can anyone explain a mid life crisis

[gregmoeck]

seriously, anyone been through one, what happens... be honest.

[Welshwatchman]

I'm planning on having one in just under three years time.

Can't wait.

[BarkMaster]

I'd think it's feeling a need to re-invent one's self... something I've done every 10 years of my life since I was 13.

[blackmsport]

Originally Posted by gregmoeck

seriously, anyone been through one, what happens... be honest.

I am going thru one right now

1. I get cranky... My wife hates my mood
2. I feel like I've been working hard and I deserve some fun
3. I don't want an affair as it will be a disaster for the family
4. I ended up with lots of watches and Fountain pens to keep me happy
5. Now I want a fun car... like BM Z4, Porsche Boxter or 135i or Subaru STi
6. Sick of my job


Getting close to No. 5... I think when I get my fun car, I'll be very happy

[threemonkeys]

Originally Posted by BarkMaster

I'd think it's feeling a need to re-invent one's self... something I've done every 10 years of my life since I was 13.

X2. Reinvent and re-set priorities for me (family, life/work balance). I skipped buying a fast car (although I want to get a red mini cooper), but did lose a bunch of weight and got an earring.

[Grissom]

After being married for 25 years, a fellow took a look at his wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde."

"Now we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

The wife, being the reasonable woman she was, told her husband......

"Go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and not too worry, she would make sure that he, once again, would be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV."

[blackmsport]

Originally Posted by Grissom

After being married for 25 years, a fellow took a look at his wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde."

"Now we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

The wife, being the reasonable woman she was, told her husband......

"Go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and not too worry, she would make sure that he, once again, would be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV."

so true

[BarkMaster]

Originally Posted by Grissom

After being married for 25 years, a fellow took a look at his wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde."

"Now we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

The wife, being the reasonable woman she was, told her husband......

"Go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and not too worry, she would make sure that he, once again, would be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV."

[Route 66]

Originally Posted by Grissom

After being married for 25 years, a fellow took a look at his wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde."

"Now we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

The wife, being the reasonable woman she was, told her husband......

"Go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and not too worry, she would make sure that he, once again, would be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV."

Yikes

Thanks honey, but I think I'll just keep my home, nice car, 50" color TV, king size bed...oh and my nicely seasoned wifey too.

[swatty]

Originally Posted by Grissom

After being married for 25 years, a fellow took a look at his wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde."

"Now we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

The wife, being the reasonable woman she was, told her husband......

"Go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and not too worry, she would make sure that he, once again, would be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV."

Love it

[toph]

Originally Posted by Grissom

After being married for 25 years, a fellow took a look at his wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde."

"Now we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

The wife, being the reasonable woman she was, told her husband......

"Go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and not too worry, she would make sure that he, once again, would be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV."

[Lisa]

A few years back, I researched this very topic. I've saved this article - though it's intended for a female audience, it's an interesting (though lengthy) read for anyone.

-------------------------

HIS Midlife Crisis! Will Your Relationship Survive?

by Pat Gaudette, founder of The Midlife Club

You are in a committed relationship, married or involved on an exclusive basis. You thought everything was glorious. Or, at least as glorious as it gets—all relationships have some rough spots.

It seems that you are always fighting. Or he just doesn't act like himself anymore. He doesn't like his job. He wants to sell the house and get a little place in the mountains or a sailboat and sail to the islands. You're too fat or too thin or too short or too tall. He doesn't like being home. He wants a sportier car. He changes his hair style, starts a diet and joins the local gym. He says his clothes are too old for him. He says you and he have grown apart. He needs time to think about 'things.' He wants space. He wants something but he doesn't know what. He wants a divorce.

If he's between the ages of 40 and 60 (give or take a few years), your man is blazing a trail through male midlife — he's having a crisis.

We're not talking about the man who has always been a womanizer, a schemer or generally not the nicest person in the world. We are talking about the man who has up to this point assumed responsibility and been the person you could depend upon in time of need.

What you must keep in mind is that he really doesn't understand what he's doing, he isn't deliberately hurting you he just knows that something is wrong in his life and he's searching for the answers.

