An open letter

[Ashley]

I decided that I was going to write something very personal and very honest, because I needed to get it all off of my chest. I know that there are no paragraphs when there probably should be, but it is a rambling of emotion and thoughts, so it's actually supposed to formatted like this
Please feel free to write your own!!

Ashley

"You know, one of these days, I would like to go a full day without looking in a mirror once. I would like one full day of not worrying if I can still feel my hip bones close to my skin. I would like to not constantly scrutinize each and every inch of my body, and constantly tell myself that each inch is not good enough. I would like to go a day without looking at every female that crosses my path and thinking “I wish I had her legs” or “I’ll never have a stomach like that” or “I will never be pretty like her.” I would like to shop for clothing and not worry that the number on the tag of my jeans is too high. I would like to go out with friends and not worry that I am the largest girl in the group. I would like to not worry incessantly about the size of my thighs, or the width of my arms. I would like to be confident enough to wear tank tops without worrying about the fact that I am too big to be wearing something that shows my arms off. I would like to go a day at work without constantly moving my legs in futile hope of burning off a few extra calories. I would like to have a day where I don’t berate myself for not spending an additional two hours at the gym. I would like to go a workday without stressing that I did not perform ten “dips” for each passport photo that I took. I would like to have the capacity to accept a compliment without refuting it. I would like to have the guts to tell myself that I’m beautiful. I would like to go a day without running a hand up my torso and worrying that my ribs have disappeared. I would like to not worry about what I eat for one day. I would like to eat something without the fear of how many calories it is, how it will go straight to my thighs, how I have no willpower and how I am a bad person for eating it. I would like to spend a day not thinking about numbers, clothing sizes, calories in calories out, weight, numbers numbers numbers. I would like to spend a day not worrying whether or not I look ridiculous in the clothing I chose. I would like to not wonder even once what people think of me based on how I look. I would like, for a full day, to just be happy with myself completely.

Yes, every time I pass by a mirror or any other reflective object, I do stop and look at myself. But please know that it is not out of vanity. It is to make sure that I haven’t suddenly gained the fifty pounds that I am constantly concerned about, the phantom weight I feel but am told is not there. I am checking to see that I still exist, because so many times I wish that the body that I have would fall away, the husk being stripped and just having the core of myself left over. I look to make sure that my face hasn’t bloated beyond recognition like I relentlessly agonize about. I am hoping that if perhaps I look fast enough, I’ll see what everyone else says that they see instead of the warped image I do."

[jasonbellevue]

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, my dear Ashley. And I think the majority of men and women here at TRF share my sentiment, that you are beautiful.

Thanks for the honest post my friend.

[daytona_mania]

Wow that was brutally honest!

And let me be the first to say you are beautiful!

Besides you wear Rolex!

[Gaijin]

You are as God and the Universe intended you to be. None of us are perfect. I certainly am not. I am what I am. We each can only contibue to strive to be the best that we can be and to evolve and grow every day to be a nicer and more commpassionate person. Care for others less fortunate than you. You are very beautiful and blessed.

[JJ Irani]

What the hell you blabbering about, Ashley? You are as fresh and as beautiful as they come......with a peaches and cream complexion that would put some of those high ranking models to shame!!

Just be yourself, Ashley. We love you for what you are......which is nothing put purity of the heart and freshness of the soul!!

You, my young lady, are one in a million with a heart of gold and as outstanding as the other wonderful ladies on TRF!!!

Now.....where the hell were you when I was 25?

[swatty]

Ashley, What are you talking about. When I saw the pictorial of your boyfriends birthday , I thought you looked fabulous. Remember, beauty is only skin deep, dont pay attention to womans magazines, they are only trying to sell themselves by putting slim girls on the cover. I believe you are smart and beautiful. Now that is hard to find

[swatty]

Ashley,

I just noticed your new avatar. Why do you have one of a model ?


PS: or is that you

[moby33]

I'm not trying to be mean, so please don't take this the wrong way. But honestly, I think you might want to seek some professional help if you really do think about it that much (which it sounds like you absolutely do). Again, I'm not trying to throw stones here, but certain types of therapy can be very therapeutic and extremely helpful w/ a case like this. Just a thought...Good luck. Cheers.

