How to clean a Rolex?

[redshirt1957]

Originally Posted by Jimbits76

I get sixteen vestal virgins to wash mine. Each rubs up a lather on their nubile thigh then allows my watch to brush gently against their delicate skin...only once!!!!!!!

Once that stage is done, I get an old crone to beat it with a salt encrusted Codfish forty times, no more, no less. It has to be forty. Any number other than forty and the moon will fall into the sun and we will all be destroyed from the resulting supernova.

Stage three is to rinse the watch thoroughly in the clear crystal glacial streams of the Antarctic ice flows. The watch is designed to take the extreme cold and if you add a stick of gum it leaves it feeling minty fresh.

Stage four...the watch is then place onto the supple forlock of an Alpaca. The exercise not only winds the watch but the soft fur gently dries the steel case.

Stage five. One hundred kittens are fed yellow skittles candy and they use their sweet baby kitten breath to air dry my beloved watch. This allows all droplets of moisture to leave the bracelet. You have not experienced dry until you feel 'kitten-dry'!

Finally the crystal is inspected for damage and gently given a buff by seven diamond mining dwarves. Diamond mining Dwarves are the best at knowing their quality crystal and minerals although they are desperate to leave at five pm as they need to get home to their lady friend "who was as white as snow, as red as blood, and as black as ebony wood"!!!!!!

These yahoos posting here with their soap and water have no idea about cleaning these fantastic, extremely valuable and much better than all other brands timepieces.

Good luck with the cleaning!

J

Geez Jim! I love the poet in you, but this ole' redneck could say it in a lot fewer words. So here goes....If you were a dog and your rolex were your dangle bits; the cleaning would be done often and quickly.