Of course you're sitting there saying, "Whoa! I'm supposed to just be quiet and tolerate his forays into other-woman-land and let's-junk-it-all-and-sail-around-the-world-land or ditch-the-station-wagon-I-need-a-red-sports-car-land?" Well, yes. Of course you do have options here. You can rage and make demands that he clean up his act. And probably shortly thereafter you'll find yourself in divorce-land.

You see, men don't plan on turning unpredictable. It happens when they look in the mirror or in the eyes of their grandchildren and see themselves as old men. They have, up to this point, believed they were 25-year-old boys. One mid-50's midlife graduate says it made him a better person. He remains with his original wife and their relationship has been redefined to better meet his needs. He has his space and a home in the country that allows him to "entertain" when he feels the need and she has her space and their home in the city that allows her a place to pound on the walls and scream when she feels the urge. Another mid-50's graduate traded the pressures of family, home and business to drive a camper cross country supporting himself by doing odd jobs. The wife of a mid-60's executive still waits for a long term affair with his much younger mistress to end but with each passing year she cares less and her community involvement grows.

The Crisis

Male midlife crisis devours relationships. It may be devouring yours. What you must understand and believe is that no matter what you do, or don't do, the outcome will be the same. You do not have control over him, only yourself.

He might not be alone on this search, but you probably weren't invited, and you probably wouldn't have been regardless of the circumstances. You may be part of the problem as he sees it. You don't understand, how could you? He may have met someone else who seems to understand him perfectly, or reaffirms his youthfulness (as with the mid-60's executive, above). But how could anyone understand him when he doesn't understand himself? He's in an emotional storm that will test the patience and endurance of all those who love him as he comes to grips with the fact that he is no longer 25. He will hurt you. He doesn't mean to hurt you, but he will hurt you.

It's a punch right between the eyes when he suddenly realizes that he is getting older. There's so much he hasn't done. Time is running out. He can't keep up this stress of being husband, father, breadwinner! He's getting older — his hair is thinning, his waist is thickening, his muscles are flabby, his face is wrinkling, he has a t-shirt with little hand prints and 'we love you, gramps' in childish scrawl. He is feeling emotions he's never felt before. And occasionally he is impotent. It's just too much!! He can't handle it! He doesn't want to be an old man!! Sometimes referred to as 'male menopause,' male midlife crisis is not nice for any of the players involved. It is difficult to say who hurts more, him or you.

What Now?

Should you try to wait for this crisis to end, for your lives to return to where they used to be? It might take the patience of Job and the result may still not be the one you want. He will do what he must do when he must do it. Once he has made his passage he will not be the same. He is at a major turning point in his life, a normal part of the male maturing process that, should he be successful in navigating through the storms, will help him lead a fuller and more satisfying life, accepting the normal limitations inherent with the aging process.

Some men aren't successful in the passage. Suicide rates increase for men as they age. Suicide offers the promise of release from seemingly unbearable emotional pain. Women know how to express their emotions, whereas men are taught to hold their emotions back, to 'act like a man!' For some, suicide is the only way to suppress the emotional pain associated with the midlife passage.

His Crisis — Your Problem

You need to be aware of what's happening to your man. Being aware will make you less apt to blame yourself for the things going wrong. He will be blaming you as it is, because he knows he's not at fault.

There's not much you can do to speed up his passage through this crisis in your lives. He probably doesn't want to talk about it, at least not to you. He may believe that you're the whole reason he feels the way he does. It's not true.

You need to understand that this is his problem, it will have to be his solution—what he's going through is normal and you are not responsible. You can't change it or fix it because you didn't break it.

You will have to step back and let him whirl around in his search to find himself. He has a need to blame someone for the bad feelings he has, for the terrible way he's acting, for the lousy way he feels. Don't believe it if he says everything wrong in his life is because of you. And don't try to explain his feelings to him because you can't and he won't listen.

Men Are From Pluto
Women Are From Macy's

There's no doubt men and women are quite different in how they handle emotional situations and midlife is one of the most notable examples.

As a female, you have been trained to take care of other people, to be responsible for their well-being, to make things run smoothly. You have been taught when relationships don't go well it is your responsibility to correct the situation. You look inside yourself for the answers. In the case of his midlife crisis, you won't be able to correct the situation—the answers must come from him. You cannot change his behavior, he must. If you think you can change his behavior by changing yourself, you are in for a lot of anger and disappointment. This issue is not about you, it is all about him.

