Dating Advice: How do you guys get over someone that was “special”

[TheVTCGuy]

So... I dated this nice young woman for 11 months, it ended about a year ago. It was fantastic; suffice it to say I was very happy. She is quite a bit younger then me so we both knew we were not each other’s “end games” but nonetheless, we got along great and it was a very enjoyable relationship. The inevitable happened, I got dumped. It ended very abruptly with her saying: “Let’s just be friends.” Now, I have been dumped many many.. many many times in my life, so I knew how to handle this, play it cool, don’t chase, but I really was broken hearted. Ask Larry, BnLion, when I pleaded to let me come over to his house and cry on his shoulder he was kind enough to listen.

She and I have spoken on the phone several times, met for lunch a couple occasions, but what I was hoping for, the: “Take me back” statement never came. I have since dated a couple pleasant ladies, currently seeing a very nice one that is actually the same age as my ex, but there is not the ... “feeling”... I had with her. I know, it never could have ended much of any other way, shouldn’t have gotten myself emotionally involved to the point I did, but it was so much fun, such a great time.

Here we are, coming up on one year since I got dumped, she called me on my birthday a couple months ago and there were vague references about getting together... blah blah blah. When I am alone, contemplating the world, (like I am tonight) I find my thoughts drifting towards her. It couldn’t ever work out, I SHOULDN’T want it to, still.... those thoughts drift where they do.

So tell me TRF, how do you guys get over one that was so much fun, it’s hard to stop thinking about?

[Laszlo]

You must drift those feelings another direction. Towards anger. I'm not the best at giving advice. Most people are poison. And I've made a rule, if one is identified as poison no matter the urge, stay clear. Our hearts are thin. But our soul is thick.

[Andad]

Dear Dorothy Dix?

[daveathall]

Try again, ask her, what have you to lose? You say that; "there were vague references about getting together." Unless you ask her if she wants to try again you will never know.

I know it will be very hard for you at the moment my friend, I hope you can get some closure either way.

[amg55]

The only way to get over a relationship is to cut all ties. Women do it much better than men. Men always seem to think that there’s a way back.

[yoniman]

Contemplating helps to process that thoughts. That melancholy will run its course.

Then an opportunity will present itself.

You must be ready to get that "extra special" this time.

Beers!


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[Time4aRolex]

I think I am on the other side on this one. I think it is worth another shot. It took my now wife two years to figure out she made an error by stopping our relationship. She asked me back, and I generally stayed far away during that time. However maybe this one needs a nudge. Ask her for coffee and then back off - do that a couple of times, making it only positive - if nothing happens - then time to walk away and go live your life.

[dualcarb]

Not easy being where you are bro. Been there myself and I ended up broken hearted. If I were to do it all over again, I would. The heart wants what the heart wants. Breaking up the second time was not that much easier. But every relationship leads to where you will eventually be in the future. All of mine lead me to my wonderful wife who has given me two wonderful kids and made me who I am today, emotionally. And also someone who has gained more patience and a higher EQ. Maybe this has got to do with age and experience, but then again, to gain experience, one has to go through a certain amount of obstacles.

Back to your question, I believe everyone deserves a second chance, since you you did say that you had a really great relationship with her. Maybe it was just not her time then, as you did say she was young. It’s all about timing. And she’s ready now...take a leap of faith...maybe it will lead to more than just a simple relationship this time around.

[colpol]

Originally Posted by amg55

The only way to get over a relationship is to cut all ties. Women do it much better than men. Men always seem to think that there’s a way back.

Been there / done it a few times & 100% agree with above.

Block her no on your phone & then delete it from your contacts.
Same with email
Why ask for a ‘2nd chance’ unless you really screwed up or really believe she’s the one.

Could be another day, a week, month etc but one day you’ll realise you haven’t given her a second thought in so long

Keep an open mind with other women / dating & hopefully get pleasantly surprised in the future

[Jocke]

Ok, I'll take you back. :chee rs:

[Vivalas]

It sounds to me like you need total closure and you haven’t got that. She hasn’t really helped you because she’s ended things but not totally shut them down. Problem is, is she just being friendly and nice, or is she still interested? I think the possibility is what’s stopping you from moving on.

So. . . . That in mind, we only have one life, it’s not a dress rehearsal and you need closure. So ask her. Outright. Be prepared though you might not like what you hear, but until you hear it, you won’t move on. Once you know either way, you can start to live/move on.

Out of interest what are your ages?

FWIW at 40 I met a girl who was 26. We got on well and enjoyed each other’s company. I had two children and her none. I’d also had a vasectomy. The age gap, met not wanting a reversal or children and just about everything was a barrier. We saw each other for 5 years and I just wouldn’t commit at all. Had no desire but I also felt guilty as I didn’t want her to live her life for me. 3 1/2 years ago whilst on a lovely Caribbean cruise I kind of woke up and thought about all the barriers (age and children being the main ones) and thought ‘who knows what will happen in the future, we need to live for here and now’.

