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Val · 3 October 2006, 03:56 PM

One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing

**************************************************

A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or
mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."

**************************************************

Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband.

**************************************************

A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters:

'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."

**************************************************

Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay."

**************************************************

A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband.
Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you?
You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving."

**************************************************

Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

JJ Irani · 3 October 2006, 03:58 PM

mailman · 3 October 2006, 06:59 PM

padi56 · 3 October 2006, 07:53 PM

some good ones Val.

Scarface · 29 April 2008, 08:14 AM

jasonbellevue · 29 April 2008, 03:07 PM

Very funny!!!

Ashley · 29 April 2008, 04:19 PM

Lol, thanks for the laugh before bed!

limbo · 30 April 2008, 06:51 AM

ROLEX MAN · 30 April 2008, 10:13 PM

oh man they are good!

wmthedirector · 1 May 2008, 12:07 AM

very funny val :)

TDH · 4 May 2008, 03:51 AM

Bisquitlips · 16 April 2009, 08:59 AM

Lion · 16 April 2009, 10:42 AM

Excellent joke!!!

coddger · 16 April 2009, 02:12 PM

onkyo · 16 April 2009, 02:18 PM

hflee55 · 16 April 2009, 09:51 PM

3 October 2006, 03:56 PM	#1
Val Member Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 134	Short and sweet... One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she purred, "and you can do anything you want." So he tied her up and went golfing ************************************************ A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs,"Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!" The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?" "Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out." ********************************************** Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband. ********************************************** A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with the letters: 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' "Can you read this?" the optician asked. "Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy." ********************************************** Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhea in the convent." "Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so tired of chardonnay." ********************************************** A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. "Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!" The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?" The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving." ************************************************ Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

3 October 2006, 03:58 PM	#2
JJ Irani Fondly Remembered Join Date: May 2005 Real Name: JJ Location: Auckland, NZ Watch: ALL SOLD!! Posts: 74,319	__________________ Words fail me in expressing my utmost thanks to ALL of you for this wonderful support during my hour of need!! I firmly believe that my time on planet earth is NOT yet up!! I shall fight this to the very end.......and WIN!!

3 October 2006, 06:59 PM	#3
mailman TRF Moderator & SubLV41 2024 Patron Join Date: Oct 2005 Location: . Watch: 126610LN Posts: 35,510	__________________ JJ

3 October 2006, 07:53 PM	#4
padi56 "TRF" Life Patron Join Date: Jun 2005 Real Name: Peter Location: Llanfairpwllgwyng Watch: ing you. Posts: 53,060	some good ones Val. __________________ ICom Pro3 All posts are my own opinion and my opinion only. "The clock of life is wound but once, and no man has the power to tell just when the hands will stop. Now is the only time you actually own the time, Place no faith in time, for the clock may soon be still for ever." Good Judgement comes from experience,experience comes from Bad Judgement,.Buy quality, cry once; buy cheap, cry again and again. www.mc0yad.club Second in command CEO and left handed watch winder

29 April 2008, 08:14 AM	#5
Scarface "TRF" Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Real Name: Minas Location: London UK Watch: Rolex , Omega Posts: 1,370	__________________ *Rolex* Oyster Perpetual GMT-Master ll *Rolex* Oyster Perpetual Datejust *Omega* Seamaster Professional Chronograph

29 April 2008, 03:07 PM	#6
jasonbellevue "TRF" Member Join Date: Mar 2007 Real Name: Jason Location: at home Posts: 5,098	Very funny!!! __________________

29 April 2008, 04:19 PM	#7
Ashley "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Real Name: Ashley Location: Calgary Posts: 6,967	Lol, thanks for the laugh before bed!

30 April 2008, 06:51 AM	#8
limbo "TRF" Member Join Date: Jul 2007 Location: Sydney Posts: 4,624

30 April 2008, 10:13 PM	#9
ROLEX MAN 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Real Name: Martin Location: Home and Away Watch: you? "YES PLEASE"! Posts: 3,718	oh man they are good! __________________ *it's not just about telling the time...* *happy rolexing...* I'm just a man with a passion

1 May 2008, 12:07 AM	#10
wmthedirector "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2006 Location: NJ Posts: 371	very funny val :)

4 May 2008, 03:51 AM	#11
TDH "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2007 Real Name: Jay Location: Here n there Watch: Sub Posts: 1,641

16 April 2009, 08:59 AM	#12
Bisquitlips 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Real Name: Richard Location: USA Watch: YM Deep Space Posts: 12,521	__________________ Rolex Yacht-Master 40mm (SS-YG / Deep Space MOP) 16623 Breitling Aerospace Titanium / 18K with UTC. Omega Speedmaster 3510.50 Oris TT1 Pro Diver Regulator 43MM

16 April 2009, 10:42 AM	#13
Lion "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Real Name: Leo Location: Midwest Watch: GMT-II 16710 PEPSI Posts: 21,461	Excellent joke!!! __________________ SS GMT-II 16710 PEPSI(Z-serial#) THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND BOYS IS THE PRICE OF THE TOYS!!! MontBlanc Meisterstuck Doue Silver Barley MontBlanc Meisterstuck Solitaire Doue Signum Proud Card Carrying Member of the Curmudgeons.....Yikes!!!

16 April 2009, 02:12 PM	#14
coddger "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Real Name: Only Mom Knows Location: Land Of The Free Watch: 116520,16610,16013 Posts: 1,573	__________________ Contentment Is Not The Fulfillment Of Getting All The Watches You Want, It Is The Realization Of How Many Rolexes You Already Have.

16 April 2009, 02:18 PM	#15
onkyo Banned Join Date: Apr 2008 Real Name: Pav Location: Manhattan Posts: 11,495

16 April 2009, 09:51 PM	#16
hflee55 "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2008 Real Name: Andy Location: Kuala Lumpur, MY Watch: Me Watching You!! Posts: 3,260

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