Awards Oscars Season Again.

[padi56]

Awards Season Again,this is only a bit of fun..

Given that it seems to be awards season again for the entertainment business, I thought it would be good to offer a political equivalent. I haven't thought of a good name for these awards yet, but the topical prizes this year are, a nice big back-hander in an offshore account.

Best Newcomer: The winner in this category is Angela Merkel for so far managing to do a passable impression of an honest and skillful politician. Will we see her back here again next year,doubt it?

Most arrogant national leader: A huge category this year. So many nominations it took many hours to whittle the group down. The runner up, losing by a narrow margin, was Bob Mugabe for pretty much telling the world at large to fek off. By a narrow whisker, the winner is Jacques Chirac, for smiling a lot while laughing in his fellow European leaders faces on a regular basis,and of course being French did not help.

Falsest Smile: Despite many nominations for George Bush, it was felt he would have to be disqualified in this category for being too dumb to put on a false smile. The runaway winner this year was our very own Tony Blair.

Most honest politician: Only two nominations were received for this category. Estelle Morris is the de facto winner after Tony Blair's nomination was disqualified. It doesn't matter how many times you put in the nomination, Mr Mandelson, we can still spot you are trying to rig the awards.

The politician you least want to meet in a dark alley: The runner up in this category is John Prescott for having a short temper and a big right hook, but the winner this year is Vladimir Putin. You never want to meet a former secret agent with psychotic eyes and a martial arts black belt in a dark alley.

Dumbest national leader: We didn't even bother seeking nominations. The winner is George Bush,even if the silly bugger thinks he talks to god.

Biggest bullshit award: A hotly contested category. Many good entries for Tony Blair, but the winner has to be Colin Powell for a truly impressive amount of bullshit presented to the United Nations on the eve of the second Gulf War.

Least comprehensible utterance: This was a three way fight this year. Donald Rumsfeld came in third for his known knowns, known unknowns and unknown unknowns, but in the end it was felt this just made a little too much sense, when you thought about it. In second place was John Prescott for some magnificently incomprehensible offerings. The winner this year goes to a political pairing, Gordon Brown and Ed Balls for post-neoclassical endogenous growth theory.

Most rubbery politician: Despite a late surge from Mark Oaten, it was felt his nomination was outside of the spirit of the contest, so the winner this year is Peter Mandelson for bouncing back more often than a bouncy bloody castle.

Most corrupt politician: A huge category this year. Despite some great entries from Africa and South America, and sneaky outside bids from Kim Jong-il and Silvio Berlusconi, the award has been given to a whole body of politicians this year. Out heartiest congratulations to the European Parliament.