£50 Million Bank Robbery.

[padi56]

Well folks, we've just had the largest recorded robbery in British history and here we have our finest appealing to the long suffering British public for help in catching the perpetrators. Fronting up this appeal is a police inspector from Kent who has about as much charisma as a dead paedophile reading from an idiot proof cue card.

But its the content of his mind dumbing messages that defy belief, here's a few examples from his sagacious synopsis. Firstly he tell us that this was a highly organised, criminal gang who carried out this 'military style' operation, well inspector, I've got news for you, even the most intellectually challenged among us didn't think it was a couple of drunken paddies on the way home from the pub thinking it was a good way to get a bit of beer money for a trip to Cornwall.

Secondly, he tells us this is a ruthless, callous and dangerous gang who are a threat to public safety, whilst conveniently disregarding the fact that despite the enormity of this escapade, not a solitary person received any kind of injury, not even a scratch. Clearly these people are professional robbers who don't pose the remotest threat to Joe Public, unless of course they happen to have the odd £50 million hidden under their floorboards. unlike the lunatics their paymasters, the government have released on the public at large over the past decade under the guise of care in the community programmes.

Thirdly this bald headed master of all he surveys informs us there is a slight possibility that this might have been an 'inside job' as it hasn't been unknown in the past, well alleluia, it doesn't take the brains of David Lloyd George to work that one out, does it now and if this wasn't bad enough, he then goes on to tell tell us if this wasn't indeed the case, it was clearly outside reconnaissance , If this isn't the most classic example of the century in overstating the obvious, then I'm a re-incarnation of mother Teresa.

Then of course we have the pundits who always seem to get dragged out of the woodwork on these occasions to offer their expertise opinion on what might have transpired, IE, there's the ex flying squad chief telling us that the money might be difficult to launder, despite the fact that the money was mainly comprised of used bank notes and probably on the way out of the country before the robbery was even discovered. Then we have been subjected to the indignity of some ex bank robber who pillaged a rural Post Office in the 1960's. Yer 'ave to laff, I mean what next, maybe that fairy from 'Flog it' prancing across our screens, asking what they are going to do with the money.

How long will it be before that old chestnut, the IRA are being accused and of course the money won't be used for financing upmarket hookers, private jets, yachts, haciendas in Mexico, pied a Terre's in the Bahamas, etc, no of course not, all the proceeds will go to fuel the drug trade, won't they just. Already, Joe Stalin Nulabor are using the robbery as a further excuse to clamp down on banking confidentiality, despite some American money laundering expert stating that only a minute amount of laundered money is ever recovered.

The truth of the matter is, this highly entrepreneurial group of people have made an absolute mockery of the establishment's multi-£million security and surveillance systems, thereby making them look complete and utter ars#'oles. All of this with some simple props, IE, police luminous jackets., etc and a bit of chutzpa, well done chaps, I hope you live long lives and enjoy your easily stolen money. It also interesting to note, that not one branch of the government's propaganda wing in the media, have mentioned the blatantly obvious, and that of course is the involvement of the police, because believe me. There hasn't been a major robbery in the history of this planet that the police, or security, may have had there fingers in the pie. .

[JJ Irani]

Good one, Padi...an ironical mixture of humour and truth!!

[padi56]

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Good one, Padi...an ironical mixture of humour and truth!!

JJ The sheer logistics of sorting out £50 million in notes will be these daring buggers hardest challenge.
Fek me, you can't even pay in ten £50 notes to your Building Society without getting the Spanish Inquisition from the vegetable with glasses the other side of the counter.Personally, I couldn't give a flying pig if £50M in used notes was nicked. No one was injured, I would go so far as to say it is the perfect victim-less crime,for a change good luck to them My guess is they'll be lucky to realise 10% of the total haul (and that is just a pure guess) - not much considering the risk that Inspector plod, will be breathing down your neck at the faintest whiff of a portrait of 'er Majesty, entering the banking system in any large quantity.

[Launch Mini]

Like someone who just stole 50 million will accost some stranger on the street and risk getting arrested on some stupid charge.
Makes perfect sense to me.
BTW, since my last little trip to the UK, I seem to have "inherited " some money and am having difficulty bringing it home with me. So would some of you blokes mind holding onto a few million while I sort out the " paperwork"?

[JJ Irani]

LOL!

[C.J.]

Damn, no good, cops. Never around when you need one I hope you've all learned a valuable lesson here. If you want to put your money some place very, very safe. Please, store it at your local donut shop

[padi56]

Originally Posted by C.J.

Damn, no good, cops. Never around when you need one I hope you've all learned a valuable lesson here. If you want to put your money some place very, very safe. Please, store it at your local donut shop

But they were Craig, thats how they got in,all dressed as cops.

