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East Bay Rider · 13 March 2009, 12:51 PM

My wife's grandfather passed away on Sunday and the funeral was today. I was a pall bearer and my wife was charged with writing and delivering the eulogy. The week has been full of reminiscing and "interviewing" her father and aunt for life details. Quite a bit of work actually.
Her grandfather was a lot like "Walter" in Jeff Dunham's ventriloqist act. Kind of loud and boisterous, crotchedy and usually angry about something.
Through the time and effort used in writing the eulogy, we were able to break down his behavior and rationalize a lot of it and accept the rest.
I think the eulogy task was very helpful. We were charged with finding nice things to say and so went looking for the positive. In doing so we learned nice things and also learned the circumstances behind the not-so-nice.
After she completed it I found myself wishing I could have talked to him a bit more both to learn and also to give him some support.
So what I've discovered is that if you really want to understand someone, charge yourself the task of finding positive things about them and writing them down. Maybe if more people did this we would all have a better understanding of each other.
What an eye opener.

AIKO · 13 March 2009, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by East Bay Rider

My wife's grandfather passed away on Sunday and the funeral was today. I was a pall bearer and my wife was charged with writing and delivering the eulogy. The week has been full of reminiscing and "interviewing" her father and aunt for life details. Quite a bit of work actually.
Her grandfather was a lot like "Walter" in Jeff Dunham's ventriloqist act. Kind of loud and boisterous, crotchedy and usually angry about something.
Through the time and effort used in writing the eulogy, we were able to break down his behavior and rationalize a lot of it and accept the rest.
I think the eulogy task was very helpful. We were charged with finding nice things to say and so went looking for the positive. In doing so we learned nice things and also learned the circumstances behind the not-so-nice.
After she completed it I found myself wishing I could have talked to him a bit more both to learn and also to give him some support.
So what I've discovered is that if you really want to understand someone, charge yourself the task of finding positive things about them and writing them down. Maybe if more people did this we would all have a better understanding of each other.
What an eye opener.

Sorry for your loss. Good idea about recording and writing things down. The circle of life can seem short-even for full lives. Creating and doing good is so important while we are here.

Lisa · 13 March 2009, 01:20 PM

Wow. Nice lesson you bring, Bill. Sorry for your loss.

Ashley · 13 March 2009, 01:21 PM

I'm sorry for your loss

You have given us lots to think about!

Latrodectus · 13 March 2009, 01:31 PM

Bill, I am sorry to hear about this. Your thoughts are great. Lots of times you find this out when it is too late...and there always are positive things to remember. Sometimes it is not easy but writing them down is just a great idea!

Boopie · 13 March 2009, 02:04 PM

I am sorry for your loss.

I agree...we have lost two very close friends within the past 4 months. One was my husband's godfather who was one of those guys who was "always there." He and my father in law became friends when they were 3 years old, in the mid-1930s. I can still hear his voice, and it is strange that he's gone. Death is certainly the ultimate motivator to put things in perspective.

Jimbits76 · 13 March 2009, 07:31 PM

Bill sorry for your loss.

Thanks for such an eloquently written reminder of what is important!

J

baldyspoon · 13 March 2009, 07:35 PM

Sorry for your loss and a great idea to write down the positives about someone, I have found out the hard way how people only seem to remember the bad about people and not the good.

swissautopro · 14 March 2009, 05:41 AM

Our sympathies. As my dad says ... "None of us are going to make it out of here alive." It's easy to forget, but .......

GinGinD · 14 March 2009, 11:21 AM

I've always loved and respected my father, but watching him face his inevitable death in the final weeks of his life with such courage and strength of character deepened my feelings immeasurably. He was a hero to the end.

Jeannie

East Bay Rider · 14 March 2009, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GinGinD

I've always loved and respected my father, but watching him face his inevitable death in the final weeks of his life with such courage and strength of character deepened my feelings immeasurably. He was a hero to the end.

Jeannie

I remembered you and your fathers recent passing while at the funeral. My wifes grandfather was buried with military honors as well. After the gravesite ceremony one of the soldiers discreetly collected the spent shells and presented them to my BIL to give them to the grandchildren. My son has one and I think it's a good momento.

redshirt1957 · 14 March 2009, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by GinGinD

I've always loved and respected my father, but watching him face his inevitable death in the final weeks of his life with such courage and strength of character deepened my feelings immeasurably. He was a hero to the end.

