Definition of Hypocrite

[Java]

It's very old behavior, doesn't make it any better.

I think the OPs point is about how he feels having to listen to people bragg about it, and how we are all expected to think it is great.

[meloncap78]

These "men" that you speak of are not real men. Very sad if you ask me. I believe thats about one of the most low down dirty things someone could do, on both sides of the coin.

[figbo]

I've been married more than once.never cheated,'nough said.

[Kringkily]

Bragging about stuff is probably the worst thing you can do. To each their own.

[Lisa]

Back to the original question: does it affect how the kids view their father? Sure it does. How could it not? My dad was a serial philanderer from virtually the time he and my mom married in 1949 until he was well into his seventies. I'm pretty sure a very close "family friend" even had a daughter that he fathered. Even though I didn't really understand what he was doing until my mom and I had a heart-to-heart talk about it when I was nearly 30, I was aware of the incredible tension and unhappiness in their marriage, and the marked imbalance in their parenting effort. All three of us kids suffered for it, and all of us carry a great deal of disdain for his actions. My dad died over a year ago and my brother didn't even attend his funeral. This brother, incidentally, has been divorced three times (infidelity on his part). My sister was afraid to marry (though she finally did when she was in her late thirties). And then there is me - a basket case of sorts, but who continually tries to learn from the mistakes Dad made.

Maybe this is why I get a little bent out of shape about Tiger Woods... it's personal!

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by figbo

I've been married more than once.never cheated,'nough said.

My husband has always said he'd get divorced before he'd cheat. I guess that's more honorable, though it does make me sad to think that he'd move away from his kids so he could indulge himself with another woman. I think it would have been better for him to say, "darling, I would NEVER cheat on you!"

[figbo]

Originally Posted by Lisa

My husband has always said he'd get divorced before he'd cheat. I guess that's more honorable, though it does make me sad to think that he'd move away from his kids so he could indulge himself with another woman. I think it would have been better for him to say, "darling, I would NEVER cheat on you!"

Poom,bingo,ding,ding,ding,except the mother of my children,she did and they know and they love her to death.


This happens after someone cheats.

[Java]

I am not about to jump too heavily on this particular hobby horse. Just to say it is not only men.

My ex got pregnant by another man, while my back was turned. She told my three children the break up was due to my infidelity, infidelity which only existed in her sick imagination. . Now I am not about to enter into a battle with the children about who is right. But guess who they believe.

[figbo]

Originally Posted by Java

I am not about to jump too heavily on this particular hobby horse. Just to say it is not only men.

My ex got pregnant by another man, while my back was turned. She told my three children the break up was due to my infidelity, infidelity which only existed in her sick imagination. . Now I am not about to enter into a battle with the children about who is right. But guess who they believe.

I know.

[mboverst]

I've had people say these kinds of things around me before like they'e bragging...I don't get it? Why would you brag about being a slime ball? I do not associate or call myself friends with anyone who would do that.

Sure, I have single friends who are afraid to grow up and boasting about their escapades as if we were still in college....but those guys aren't married. Anyone I thought I was friends with who would do that to his family would get a prompt insult followed by me never talking to him again.

[Lion]

Lisa, has brought up many good points...these types of behavior do effect the children in such relationships. Children are great at perceiving events around them and they can sense the tension and stress. I'm far from perfect(never cheated though)my relationship with my wife almost ended in divorce but we decided to see if we could work it out because we still loved each other. It did effect our son and I hope we haven't scarred him for life!!!

[TheVTCGuy]

Originally Posted by Lisa

My husband has always said he'd get divorced before he'd cheat. I guess that's more honorable, though it does make me sad to think that he'd move away from his kids so he could indulge himself with another woman. I think it would have been better for him to say, "darling, I would NEVER cheat on you!"

You know Lisa, I saw your husband out last night with several... young-beautiful women ( I mean, not NEARLY as beautiful as you of course ) But... oh yeah... yeah he was having a good time.... uh huh. Dancing, drinking... partying it up.... yep... yeah... he sure was....



Pssssst. Is it working? Does she bellieve me? No? Dang it! Sigh... all the good ones are taken.