Men are expected to hide their emotions but that doesn't mean the emotions don't exist—they're buried deep in the recesses of how 'real men' act. Men and women are from the same planet, no matter how alien the male of the species seems when he's plowing through his midlife crisis. When you get angry it is okay for you to express that anger but "society" says he must be in control no matter the situation. Because he appears in control of his emotions it is easy to believe that he is unfeeling but even the most grown-up men sometimes have a need to cry. Unfortunately, it's just not allowed.

His Financial Image

Society measures the worth and success of a man by how much money he has and makes. If he isn't making the kind of money he thinks he should, he will be angry at the obstacles he believes are standing in his way. He may believe his family responsibilities are holding him back.

He needs more affection now and may reach out to you. If you respond with surprise or rejection because you don't understand this new behavior, he may find the affection and affirmation of his desirability in the arms of a girlfriend. Nothing personal, you understand, he doesn't know what he's doing. And he certainly doesn't mean to hurt you. During midlife crisis a man will do many things he wouldn't have done before.

He's scared of dying. His friends may be developing illnesses, some may have already died. He's afraid. He's resentful, frustrated and depressed. He feels trapped by his responsibility to provide for his family. He's locked into a job or career that he no longer enjoys because he must keep the kids in college and make payments on the house and car.

If he's like most men, he may be in responsibility overload and desperately in need of a break from financial responsibilities and the daily demands of work that he's probably had since he got out of school. He may resent the fact he cannot make the choices that so many women can as far as choosing whether or not they want to work and at what. He needs a long break from responsibility but he knows that is an impossibility. If he stops, he loses everything he has worked so hard for, but, if he doesn't stop, there is a good chance he will lose it anyway. He's trapped. How he reacts to this extreme pressure cannot be predicted. Rest assured, though, he will react.

What Can You Do?

The crisis will not end in a week or two. It may take years to get resolved. You will need patience to let him learn to cope with the new feelings and emotions that are occurring in his life. You cannot do this for him nor can you demand that he seek counseling or talk the problem through with you. You may suggest it but you cannot demand it. It will do no good. It's important that you understand and accept the fact that it is his problem, not your fault. Don't take the responsibility for his pain and suffering.

Give him space. No matter how insecure you're feeling, don't cling, berate, belittle or try to push him in a direction he doesn't want to go. If he wants more time than usual to be by himself or with his fishing or golfing buddies, don't complain about how little time he's spending with you. He's trying to think his problems through and he'll find a way regardless of what you say or do.

Now is the time you must develop yourself as an independent person. You must take responsibility for yourself and your happiness without depending on him for the closeness and intimacy that he probably is unable to give right now. Plan things without him. Depend upon yourself, not him. Allow him to do the same.

Do things by yourself and with friends. Make a life for yourself without waiting for him to participate. He may refuse to go to counseling but that doesn't mean you shouldn't in order to better cope with your feelings during this difficult time.

Continue to treat him and all men kindly. This may sound like a silly statement, but your confusion and resentment about his current situation may cause you to "male bash." "Dumb men" jokes may seem funny at the time, but they will be painful and hurtful to a man in crisis and to men in general.

Reaffirm your love for him, your desire for him, your attraction to him. Tell him and show him that he is the most important person in your life. Do it without smothering, clinging or demanding that he reciprocate the feelings to you.

If you make the decision to demand that he straighten up, to demand that he stop his erratic behavior, to demand that he return to the person you're most comfortable with, you'll be making a mistake.

If you make the decision to nag and whine, you'll be making a mistake.

If you think you can make the choices for him or tell him what he should do to feel better or get his life in order, you'll be making a mistake.

If you make idle threats about what you will do if he doesn't change, you'll be making a mistake.

You are not to blame for the feelings that are guiding his life at this time, however, your actions will help to influence the choices he makes.

As hard as it may be to stand back and watch him self-destruct, that is the role you will have to take. Your number one priority as he whirls through his midlife crisis should be you and your needs. You must protect yourself. Your beliefs will be tested, your faith will be stretched, your love will be bruised and perhaps torn beyond repair.

