Past Movie Reviews.

[padi56]

I have watched a lot of newly released films lately, most of which fit into this category. Some of which were huge box office successes, others as transparent as Jimmy Carr's career.

Here are a few I have watched over the last 12 months or so, which I recommend you do not watch.

War of the Worlds (2005)

Utter sh!te. The original storyline was completely lost to a whole load of special effects and sounds, as well as untermidget Tom Cruise's poor acting. While the original was a great story, the new version managed to ignore the entire plot - except for the 'starting a new life underground' part. When this part of the original plot was screened in the unrecognisable dirge that was the entire film, I was ready to switch off.

Domino (2005)

This film falls into the Gemini-Phoenix / Charlie's Angels category. An action film for women, where the plot is not too deep so they can follow while playing with their hair. Absolutely bloody appalling. I fell asleep three times while watching this 105 minute epic piece of cinematic dross. Keira Knightly has a lot of explaining to do for wasting my afternoon with this sh!te.

Cry Wolf (2005)
WTF? As far as continuity of story-lines goes, this film is up there with the 80's Martial Arts classic "Kickboxer" A reasonable plot, seemingly buggered up by a bleeding idiot of a director and what I assume was the producer from Teletubbies. A series of twists at the end are concluded by a montage. Why? because the plot is so sh!t leading up to the end of the film.

Flight-plan (2005)

Jodie Foster on a plane, bores the audience to tears with a craptacular story of trans-Atlantic kidnapping and terrorism. I'd rather be raped with a rusty pole than endure this film again.

Buffalo Soldiers (2004)

When your storyline looks a little patchy, just add more bits in to it. It does not matter if they are relevant to the rest of the plot. In fact, you could call it a complicated plot. Complicated only by the fact that it was complete bolwelocks.

Layer Cake (2004)

Typical London-based gangster movie. Not a Guy Ritchie one this time, but it might as well be because it has exactly the same plot as all of his films. Absolute rubbish.

King Kong (2005).

King Kong is another remake disaster, for all the modern technology and special effects the film is still a disaster.3 hours of crap,would have been better at just 2 hours max,but even that would be to long in my book.That old 1933 movie with the man in the moth eaten monkey suit was still better than the remakes.

The Day After Tomorrow (2004)

Good concept, no show. Instead of gathering facts and highlighting the social and geographic issues surrounding the plot, Roland Emmerich takes us on another American flag-waving,and c#ck-waving story about a father rescuing his son from the rapidly dropping temperatures of Manhattan.

Quote:
The sea water that inundated Manhattan had to be, at minimum, tens of feet deep to carry the cargo ship in from the bay. For so much water to freeze solid so quickly, the outside temperature would have had to have been something on the order of 50 to 100 below zero. Even inside the buildings, everyone would have frozen to death in a matter of hours.But they did burn a few tables chairs and books to keep warm.

Willy Wonka's Chocolate factory.
IS the new Johnny Depp publicity vehicle going to make such an impact on any ones life? Is it hell. Just like every other major Hollywood production it will be an amoral orgy of CGI oompaloompas, shitty acting and plenty of plugs for the soundtrack album / action figure range / comic book / cartoon series. What's more it will fail just like Mike Myers as the Cat in the Hat did.The original film was a visual fantasy which allows kids imaginations to do what kids imaginations are supposed to do. Even now watching that film I find myself being drawn into it, wondering about the daily routines of oompaloompas and so on, although that might be more to do with the skunk than the film. All the remake will spark off in kids heads is the desire to go and buy whatever crap they can find with the film logo on it.

The reason for it's guaranteed failure to make a lasting impact? Like so many other creative ventures nowadays it has no soul, energy or imagination. It's just another play-it-safe marketing exercise designed to generate maximum income over a short term period. Not to mention the bloody almost useless ineptitude of the cast when compared to the sheer bloody genius of Gene Wilder and the rest of the original cast.