[TheVTCGuy]

Cheating is.... There isn't a word bad enough for it. I don't have respect for those men, and, I've been on the other side. My wife of less then five months got pregnant by another man. Nice huh? It hurts, it hurts deep and that was over 12 years ago. People ask my why I'm not married.

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by TheVTCGuy

You know Lisa, I saw your husband out last night with several... young-beautiful women ( I mean, not NEARLY as beautiful as you of course ) But... oh yeah... yeah he was having a good time.... uh huh. Dancing, drinking... partying it up.... yep... yeah... he sure was....



Pssssst. Is it working? Does she bellieve me? No? Dang it! Sigh... all the good ones are taken.

Nice try, Paul, and I'm quite flattered! However, I am pretty certain that last night, the guy asleep on his couch in the basement in front of the TV was indeed my husband.

[TheVTCGuy]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Nice try, Paul, and I'm quite flattered! However, I am pretty certain that last night, the guy asleep on his couch in the basement in front of the TV was indeed my husband.

I can only dream that it was me Lisa

[bayerische]

Originally Posted by java

just to say it is not only men.

+1

[TheVTCGuy]

Originally Posted by bayerische

+1

+ 2

[Silvio Mosiello]

Originally Posted by Java

It's very old behavior, doesn't make it any better.

I think the OPs point is about how he feels having to listen to people bragg about it, and how we are all expected to think it is great.

Pretty much yeah.

[Rebel]

You are spot on.

[FeelingTheBlues]

Originally Posted by Lisa

Come to think of it, I know more people like that than I do couples who are happily married.

That's quite unfortunate to know! I know a couple of persons myself who "can't help" but cheat on their boyfriends (they're mostly women in my case but I know men aren't any better) and the worst part is that sometimes they tell me how they wish they'd go back with the said man after he broke up with them...

[crew]

Originally Posted by Dilemma

While I agree with the OP, does anyone really think this is new behaviour? Really?

No.

[Silvio Mosiello]

This is def not uncommon. I think its 1/3 people have affairs in a marriage at one point of their lives. So odds are you know some one who does!

[GradyPhilpott]

Marital infidelity is not the only form of hypocrisy.

In fact, it may be very far down the list of hypocrisies.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypocrisy

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hypocrisy

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/07610a.htm

Each of us is at some point in our lives hypocritical.

It is a common human failure and the test is to avoid it as much as possible and to admit it to ourselves when we are made aware of our own inconsistencies.

[TheVTCGuy]

Originally Posted by GradyPhilpott

Marital infidelity is not the only form of hypocrisy.

In fact, it may be very far down the list of hypocrisies.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypocrisy

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/hypocrisy

http://www.newadvent.org/cathen/07610a.htm

Each of us is at some point in our lives hypocritical.

It is a common human failure and the test is to avoid it as much as possible and to admit it to ourselves when we are made aware of our own inconsistencies.

I understand Grady, we ALL have our faults, ".... cast the first stone" comes to mind so (If I understand your point), who are we, who obviously have our own hypocriticies, to judge these people that are showing theirs.

Although I understand what you're saying, I must say here, that there are levels and standards that we adhere to as human beings. I have my own faults with hypocracy, I'll be the first to admit it, but there is a HUGE difference (IMHO) about being hypocritcal about oh, politics, or money, or just about anything else, and breaking a vow of fidelity. Again, that's MHO, but a vow to another human being is what (suposedly) separates us from the animals. Hey, we all make mistakes, we all have temptations and can make a bad decision, (GOD knows I have!) but this is different. These men talk about how much their family and children mean to them, and they would do anything for them (I wonder if they ever give any thought to the damage it would do to the children if this all came out in the open, possibly a divorce) yet brag about their most recent conquests with random women. I am sorry, but in my book that is beyond hypocracy, that's just plain wrong.

[GradyPhilpott]

Points well taken, Paul.

Actually, my point was simply that we should spend less time ruminating about the hypocrisies of others and worry more about our own and to move on from our own failures and the failures of others.

After one of my grand blunders I was wisely reminded that the mistakes one has made are not so important as the choices we make in the future.

Yes, there are things that are just wrong and I've committed my share.

It's not so much about Biblical aphorisms as it is just taking note of circumstances, acknowledging the lessons learned, and moving on.