Like so many women before you you'll discover incredible strengths of you own and you will come out of this journey amazed to find that his crisis may have opened a world of amazing opportunities for you — whether or not your relationship remains intact.

Coping with male midlife crisis is not easy. Not every relationship will survive the strain.

[ManUtd]

Lisa that is a very interesting article. Thanks for sharing.

[threemonkeys]

Originally Posted by Lisa

A few years back, I researched this very topic. I've saved this article - though it's intended for a female audience, it's an interesting (though lengthy) read for anyone.

-------------------------

HIS Midlife Crisis! Will Your Relationship Survive?

by Pat Gaudette, founder of The Midlife Club

You are in a committed relationship, married or involved on an exclusive basis. You thought everything was glorious. Or, at least as glorious as it gets—all relationships have some rough spots.

It seems that you are always fighting. Or he just doesn't act like himself anymore. He doesn't like his job. He wants to sell the house and get a little place in the mountains or a sailboat and sail to the islands. You're too fat or too thin or too short or too tall. He doesn't like being home. He wants a sportier car. He changes his hair style, starts a diet and joins the local gym. He says his clothes are too old for him. He says you and he have grown apart. He needs time to think about 'things.' He wants space. He wants something but he doesn't know what. He wants a divorce.

If he's between the ages of 40 and 60 (give or take a few years), your man is blazing a trail through male midlife — he's having a crisis.

We're not talking about the man who has always been a womanizer, a schemer or generally not the nicest person in the world. We are talking about the man who has up to this point assumed responsibility and been the person you could depend upon in time of need.

What you must keep in mind is that he really doesn't understand what he's doing, he isn't deliberately hurting you he just knows that something is wrong in his life and he's searching for the answers.

Of course you're sitting there saying, "Whoa! I'm supposed to just be quiet and tolerate his forays into other-woman-land and let's-junk-it-all-and-sail-around-the-world-land or ditch-the-station-wagon-I-need-a-red-sports-car-land?" Well, yes. Of course you do have options here. You can rage and make demands that he clean up his act. And probably shortly thereafter you'll find yourself in divorce-land.

You see, men don't plan on turning unpredictable. It happens when they look in the mirror or in the eyes of their grandchildren and see themselves as old men. They have, up to this point, believed they were 25-year-old boys. One mid-50's midlife graduate says it made him a better person. He remains with his original wife and their relationship has been redefined to better meet his needs. He has his space and a home in the country that allows him to "entertain" when he feels the need and she has her space and their home in the city that allows her a place to pound on the walls and scream when she feels the urge. Another mid-50's graduate traded the pressures of family, home and business to drive a camper cross country supporting himself by doing odd jobs. The wife of a mid-60's executive still waits for a long term affair with his much younger mistress to end but with each passing year she cares less and her community involvement grows.

The Crisis

Male midlife crisis devours relationships. It may be devouring yours. What you must understand and believe is that no matter what you do, or don't do, the outcome will be the same. You do not have control over him, only yourself.

He might not be alone on this search, but you probably weren't invited, and you probably wouldn't have been regardless of the circumstances. You may be part of the problem as he sees it. You don't understand, how could you? He may have met someone else who seems to understand him perfectly, or reaffirms his youthfulness (as with the mid-60's executive, above). But how could anyone understand him when he doesn't understand himself? He's in an emotional storm that will test the patience and endurance of all those who love him as he comes to grips with the fact that he is no longer 25. He will hurt you. He doesn't mean to hurt you, but he will hurt you.

It's a punch right between the eyes when he suddenly realizes that he is getting older. There's so much he hasn't done. Time is running out. He can't keep up this stress of being husband, father, breadwinner! He's getting older — his hair is thinning, his waist is thickening, his muscles are flabby, his face is wrinkling, he has a t-shirt with little hand prints and 'we love you, gramps' in childish scrawl. He is feeling emotions he's never felt before. And occasionally he is impotent. It's just too much!! He can't handle it! He doesn't want to be an old man!! Sometimes referred to as 'male menopause,' male midlife crisis is not nice for any of the players involved. It is difficult to say who hurts more, him or you.

What Now?