[2careless]

Be content of what you are, my lady. I don't think you'd want to be like Karen Carpenter, would u?

[swatty]

Originally Posted by 2careless

Be content of what you are, my lady. I don't think you'd want to be like Karen Carpenter, would u?

[Tony-GB]

Believe in yourself Ashley. When you get older you will look back & think "God, I'd give anything to look like that again...". Enjoy yourself as you are now. Laugh, make friends, & don't take life too seriously. If anyone doesn't appreciate you for who you are, they can take a hike.

Every single magazine article is photoshopped. Some actresses are even suing magazines for misrepresentation.

I have worked with enough actors & actresses to know that all of them want to change something about themselves.

Build your confidence Ashley & everything will start to fall into place.

[swatty]

Originally Posted by Tony-GB

Believe in yourself Ashley. When you get older you will look back & think "God, I'd give anything to look like that again...". Enjoy yourself as you are now. Laugh, make friends, & don't take life too seriously. If anyone doesn't appreciate you for who you are, they can take a hike.

Every single magazine article is photoshopped. Some actresses are even suing magazines for misrepresentation.

I have worked with enough actors & actresses to know that all of them want to change something about themselves.

Build your confidence Ashley & everything will start to fall into place.

[unclesallie]

Ashley: I agree that professional help is in order, and I also agree that our culture drives people nuts over their looks. That being said, you're a gentle, sweet person from all I can tell from your posts, and I wish you some peace.
best,
dan

[seantk]

Originally Posted by jasonbellevue

I think the majority of men and women here at TRF share my sentiment, that you are beautiful.

Thanks for the honest post my friend.

Ashley,

Jason said it better than I could

Sean

[pwrslider]

Originally Posted by seantk

Ashley,

Jason said it better than I could

Sean

Sheesh!!......I'll try! Ashley.....you're a true TRF Hottie!!

....and ignore that 'you need help' post......you wouldn't be human if you didn't always want to better yourself!

[Earl]

Originally Posted by KansaiVet

You are as God and the Universe intended you to be. None of us are perfect. I certainly am not. I am what I am. We each can only contibue to strive to be the best that we can be and to evolve and grow every day to be a nicer and more commpassionate person. Care for others less fortunate than you. You are very beautiful and blessed.

oh yes, I second this!

[jdc]

Ashley you are a great girl but you need to take some professional help over you self image and learn to love yourself as much as others love you

[redshirt1957]

If I was fifty years younger, my wish would be for you to wish to spend a lot of time with me and for Tag to move over..

I understand, as I have an Ashley and girls can so hard on themselves. You are and will just fine.

[DSJ]

Hey Ashley,

I'm pretty hard on people who let their health go and then complain because they are obese, have hypertension, diabetes, or cannot enjoy life.

I have NEVER said those things to you because you do not qualify for that kind of advice. You are a beautiful normal young woman, who has been sucked into society's false expectation that every woman should be a size 0,2,4, whatever. You need to figure out what is best for YOU. Strive to be healthy above all, and if healthy for Ashley is size whatever, and your BMI is in normal ranges, then who cares. We men (even most of us on TRF) are shallow creatures when it comes to ogling women, and I along with most of my estrogen deficient counterparts here on TRF will agree that you are an attractive woman and not at all "heavy." Finally, nothing beats good old running for a good physique, and if running isn't workable for you (i.e. joint problems), then try walking, biking and swimming. Stress, particularly stress over weight causes a hormone called cortisol to kick in that compels the body to store fat. Don't stress darling!

David

[Numismatist]

Ashley, you hot girl!!! No worries.

[Ashley]

Thank you all for such beautiful responses. Reading this actually made me cry. I actually am getting professional help for my body issues, and my therapist thought that writing something completely honest with myself might help me realize how much I'm obsessing about it.
My goal was honestly not to get compliments from anyone. My goal was to be brutally honest to myself and everyone else about where I am at right now. I'm a big believer in talking about feelings, and I wouldn't trust any other website than TRF to do this.
Thanks again for taking the time to give your opinions and your well wishes. You guys all have my utmost respect.

