The Rolex Forums   The Rolex Watch

ROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEX


Go Back   Rolex Forums - Rolex Forum > General Topics > Jokes & Cartoons

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 23 April 2024, 03:12 AM   #1
nyctoytimer
"TRF" Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2019
Location: nyc
Watch: Tudor mini sub
Posts: 53
The Quotes of Steven Wright:

1 - I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.
2 - Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.
3 - Half the people you know are below average.
4 - 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
5 - 82.7% of all statistics are made up on the spot.
6 - A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.
7 - A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.
8 - If you want the rainbow, you got to put up with the rain.
9 - All those who believe in psycho kinesis, raise my hand.
10 - The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
11 - I almost had a psychic girlfriend, ..... But she left me before we met.
12 - OK, so what's the speed of dark?
13 - How do you tell when you're out of invisible ink?
14 - If everythng seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
15 - Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
16 - When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
17 - Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
18 - Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.
19 - I intend to live forever ... So far, so good.
20 - If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
21 - Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
22 - What happens if you get scard half to death twice?
23 - My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."
24 - Why do psychics have to ask you for your name
25 - If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.
26 - A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.
27 - Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.
28 - The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread.
29 - To steal ideas from one person is plagiarsm; to steal from many is research.
30 - The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.
31 - The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.
32 - The colder the x-ray table, the more of your body is required to be on it.
33 - Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.
34 - If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
35 - If your car could travel at the speed of light, would your headlights work?
nyctoytimer is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12 May 2024, 07:00 AM   #2
Maxtor
2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Real Name: Max
Location: Toronto
Watch: Exp 1, DJ Tuxedo
Posts: 2,472
Great quotes. He is fantastic.
Maxtor is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 14 May 2024, 11:47 AM   #3
carwash66
2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member
 
carwash66's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2015
Location: United States
Watch: Rolex/Tudor
Posts: 1,421
Good ones. Loved his deadpan delivery.
__________________
The Times They Are A-Changin' - Bob Dylan
carwash66 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 16 May 2024, 06:29 AM   #4
ltmgeller
2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member
 
ltmgeller's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2012
Real Name: Mike
Location: New York
Watch: Rolex
Posts: 22,569
__________________
Oh, look at the time...
Official Member: 'WIS-CON' Las Vegas International GTG 2019
ltmgeller is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19 May 2024, 10:14 AM   #5
racerx
"TRF" Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: SC
Posts: 234
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
racerx is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 19 May 2024, 10:50 AM   #6
Andad
2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member
 
Andad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Real Name: Eddie
Location: Australia
Watch: A few.
Posts: 37,521
That kicked off my Sunday.
__________________
E

Andad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 20 May 2024, 05:35 AM   #7
miamiclay
2024 Pledge Member
 
miamiclay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2019
Location: 33139/95460
Posts: 1,412
“I may not be much, but I’m all I think about”

S. Wright
miamiclay is online now   Reply With Quote
Old 24 May 2024, 11:54 PM   #8
m j b
"TRF" Member
 
m j b's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2011
Real Name: Michael
Location: RTP, NC, USA
Watch: ♕& Ω
Posts: 5,215
I saw him recently on a late-night talk show, pushing a book I think. He's all shaggy now with a big beard and looks like a kook, but he hasn't lost his unique attitude and presentation. Just more mature, I guess.
__________________
Enjoy life - it has an expiration date.


Disclaimer: Please note that the avatar is not an accurate representation of how I look. The camera adds 10 pounds...
m j b is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 3 June 2024, 04:20 AM   #9
RandallBoris
"TRF" Member
 
Join Date: Jan 2021
Location: Argetina
Posts: 9
His quotes are too smart for us.
RandallBoris is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump

WatchesOff5th

DavidSW Watches

Takuya Watches

OCWatches

Asset Appeal

Wrist Aficionado

My Watch LLC


*Banners Of The Month*
This space is provided to horological resources.





Copyright ©2004-2024, The Rolex Forums. All Rights Reserved.

ROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEXROLEX

Rolex is a registered trademark of ROLEX USA. The Rolex Forums is not affiliated with ROLEX USA in any way.