Groundbreaking Drug for Rolex Addiction

[Laszlo]

I have a few friends in the Pharmaceutical and Biotech industry and we’re working on a new drug to help reduce Rolex addiction.

Our new drug is called Zolex. And we feel this breakthrough drug will be a Blockbuster treatment for patients seeking to control their Rolex addiction.

The idea behind this new groundbreaking drug is to reduce pre- and post-Rolex ownership’s uncontrollable desire to hunger more Rolexes. Our studies have shown this addiction is affecting more than 2-million people worldwide. Our research has also concluded a dangerous up-tick rate of >25% YoY.

Our research and early trials have shown that patients on Zolex have reduced their overwhelming and uncontrolled desire by ~90%.

What is Zolex?

Zolex (rolex-traline) is an anti-avoidance treatment that affects the chemicals in the brain that may become unbalanced in pre- and post-Rolex ownership which can cause an uncontrollable desire to obsess, drool, speak incessantly, daydream, become impatient and argumentative on forums, sudden anxiety, Compulsive Purchase Disorder (CPD), loss of memory, post-traumatic stress syndrome, buyer’s remorse, Rolex spotting, divorce, and drained bank accounts.

Zolex may also be used for purposes not listed in this medication informational guide.

Obsessive-compulsive disorder

Placebo-controlled studies have demonstrated Zolex to be effective for the treatment in adults and children. This includes wearing multiple Rolexes at one time, on both wrists, cleaning them obsessively more than three-times daily with a dirty toothbrush, using loops in hopes of defect discovery, sleeping with one’s Rolex and talking or kissing them before bed-time.

Cognitive behavioral therapy alone was superior to Zolex in both adults and children; however, the best results were achieved using a combination of these treatments and avoidance of local Authorized Dealers and access to The Rolex Forum. A review mentions that Zolex can be used for the treatment of Patek and Zenith OCD but with lesser efficacy, however, Zolex may cause exacerbation of tics in public.

Social obsession

Zolex has proven to reduce compulsive Rolex spotting and ad-hoc discussion with complete strangers with controlled and flexible dosing. The reduction was extremely positive for new owners but the efficacy for long-term owners who have accumulated a collection of more than 5-pieces were not as responsive and the compulsiveness was even greater among patients with later onset, especially those with solid gold pieces.

In addition to psychological components of Rolex spotting, such as spontaneous interruptions and WIS-zeal, Zolex also ameliorated some physiological components, such as blushing and palpitations when a Rolex is sighted, but there was an even greater reduction in sweating and trembling and the sudden effects of drooling. Patients who own two-tone pieces remained balanced in our placebo trials.

Withdrawal syndrome

Abrupt interruption of Zolex treatment may result in withdrawal or cause Discontinuation Purchasing Syndrome (DPS). This syndrome occurred in 60% of Authorized Dealer purchasers and 40% of Trusted Sellers purchasers: of the remitted obsessed patients taking Zolex in blind studies, as compared to 14% of patients on Patekotine. During the 5–8-day period when Zolex was temporarily replaced by placebo, the most frequent symptoms (reported by more than a quarter of Rolex patients) were irritability, agitation, dizziness, headache, nervousness, crying, emotional liability, bad dreams and anger.

Side effects

- Dramatic decrease in the desire to flip and trade Rolexes
- Dry-mouth even when introduced to solid gold pieces
- Sudden verbal outbursts in public places including restaurants
- Talking about Rolexes while sleeping
- Reduction in research and poor purchase decisions
- Forgetting the time even after looking at the time in real time
- Lack of understanding horology

Important information

You should not use Zolex if you also take Patekotine, or if you are being treated with Casio-loft blue injection.

Do not use Zolex if you have purchased a Rolex in the past 14 days. A dangerous and uncontrollable spending spree could occur.

Some young people have thoughts about Patek and other watch brands when first taking a Zolex. Your watchmaker will need to check your watch safe at regular visits while you are using Zolex. Your family or other caregivers should also be on alert to changes in your “other” brand decisions.

Report any new or worsening symptoms to your watchmaker, such as: mood or behavior changes, anxiety, panic attacks, trouble sleeping, or if you feel impulsive, irritable, agitated, hostile, aggressive, hyperactive (mentally or physically), more obsessed, or have thoughts about Patek or Zenith.

Do not give Zolex to anyone younger than 18 years old without the advice of a watchmaker. Zolex is COSC-approved. It is not approved for treating Timex obsession in children.