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RW16610 · 22 July 2009, 02:53 AM

I found a link to this on my home page so decided to take a look. Found some of them kind of funny

so decided to post it here because a few of you might enjoy it:

The following are a number of transcribed conversations to technical support departments:

--

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Christine says: A white one...

===============

Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No , wait a minute.. I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk.. Sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'My Computer' icon on to the left of the screen.

Customer: Your left or my left?

===============

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and --.
Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates.

==============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer.' I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

==============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah.....................thank you.

===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies..

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer:! OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work...

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.

Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ?

===============

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer:

Tech support: Are you running it under Windows?

Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

===============

And last, but not least...

Tech support: "Okay Mickey, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P " to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Colin.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

bombaytonic · 22 July 2009, 03:38 AM

JJ Irani · 22 July 2009, 03:41 AM

Rockrolex · 22 July 2009, 06:15 AM

Then there's this classic:

Caller: My computer won't work.
TS: What seems to be the problem?
Caller: When I push the button to turn it on, nothing happens.
TS: Are you at the computer now?
Caller: Yes.
TS: Is the computer plugged in?
Caller: I don't know. How can I tell?
TS: Do you see the black cord coming out of the back of the comuter?
Caller: I think so.
TS: Follow that cord to the end and see if it plugs into a socket in the wall.
Caller: It's too dark to do that. All the power is out and I can't turn the lights on.
TS: Then here's what you do. Get a big box, preferably the one that the computer came in. Box up the computer, the monitor (that's the TV-like screen), the keyboard, and any other parts that came with the computer. Seal the box.
Caller: OK. Then what?
TS: As soon as you can, take the computer back to the store where you bought it. YOU ARE TOO FREAKIN' STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER.

limbo · 22 July 2009, 06:37 AM

RW16610 · 22 July 2009, 06:39 AM

Glad you all enjoyed those so far

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rockrolex

Then there's this classic:

Caller: My computer won't work.
TS: What seems to be the problem?
Caller: When I push the button to turn it on, nothing happens.
TS: Are you at the computer now?
Caller: Yes.
TS: Is the computer plugged in?
Caller: I don't know. How can I tell?
TS: Do you see the black cord coming out of the back of the comuter?
Caller: I think so.
TS: Follow that cord to the end and see if it plugs into a socket in the wall.
Caller: It's too dark to do that. All the power is out and I can't turn the lights on.
TS: Then here's what you do. Get a big box, preferably the one that the computer came in. Box up the computer, the monitor (that's the TV-like screen), the keyboard, and any other parts that came with the computer. Seal the box.
Caller: OK. Then what?
TS: As soon as you can, take the computer back to the store where you bought it. YOU ARE TOO FREAKIN' STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER.

Bisquitlips · 22 July 2009, 07:22 AM

idk01 · 22 July 2009, 05:51 PM

HAHAHHA, Sounds like a revival of the BOFH series

excellent

Gerry · 23 July 2009, 04:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by idk01

HAHAHHA, Sounds like a revival of the BOFH series

excellent

Dave,

BOFH is alive and well - http://www.theregister.co.uk/odds/bofh/

Desperado · 23 July 2009, 05:06 PM

:l ol:

C. Davidson · 23 July 2009, 05:09 PM

Great calls! Brings me make to my customer service days...I dont know whether to laugh or cry.

idk01 · 23 July 2009, 05:20 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gerry

Dave,

BOFH is alive and well - http://www.theregister.co.uk/odds/bofh/

Nice one Gerry, Man we use to

with these years ago, way back before the Internets

good old BBS's back then were awesome

Dave.

swatty · 23 July 2009, 08:14 PM

Lion · 24 July 2009, 12:15 AM

Very good!!!

22 July 2009, 02:53 AM	#1
RW16610 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Real Name: Rommel Location: Toronto Canada Watch: 116710LN Posts: 9,202	REAL tech support calls I found a link to this on my home page so decided to take a look. Found some of them kind of funny so decided to post it here because a few of you might enjoy it: The following are a number of transcribed conversations to technical support departments: -- Tech support: What kind of computer do you have? Christine says: A white one... =============== Customer: Hi, this is Maureen. I can't get my diskette out. Tech support: Have you tried pushing the Button? Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck. Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note. Customer: No , wait a minute.. I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk.. Sorry.... =============== Tech support: Click on the 'My Computer' icon on to the left of the screen. Customer: Your left or my left? =============== Tech support: Good day. How may I help you? Male customer: Hello... I can't print. Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and --. Customer: Listen pal, don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates. ============== Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer.' I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it... ============== Customer: I have problems printing in red... Tech support: Do you have a color printer? Customer: Aaaah.....................thank you. =============== Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am? Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought for me at Woolies.. =============== Customer: My keyboard is not working anymore. Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer? Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer. Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back. Customer:! OK Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you? Customer: Yes Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard? Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work... =============== Tech support: Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7. Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters ? =============== Customer: I can't get on the Internet. Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password? Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my colleague do it. Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was? Customer: Five stars. =============== Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use? Customer: Netscape. Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program. Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer. =============== Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears. =============== Tech support: How may I help you? Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail. Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem? Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it? =============== A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer: Tech support: Are you running it under Windows? Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine." =============== And last, but not least... Tech support: "Okay Mickey, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P " to bring up the Program Manager." Customer: I don't have a P. Tech support: On your keyboard, Colin. Customer: What do you mean? Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Colin. Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!

