Has any of you regret not having children?

[amg55]

My dad passed away just a couple of weeks ago. He had been ill for a few years and during that time, he had his kids and grand children around him. I think that kept him going for a bit longer. I've just turned 52 and for the first time I ask myself if it's too late to start a family now or will it make any difference in 10 - 20 years time. Will the children even care about us when the time comes. I'd be most interested to hear some of your thoughts.

[MP5]

That line of thinking is all the reason in the world to NOT have any. Im sorry to be rude but it seems you like your lifestyle and self. There is none of that with kids when you have half your heart ripped out and is now crawling around in the world. Its a selfless mindset and one of those things in life where if you have to force it, think it, justify or reason it- Be CAUTIOUS!

Ask not what happiness and well being your kids can provide you and devote every fibre of your being to provide all the happiness and well being you can provide to your kids. Parenting is the only job worth doing and doing right.

[1st amg]

You reap what you sow. So, if you raise your kids with respect, strong values without sugar coating how cruel this world can be, then they will be there for you. If you raise them with a sense of entitlement as many do now a days, you will be disappointed and miserable. So, no, it’s not to late to start a family, when and if you do, it’s the most gratifying and fulfilling thing you will do. And, I am very sorry for your loss, losing the patriarch of the family is a big loss.


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[wisguy]

Sorry for your loss.

I did not want kids and when my dad past away I had the exact same feeling, I had agreed with my wife on not having kids.

I ended up divorcing her and now I'm married again and have two kids, best decision ever, I had my first one at 40, but it's never too late.

[brandrea]

Sorry for the loss of your father.

It’s never too late to start a family. Maybe in your case you’d consider adoption as a viable alternative to having children of your own. Many kids out there who need a good home and perhaps at your age, this is worth considering.

I’m not suggesting 52 is too late to have children of your own but either way, starting a family and raising children is a selfless act. There’s incredible reward and lots of sacrifice too. As Nicholas said, there’s nothing more fulfilling.

[ajas]

Sorry for your loss. It is never too late for good things happen in your live.

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[singe89]

Originally Posted by 1st amg

You reap what you sow. So, if you raise your kids with respect, strong values without sugar coating how cruel this world can be, then they will be there for you. If you raise them with a sense of entitlement as many do now a days, you will be disappointed and miserable. So, no, it’s not to late to start a family, when and if you do, it’s the most gratifying and fulfilling thing you will do.


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Agree 100%

[swils8610]

Having children doesn’t guarantee happiness. I’m friends with a few couple who have no kids and are very happy with their decision. Choosing to have children or not is not a right or wrong decision. And yes I have a daughter.


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[EliteJ]

The best thing I ever did was have a child! Never thought I would have a kid but damn it is great! I know now I would have regretted not having a child!

[Brenngun]

No Kids. No regrets. Best decision we ever made.

[bdex75]

I am in my early 40’s and have two high school aged children. We have not coddled them and make them work/save for most everything they want that we feel is excess. Son wants $200 Jordan’s beyond what we buy him for school year, he asks for gift cards for Christmas or birthday and saves. Daughter wants to have som expensive nails done, she babysits to earn the money.

We have raised good humans. They are giving and generally put others interest before their own. We hope they will be (and want to be) here for us in our time of need but have made sure that we have made other arrangements as to not burden them.

I would not consider having children for the sole purpose of have
I got them there for you later. Do you have other friends that have children? My wife and I are very friendly with several people that are in the same situation you are in. My kids think of them like family and would do anything for them, as would we.


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[Cato]

Children are wonderful blessings.

I have two; my only regret is not having many, many more!

Adoption is a wonderful option for many, too.

[Gharddog03]

Best thing ever!

[Tri-Tip]

Originally Posted by bdex75

I am in my early 40’s and have two high school aged children. We have not coddled them and make them work/save for most everything they want that we feel is excess. Son wants $200 Jordan’s beyond what we buy him for school year, he asks for gift cards for Christmas or birthday and saves. Daughter wants to have som expensive nails done, she babysits to earn the money.

We have raised good humans. They are giving and generally put others interest before their own. We hope they will be (and want to be) here for us in our time of need but have made sure that we have made other arrangements as to not burden them.