[masterserg]

What are we without loyalty? Especially to our own family!

[TheVTCGuy]

Originally Posted by GradyPhilpott

Points well taken, Paul.

Actually, my point was simply that we should spend less time ruminating about the hypocrisies of others and worry more about our own and to move on from our own failures and the failures of others.

After one of my grand blunders I was wisely reminded that the mistakes one has made are not so important as the choices we make in the future.

Yes, there are things that are just wrong and I've committed my share.

It's not so much about Biblical aphorisms as it is just taking note of circumstances, acknowledging the lessons learned, and moving on.

Agreed Grady, we all make mistakes, it's about what you do after and "moving on" as you put it that is important. I can not fault another human being for making a mistake, even having an affair. I certainly have made my mistakes, I have never broken a vow of fidelity, but that doesn't make me any better or worse then someone that did. If I read the OP opening post correctly, this is not a case of someone making a mistake, having an affair and trying to move on. If I understand it correctly, he is referring to men that do this on a consistant basis, then brag about their exploits while at the same time saying their familes mean everything to them. Unless there is some kind of open marriage-agreement between the husband and wife, (I suppose it's possible) I don't see how someone can say their family is all-important, yet continuiously endanger it's welfare by having affairs. What if their "exploits" were to ever be revealed? Think of the pain the wife, children, everyone would endure. If I am correct, and that is the situation the OP is describing, I'm sorry, but I have no respect for people like that.

[Deep Sea]

Hypocrisy in one thing...lack or morals and values is completely another. They don't always go hand in hand, though.

I'll be the first to jump on my son for not saying 'excuse me' when he burps, but my kids have to remind me to do it all the time. I'm expecting him to do something that I don't do (all the time). Hypocrisy at it's best, but not immoral.

The pendulum does swing both ways, also, so no gender is any better than another.

The crappy part about it is the kids tend to be the innocent bystanders in the whole mess, which isn't fair to them.

And as somebody else already said, you (the OP) need to hang out with a different crowd.





(And Lisa, don’t undervalue yourself as a mother & wife…you seem to be doing something right)

[Lisa]

Originally Posted by FeelingTheBlues

That's quite unfortunate to know! I know a couple of persons myself who "can't help" but cheat on their boyfriends (they're mostly women in my case but I know men aren't any better) and the worst part is that sometimes they tell me how they wish they'd go back with the said man after he broke up with them...

Well, then again, there are a number of couples who might be happy, or they might not - who knows except for them? I'm sure we all know "happy" couples whose announcement they were splitting up totally blind-sided us.

And thanks for the kind words, Martin. Good to see you posting!

[spuds]

I think there's two issues here; the first being "Why do they brag about it?"

Well in my opinion there's a HUGE amount of bravado? (or 'bluff & bluster'?... plain old BS?) in these situations.

Similarly I was at a party recently when one guy thought he was impressing a few of us by telling how he'd driven home one time after '8 cans of Stella & half a bottle of Jack Daniels' or something.

When I told him point blank that he was a prick he suddenly changed his tune to "Oh well it wasn't that many it was only a couple of beers really & etc etc etc....".




& secondly regarding the OP's "it must hurt their kids" I personally know from my own childhood that your Father having an affair (or three that I knew of even as a kid!) isn't the worst thing a Father can do......

The endless missed school plays & the weekends sitting waiting for him to show up & the bus-rides home when he DID show up but then passed out in the pub drunk while we waited outside & the regular incredible beatings that he dished out to my brothers & our Mum were far worse!!
(& I don't mean a clip round the ear here.... I'm talking about belts & busted bones & cracked skulls & the kinda stuff you'd not see in the cinema even these days, let alone thirty years ago!)


So in my experience as well as my opinion.....
there's many more important aspects to being a decent Father (as opposed to a decent Husband) than staying faithful.

So as long as the guy really IS there for his kids & he provides for them in all ways financially and emotionally etc etc etc.....
I wouldn't condemn him.



My attitude to this kinda thing has always been "I don't give a wotsit what you do as long as you look after your kids".

As long as he's not beating her what goes on between a man & his wife is bugger all to do with me....
& indeed nor is it anything to do with anyone else IMO.