Yikes.

[kcmo]

Originally Posted by GinGinD

My husband and I had the infidelity conversation once. I assured him I would never cheat because I couldn't imagine going to all the trouble of lying, sneaking around, covering up, etc. Talk about stress! Not to mention the exhaustion of having to make 2 men happy. One is enough.

All that effort just to get laid? No thanks.

My husband thought about it for a minute and then said, "So what you're telling me is that you'll never cheat on me because you're too lazy."

Yeah. Pretty much.

Jeannie

Too funny Jeannie! And you're absolutely right!

[Lion]

In my life I live by spiritual principles with the most important ones being honesty and integrity. I have also taught these principles to my son like my Dad did with me. Remember, all you have in your life is your word. And it must be backed up with honesty and integrity!!!

[JimSnyder]

25 years in Nov. and very happy

[ratae1950]

Originally Posted by Jimbits76

I'd never be so dumb to go for infidelity.

You've seen pictures of me and pictures of Claire (God spesh those drunken ones), I feel like the luckiest guy in the world!!!!!!!

She's way too pretty for an oaf like J...I'm on my best behaviour for life!

J

Come on Jim!! You mean you have never just at least taken a peek at the Gunners and their sexy football?

[Jimbits76]

Originally Posted by ratae1950

Come on Jim!! You mean you have never just at least taken a peek at the Gunners and their sexy football?

That would be akin to batting for the other side my dear chap!!!!!!!!!!!!

J

[Mosco]

I wish I could provide 'normal' insight here, but I can't - our situation is different. I HAVE to learn to trust my wife. As I mentioned before, she models for photographers and artists, often in the nude (when not knocked up LOL). Nothing perverted, all artistic - in fact she has posed for many known artists in the past, but nonetheless many times it is full-nude. I don't always go with her, so I have to trust her. I have never cheated on her and I strongly believe that she hasn't either - our personal life is top-notch, neither one feels like they are missing anything.

However, I have put myself in a hypothetical situation of her telling me she had an affair - what would I do? Well, I would dig a bit deeper. If it was strictly physical, I would forgive her in a heartbeat, as what we have is MUCH deeper than that. However, if she told me she was developing feelings for someone else, then it would be a different story, I would end the relationship immediately. Just my twopence...

[Carolina]

Greg - I have to agree that emotional infidelity would be much more painful than just physical (at least in my opinion).

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by Carolina

Greg - I have to agree that emotional infidelity would be much more painful than just physical (at least in my opinion).

I dunno, C. I think I've committed emotional infidelity with lots of our fave guys right here on TRF, and it hasn't been painful at all!

Oh..... wait a minute. You meant if it was the other way around....? Oh... now I see. Well, thinking back, it wasn't ALL bad.... in fact, it was a pretty easy way to drop about 12 pounds in three weeks.

Hmm.... more pills, please!

[Taffi Abernathy]

However, I have put myself in a hypothetical situation of her telling me she had an affair - what would I do? Well, I would dig a bit deeper. If it was strictly physical, I would forgive her in a heartbeat, as what we have is MUCH deeper than that. However, if she told me she was developing feelings for someone else, then it would be a different story, I would end the relationship immediately. Just my twopence...[/QUOTE]

Greg (Mosco),

I'd like to suggest an alternate way to think about infidelity. You raise the issue of an affair which is motivated by physical versus emotional elements. To begin with, human behavior is multil-layered and complex, meaning that frequently, individuals don't necessarily know what motivates their own actions, i.e., think about what it means to be "in denial." While an affair can be predominantly physical or emotional, it likely contains some of both domains, albeit in varying degrees. Yes, emotional affairs also exist.

When a significant other cheats, perhaps it is best to explore your relationship with your significant other (sometimes with professional help) to see why you no longer look to one another to meet your needs. Another question to consider: Is cheating an isolated incident or a recurring pattern?
Lisa raised the issue - and I applaud your honesty - of having been raised in an environment where cheating behavior was "overlooked." Sometimes when people have certain personality types, i.e., narcissistic, psychopathic, having serial affairs is a way to shore up underlying feelings of low self-esteem and to control others. (I'm not at all implying this fits your family, Lisa, since I don't know their dynamics.)

While I see trust as the basis for all close/meaningful relationships, it is not a moral imperative. You cannot "will" yourself to trust someone since feelings will go where they want to go. Perhaps the best solution is to just share your concerns openly with your partner and be available to your partner to listen to their concerns with openness.

I think it's great that you raised this issue, Carolina, and I have enjoyed the thought-provoking discussions that have ensued as a result.

Trust is the most difficult thing to build between people and how unfortunate that it can be so easily destroyed.

[Bisquitlips]

www.ashleymadison.com!!!! No bloody way!

I have all that I can handle in my 10 year marriage. Best friends and lovers! How can it get any better!

[Bisquitlips]

Originally Posted by astcell

I saw that commercial too. Some people just have no standards! My ex had an affair on me and I punished her the best way possible, I made it possible for her to have the guy!

[daveathall]

Had afairs when I was married to my first wife, dont know why, I had all the happiness I could have ever wished for, she never found out, then she died, now she knows. She was the good one, it was a mistake that I could never put right.

I miss her so much.

That was 12 years ago, Im recently remarried, I wont make the same mistake again, doesnt take away the pain of what a ******** I am though.

[redshirt1957]

Originally Posted by Carolina

Greg - I have to agree that emotional infidelity would be much more painful than just physical (at least in my opinion).

That's my girl. Old joke in a different topic. What is the definition of your girlfriend when you are married? Someone you never thought you would drive so far to be with, then care so less about on the drive back home.

[redshirt1957]

Originally Posted by daveathall

Had afairs when I was married to my first wife, dont know why, I had all the happiness I could have ever wished for, she never found out, then she died, now she knows. She was the good one, it was a mistake that I could never put right.

I miss her so much.

That was 12 years ago, Im recently remarried, I wont make the same mistake again, doesnt take away the pain of what a ******** I am though.

Don't beat yourself up. And trust me on this, they always know.

[away36]

Originally Posted by redshirt1957

Don't beat yourself up. And trust me on this, they always know.

You are so right.

[Lion]

It's been said that a woman always knows when the man is cheating but men hardly ever know when a woman cheats!!!
I still believe honesty is the best way to live your life. Once you start lying to one person it gets easier to lie to others. Then you have to remember what you said to each person so you don't screw up the lies. It's much easier to tell the truth because the truth never changes!!!

[Mosco]

Originally Posted by daveathall

Had afairs when I was married to my first wife, dont know why, I had all the happiness I could have ever wished for, she never found out, then she died, now she knows. She was the good one, it was a mistake that I could never put right.

I miss her so much.

That was 12 years ago, Im recently remarried, I wont make the same mistake again, doesnt take away the pain of what a ******** I am though.

That is a gem I will put in my 'knowledge' bag... Thank You! And don't beat yourself up, everyone forgives!