New SS Models Confirmed!

[Hamstur]

PRESS RELEASE

Geneva, Friday 20 June 2018 - Rolex would like to explain the recent worldwide shortage of stainless steel sport models. In the last two years, we have diligently conducted market research to develop models that precisely mirror the actual needs of our clients. This re-launch will start with four distinguishing models.

1. The Always My Time (AMT) Master II. Designed for the weary traveler who goes from home to office then back home with exciting delays in rush hour traffic. As you never need to leave your time zone, the traditional hour and 24 hour hands are fused to always show the same hour. When posting on forum threads about what time the 24 hour hand is set to, trust knowing the answer is "Always My Time."

2. The Yard-Master. Why wear the same watch all day? Once home, change into this handsome watch equipped with a luxurious bi-directional platinum bezel and perform mundane tasks in style. Take life by the horns and be the stylish canine fecal collector and grass mower in the neighborhood.

3. The Seat-Dweller. After a long afternoon, retreat to your porcelain throne with this aptly named marvel. Designed with 4000 feet water resistance, it is only capable of withstanding over 66 times the basic scuba certification depth. What does that mean? After you finish pooping, absolutely take it off before you shower. But worry not, you can put it back on before planting yourself on your couch and taking pictures of it with your beverage or pet.

4. The Justdate. Designed specifically for youthful urban thirty-thousandaire who vicariously lives beyond his means, drives a BMW 3-series, lives in a two bedroom apartment that smells like beer and vomit with five other guys who also drive entry-level luxury sports sedans. To make the piece attainable, we designed a new technology called "Pseudochrom" - this piece has no movement and the hands will be permanently fixed to the same time the client must custom specify at time of order. Rolex recommends 10:10, but we expect to most popular configuration to be 5:00. This model is equipped with one complication: a manually adjustable date wheel, hence the name Justdate.

ENDS

Official Website
www.rolex.com

[Quamby]

Hahahahahaha

[tig00s1783]

Love it!

[rudestew]

Lol great :-)

[Wools]

Love it! :)

[Tomas Eriksson]

Thank you for brightening my day.

[Notepad12]

Brilliant!

[Kenny Powers]

Just been into my AD: already an 8 year waiting list on the seat dweller. He did say it might come down if I buy a couple of just dates first.

[Socomo]

Perfect.

[celticjohn]

Originally Posted by Kenny Powers

Just been into my AD: already an 8 year waiting list on the seat dweller. He did say it might come down if I buy a couple of just dates first.

[Andad]

Should be a grey with some stock soon.

At a premium.

[Scapegoat]

You must have had a lot of time on your hands! But nonetheless, well bloody done sir!

[brandrea]

Originally Posted by directioneng

Should be a grey with some stock soon.

At a premium.

[AK797]

Nice wordplay, good stuff!

Don't forget the Dom-mariner for those of an aggressive nature.

[Etschell]

i really think next year we get the ultimate rolex, the static time 10:10:31. for those who wish to be on rolex time all the time. wait list will be immense.

[Chiboy]

Awesome! Any chance of getting the Just Date set to 4:20 with green hands? I think that would sell well.

[Jtime]

Oh this is amazing stuff


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[SeaDweller50]

Brilliant.

[nvrp813]

Tremendous!

[soran]

Hahaha great!

[benlee]

Hilarious. I enjoyed reading it.

[enjoythemusic]

Brilliant!

[Chadridv]

haha the ATM and the Seat-master really speak to me. The Yard-master has me lol though.

[jcdeng]

I need that yard master!

[SG56]

Hahahahahahahaha!!! Love it!

[enjoythemusic]

~~~ ERROR ERROR ~~~

Found the original (internal) Rolex corporate press release and there seems to be a small bit in error.
Note correction below as this more accurately reflects today's youthful urban Rolex customers.



The Justdate. Designed specifically for youthful urban thirty-thousandaire who vicario "Truly lives beyond his means, drives a BMW 3-series, lives in a two bedroom apartment that smells like beer and vomit with five other guys who also drive entry-level luxury sports sedans. To make the piece attainable, we designed a new technology called "Pseudochrom" - this piece has no movement and the hands will be permanently fixed to the same time the client must custom specify at time of order. Rolex recommends 10:10, but we expect to most popular configuration to be 4:20. This model is equipped with one complication: a manually adjustable date wheel, hence the name Justdate.

[siempreko]

The Seat Dweller is being discontinued... my uncle’s neighbor has a daughter-in-law who is a janitor at a former AD... she said it is no longer listed in the official catalog...


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[2nastie]

What happened to the Hypetona?

The special timing chronograph feature allows forum members to time how long before the next thread comes about “how can I convince an AD to give me one;” “should I pay the premium;” “what’s a good investment;” or “is it available if I ask hard enough when I travel to a “foreign” country”

...

Well done my friend! Hahaha

[fdm79]

[schoolboy]

"canine fecal collector"?

I hope there isn't a forum for that