Here's to all my family on TRF. Thank you, everyone

[roadcarver]

I'm a married man and you are a pretty woman. It's all about respecting yourself.

I hope my wife doesn't see this post.

[roadcarver]

You have no body issues. I have hair issues, well lack off. That doesn't stop me at all

Originally Posted by Tags_girl_

Thank you all for such beautiful responses. Reading this actually made me cry. I actually am getting professional help for my body issues, and my therapist thought that writing something completely honest with myself might help me realize how much I'm obsessing about it.
My goal was honestly not to get compliments from anyone. My goal was to be brutally honest to myself and everyone else about where I am at right now. I'm a big believer in talking about feelings, and I wouldn't trust any other website than TRF to do this.
Thanks again for taking the time to give your opinions and your well wishes. You guys all have my utmost respect.

Here's to all my family on TRF. Thank you, everyone

[meloncap78]

Ashley, you have a classic beauty that is unsurpassed by most, you have no worries in that department. I like the new avatar BTW. This thread got me thinking how my wife always does that. I find it cute and it always makes me kind of happy. She will walk by a mirror at home and turn to the side and poke her butt out and look. I always thought it a bit vain but soon grew up and thought "she cares about herself", and as I said, it's cute as hell. The best part is that it doesn't matter because I find her irresistibly attractive. on your brutal honesty.

[abigsecret]

Oh dear sweet Ashley...
Take it from one lady to another... you are what we envy!

I really do understand what you're feeling! Even now with being pregnant, I'm still cautious on what I'm eating... I've gained 30 pounds since I quite smoking 5 years ago, and every single one of them hurts... I am a size 4 now...I know it's ridiculous...I've gained 7 pounds since I've gotten pregnant 25 weeks ago...I still fit in some of my "S" pants...I look in the mirror too when I pass one...it still hits me by surprise that my belly is sticking out...my butt feels too big now...everybody says how tiny I look for being 6 months along...I don't see it...I feel huge...I know it's stupid.

It wasn't my intention to write all this, I just let my fingers type my thoughts Ashley, to make my point. You are beautiful! Inside and out, believe me!

[aanthunter7]

It's what's on the inside that counts!

[Carolina]

Ashley, you've gotten some really great replies, and there's not a lot I can add. I think getting help for this issue is a wonderful thing as well. I see a therapist myself once a month - since I became a mom, I worry too much about the health and well being of my family, and it helps to tell things to someone who can help put issues into perspective.

You are such a beautiful girl - inside and out - and we love you for it!

[TswaneNguni]

Very honest letter,that couldnt have been easy to write.

Seeking good help from a professional,was a courageous and the right decision,to make.

No matter how many compliments you get from the members,its not going to help,unless of course you believe it yourself.Thats the crux of the matter.

Also,this may only be the symptom of deeper lying origins.Dealing with those are the cure.That may be a painful walk,but therein lies true healing.

As shown by many on this thread,you will have support all the way !!!!

[kcmo]

Ashley, I really commend you for being so open about something that is obviously very difficult for you. I also think it's wise you're seeking help from a therapist.

I often think how unfortunate it is that as women, we're constantly barraged with images of just ONE definition of beauty...tall, thin, perfect complexion, etc....what a disservice to ALL women, regardless of age. I'm guilty as well over obsessing to some degree over my body. Most women do in some form. Thankfully I have a supportive husband who loves me as I am.

Confidence is everything. Just know you're so special as you are my dear!

[JJ Irani]

Originally Posted by Tags_girl_

Thank you all for such beautiful responses. Reading this actually made me cry. I actually am getting professional help for my body issues, and my therapist thought that writing something completely honest with myself might help me realize how much I'm obsessing about it.
My goal was honestly not to get compliments from anyone. My goal was to be brutally honest to myself and everyone else about where I am at right now. I'm a big believer in talking about feelings, and I wouldn't trust any other website than TRF to do this.
Thanks again for taking the time to give your opinions and your well wishes. You guys all have my utmost respect.

Here's to all my family on TRF. Thank you, everyone

And thanks for being so open and honest about all this, Ashley. Just be yourself, young lady......and no one can get better than that!!