£50 Million Bank Robbery.

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Well folks, we've just had the largest recorded robbery in British history and here we have our finest appealing to the long suffering British public for help in catching the perpetrators. Fronting up this appeal is a police inspector from Kent who has about as much charisma as a dead paedophile reading from an idiot proof cue card.

But its the content of his mind dumbing messages that defy belief, here's a few examples from his sagacious synopsis. Firstly he tell us that this was a highly organised, criminal gang who carried out this 'military style' operation, well inspector, I've got news for you, even the most intellectually challenged among us didn't think it was a couple of drunken paddies on the way home from the pub thinking it was a good way to get a bit of beer money for a trip to Cornwall.

Secondly, he tells us this is a ruthless, callous and dangerous gang who are a threat to public safety, whilst conveniently disregarding the fact that despite the enormity of this escapade, not a solitary person received any kind of injury, not even a scratch. Clearly these people are professional robbers who don't pose the remotest threat to Joe Public, unless of course they happen to have the odd £50 million hidden under their floorboards. unlike the lunatics their paymasters, the government have released on the public at large over the past decade under the guise of care in the community programmes.

Thirdly this bald headed master of all he surveys informs us there is a slight possibility that this might have been an 'inside job' as it hasn't been unknown in the past, well alleluia, it doesn't take the brains of David Lloyd George to work that one out, does it now and if this wasn't bad enough, he then goes on to tell tell us if this wasn't indeed the case, it was clearly outside reconnaissance , If this isn't the most classic example of the century in overstating the obvious, then I'm a re-incarnation of mother Teresa.

Then of course we have the pundits who always seem to get dragged out of the woodwork on these occasions to offer their expertise opinion on what might have transpired, IE, there's the ex flying squad chief telling us that the money might be difficult to launder, despite the fact that the money was mainly comprised of used bank notes and probably on the way out of the country before the robbery was even discovered. Then we have been subjected to the indignity of some ex bank robber who pillaged a rural Post Office in the 1960's. Yer 'ave to laff, I mean what next, maybe that fairy from 'Flog it' prancing across our screens, asking what they are going to do with the money.

How long will it be before that old chestnut, the IRA are being accused and of course the money won't be used for financing upmarket hookers, private jets, yachts, haciendas in Mexico, pied a Terre's in the Bahamas, etc, no of course not, all the proceeds will go to fuel the drug trade, won't they just. Already, Joe Stalin Nulabor are using the robbery as a further excuse to clamp down on banking confidentiality, despite some American money laundering expert stating that only a minute amount of laundered money is ever recovered.

The truth of the matter is, this highly entrepreneurial group of people have made an absolute mockery of the establishment's multi-£million security and surveillance systems, thereby making them look complete and utter ars#'oles. All of this with some simple props, IE, police luminous jackets., etc and a bit of chutzpa, well done chaps, I hope you live long lives and enjoy your easily stolen money. It also interesting to note, that not one branch of the government's propaganda wing in the media, have mentioned the blatantly obvious, and that of course is the involvement of the police, because believe me. There hasn't been a major robbery in the history of this planet that the police, or security, may have had there fingers in the pie. .