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padi56 · 11 October 2012, 07:35 PM

I wish to apply for a vasectomy. My reasons are numerous and after being married for 7 years and having 7 children, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are totally useless.

After getting married, I was told to use the "Rhythm method". Despite trying the Tango and Samba, my wife fell pregnant and I ruptured myself doing the Cha Cha, apart from which, where do you get a band at 5 o'clock in the morning,when feeling a bit frisky.

A doctor suggested we use the "safe period", at the time we were living with the in laws and had to wait three weeks for a safe period when the house was empty, needless to say this didn't work.

A lady of several years experience informed us that if we made love whilst breast-feeding we would be alright. It's hardly tastes like "Newcastle Brown Ale", but I did finish up with a clear skin, silky hair and my wife pregnant.

Another old wives tale was if my wife jumped up and down after intercourse this would prevent pregnancy. After constant breast feeding from my earlier attempt if my wife jumped up and down she would finish up with two black eyes and eventually knock herself unconscious.

I asked a chemist about the "Sheath". The chemist demonstrated how easy it was to use, so I bought a packet. My wife fell pregnant again, which doesn't surprise me, as I fail to see how a condom stretched over the thumb, as the chemist showed me, can prevent babies.

She was then supplied with the "Coil", and after several unsuccessful attempts to fit it, we realised we had got a left hand thread and my wife is definitely a right hand screw.

The "Dutch cap" came next. We were very hopeful of this as it did not interfere with our sex life at all. But alas, it did give my wife severe headaches. We were given the largest size available but it was still too tight across her rather large forehead.

Finally we tried the pill. At first it kept falling out. Then we realised we were doing it wrong. My wife then started putting it between her knees, thus preventing me getting anywhere near her. This did work for a while until the night she forgot the pill.

You must appreciate my problem, if this operation is not successful, I will have to revert to Oral Sex although just talking about it can never be a substitute for the real thing.

Yours faithfully

FeelingTheBlues · 11 October 2012, 09:13 PM

77T · 12 October 2012, 10:46 AM

Art 1 · 12 October 2012, 08:46 PM

eric23 · 13 October 2012, 01:03 AM

Glenn422 · 14 October 2012, 02:36 AM

hahahahaha! this one's good!

Dr. Robert · 14 October 2012, 03:36 AM

TSW · 14 October 2012, 03:37 AM

The Joker · 14 October 2012, 08:39 AM

Brilliant Peter

brkanand · 14 October 2012, 12:17 PM

padi56 · 15 October 2012, 08:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The Joker

Brilliant Peter

mjclark32 · 16 October 2012, 03:28 AM

Hahahaaha

11 October 2012, 07:35 PM	#1
padi56 "TRF" Life Patron Join Date: Jun 2005 Real Name: Peter Location: Llanfairpwllgwyng Watch: ing you. Posts: 53,062	Letter To The Doctor. I wish to apply for a vasectomy. My reasons are numerous and after being married for 7 years and having 7 children, I have come to the conclusion that contraceptives are totally useless. After getting married, I was told to use the "Rhythm method". Despite trying the Tango and Samba, my wife fell pregnant and I ruptured myself doing the Cha Cha, apart from which, where do you get a band at 5 o'clock in the morning,when feeling a bit frisky. A doctor suggested we use the "safe period", at the time we were living with the in laws and had to wait three weeks for a safe period when the house was empty, needless to say this didn't work. A lady of several years experience informed us that if we made love whilst breast-feeding we would be alright. It's hardly tastes like "Newcastle Brown Ale", but I did finish up with a clear skin, silky hair and my wife pregnant. Another old wives tale was if my wife jumped up and down after intercourse this would prevent pregnancy. After constant breast feeding from my earlier attempt if my wife jumped up and down she would finish up with two black eyes and eventually knock herself unconscious. I asked a chemist about the "Sheath". The chemist demonstrated how easy it was to use, so I bought a packet. My wife fell pregnant again, which doesn't surprise me, as I fail to see how a condom stretched over the thumb, as the chemist showed me, can prevent babies. She was then supplied with the "Coil", and after several unsuccessful attempts to fit it, we realised we had got a left hand thread and my wife is definitely a right hand screw. The "Dutch cap" came next. We were very hopeful of this as it did not interfere with our sex life at all. But alas, it did give my wife severe headaches. We were given the largest size available but it was still too tight across her rather large forehead. Finally we tried the pill. At first it kept falling out. Then we realised we were doing it wrong. My wife then started putting it between her knees, thus preventing me getting anywhere near her. This did work for a while until the night she forgot the pill. You must appreciate my problem, if this operation is not successful, I will have to revert to Oral Sex although just talking about it can never be a substitute for the real thing. Yours faithfully __________________ ICom Pro3 All posts are my own opinion and my opinion only. "The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop. Now is the only time you actually own the time, Place no faith in time, for the clock may soon be still for ever." Good Judgement comes from experience,experience comes from Bad Judgement,.Buy quality, cry once; buy cheap, cry again and again. www.mc0yad.club Second in command CEO and left handed watch winder

11 October 2012, 09:13 PM	#2
FeelingTheBlues "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2011 Real Name: Carl Location: Always moving Watch: If you wish... Posts: 22,039	__________________ Mon corps c'est un pays en guerre sur l'point d'finir, Le général de l'armée de terre s'attend au pire, J'ai faim, j'ai frette, je suis trop faible pour me lever debout, On va hisser le drapeau blanc un point c'est tout. - André Fortin

12 October 2012, 10:46 AM	#3
77T 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Real Name: PaulG Location: Georgia Posts: 42,016	__________________ Does anyone really know what time it is?

14 October 2012, 03:36 AM	#7
Dr. Robert 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Dec 2009 Real Name: Bob Location: U.S.A. Watch: 1655 Posts: 64,258	__________________ Founder & Card Carrying Member of the Global Association of Retro-Grouch-Curmudgeons

14 October 2012, 03:37 AM	#8
TSW "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Real Name: TSW Location: Le Brassus Watch: Rolex & AP's Posts: 27,449	__________________ AP Owners Club IG @swiss.watch.connection

12 October 2012, 08:46 PM	#4
Art 1 Banned Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Florida, Canada Watch: Rol/Seik/Tud/Omega Posts: 30,244

13 October 2012, 01:03 AM	#5
eric23 "TRF" Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Real Name: Eric Location: Calgary Posts: 9,595

14 October 2012, 02:36 AM	#6
Glenn422 "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2012 Location: TRF Posts: 721	hahahahaha! this one's good!

14 October 2012, 08:39 AM	#9
The Joker "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Gotham Posts: 9,641	Brilliant Peter

14 October 2012, 12:17 PM	#10
brkanand 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Real Name: DrK Location: India Watch: 4=YMDaytonaGMTHulk Posts: 7,052

16 October 2012, 03:28 AM	#12
mjclark32 "TRF" Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Real Name: MJC Location: PHL USA Watch: IWC, Rolex, AP Posts: 29,232	Hahahaaha __________________

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