Engagement Ring Protocol and Return Policy

[BristolCavendish]

I was asked this question last week by a male colleague and couldn't come up with anything conclusive. It involves a canceled wedding engagement and the return policy pertaining to a diamond engagement ring.

Having never been in this predicament, I was always under the assumption that if the bride-to-be broke off the engagement, she returns the ring and if the future groom bails out, she gets to keep it. When I further researched the topic, the only point mentioned was that state law determines the eventual outcome.

Apparently this woman has two diamond engagement rings from earlier pre-nuptials and the former groom-to-be suspects that given her bi-polar temperament, she might be a 'head case'. As a result of his apprehension regarding her overall sanity, he has opted to bail while the going is still good. Having spent nearly $12K on this engagement ring, he would like to retrieve it ASAP and apply the proceeds towards a new Rolex or Grand Seiko.

How are these things ordinarily handled or is this a case for someone like Judge Judy?

[Rock]

I am surprised to hear that "State Law" has provisions to cover this eventuality. I imagine it must be an old law that relates to what used to be called "breach of promise".
I agree that the party that bails is usually expected to bear the burden of any financial loss. This has been the case in a number of instances of which I am aware.
Sometimes you can get lucky - I persuaded my first wife to return the family heirloom engagement ring I had given her. Gave her a VW for it - what a deal.

[tyler1980]

its different from a gift IMO. A gift is no strings attached and its hard to get that back in a breakup, where as an engagement ring is an item given in exchange for a wedding. Its not a gift. After a divorce though its probably part of the community property, im just talking about a broken engagement.

You cant get back a birthday present you gave, you can most likely get back an engagement ring.

[1William]

I am not sure that you can make her give it back and if she has been through this before I doubt that she would. I would ask for the return of the ring but it was a gift and unless you are willing to go into civil court you may not have any recourse.

[Andrés G]

If she’s truly a head case, $12K seems like a good deal to get out of the relationship.

[keithl]

Originally Posted by Andrés G

If she’s truly a head case, $12K seems like a good deal to get out of the relationship.

Bingo

[gettocard]

Originally Posted by Andrés G

If she’s truly a head case, $12K seems like a good deal to get out of the relationship.

This. Why bother ? It’s only money we are talking about,not happiness.
If she’s a psychopath let her deal with her own issues, it will be just a matter of time before reality will hit her HARD.

[rodo]

Why bother? Because he could have a daytona instead!

[Ripcode]

Originally Posted by Andrés G

If she’s truly a head case, $12K seems like a good deal to get out of the relationship.

So true.

[bayerische]

Why do you ask a nut-case to marry you to begin with? Just chalk up the 12K.

[HorologyK]

What is bi polar ? Manic ?


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[~JJ]

The rule of thumb is if you break it off, then you don't get the ring back. Cheap 12k if he's truly unhappy.

[bayerische]

Originally Posted by ~JJ

The rule of thumb is if you break it off, then you don't get the ring back. Cheap 12k if he's truly unhappy.

I would agree. The ring is after all a gift.

[cop414]

Originally Posted by ~JJ

The rule of thumb is if you break it off, then you don't get the ring back. Cheap 12k if he's truly unhappy.

I’d have to agree with this. If the ring was part of a “contract” and he breaks the contract then she keeps the ring. If the ring was a gift then she can do with it whatever she wants. Either way, she keeps it but from your story BC looks like 12K is a bargain all things considered.

[GB-man]

Not sure how people end up giving rings to head cases in the first place but he is clearly not the sharpest tool in the shed.

He should have swapped it for a cz before breaking up with her.

[encarter13]

I have seen this go both ways, regardless of who breaks it off. However, if the ring is family heirloom, it almost always goes back to the groom.

[JasoninDenver]

I have known two women who had a reputation of “collecting” engagement rings and then acting batshit crazy until the guy wised up and broke it off. Then they sold the rings and went hog wild shopping. Disgusting.

Fortunately, I was never one of these guys. Instead I married my batshit crazy first wife.

The only thing more expensive than an engagement ring is a divorce. Both are worth it.

