliged. 8. August 23: When a clerk asked if they could help him he began crying and screamed, 'Why can't you people just leave me alone?' EMTs were called. 9. September 4: Looked right into the security camera and used it as a mirror while he picked his nose. 10. September 10: While handling guns in the hunting department, he asked the clerk where the antidepressants were. 11. October 3: Darted around the store suspiciously while loudly humming the ' Mission Impossible' theme. 12. October 6 In the auto department, he practiced his 'Madonna look' using different sizes of funnels. 13. October 18: Hid in a clothing rack and when people browsed through, yelled 'PICK ME! PICK ME!' 14. October 22: When an announcement came over the loud speaker, he assumed a fetal position and screamed 'OH NO! IT'S THOSE VOICES AGAIN!' 15. Took a box of condoms to the checkout clerk and asked where is the fitting room? And last, but not least: 16. October 23: Went into a fitting room, shut the door, waited awhile, and then yelled very loudly, 'Hey! There's no toilet paper in here.' One of the clerks passed out. |
5 January 2013, 07:05 AM | #2 |
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5 January 2013, 09:48 AM | #3 |
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I bought a cheap watch from the crazy man Floating down canal It doesn't use numbers or moving hands It always just says "now" Now you may be thinking that I was had But this watch is never wrong And if I have trouble the warranty said Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On J. Buffett Instagram: eastbayrider46 |
5 January 2013, 01:13 PM | #4 |
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Instagram @z32turbo |
5 January 2013, 02:42 PM | #5 |
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Does anyone really know what time it is? |
5 January 2013, 09:00 PM | #6 |
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5 January 2013, 10:00 PM | #7 |
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Yikes...
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SS GMT-II 16710 PEPSI(Z-serial#) THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND BOYS IS THE PRICE OF THE TOYS!!! MontBlanc Meisterstuck Doue Silver Barley MontBlanc Meisterstuck Solitaire Doue Signum Proud Card Carrying Member of the Curmudgeons.....Yikes!!! |
6 January 2013, 01:42 AM | #8 |
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Very funny
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6 January 2013, 04:41 PM | #9 |
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Hahahahaha!
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7 January 2013, 03:09 AM | #10 |
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cute
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7 January 2013, 03:20 AM | #11 |
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Hahahahahaha, I've gotta try a few of these!
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13 January 2013, 03:10 PM | #12 |
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Rofl
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13 January 2013, 03:12 PM | #13 |
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13 January 2013, 04:32 PM | #14 |
Banned
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rofl
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13 January 2013, 04:52 PM | #15 |
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Superb!
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Regards from Sunny San Diego..........Tom |
14 January 2013, 12:23 AM | #16 |
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Mon corps c'est un pays en guerre sur l'point d'finir, Le général de l'armée de terre s'attend au pire, J'ai faim, j'ai frette, je suis trop faible pour me lever debout, On va hisser le drapeau blanc un point c'est tout. - André Fortin |
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