Dog and Cat Diaries

[Alcan]

This is an oldie but still a goodie.

EXCERPTS FROM A DOG'S DAILY DIARY:

8:00 a.m.Oh, boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9:30 a.m.Oh, boy! A car ride! My favourite!
9:40 a.m.Oh, boy! A walk! My favourite!
10:30 a.m.Oh, boy! Getting rubbed and petted! My favourite!
11:30 a.m.Oh, boy! Dog food! My favourite!
Noon- Oh, boy! The kids! My favourite!
1:00 p.m.Oh, boy! The yard! My favourite!
4:00 p.m.Oh, boy! To the park! My favourite!
5:00 p.m.Oh, boy! Dog food! My favourite!
6:00 p.m.Oh, boy! Playing ball! My favourite!
6:30 a.m.Oh, boy! Watching TV with my master! My favourite!
8:30 p.m Oh, boy! Sleeping in master's bed! My favourite!


EXCERPTS FROM A CAT'S DAILY DIARY:

Day 183 of My Captivity: My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant. Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded; must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair, must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body, in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little cat I was. Hmmm, not working according to plan. There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More importantly, I overheard that my confinement was due to my power of "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage. I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant, he speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the high metal room, his safety is assured. But I can wait, it is only a matter of time ....