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22 February 2014, 03:38 AM | #1 |
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Groundbreaking Drug Treatment for Rolex Addiction
I have a few friends in the Pharmaceutical and Biotech industry and we’re working on a new drug to help reduce Rolex addiction.
Our new drug is called Zolex. And we feel this breakthrough drug will be a Blockbuster treatment for patients seeking to control their Rolex addiction. The idea behind this new groundbreaking drug is to reduce pre- and post-Rolex ownership’s uncontrollable desire to hunger more Rolexes. Our studies have shown this addiction is affecting more than 2-million people worldwide. Our research has also concluded a dangerous up-tick rate of >25% YoY. Our research and early trials have shown that patients on Zolex have reduced their overwhelming and uncontrolled desire by ~90%. What is Zolex? Zolex (rolex-traline) is an anti-avoidance treatment that affects the chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced in pre- and post-Rolex ownership which can cause an uncontrollable desire to obsess, drool, speak incessantly, daydream, become impatient and argumentative on forums, sudden anxiety, Compulsive Purchase Disorder (CPD), loss of memory, post-traumatic stress syndrome, buyer’s remorse, Rolex spotting, divorce, and drained bank accounts. Zolex may also be used for purposes not listed in this medication informational guide. Obsessive-compulsive disorder Placebo-controlled studies have demonstrated Zolex to be effective for the treatment in adults and children. This includes wearing multiple Rolexes at one time, on both wrists, cleaning them obsessively more than three-times daily with a dirty toothbrush, using loops in hopes of defect discovery, sleeping with one’s Rolex and talking or kissing them before bed-time. Cognitive behavioral therapy alone was superior to Zolex in both adults and children; however, the best results were achieved using a combination of these treatments and avoidance of local Authorized Dealers and access to The Rolex Forum. A review mentions that Zolex can be used for the treatment of Patek and Zenith OCD but with lesser efficacy, however, Zolex may cause exacerbation of tics in public. Social obsession Zolex has proven to reduce compulsive Rolex spotting and ad-hoc discussion with complete strangers with controlled and flexible dosing. The reduction was extremely positive for new owners but the efficacy for long-term owners who have accumulated a collection of more than 5-pieces were not as responsive and the compulsiveness was even greater among patients with later onset, especially those with solid gold pieces. In addition to psychological components of Rolex spotting, such as spontaneous interruptions and WIS-zeal, Zolex also ameliorated some physiological components, such as blushing and palpitations when a Rolex is sighted, but there was an even greater reduction in sweating and trembling and the sudden effects of drooling. Patients who own two-tone pieces remained balanced in our placebo trials. Withdrawal syndrome Abrupt interruption of Zolex treatment may result in withdrawal or cause Discontinuation Purchasing Syndrome (DPS). This syndrome occurred in 60% of Authorized Dealer purchasers and 40% of Trusted Sellers purchasers: of the remitted obsessed patients taking Zolex in blind studies, as compared to 14% of patients on Patekotine. During the 5–8-day period when Zolex was temporarily replaced by placebo, the most frequent symptoms (reported by more than a quarter of Rolex patients) were irritability, agitation, dizziness, headache, nervousness, crying, emotional liability, bad dreams and anger. Side effects - Dramatic decrease in the desire to flip and trade Rolexes - Dry-mouth even when introduced to solid gold pieces - Sudden verbal outbursts in public places including restaurants - Talking about Rolexes while sleeping - Reduction in research and poor purchase decisions - Forgetting the time even after looking at the time in real time - Lack of understanding horology Important information You should not use Zolex if you also take Patekotine, or if you are being treated with Casio-loft blue injection. Do not use Zolex if you have purchased a Rolex in the past 14 days. A dangerous and uncontrollable spending spree could occur. Some young people have thoughts about Patek and other watch brands when first taking a Zolex. Your watchmaker will need to check your watch safe at regular visits while you are using Zolex. Your family or other caregivers should also be on alert to changes in your “other” brand decisions. Report any new or worsening symptoms to your watchmaker, such as: mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or if you feel impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, hyperactive (mentally or physically), more obsessed, or have thoughts about Patek or Zenith. Do not give Zolex to anyone younger than 18 years old without the advice of a watchmaker. Zolex is COSC-approved. It is not approved for treating Timex obsession in children.