I would not consider having children for the sole purpose of have
I got them there for you later. Do you have other friends that have children? My wife and I are very friendly with several people that are in the same situation you are in. My kids think of them like family and would do anything for them, as would we.


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I am so thankful that my parents did the same for me! Of course, being born in the mid 60's and growing up in the 70's into early 80's...there wasn't much for a kid to buy...baseball gloves, bicycle, etc. My parents bought me my first of each, but when it came time to replace or upgrade, I had to use my allowance. Same with my first car, they loaned me the money, but I had a payment schedule to stick to with them or interest would start to accrue.

Because of all this, I understand the value of things, they don't come easy and should be appreciated. I see so many people who are deep in debt, have a lot of things and don't appreciate any of them.

[bdex75]

Originally Posted by Tri-Tip

I am so thankful that my parents did the same for me! Of course, being born in the mid 60's and growing up in the 70's into early 80's...there wasn't much for a kid to buy...baseball gloves, bicycle, etc. My parents bought me my first of each, but when it came time to replace or upgrade, I had to use my allowance. Same with my first car, they loaned me the money, but I had a payment schedule to stick to with them or interest would start to accrue.



Because of all this, I understand the value of things, they don't come easy and should be appreciated. I see so many people who are deep in debt, have a lot of things and don't appreciate any of them.

Same here. Helped for me that we grew up pretty lower middle class on a good day. On a bad day we didn’t have dinner.


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[Rockrolex]

I have two (girl first and then a boy). My youngest is 42 and has two girls of his own (the oldest being 10). I loved having grandchildren when they were little because we could give them back to their parents when we were finished playing with them (or for other, more obvious, reasons). Now that they are older, they are so scheduled that we hardly see them, even though they only live 15 minutes away. Our daughter is a hair stylist who lives 15 minutes in the other direction. We hardly get to see her because she has her own life to lead. As was said earlier, we have made arrangements so we don't burden them too much when the time comes.

I would only recommend starting a family if you and your wife (assuming you have one) agree to have kids. They are a lot of work (with little to no ROI) but now that mine are grown and on their own, I wouldn't have it any other way.

[Rogdogg]

I had my first (son) about 20 months ago. It's hard work sometimes and can be very tiring as he's a live wire but I am absolutely smitten and he is without a doubt the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love watching him grow and develop every day and to teach him new things. He does new things every day that he could not do the day before. It's amazing how fast they grow and pick things up. He notices EVERYTHING and nothing gets by him. I'm certainly enjoying this early stage a lot.
My wife and I are trying for a second at the moment. I think two is our current plan.

[amg55]

Originally Posted by wisguy

Sorry for your loss.

I did not want kids and when my dad past away I had the exact same feeling, I had agreed with my wife on not having kids.

I ended up divorcing her and now I'm married again and have two kids, best decision ever, I had my first one at 40, but it's never too late.

Thank you for your kind words.

My wife and I did want to have kids but unfortunately, she had 3 miscarriages and I couldn't bear the thought of her going through the physical and emotional pain again. That was 10 years ago. However, that desire to have a family has returned again but it would be so complicated to go through what you did, though the thought of doing just that has crossed my mind.

[amg55]

Originally Posted by Tri-Tip

I am so thankful that my parents did the same for me! Of course, being born in the mid 60's and growing up in the 70's into early 80's...there wasn't much for a kid to buy...baseball gloves, bicycle, etc. My parents bought me my first of each, but when it came time to replace or upgrade, I had to use my allowance. Same with my first car, they loaned me the money, but I had a payment schedule to stick to with them or interest would start to accrue.

Because of all this, I understand the value of things, they don't come easy and should be appreciated. I see so many people who are deep in debt, have a lot of things and don't appreciate any of them.

I had the same upbringing as you, as most kids from our era. I started part time work when I was 14, to understand the value of money. They were really good times.

[junamuan]

I'm in mid 40s and have 2 teen age boys. My wife and I just realize that 2 is not enough. We miss having a baby. A puppy maybe the answer ;)

[MP5]

Originally Posted by amg55

Thank you for your kind words.

My wife and I did want to have kids but unfortunately, she had 3 miscarriages and I couldn't bear the thought of her going through the physical and emotional pain again. That was 10 years ago. However, that desire to have a family has returned again but it would be so complicated to go through what you did, though the thought of doing just that has crossed my mind.

