Today...

[vh_bu98]

I woke up this morning and checked my work phone and I noticed a strange e-mail from my Google Voice account. At first I thought it must have been a wrong number since the voice to text message didn't make any sense. I played the message and it was my aunt speaking in Vietnamese which would explain the bizarre Google translation. I checked my personal phone and noticed that I missed several calls from her since it was on vibrate. I called her up and was informed that my father passed away at 6:05 AM CST. At this point, I didn't really know how to react...I felt slightly indifferent due to my estrange relationship with my dad. I talked to my uncle and he said that he would take care of the arrangements. Once we hung up, I started to feel the emotions creeping up on me and got a little teary, but I thought that I could hold myself together to goto work.

When I got to work, the emotions started to creep up on me again and I think I realized that I probably should have stayed home. I talked to my manager and the on-call manager (since I'm on-call this week) about the situation and that's when it really seem to hit me. I actually felt embarrassed as I tried to hold back the tears. At that point, I really knew that I shouldn't be at work. I pulled myself together, try to tie up some loose ends and went home. I called my mom to let her know about my dad since my parents are divorced. She sounded indifferent about the topic.

The next step was to locate my brother who is in prison. As you can guess, I'm estrange from him as well and haven't seen or spoken to him for years so I didn't know where he was. However, I felt that I should tell him myself about our father's passing. I finally was able to locate him and I was hoping to tell him in person, but visitation hours are only on weekends and I wasn't even on his visitor's list. I spoke to the prison chaplain, but he said that he needed to confirm the death before he could arrange for my brother to make the call. If I thought getting a hold of my brother was difficult, locating my father's body proved to be a further challenge. I called the nursing home and they told me to call the hospital. I called the hospital and they told me the body is at the medical examiners. The medical examiners office was able to confirm the body was there. I then called the prison chaplain back with the information and he will take care of it in the morning.

I talked to my uncle again and he said that they have to get paperwork for the cremation, which takes about 48 hours. Until then, I'm in limbo and feeling strangely normal. I'm not sure if it's because I've kept myself busy today dealing with all of the hoops or if it's a matter of time before it hits me.

For the past few years, death has been a fixture for my wife's family. First my wife's father passed, follow by an aunt, her older sister's fiancee, her maternal grandfather and a young cousin just a few weeks ago. But for me, I have never known death until now and it's true on what they say that you don't know how you will react when it happens. Although I was actually amuse to find that some of my friends were concern for my well being thinking that I would do something rash. I wonder what tomorrow will bring...

[figbo]

So sorry to hear that Vu!

[sleddog]

So sorry to hear of your loss Vu.....
Stay strong and best wishes to you buddy!!!

[inspires]

Sorry to hear of your loss Vu. Best wishes to you.

[sea-dweller]

Sorry to hear of that !

[swatty]

Sorry to hear that Vu, stay strong

[ducatidoc]

All of your emotional reactions and/or misgiivings sound perfectly reasonable under the circumstances that you described. The decision to contact your brother as well as the effort that you put into it is likewise laudable. Very unusual and sad circumstances and you're doing remarkably well.

[Ultraman]

Sorry to hear about your loss, Vu.

[nads070]

Sorry to hear the news... My estranged father was recently diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. The sadness you are feeling is normal. It is human nature for you to feel sad. I'm sorry for your loss...

[CoopJr]

I'm sorry to hear of your loss Vu.

[axxeman01]

My condolences go out to you Vu. Godspeed.

[Dan Pierce]

My sincerest condolences, Vu.
dP

[R1@160@alltimes]

Sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you during this difficult time.

[mailman]

I'm very sorry Vu.

[kcmo]

Oh Vu, I am so sorry. I can't imagine how you must feel. I hope in time that you will be able to feel some sense of peace regarding your father.

Please accept my condolences.

[joeychitwood]

My deepest sympathy to you. Expect a multitude of emotions in the coming days and weeks. The heart does not play by the same rules as the head.

[TheVTCGuy]

I am very sorry Vu, I had a very difficult relationship with my father as well, when he passed many years ago, there were a ton of conflicting emotions, I know you will be experiencing all of them in the coming days, weeks, months. The only thing I can tell you for sure is that they will all work themselves out. You'll have sadness, anger, (as cruel as it sounds) even hapiness from this event, but they will all calm down and someday soon you'll be OK with everything.

[PSG1 Nut]

Sorry to hear that Vu it, my condolences go out to you and your family.

[theloxmyth]

I am in the same boat as you and Paul.

My dad was a strange nut, but we were in constant contact.

I think of him often and sometimes emotions run high.

I'm sorry for your loss.

[B Square]

Vu, I am so saddened my friend. It broke my heart when my Dad passed. We are here for you brother.
Boyd

[vh_bu98]

Thank you to everyone for their thoughts, prayers and condolences...

I was driving yesterday when "Father of Mine" by Everclear played on the radio. The lyrics are not a direct reflection of my relationship with my father, but it does resonate with me. It reminds me how a friend of mine sees his relationship with his own father and what not to do in terms of his relationship with his own children. I may not have any children of my own, but it is a reminder on the importance of how you treat your children since it will reflect on how they treat you later in life.

Emotions seem to be in check today, although I do have a sense of guilt that I'm feeling fairly normal and that I'm taking time off of work even though I probably could handle work. I don't know if my brother has received the news, but he's in a much darker place to receive it than I am...

[mjrennie]

condolences. i feel for you.

[Skullring]

My sincere condolences Vu.