Should you try to wait for this crisis to end, for your lives to return to where they used to be? It might take the patience of Job and the result may still not be the one you want. He will do what he must do when he must do it. Once he has made his passage he will not be the same. He is at a major turning point in his life, a normal part of the male maturing process that, should he be successful in navigating through the storms, will help him lead a fuller and more satisfying life, accepting the normal limitations inherent with the aging process.

Some men aren't successful in the passage. Suicide rates increase for men as they age. Suicide offers the promise of release from seemingly unbearable emotional pain. Women know how to express their emotions, whereas men are taught to hold their emotions back, to 'act like a man!' For some, suicide is the only way to suppress the emotional pain associated with the midlife passage.

His Crisis — Your Problem

You need to be aware of what's happening to your man. Being aware will make you less apt to blame yourself for the things going wrong. He will be blaming you as it is, because he knows he's not at fault.

There's not much you can do to speed up his passage through this crisis in your lives. He probably doesn't want to talk about it, at least not to you. He may believe that you're the whole reason he feels the way he does. It's not true.

You need to understand that this is his problem, it will have to be his solution—what he's going through is normal and you are not responsible. You can't change it or fix it because you didn't break it.

You will have to step back and let him whirl around in his search to find himself. He has a need to blame someone for the bad feelings he has, for the terrible way he's acting, for the lousy way he feels. Don't believe it if he says everything wrong in his life is because of you. And don't try to explain his feelings to him because you can't and he won't listen.

Men Are From Pluto
Women Are From Macy's

There's no doubt men and women are quite different in how they handle emotional situations and midlife is one of the most notable examples.

As a female, you have been trained to take care of other people, to be responsible for their well-being, to make things run smoothly. You have been taught when relationships don't go well it is your responsibility to correct the situation. You look inside yourself for the answers. In the case of his midlife crisis, you won't be able to correct the situation—the answers must come from him. You cannot change his behavior, he must. If you think you can change his behavior by changing yourself, you are in for a lot of anger and disappointment. This issue is not about you, it is all about him.

Men are expected to hide their emotions but that doesn't mean the emotions don't exist—they're buried deep in the recesses of how 'real men' act. Men and women are from the same planet, no matter how alien the male of the species seems when he's plowing through his midlife crisis. When you get angry it is okay for you to express that anger but "society" says he must be in control no matter the situation. Because he appears in control of his emotions it is easy to believe that he is unfeeling but even the most grown-up men sometimes have a need to cry. Unfortunately, it's just not allowed.

His Financial Image

Society measures the worth and success of a man by how much money he has and makes. If he isn't making the kind of money he thinks he should, he will be angry at the obstacles he believes are standing in his way. He may believe his family responsibilities are holding him back.

He needs more affection now and may reach out to you. If you respond with surprise or rejection because you don't understand this new behavior, he may find the affection and affirmation of his desirability in the arms of a girlfriend. Nothing personal, you understand, he doesn't know what he's doing. And he certainly doesn't mean to hurt you. During midlife crisis a man will do many things he wouldn't have done before.

He's scared of dying. His friends may be developing illnesses, some may have already died. He's afraid. He's resentful, frustrated and depressed. He feels trapped by his responsibility to provide for his family. He's locked into a job or career that he no longer enjoys because he must keep the kids in college and make payments on the house and car.

If he's like most men, he may be in responsibility overload and desperately in need of a break from financial responsibilities and the daily demands of work that he's probably had since he got out of school. He may resent the fact he cannot make the choices that so many women can as far as choosing whether or not they want to work and at what. He needs a long break from responsibility but he knows that is an impossibility. If he stops, he loses everything he has worked so hard for, but, if he doesn't stop, there is a good chance he will lose it anyway. He's trapped. How he reacts to this extreme pressure cannot be predicted. Rest assured, though, he will react.

What Can You Do?

The crisis will not end in a week or two. It may take years to get resolved. You will need patience to let him learn to cope with the new feelings and emotions that are occurring in his life. You cannot do this for him nor can you demand that he seek counseling or talk the problem through with you. You may suggest it but you cannot demand it. It will do no good. It's important that you understand and accept the fact that it is his problem, not your fault. Don't take the responsibility for his pain and suffering.

