Wifes>>>>

[Jocke]

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring
and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!


The wife is back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we
should hold auditions for her part.

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

After both suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I decided to commit suicide. But strangely enough,
once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “F##k it!”

I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the
kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.


The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"


I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.


My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and
painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay?"