In Lieu of Flowers

[Brew]

One of my cousins's spouse died after a long illness. The family asked that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made to a designated charity. The problem is, I don't agree with the organization and would never otherwise send money to it.

Do I donate to a different charity? Send nothing at all? Or should I just hold my nose and write the check, as designated?

Thanks in advance to this generous community!

[locutus49]

That is a tough one. I would either donate to the charity or not donate at all. Probably not donate at all since the relative is so distant.

[Abdullah71601]

Originally Posted by Brew

One of my cousins's spouse died after a long illness. The family asked that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made to a designated charity. The problem is, I don't agree with the organization and would never otherwise send money to it.

Do I donate to a different charity? Send nothing at all? Or should I just hold my nose and write the check, as designated?

Thanks in advance to this generous community!

Dont feel pressured to advance an agenda you dislike. Find an alternative if you wish to donate in the name of the dearly departed.

Otherwise, do the needful to assuage the pain of the family left behind. Cash and flowers arent all that relieve pain when someone passes. Your kind presence will likely be appreciated more than a check to some charity.

[JayHantz]

It depends on how close you all were. I would say if it was a distant relationship, i.e. see each other at the family events and that's really it, I would not donate to the charity. However, if it was someone very close to me and we were close, I would probably hold my nose and make a small donation to the charity in their name - since it would be what they wanted.

[Brew]

Originally Posted by Abdullah71601

Dont feel pressured to advance an agenda you dislike. Find an alternative if you wish to donate in the name of the dearly departed.

Otherwise, do the needful to assuage the pain of the family left behind. Cash and flowers arent all that relieve pain when someone passes. Your kind presence will likely be appreciated more than a check to some charity.

Your thoughts are spot on (I was tempted to use, "on the money"). I traveled to attend the funeral and be with family, which was appreciated.

Although not making a donation to any organization will likely go unnoticed, making a donation to a different organization will be noticed, but nothing would be said . . . .

[BigAppleBill]

Originally Posted by Brew

One of my cousins's spouse died after a long illness. The family asked that, in lieu of flowers, donations be made to a designated charity. The problem is, I don't agree with the organization and would never otherwise send money to it.

Do I donate to a different charity? Send nothing at all? Or should I just hold my nose and write the check, as designated?

Thanks in advance to this generous community!

Nobody is forcing you to donate. If you feel that strongly, then don’t donate. A thoughtfully worded card expressing your sincere condolences will probably suffice, and surely will be much appreciated.

[Brew]

Originally Posted by BigAppleBill

Nobody is forcing you to donate. If you feel that strongly, then don’t donate. A thoughtfully worded card expressing your sincere condolences will probably suffice, and surely will be much appreciated.

Yes, thank you. No-one is "forcing" me, but "doing the right thing" can be difficult to discern, especially where family is concerned.

[daveathall]

If it was a charity that I disagreed with, I would send flowers and plead ignorance.

[LandWatch]

Depends how strong your antipathy towards the charity is I suppose. If it’s mild, just go with the flow, otherwise, perhaps one of your choice.

[Tools]

Originally Posted by Brew

Yes, thank you. No-one is "forcing" me, but "doing the right thing" can be difficult to discern, especially where family is concerned.

"Doing the right thing" is a state of mind. Send a card of condolence and call it a day.

[swils8610]

I’d make it to the designated charity. It’s the family’s wishes and how they want to honor the deceased.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Pro

[shoe-bop]

Personally I would give to the charity chosen by the family to honor the loss of their loved one. This wouldn't be the time I would choose to take a stand on principle.

[Blansky]

Originally Posted by daveathall

If it was a charity that I disagreed with, I would send flowers and plead ignorance.

Unfortunately the charity is the Eternal Order of Flower Lovers, a radical organization trying to stop the needless murder of innocent flowers.

[Blansky]

Tough call OP.

But I would never donate to any organization I wasn’t comfortable with their agenda.

[Pw92676]

I’d probably make a donation to a different charity that your passed loved one would have also supported.

[Brew]

Originally Posted by Tools

"Doing the right thing" is a state of mind. Send a card of condolence and call it a day.

I think this is the right answer for me.

I just can't in good conscience send money as requested, and sending money anywhere else would likely cause other family issues.

I appreciate the community's thoughts and advice.

[piratfisk]

Originally Posted by Blansky

Unfortunately the charity is the Eternal Order of Flower Lovers, a radical organization trying to stop the needless murder of innocent flowers.

Brilliant.

OP: I'd say send a card. If you're in that much of a moral dilemma in regard to sending your money to a charity of their choosing, then don't, simple. They're cousins, maybe you aren't in that much contact with them, they're not going to see who donated or didn't. Maybe donate to an organization that plants trees in memory of deceased people & say that it is a family tradition in your household to do that. IDK, I'm just spit-ballin' here, but I wouldn't over-think it.

[daveathall]

Originally Posted by Blansky

Unfortunately the charity is the Eternal Order of Flower Lovers, a radical organization trying to stop the needless murder of innocent flowers.

Fabulous. That wins the internet for me. Still laughing.

[Watchflair]

You are over thinking it - respect their wishes. Unless it's a terrorist organization send a check and call it a day.

We are overly sensitive in this political climate.

[pickettt]

Originally Posted by Blansky

Tough call OP.

But I would never donate to any organization I wasn’t comfortable with their agenda.

I agree.

[yons78]

Originally Posted by Blansky

Tough call OP.

But I would never donate to any organization I wasn’t comfortable with their agenda.

Exactly my thought.

[AzPaul]

You could always send a nice plant basket to your cousin's home.