Give him space. No matter how insecure you're feeling, don't cling, berate, belittle or try to push him in a direction he doesn't want to go. If he wants more time than usual to be by himself or with his fishing or golfing buddies, don't complain about how little time he's spending with you. He's trying to think his problems through and he'll find a way regardless of what you say or do.

Now is the time you must develop yourself as an independent person. You must take responsibility for yourself and your happiness without depending on him for the closeness and intimacy that he probably is unable to give right now. Plan things without him. Depend upon yourself, not him. Allow him to do the same.

Do things by yourself and with friends. Make a life for yourself without waiting for him to participate. He may refuse to go to counseling but that doesn't mean you shouldn't in order to better cope with your feelings during this difficult time.

Continue to treat him and all men kindly. This may sound like a silly statement, but your confusion and resentment about his current situation may cause you to "male bash." "Dumb men" jokes may seem funny at the time, but they will be painful and hurtful to a man in crisis and to men in general.

Reaffirm your love for him, your desire for him, your attraction to him. Tell him and show him that he is the most important person in your life. Do it without smothering, clinging or demanding that he reciprocate the feelings to you.

If you make the decision to demand that he straighten up, to demand that he stop his erratic behavior, to demand that he return to the person you're most comfortable with, you'll be making a mistake.

If you make the decision to nag and whine, you'll be making a mistake.

If you think you can make the choices for him or tell him what he should do to feel better or get his life in order, you'll be making a mistake.

If you make idle threats about what you will do if he doesn't change, you'll be making a mistake.

You are not to blame for the feelings that are guiding his life at this time, however, your actions will help to influence the choices he makes.

As hard as it may be to stand back and watch him self-destruct, that is the role you will have to take. Your number one priority as he whirls through his midlife crisis should be you and your needs. You must protect yourself. Your beliefs will be tested, your faith will be stretched, your love will be bruised and perhaps torn beyond repair.

Like so many women before you you'll discover incredible strengths of you own and you will come out of this journey amazed to find that his crisis may have opened a world of amazing opportunities for you — whether or not your relationship remains intact.

Coping with male midlife crisis is not easy. Not every relationship will survive the strain.

Wow. My wife if really pretty lucky. I just want a new road bike and a sporty car.

[gmh1013]

Im almost 54 and never had one....I know my limits.....accept it and move on.
of course i dont work anymore or have worked for almost 5 years now...no job pressure like I had before.

[gregmoeck]

some great responses and thank you. I'm 43 and starting to question things. I have been for some time now, I just dont want to grow old but we all do.

[Dan2010]

I actually look forward to growing old.............WITH my wife. Thankfully I dont pine for "what might have been" or feel the need to make up for things that I didnt do. I could see it being real tough loving someone going through a mid life crisis.

[Oyster1982]

My partner has been going through a midlife crisis since he was 40, 50 now. I was part of his midlife crisis, he wanted someone younger and he got me. We have about 20+ years between us. He had his Corvette, 1968 Olds 442, and now me. Now at 50 he wants to move out of the suburbs of NJ to Manhattan. When he was young he was afraid of NYC, now he regrets he was afraid of it.

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by Oyster1982

My partner has been going through a midlife crisis since he was 40, 50 now. I was part of his midlife crisis, he wanted someone younger and he got me. We have about 20+ years between us. He had his Corvette, 1968 Olds 442, and now me. Now at 50 he wants to move out of the suburbs of NJ to Manhattan. When he was young he was afraid of NYC, now he regrets he was afraid of it.

I hope that he intends to take you with him if he moves again! Maybe if the time comes for YOUR midlife crisis, he will be supportive and more understanding, having been there himself.

It's weird; women don't tend to go through this kind of soul-searching. But as you know, it is rough being with someone who is going through this.

[Oyster1982]

Originally Posted by Lisa

I hope that he intends to take you with him if he moves again! Maybe if the time comes for YOUR midlife crisis, he will be supportive and more understanding, having been there himself.

It's weird; women don't tend to go through this kind of soul-searching. But as you know, it is rough being with someone who is going through this.