22 July 2009, 03:41 AM	#3
JJ Irani Fondly Remembered Join Date: May 2005 Real Name: JJ Location: Auckland, NZ Watch: ALL SOLD!! Posts: 74,319	__________________ Words fail me in expressing my utmost thanks to ALL of you for this wonderful support during my hour of need!! I firmly believe that my time on planet earth is NOT yet up!! I shall fight this to the very end.......and WIN!!

22 July 2009, 06:15 AM	#4
Rockrolex TRF Moderator & 2024 SubLV41 Patron Join Date: May 2005 Real Name: God Location: Washington, D.C. Watch: What do you think? Posts: 37,966	Then there's this classic: Caller: My computer won't work. TS: What seems to be the problem? Caller: When I push the button to turn it on, nothing happens. TS: Are you at the computer now? Caller: Yes. TS: Is the computer plugged in? Caller: I don't know. How can I tell? TS: Do you see the black cord coming out of the back of the comuter? Caller: I think so. TS: Follow that cord to the end and see if it plugs into a socket in the wall. Caller: It's too dark to do that. All the power is out and I can't turn the lights on. TS: Then here's what you do. Get a big box, preferably the one that the computer came in. Box up the computer, the monitor (that's the TV-like screen), the keyboard, and any other parts that came with the computer. Seal the box. Caller: OK. Then what? TS: As soon as you can, take the computer back to the store where you bought it. YOU ARE TOO FREAKIN' STUPID TO OWN A COMPUTER. __________________ Despite the high cost of living, it's still very popular. *Tosser Cabinet Member* Official Member: 'Perpetual 30' Vegas International GTG 2016 Official Member "WIS-CON" Las Vegas International GTG 2017 Official Member "WIS-CON" Las Vegas International GTG 2018 Official Member "WIS-CON" Las Vegas International GTG 2019

22 July 2009, 07:22 AM	#7
Bisquitlips 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Real Name: Richard Location: USA Watch: YM Deep Space Posts: 12,521	__________________ Rolex Yacht-Master 40mm (SS-YG / Deep Space MOP) 16623 Breitling Aerospace Titanium / 18K with UTC. Omega Speedmaster 3510.50 Oris TT1 Pro Diver Regulator 43MM

22 July 2009, 05:51 PM	#8
idk01 "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Real Name: Dave Location: Australia Watch: DJ16233TT Posts: 18,485	HAHAHHA, Sounds like a revival of the BOFH series excellent __________________ *Apprentice to Terry Newton; Superstar and Fake Sleuth*

22 July 2009, 03:38 AM	#2
bombaytonic "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: singapore Posts: 3

22 July 2009, 06:37 AM	#5
limbo "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 4,624

23 July 2009, 05:06 PM	#10
Desperado "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2009 Real Name: Karim Location: Dubai Watch: YM Platinum Posts: 653	:l ol:

23 July 2009, 05:09 PM	#11
C. Davidson "TRF" Member Join Date: Aug 2008 Real Name: Chris Location: WXSW Watch: GMT (116710) Posts: 2,723	Great calls! Brings me make to my customer service days...I dont know whether to laugh or cry. __________________ -Cheers, Chris #15,634 "The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge; the ears of the wise seek it out."

23 July 2009, 08:14 PM	#13
swatty 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Real Name: Peter Location: Sydney Watch: The Game Posts: 17,415

24 July 2009, 12:15 AM	#14
Lion "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Real Name: Leo Location: Midwest Watch: GMT-II 16710 PEPSI Posts: 21,461	Very good!!! __________________ SS GMT-II 16710 PEPSI(Z-serial#) THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND BOYS IS THE PRICE OF THE TOYS!!! MontBlanc Meisterstuck Doue Silver Barley MontBlanc Meisterstuck Solitaire Doue Signum Proud Card Carrying Member of the Curmudgeons.....Yikes!!!

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