Yeah thats really tough man, I thank and thank that I did not have to go through that as I dont know if I could handle that. So sorry you and yours had to deal with that once much less 3 times.

[TheVTCGuy]

We are similar age Jeffrey, same situation. To be completely honest and blunt: Hell no. Zero regrets and it’s the LAST thing I want to do at this stage of my life.

[mmmmp]

Hello: I really enjoyed reading your post. Especially the section below:

>>>>edited <<<<<<<

We have raised good humans. They are giving and generally put others interest before their own. We hope they will be (and want to be) here for us in our time of need but have made sure that we have made other arrangements as to not burden them.

>>>>>>>continued<<<<<<<<<

Those lines jumped out at me because it's wonderful your children seem to be kind, selfless and sensitive with excellent values. To hear they think of others before themselves makes me think not only were they raised properly, they're developing solid values which seem to be a vanishing quality these days.

Me, my brother and sister were raised by decent, kind and loving parents. We were taught to respect others, be honest, try to have patience and understanding for others even when we didn't agree with them. And, amost above all: never be selfish if someone needs help.

I suspect your children will flourish and be successful in their endeavors whatever path they choose. Ya' raised a couple of good ones Boss! Kudos to you and the significant other.

Best
Mark



Ob





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[lapince]

...

[yannis]

My children are my incentive to keep on going, to keep trying getting better both as a professional and as a person. I don't know why or how to explain this but it is 100 percent true. Also it is never late as long as you can be a caring, honest and true parent. I am trying my hardest to just be that.

[amg55]

Originally Posted by TheVTCGuy

We are similar age Jeffrey, same situation. To be completely honest and blunt: Hell no. Zero regrets and it’s the LAST thing I want to do at this stage of my life.

There's no right or wrong in this. What if you were to meet a young lady who wants kids. Would you reconsider?

Originally Posted by junamuan

I'm in mid 40s and have 2 teen age boys. My wife and I just realize that 2 is not enough. We miss having a baby. A puppy maybe the answer ;)

That was to be our alternative, a puppy :)

[yoniman]

Originally Posted by amg55

My dad passed away just a couple of weeks ago. He had been ill for a few years and during that time, he had his kids and grand children around him. I think that kept him going for a bit longer. I've just turned 52 and for the first time I ask myself if it's too late to start a family now or will it make any difference in 10 - 20 years time. Will the children even care about us when the time comes. I'd be most interested to hear some of your thoughts.

First off, my condolences.
Second, go ahead have children. It's the easy part. Being the father you want to be is the hard part but worth it. Last but not the least, is finding the partner to raise your family with. The hardest and sweetest all at once.

Go get 'em man, you'd be pleasantly surprise how fulfilling ( and at times so frustrating ) fatherhood and having kids could be.

Good luck!

[gmh1013]

im 60+ never had kids....all my family has died except for me. My brother never had kids either. I joke but being serious i have all this junk and nobody to leave it to.
I went my 40 th HS reunion in 2016 and felt really out place everybody i knew had kids and now were grand-parents etc. I felt so out of place I left in an hour.
My problem started after My first marriage ended badly when i was 29....I was so soured
on marriage/women the last thing I wanted was to get married and have kids after getting screwed just 4-5 year earlier...so i just worked and worked... fast forward to 49 years old....I was very well off but afraid to marry because I didn't want to risk it all over again. So at 50 no kids or GF in the baby making age group it was to late for me....
So now I regret not having any.
My 3 Maine Coon cats are the closest i will ever have.

[BNA/LION]

No, Never wanted kids and have no regrets. Children were not a must for me and by the time I got married was not a road I wanted to go down. I appreciate family, happy for those who wanted to have children and I truly wish everyone a very joyful and satisfying life no matter what!

[TheVTCGuy]

Originally Posted by amg55

There's no right or wrong in this. What if you were to meet a young lady who wants kids. Would you reconsider?



That was to be our alternative, a puppy :)

I completely agree Jeffrey, no right or wrong answer. A friend my age just had his first child and I am very happy for him, but to answer your question: No, it is just not in this man’s future to be a father. I’m OK with it, never felt the need.