Yeah I am going with him, by the time I have my mid life crisis he will be old. After 47 years of being single, he finally settled down with me. I could feel he wants to move to NYC to start a new chapter in our lives. We will be together until the end, his new midlife crisis is about being in an urban area. My partner grew up in suburban NJ and was always afraid of NYC, now he cant get enough of that city.

[JasoninDenver]

I am 44 with two kids under 4 years of age. I don't have the time for a mid-life crisis, but I feel all of the pressures and demands on me increasing day by day.

Most of these pressures are self imposed as I am fortunate enough to have a wonderful wife who only wants me to be happy. However, I still want to feel like I am living a life that is inherently consistent with who I am as a person. I want to be a good role model to my kids and I realize that involves more than working myself to death or making as much money as possible at all costs.

As an attorney that does a good amount of divorce work, I see a common thread in many failing relationships in this stage in life. Simply put, the man had never had the time or freedom to follow his true desires in life. Many of my male clients got married early and started having children right away. they often became the sole breadwinner of the family as the children demanded so much of their wife's focus. Then, as career goals were not met or were met and found to be not as fulfilling as anticipated, they wondered why they were trying so hard to maintain a lifestyle that was so unrewarding.

I have had dozens of clients who were extremely successful in their careers and lives by all outside measurements. Yet, so many were miserable and wished they could just do their lives over again.

The marriages that make it at that point are the ones where the couple can work together to find a solution. The wife goes back to work if she has been a stay at home mom or they agree to a radical lifestyle change to accommodate a lower level of stress or shifting life goals.

The ones that fail are the ones where: (1) one or the other (or both) digs in and refuses to accept any change, (2) one party starts acting in a destructive fashion (girlfriends, etc...), or (3) the marriage was never very good to begin with.

One poor guy I dealt with went through this at about my current age after working in a career that was so stressful that it was negatively impacting his health. He wanted to find another job (which would have paid substantially less) and asked his spouse to go back to work since the kids had started school. Her response was "No - and if you feel your job will kill you, you better get more life insurance." Real love there. After his divorce, he is now very happily single.

I think that attempting to make some changes at this stage of your life is a normal and healthy process provided that these changes are respectful to your family members and not unrealistic "pie in the sky" dreams (like me becoming a professional bike racer).

I effectively went through a mini mid life crisis at 32 after dealing with a bout of cancer. I made a conscious decision to not work as hard and be happy making less money than I know I could. I ran a law practice in Durango, Colorado at the time and was able to effectively front-end load my retirement time. I spent the next three years biking, skiing
and traveling at every opportunity. Now I look back on those years for strength when the kids screaming gets to be a little hard to take.

[GradyPhilpott]

Life is full of crises and many occur during so called mid-life.

As for myself, I haven't the slightest idea what a mid-life crisis is as described in that article.

For my whole life, I have looked at each phase of life as a new set of challenges and an opportunity to look at the world with fresh eyes.

Fundamentally, I'm the same person I've always been, but altered and seasoned by experience.

I take each day as it comes and I realize that the situation that I'm in at any given time is the result of a series of decisions that I made myself, accounting for some unexpected, impinging variables that are to some extent beyond my control.

At 62, I look forward to the inevitable changes that will occur before I finally give up the ghost and I look back at a life that has been frustrating, gratifying, miserable, ecstatic, empty, fulfilled, and hell on my joints.

Life hasn't always been good because of the hand I was dealt and because of some of the stupid decisions I made along the way, but looking back, I couldn't imagine having lived it any other way.

[Timber Loftis]

I think there are 2 truths that can form the basis of a mid-life crisis:
1. For every woman, no matter how beautiful she is, somewhere there's a guy that's sick to death of f**king her.
2. Your kids, no matter how special and beautiful they are, will at some point turn on you and become sniveling s**ts.

I think if you find yourself at the confluence of these events, it's only natural to turn to the materialistic things you thought you deserved when you were young and never got as a form of solace.

Ok, I'm kidding. But just a little bit.

[colpol]

Interesting thread !!

Lot of guys I know got married\ had kids & "disappeared" for 15/ 20 years !! Then appear mid 40s trying to be the guy they were in there 20's & make up for all the time they missed out on !!

Luckily I didn't move in with my partner until my mid 30's so had everything of of my system plus still do all the stuff I want to do.