I have been working out at the gym for years and there is no way I could ever lift 50 million pounds.

[C.J.]

Originally Posted by padi56

But they were Craig, thats how they got in,all dressed as cops.

I wish someone would have told me, I could use a little bump in the old Rolex fund

[padi56]

Originally Posted by C.J.

I wish someone would have told me, I could use a little bump in the old Rolex fund

I would be quite happy with the monthly interest on £50 MILLION.

[JJ Irani]

Originally Posted by padi56

I would be quite happy with the monthly interest on £50 MILLION.

Hell's bells....I would be more than happy with annual interest on £50 million....even at just 7%!!!

[C.J.]

Originally Posted by padi56

I would be quite happy with the monthly interest on £50 MILLION.

Hell, Padi. I'd be happy with just what they dropped on the way to the car

[JJ Irani]

Originally Posted by C.J.

Hell, Padi. I'd be happy with just what they dropped on the way to the car

LOL!

[C.J.]

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Hell's bells....I would be more than happy with annual interest on £50 million....even at just 7%!!!

Hey, you jipped me

[Launch Mini]

this reminds me, a while back one of my clients was in my office when our lottery was up to $25 million. She said she knew what she was going to do with the money.
I asked her if she could even fathom that much money?
Based on her age I did a quick calculation & told her, if she just put all that cash under her bed, never earned a penny of interest, she could take out $2,739 EVERY day until she died. That's some serious money.
And some fools just won $365,000,000 in the US.

[dman]

Originally Posted by C.J.

Damn, no good, cops. Never around when you need one I hope you've all learned a valuable lesson here. If you want to put your money some place very, very safe. Please, store it at your local donut shop

They were probably real cops.

[C.J.]

Originally Posted by dman

They were probably real cops.

Oh.....................no you didn't


believe me, I'd rather be a REAL doctor.........................................Dr. Craig

[dman]

Originally Posted by C.J.

Oh.....................no you didn't


believe me, I'd rather be a REAL doctor.........................................Dr. Craig

Nah, both have too much responsibility. At least with my job, if they keep hitting it bad, they still come back for more lessons.

[C.J.]

Originally Posted by dman

Nah, both have too much responsibility. At least with my job, if they keep hitting it bad, they still come back for more lessons.

Hey, JJ's still seeing the shrink, and lets face it, he isn't getting any better maybe I can be a psychiatrist

[dman]

Originally Posted by C.J.

Hey, JJ's still seeing the shrink, and lets face it, he isn't getting any better maybe I can be a psychiatrist

Dude, you really need a padded room worse than JJ if you think you can help him. There is a better chance that Ed would buy a orange PO to match his shirt than any psychiatrist actually helping the bald Kiwi.

[C.J.]

Originally Posted by dman

Dude, you really need a padded room worse than JJ if you think you can help him. There is a better chance that Ed would buy a orange PO to match his shirt than any psychiatrist actually helping the bald Kiwi.

We should just get JJ one of those, well lets call them "ED shirts". He'll be guaranteed a rubber room then

[dman]

Originally Posted by C.J.

We should just get JJ one of those, well lets call them "ED shirts". He'll be guaranteed a rubber room then

Good lord, could you see that pic, of him wearing the watch and shirt with that bald dome and picking mutton out of his pant....err I mean teeth.

[C.J.]

Originally Posted by dman

Good lord, could you see that pic, of him wearing the watch and shirt with that bald dome and picking mutton out of his pant....err I mean teeth.

[JJ Irani]

Originally Posted by dman

Good lord, could you see that pic, of him wearing the watch and shirt with that bald dome and picking mutton out of his pant....err I mean teeth.

Maybe it's time for a promotion in your tosser status, tosser!

[dman]

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Maybe it's time for a promotion in your tosser status, tosser!

Nah, I am comfy at four. That was my college number you know. Plus, I don't have any pressure on me like the others to perform at a high level. Sort of like the pressure Mary is putting on you to leave her damn lamb alone.

[padi56]

Again

[Goodwatch]

Originally Posted by C.J.

Hell, Padi. I'd be happy with just what they dropped on the way to the car

I'm just happy! Happy, happy, happy! Shite, it went out, have to light it again

[Launch Mini]

I heard on the news this morning, some DAME was arrested with respect to this robbery. She apparently tried to deposit 10,000 pounds with the wrappers still on it from the heist.
not too smart

[mailman]

Originally Posted by Goodwatch

I'm just happy! Happy, happy, happy! Shite, it went out, have to light it again

[Goodwatch]

Originally Posted by mailman

Where have you been? Your place is here, on this forum!