Cordon Bleu pets.

[padi56]

Just pop in to your local supermarket for proof of how pet owners are making a rod for their own backs as far as Pet feeding habits are concerned.

You will notice a complete aisle, dedicated to all sorts of flavours. From Beef and Heart, to Tuna salad, including Tinned, Packeted and bagged varieties and textures ranging from Soft,lost my teeth, through to Granite.

My recollection of pets and eating habits started,when just a boy with our family Alsatian, which would eat anything within striking distance, and at a speed which would embarrass a feking Shark!
Favourite foods included Meat, Veg,cats,Postmen, Shoe leather, Soft furnishings, Car tyres and wooden blocks.Plus anything it could get into his mouth would do on a bad day though...

Generations of sad old ladies with pet Dogs resembling large hair brushes led to the arrival of 'Mr Dog'. Which was a specialist dog food, in dinky little easy open tins, containing allegedly large amounts of addictive chemical drugs to which the hairbrush doggies would become addicted, resulting in a creature which would sooner die than eat anything else.

Not happy with this, the Cat food departments of the same companies, started advertising scenes of a sexy twenty-something girlie's reclining on a leather chaise longue. While Tibbles daintily nibbled upon the latest designer Cat-food which at least 8 out of 10 cats preferred ('Preferred my ars# preferred to being kicked around the living room' was the omitted sentence naturally)

We now have ageist pet-food too! Kitten food, Cat-food and Old feked up Cat food to add to the menu. What next? Mid-life-crisis Dog-food?

Lets look at the natural life of these animals before domestic bliss set in.

Dogs eat cats without being asked. Cats rummage around bins ripping open black sacks and devouring three day old Chicken scraps like the b@st@rds they really are plus the odd bird or rodent.
Cats and Dogs aside, look at pet birds. They eat WORMS and Cockroaches...seeds etc
.
I have not seen Cockroach flavoured birdseed for sale, even in ASDA for feks sake. Why not? This begs the question, why, when Farmers keep Alsatians to fend off the poachers, do Council house dwellers not keep uncaged birds to eat the infestations of household insects such as Lice, ants,Roaches and Weevils.
A hungry Parakeet would be bloody magic for this purpose. Imagine sitting in watching Eastenders when the parakeet swoops down and picks up it's fourth Roach of the evening, satisfying not only the birds but the local Health requirements too.Maybe every tenant should be issued with one.


What does the future hold for us then?

Jamie Oliver is prime candidate for a new celebrity range for sure. The Mockney plebe has enough spare tongue, to make a few truckloads of Haute cuisine cat-food already, and the hairbrush owners all love the tw@t to bits so it's sure to be a hit.

How about a new dog-food for Rottweillers by Gordon Ramsay? called
'It's fu#ki#g Dogfood' it would be scooped into the trolleys by the public Neanderthals faster than the Rotty will be able to eat it, tin and all....*

I always wondered what Vegans fed their Cats.. Lentil flavoured Whiskers would be the obvious choice, while Tesco could proudly proclaim 'This is not ordinary Pal, this is Free range woodland bred Pal marinaded in oak smoked pork' or whatever.

Seeing as the pets are not allowed to roam the aisles,of supermarkets choosing which delicacy to feast on. And besides they can't bloody read anyway, I blame the foolish idealistic pet owners for this ridiculous Cordon Bleu pet food farce.