[SPARTAN2161]

Originally Posted by Grissom

After being married for 25 years, a fellow took a look at his wife one day and said, "Honey, 25 years ago we had a cheap apartment, a cheap car, slept on a sofa bed and watched a 10-inch black and white TV, but I got to sleep every night with a hot 25-year-old blonde."

"Now we have a nice house, nice car, big bed and plasma screen TV, but I'm sleeping with a 50-year-old woman. It seems to me that you are not holding up your side of things."

The wife, being the reasonable woman she was, told her husband......

"Go out and find a hot 25-year-old blonde, and not too worry, she would make sure that he, once again, would be living in a cheap apartment, driving a cheap car, sleeping on a sofa bed and watching a 10-inch black and white TV."





Don't forget half the salary ...

[BH13GMT]

Originally Posted by colpol

Interesting thread !!

Lot of guys I know got married\ had kids & "disappeared" for 15/ 20 years !! Then appear mid 40s trying to be the guy they were in there 20's & make up for all the time they missed out on !!

Luckily I didn't move in with my partner until my mid 30's so had everything of of my system plus still do all the stuff I want to do.

Yes on all counts
I did all my naughty stuff in my 20's, settle down early 30's, married by mid 30's , now have a 3 year old son and I will be hitting 40 in March (mmm a 116520 could be coming my way). i have friends who were married early on and some are divorced trying to be 23 again with a few more quid in their pocket. I am glad I did it may way. yes being 40 with a toddler isnt always easy and for the first time in my life I do feel old from a physical perspective. However having a better ability with stress management skills and an improved income at my age has taken away some of the pressures that can cause problems/friction when having kids younger in life.
As to a midlife crisis, I can feel it creeping in a littlle, I need to loose weight. So I have bought a treadmill, I have my eye on a sports car but not at the expense of the family estate car, and my wife will be happy to use it too No I dont have a weights bench in the garage American Beauty style
I still get to have my weekends away with the boys (Le mans, F1 races, stag Do's abroad) and my wife has the same freedom and fun with her girlie mates (health spas, shopping trips in london etc). All in all its a total balance with the primary focus always on the family with fun included on a secondary basis. I feel this is the best way for me and long may it continue

[JimSnyder]

I'm just glad to be alive

[SR/1]

Originally Posted by Timber Loftis

I think there are 2 truths that can form the basis of a mid-life crisis:
1. For every woman, no matter how beautiful she is, somewhere there's a guy that's sick to death of f**king her.
2. Your kids, no matter how special and beautiful they are, will at some point turn on you and become sniveling s**ts.

I think if you find yourself at the confluence of these events, it's only natural to turn to the materialistic things you thought you deserved when you were young and never got as a form of solace.

Ok, I'm kidding. But just a little bit.

Not nearly old enough to independently confirm the second point, but I can safely say what you're preaching is FACT

[rkot07]

Originally Posted by blackmsport

I am going thru one right now

1. I get cranky... My wife hates my mood
2. I feel like I've been working hard and I deserve some fun
3. I don't want an affair as it will be a disaster for the family
4. I ended up with lots of watches and Fountain pens to keep me happy
5. Now I want a fun car... like BM Z4, Porsche Boxter or 135i or Subaru STi
6. Sick of my job


Getting close to No. 5... I think when I get my fun car, I'll be very happy

Uh Oh You just described my life. But im thinking about getting a Motorcycle.

[gmh1013]

Originally Posted by Oyster1982

Yeah I am going with him, by the time I have my mid life crisis he will be old. After 47 years of being single, he finally settled down with me. I could feel he wants to move to NYC to start a new chapter in our lives. We will be together until the end, his new midlife crisis is about being in an urban area. My partner grew up in suburban NJ and was always afraid of NYC, now he cant get enough of that city.

X2 I hope it works ot for you guys...
I had morhped into lots of diff things....a Stoner to a Harley/ biker to a yuppie to just a guy who rides motorcylces....back to a yuppie then the anti-yuppie phase
to who I am now....just somebody who really does not care about
outward appearance anymore.....just a part of getting old I guess.
I have boxes of clothes to remind me of 30+ years of phases I went through and laugh about it at now.