[Rolex addict]

If you want to look at it from a business/legal perspective, Tim is correct. The ring is part of a contract. If a ring/proposal is given on a birthday, Christmas, etc. it is considered a gift. At that point, the man loses all rights to it. One way around this is to have the ring insured as soon as it is bought. If things don't work out, you could file a claim with the insurance company stating the engagement was broke off and she refused to return the ring. Let their lawyers deal with it. It just depends on how far one wants to push it and every situation is different. It's easy to judge when you're outside looking in. Personally, I would just walk away from all of it and go buy another barrel of Jack Daniels. Elliot is a divorce attorney. I'm sure he knows the true legality of this type of situation.

[Houstongator]

Wow -- lots of armchair lawyers.

First it depends upon the state and which law that state applies -- property law, contract law, family law, etc. Then there are the specific facts and circumstances. Hearing one side of the story is never sufficient.

As with all legal questions, the only correct answer is, “it depends.”

[gettocard]

Originally Posted by encarter13

I have seen this go both ways, regardless of who breaks it off. However, if the ring is family heirloom, it almost always goes back to the groom.

Almost is the right word. My ex wife kept all the jewelery i’ve bought her during our marriage and on top of that she didn’t want to give back a very expensive diamond ring owned by my mother. I told her to give me back at least the plastic pouch we used to keep all that stuff for a mere sentimental value as my dad gave me that pouch few years back....a stupid plastic pouch that had a very important meaning for me but no,not even that. Well you know what ? Shortly after a flood came and stormed her house...

[BristolCavendish]

Originally Posted by GB-man

Not sure how people end up giving rings to head cases in the first place but he is clearly not the sharpest tool in the shed.

He should have swapped it for a cz before breaking up with her.

Have you ever seen the movie 'Carnal Knowledge' starring Jack Nicholson with Ann Margaret, Art Garfunkel, Candice Bergen and directed by Mike Nichols?

The premise (according to Nicholson) is that 'ball-busters' make great sex partners but are lousy wives over the long haul because most of them are wacko to begin with.

Perhaps this is the scenario. The history of mankind is filled with accounts of men who 'paid to play' and later regretted the repercussions.

[Rolex addict]

A simple google search regarding your state's laws, codes, and previous court cases will answer this question. For my state, I was right. As long as the ring was given in good faith for marriage, it must be returned to the party who gave the ring regardless of who broke the engagement. We all know real life is much more messy than this. Regardless, the answer is just a few mouse clicks away in state laws and codes for those that aren't too lazy to browse through them.

[kearez]

Originally Posted by JasoninDenver

I have known two women who had a reputation of “collecting” engagement rings and then acting batshit crazy until the guy wised up and broke it off. Then they sold the rings and went hog wild shopping. Disgusting.

Fortunately, I was never one of these guys. Instead I married my batshit crazy first wife.

The only thing more expensive than an engagement ring is a divorce. Both are worth it.

I love those these women who collect engagement rings seem to value material items more than actually being happy with someone.

My colleague got engaged then ended it when she went full bridezilla. Along with massively prior red flags. I think he just took the ring back but only got a meger 10% of the worth.

[SDRider]

Originally Posted by rodo

Why bother? Because he could have a daytona instead!

Hmm, is that all I need to do to get a Daytona? This seems to be far easier than getting on some mile-long list at my AD.

[Star Ferry]

Originally Posted by Rock

I am surprised to hear that "State Law" has provisions to cover this eventuality. I imagine it must be an old law that relates to what used to be called "breach of promise".
I agree that the party that bails is usually expected to bear the burden of any financial loss. This has been the case in a number of instances of which I am aware.
Sometimes you can get lucky - I persuaded my first wife to return the family heirloom engagement ring I had given her. Gave her a VW for it - what a deal.

There's not going to be a statute about this specific situation. But if it's come up in the past, then there will be relevant case law

He should try to get it back. I have a relative who successfully sued for the return of an engagement ring. When the woman's lawyer explained to her that she was 100% going to lose in court, she settled and gave it back.

[Valenciawatchrepair]

Man this sucks.

IDEA: Get the ring made it an alloy(i.e. sample, fake, etc) Bride gets real version at the wedding.

[Jimbogigolo]

Ouch good luck to him. It’s essential her ring as it was given as a gift.


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