I love the classics :-) (apologies if this has been posted)

[idk01]

Red Skelton's Recipe for a Perfect Marriage:

1. Two times a week we go to a nice restaurant, have a little beverage,
good food and companionship. She goes on Tuesdays; I go on
Fridays

2. We also sleep in separate beds. Hers is in California, and mine is in
Texas.

3. I take my wife everywhere.... but she keeps finding her way back.

4. I asked my wife where she wanted to go for our anniversary. "Somewhere I
haven't been in a long time!" she said. So I suggested the kitchen.

5. We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.

6. She has an electric blender, electric toaster and electric bread maker.
She said "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.

7. My wife told me the car wasn't running well because there was water in
the carburetor. I asked where the car was. She told me,
"In the lake."

8. She got a mud pack, and looked great for two days. Then the mud fell
off.

9. She ran after the garbage truck, yelling, "Am I too late for the
garbage?" The driver said, "No, jump in!"

10. Remember: Marriage is the number one cause of divorce.

11. I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was Always.

12. I haven't spoken to my wife in 18 months. I don't like to interrupt
her.

13. The last fight was my fault though. My wife asked, "What's on the TV?"
I said, "Dust!"

... these were the good old days when humor didn't have to start with a
four letter word. It was just clean and simple fun. And he always ended
his programs with the words, "God Bless"