I had a reversal, it failed miserably (turns out I have some bad blood clotting issue) and I spent two months in hospital and bed. We eventually found an IVF solution (I knew I could have children) and it worked first time. I’m now 48, new wife is 34. I’ve a 19 year old son, 17 year old son and a beautiful 2 year old daughter - the first girl after 9 boys in our family. Life is pretty amazing, I feel very blessed. Being an older dad and having an age gap may be challenging in the future, who knows? We have to live for today and worry about tomorrow when it happens.

My point is taking action is more important than not ever knowing. Whatever happens you will at least know and be able to build on it.

Good luck and sorry for waffling on.

[tyler1980]

at 30 i stopped dating people i knew would not be the end game partner. Within about 1 or 2 dates i could pinpoint why we would break up eventually. After that, continuing on would just be a waste of everyones time.

if that person was not an "end game" person to begin with then im confused as to why you would let it progress that far. I would avoid that going forward as the dating pool gets smaller and smaller with age so placeholder relationships are not the best option, especially when you get emotionally invested

[Oscarpapa]

Originally Posted by amg55

The only way to get over a relationship is to cut all ties. Women do it much better than men. Men always seem to think that there’s a way back.

Agree with this.

[Moggo]

Time and total avoidance to stop prolonging your hope for a reconciliation.

I no longer seek a close connection with people as I always end up feeling let down as I expect the same kind of commitment that I give which usually doesn’t happen.

Humans are a strange breed.....


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[SearChart]

Don't ask me, I'm 24, never had a serious relationship and I'm not dating.

[brandrea]

Originally Posted by amg55

The only way to get over a relationship is to cut all ties. Women do it much better than men. Men always seem to think that there’s a way back.

I agree 100%. You’ll just end up circling back over and over and if you don’t let go of the past, you can’t move ahead.

[Moggo]

Originally Posted by SearChart

Don't ask me, I'm 24, never had a serious relationship and I'm not dating.

Sensible man


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[AzPaul]

Often times, life is loss.

Either you learn to appreciate what the experience gave you and move on from it, or you let the loss and your hurt ego, drag you down. Ultimately it's up to you.

[1William]

I would go back to her and ask to start dating again. The answer will probably be no, but that is ok. Move on. As soon as you start dating again she will begin to fad and time is great to move us forward. Control your thoughts and when she pops into them turn your thoughts to something else, watches work for me.

[powerfunk]

Nagging uncertainty is the worst, far worse than the dumping part. Seems like you need to know, conclusively, if this woman is an option before moving on. Find out, go for it. Unambiguous rejection may actually be a relief in my experience.

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[Etschell]

this sounds cold but cut her off. block her number and move on.

now how to move on? meet another person you like more. don't continue relationships just because you don't want to be lonely.

i deal with divorce daily paul. there is always happiness later on. how much and when is up to you and only you.

[MinMay]

This one is simple. From what I read you need to move on. If you two were meant to be then it would have happened already. “Let’s be friends” usually means I want to see someone else better or I met someone new. She is still in contact with you because she is someone who needs a backup in case it doesn’t work out with the other guys. And when she finds that right guy she will cut you off completely.

Don’t waste your time with her. You may or may not meet that special one in your life but my suggestion is to put your time and energy toward someone who wants to be with you.

Good luck.

[minute_man]

Originally Posted by powerfunk

Seems like you need to know, conclusively, if this woman is an option before moving on. Find out, go for it. Unambiguous rejection may actually be a relief in my experience.

Absolutely agree with the above in your situation. Been there.
But be prepared as you might not be gettting a clear yes or no. Not everyone is kind / bold or even confident enough to give a straight answer to your legitimate question.
So apart from a definitive "no" I'd also move on in the slightest sign of ambiguity or of that vague future tense talk. And by moving on means cutting any and all ties, lunches and comms included.
I'd also keep away from any relationship that negatively impacts my sleep quality.
Best of luck

[The Joker]

Strip club

[superstarmar]

Originally Posted by Jocke

Ok, I'll take you back. :chee rs:

Got any pictures and selfie videos with Anna ...?
I know it won’t be easy but ...

[Dr. Robert]

Originally Posted by The Joker

Strip club

& call girls, works for me

[FTX I]

Try again, but before that find some physical activity (sport) and meet her only when your self esteem is on top. Nothing as good as losing some pounds and practicing a sport for that. Good luck Paul.

[GoingPlaces]

As difficult as it may be, I'd turn my back on her and move on. If she wants it let her come after it, you will know right away. Don't expend any additional emotional time into this. Likely dead end street.

I would start meeting new women with an open mind and no expectations. When she is the right one you will know it. Keep your mind busy, and surround yourself with people you trust.

No one said it's supposed to be easy.

[Danny83]

https://sugardaddie.com

[Blansky]

I’ve got enough friends, when one dies I’ll call you.

As others have said cut ties and move on. Begging sucks and possibly it’s the age difference, but as soon as she mentions the let’s be friends line, you’re screwed.

Move on and find the one, and you’ll be glad this particular one didn’t work.