Jeannie

Don't worship a hero becasue he has passed, worship a hero because he was born; as we need those special few.

13 March 2009, 12:51 PM	#1
East Bay Rider "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Real Name: Bill Location: East Bay RI Watch: GMT-II 16710LN Posts: 12,074	Mortality My wife's grandfather passed away on Sunday and the funeral was today. I was a pall bearer and my wife was charged with writing and delivering the eulogy. The week has been full of reminiscing and "interviewing" her father and aunt for life details. Quite a bit of work actually. Her grandfather was a lot like "Walter" in Jeff Dunham's ventriloqist act. Kind of loud and boisterous, crotchedy and usually angry about something. Through the time and effort used in writing the eulogy, we were able to break down his behavior and rationalize a lot of it and accept the rest. I think the eulogy task was very helpful. We were charged with finding nice things to say and so went looking for the positive. In doing so we learned nice things and also learned the circumstances behind the not-so-nice. After she completed it I found myself wishing I could have talked to him a bit more both to learn and also to give him some support. So what I've discovered is that if you really want to understand someone, charge yourself the task of finding positive things about them and writing them down. Maybe if more people did this we would all have a better understanding of each other. What an eye opener. __________________ I bought a cheap watch from the crazy man Floating down canal It doesn't use numbers or moving hands It always just says "now" Now you may be thinking that I was had But this watch is never wrong And if I have trouble the warranty said Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On J. Buffett Instagram: eastbayrider46

13 March 2009, 01:31 PM	#5
Latrodectus 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Real Name: Fred Location: KY, USA Watch: GMT-Master II Posts: 10,043	Bill, I am sorry to hear about this. Your thoughts are great. Lots of times you find this out when it is too late...and there always are positive things to remember. Sometimes it is not easy but writing them down is just a great idea! __________________ Member # 16057 4-Hands Club Tosser Club Member TRF Skypers Group

14 March 2009, 05:41 AM	#9
swissautopro "TRF" Member Join Date: Dec 2008 Real Name: Mike Location: South Carolina Watch: 3.3M 1655 Mk I Posts: 2,384	Our sympathies. As my dad says ... "None of us are going to make it out of here alive." It's easy to forget, but ....... __________________ "A little sleep, a little slumber, a little folding of the hands to rest, and poverty will come upon you like a bandit, and scarcity like an armed man." Proverbs 24 "It is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than open your mouth and remove all doubt." Unknown "Better to be a nobody and yet have a servant than pretend to be somebody and have no food." Proverbs 12

13 March 2009, 01:20 PM	#3
Lisa "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: oklahoma city Posts: 15,741	Wow. Nice lesson you bring, Bill. Sorry for your loss.

13 March 2009, 01:21 PM	#4
Ashley "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Real Name: Ashley Location: Calgary Posts: 6,967	I'm sorry for your loss You have given us lots to think about!

13 March 2009, 02:04 PM	#6
Boopie "TRF" Member Join Date: Aug 2007 Location: Beverly Hills, CA Watch: Yachtmaster Posts: 3,952	I am sorry for your loss. I agree...we have lost two very close friends within the past 4 months. One was my husband's godfather who was one of those guys who was "always there." He and my father in law became friends when they were 3 years old, in the mid-1930s. I can still hear his voice, and it is strange that he's gone. Death is certainly the ultimate motivator to put things in perspective.

13 March 2009, 07:31 PM	#7
Jimbits76 "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: UK Posts: 9,407	Bill sorry for your loss. Thanks for such an eloquently written reminder of what is important! J

13 March 2009, 07:35 PM	#8
baldyspoon "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Location: uk Watch: Rolex 114060 Posts: 725	Sorry for your loss and a great idea to write down the positives about someone, I have found out the hard way how people only seem to remember the bad about people and not the good.

14 March 2009, 11:21 AM	#10
GinGinD Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Real Name: Jeannie Location: North Carolina Posts: 533	I've always loved and respected my father, but watching him face his inevitable death in the final weeks of his life with such courage and strength of character deepened my feelings immeasurably. He was a hero to the end. Jeannie

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