The Irish Airline Pilot.

[padi56]

Air Lingus Flight 101 was flying from Heathrow to Dublin one
night, with Paddy the Pilot, and Shamus the co-pilot. As they
approached Dublin airport, they looked out the front window.

"B'jeesus," said Paddy. "Will ye look at how fookin' short
dat runway is."

"You're not fookin' kiddin', Paddy" replied Shamus. "Dis is
gonna be one a de trickiest landings you're ever gonna see"
said Paddy.

"You're not fookin' kiddin', Paddy" replied Shamus.

"Right Shamus. When I give de signal, you put de engines in
reverse" said Paddy.

"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.

"And den ye put de flaps down straight away" said Paddy.

"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.

"And den ye stamp on dem brakes as hard as ye can" said Paddy.

"Right, I'll be doing dat" replied Shamus.

"And den ye pray to de Mother Mary with all a' your soul" said
Paddy.

"I be doing dat already" replied Shamus.

So they approached the runway with Paddy and Shamus full of
nerves and sweaty palms. As soon as the wheels hit the
ground, Shamus put the engines in reverse, put the flaps down,
stamped on the brakes and prayed to Mother Mary with all of
his soul. Amidst roaring engines, squealing of tires and lots
of smoke, the plane screeched to a halt centimeters from the
end of the runway, much to the relief of Paddy and Shamus and
everyone on board.

As they sat in the cockpit regaining their composure, Paddy
looked out the front window and said to Shamus "Dat has gotta
be de shortest fookin' runway I have EVER seen in me whole
life."

Shamus looked out the side window and replied, "Yeah Paddy,
but look how fookin' wide it is.