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22 February 2014, 03:49 AM | #2 |
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its going on webmd
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22 February 2014, 03:50 AM | #3 |
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I have another one ... it is called "account balance" ...
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22 February 2014, 03:55 AM | #4 |
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22 February 2014, 03:55 AM | #5 |
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I will have to talk to my watchmaker about this one. Hopefully the benefits outweigh the risks.
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22 February 2014, 03:57 AM | #6 |
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Put me down for a years supply!
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22 February 2014, 04:03 AM | #7 |
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My deterrent: "wife has divorce lawyer on speed dial"
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22 February 2014, 04:07 AM | #8 |
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I just drink enough to forget about watches... I have to drink a lot.
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22 February 2014, 06:40 AM | #9 |
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As I've said before... if there's a cure... I don't want it!!
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22 February 2014, 07:23 AM | #10 |
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22 February 2014, 09:35 AM | #11 |
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I see an Ig Nobel prize in this!
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22 February 2014, 10:02 AM | #12 |
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Thank you, Tim.
It was a lot of fun writing this this morning.
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22 February 2014, 10:39 AM | #13 |
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That was funny, but so sad and true at the same time. I could definitely benefit from that drug. Thanks for taking the time to type that up.
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22 February 2014, 10:47 AM | #14 |
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Too funny but ever so true!
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SPEM SUCCESSUS ALIT |
22 February 2014, 12:07 PM | #15 |
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I find medical cannabis works well.
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22 February 2014, 12:23 PM | #16 |
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Cyanide is approved by the FDA for the disease, but it has side effects.
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22 February 2014, 12:24 PM | #17 |
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Actually at present I have a rare tropical disease that helps curb Rolexitis.......it's called "Lackamoola"
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22 February 2014, 12:51 PM | #18 |
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I have been diagnosed with that as well here recently.
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22 February 2014, 01:16 PM | #19 |
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"You might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die." Paul Henreid as Victor Laszlo in Casablanca |
22 February 2014, 03:59 PM | #20 |
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Where can I order Zolex?
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23 February 2014, 04:40 AM | #21 |
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Does Zolex hold out hope for the treatment of that dreaded ailment, Watch Fever?***
***Watch Fever: a progressive, debilitating illness, characterized by uncontrolled watch buying and flipping, invariably fatal |
23 February 2014, 05:02 AM | #22 |
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Is the clinical study you have completed a Phase III pivotal trial? Is this drug a solid oral dosage or subcutaneous injection? Is it a new molecular entity or biological?
When do you plan on submitting a new drug application (NDA)? If you plan on conducting any additional clinical studies I would like to enroll. Investment Information: Have you set a date and starting price for the initial public offering (IPO)? I am VERY interested in buying stock!
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23 February 2014, 05:04 AM | #23 | |
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Quote:
Thank you for your inquiry. We're conducting Phase III trials next month with a focus on Watch Fever. Unfortunately, this has been a greater challenge as Watch Fever is considered a broader and generalized WIS symptom. Hang in there, we're getting close! Zolex Team
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"You might as well question why we breathe. If we stop breathing, we'll die. If we stop fighting our enemies, the world will die." Paul Henreid as Victor Laszlo in Casablanca |
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23 February 2014, 08:02 AM | #24 |
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Haha this is great! Insider-trading?? Where do I invest 😋
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23 February 2014, 12:59 PM | #25 |
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So does the illegal kind.....
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23 February 2014, 01:11 PM | #26 | |
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Quote:
I would also like to invest in the company in advance of the projected IPO.
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23 February 2014, 04:22 PM | #27 |
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Great write-up, I would like to sign-up for Phase III trials!
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23 February 2014, 09:29 PM | #28 |
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Groundbreaking Drug for Rolex Addiction
Here is my cure: Doesn't always work! Sent from my iPad using Tapatalk
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23 February 2014, 09:41 PM | #29 |
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I just finished eating these useless pills and can testify that they don't work.
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23 February 2014, 11:52 PM | #30 |
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