Titanic (1997)

Plot: Biggest ship ever built hits iceberg - sinks. The ninth version of the true story. It's worth noting that all it's predecessors failed to make an impact and lost a lot of money. Three hours after the story began, all we have seen is James Cameron's conception of a love story, where he has chosen to ignore all the facts in favour of a revenue generating Hollywood blockbuster. A film only for women.




It's not all bad. I have seen a number of good films lately also. I'm not going to tell you what they are though...

[gforce]

What? Tell us whats good, I dont wnna hear whats not good, ANy new movies you recomend?
I agree with what you said on basicly every movie, so we got some similar taste. My brother said "Hills have eyes" or something like that was good, I havnt seen it personally, have you?

[Launch Mini]

One of my favorite "fun" movies is " A Knights Tale"
Take for light entertainment. Good mix of a "Tale" with "Rock Music"
If you haven't seen it, the opening scene takes you a bit by suprise with Queen's "We Will Rock You"

[JJ Irani]

Hi Padi,

Most of them old, seen ones. How about The Sentinel and The Inside Man? Seen any of these two?

Also look forward to DaVinci Code which is due for release this month world wide.

JJ

[Launch Mini]

DaVinci would be one I will pay top dollar to see at a theatre.
I read "Angels & Demons" but not this one yet.
A&D ticked me off in one part. When the dude shows up with his cell phone, the security guard opens his phone to check the dial tone to see if it a phone or a bomb. I don't know of any cell phones that you can hear a dial tone on.
Chip can verify that "MINOR" detail of the book.

[Uncle-AJ]

Originally Posted by Launch Mini

DaVinci would be one I will pay top dollar to see at a theatre.
I read "Angels & Demons" but not this one yet.
A&D ticked me off in one part. When the dude shows up with his cell phone, the security guard opens his phone to check the dial tone to see if it a phone or a bomb. I don't know of any cell phones that you can hear a dial tone on.
Chip can verify that "MINOR" detail of the book.

Another detail in the book as far as I can remember was the GPS tracking of someone inside the Louvre. I don't think that would work.

Originally Posted by Launch Mini

One of my favorite "fun" movies is " A Knights Tale"
Take for light entertainment. Good mix of a "Tale" with "Rock Music"
If you haven't seen it, the opening scene takes you a bit by suprise with Queen's "We Will Rock You"

I rented that and quite enjoyed it. When i saw the trailers for it in the theatre, I thought it would suck. I was very wrong.

I also recently saw The Thomas Crown Affair on the movie channel (I know, it's like 10 years old)... but I thoroughly enjoyed that too. Uncle Joon was in it too!

[padi56]

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Hi Padi,

Most of them old, seen ones. How about The Sentinel and The Inside Man? Seen any of these two?

Also look forward to DaVinci Code which is due for release this month world wide.

JJ

The Sentinel and Inside Man both quite good movies.Overall, the Sentinel it is a fun film .especially for those who enjoy the Secret Service stuff. However, it disappoints because it could have been much more, with some twists and turns added,my rating 6/10.Inside Man let me just say IMO this film is a mind-blowing amazing one and a half hours, it's brilliant, well acted, funny, good script, believable, intense, and its high time the film industry gave Spike Lee some respect my rating a good 9/10.Silent Hill Highly recommended, best horror movie I've seen in a long time. A bit slow at the start but the final act is a outrageous and highly original thirty minutes that kept me guessing, indeed, the violence is pretty gruesome.my rating 8/10.

[JJ Irani]

Originally Posted by padi56

The Sentinel and Inside Man both quite good movies.Overall, the Sentinel it is a fun film .especially for those who enjoy the Secret Service stuff. However, it disappoints because it could have been much more, with some twists and turns added,my rating 6/10.Inside Man let me just say IMO this film is a mind-blowing amazing one and a half hours, it's brilliant, well acted, funny, good script, believable, intense, and its high time the film industry gave Spike Lee some respect my rating a good 9/10.Silent Hill Highly recommended, best horror movie I've seen in a long time. A bit slow at the start but the final act is a outrageous and highly original thirty minutes that kept me guessing, indeed, the violence is pretty gruesome.my rating 8/10.

Thanks for the update, Padi....a few paragraphs might help!!