There will always be an Englishman

[jdc]

Following Taffi's (Faiths) infatuation with Mr Duncan I thought it would be prudent to identify some other stalwarts before she visits our sunny shores.

1. The Chav

Identified by their love of fake Burberry and white track suits they roam the streets looking for fun and company. Often having jolly rides together in "rented" automobiles. They are always looking to celebrate English traditions for example setting fire to said automobiles as a homage to Guy Fawkes.

Occasionally one will wander and find untold riches, as in the King Of Mancunica, Wayne Looney. After a spell in Hollywood starring as Shrek Wayne has now turned his attentions to the football field often showing signs of life for as much as 90 minutes a week.
Known for his friendly banter with match officials Wayne is also renowned for his help with the elderly, often making surprise visits to see his Granny.
Wayne's guardian is a friendly old Scottish gent who loves to talk about the city of Culture, Liverpool.
If you meet them in a nightclub be sure to say Hi.