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Jocke · 4 March 2013, 02:06 AM

Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring
and farting, so I knew I made it home OK!

The wife is back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we
should hold auditions for her part.

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it.

After both suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I decided to commit suicide. But strangely enough,
once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “F##k it!”

I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the
kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30.

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and
painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay?"

MonBK · 4 March 2013, 02:14 AM

:)

rfknauss · 4 March 2013, 02:15 AM

ROLEX2447 · 4 March 2013, 03:46 AM

Love it!!

TSW · 4 March 2013, 04:15 AM

tanman79 · 4 March 2013, 04:17 AM

😄

porschejeff · 4 March 2013, 07:20 AM

Ha Ha. I'm not sharing this one with my wife!

brkanand · 4 March 2013, 07:22 AM

But every wife here will hate you my friend....

77T · 6 March 2013, 11:27 AM

Jocke - you've been studying Rodney Dangerfield???
Very funny stuff - love the one-liners

swatty · 6 March 2013, 11:30 AM

Kingair · 6 March 2013, 03:59 PM

HAGOne

eric23 · 10 March 2013, 04:00 AM

SWISSAHOLICS · 19 March 2013, 09:47 AM

Love the one liners....too funny!!

cop414 · 21 March 2013, 12:24 AM

Hilarious, but I think I'll keep these to myself!!

mjclark32 · 21 March 2013, 12:39 AM

Sperry · 21 March 2013, 01:45 AM

I can read these once a week and still laugh!

Cru Jones · 28 March 2013, 09:45 PM

:-))

Lion · 29 March 2013, 03:25 AM

Yikes.....

GermanyMatt · 29 March 2013, 03:34 AM

Even my wife loved 'em!!

Andad · 31 March 2013, 06:29 PM

crowncollection · 31 March 2013, 07:22 PM

Rofl

Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

4 March 2013, 02:06 AM	#1
Jocke 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Apr 2006 Real Name: Jocke Location: Sweden Watch: A dozen of Rolex's Posts: 22,541	Wifes>>>> Went out last night and got really wasted. I woke up in the middle of the night next to some chick who was snoring and farting, so I knew I made it home OK! The wife is back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex movie last night, and all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for her part. My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own fault. I should have taken them off. I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or "foreplay" as she likes to call it. After both suffering from depression for a while, the wife and I decided to commit suicide. But strangely enough, once she killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, “F##k it!” I woke up this morning at 8, and could smell something was wrong. I got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not breathing! I panicked. I didn’t know what to do. Then I remembered McDonald’s serves breakfast until 11:30. The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!" I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex. My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!" "Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay?" __________________ This message is written in perfect swenglish. What is best a custom Rolex or a Rolex that is stuck in custom? Buy a professional camera and you´re a professional photographer, buy a flute and you own a flute.

4 March 2013, 02:15 AM	#3
rfknauss 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Nov 2009 Real Name: Richard Location: Macungie, PA Watch: 5513 Sub, LV Sub Posts: 14,497	__________________ *"Few things in life give man as great a pleasure as wearing a Rolex!"* TRF's "AFTER DARK" Bar & NightClub Patron

4 March 2013, 04:15 AM	#5
TSW "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2009 Real Name: TSW Location: Le Brassus Watch: Rolex & AP's Posts: 27,449	__________________ AP Owners Club IG @swiss.watch.connection

6 March 2013, 11:27 AM	#9
77T 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Dec 2010 Real Name: PaulG Location: Georgia Posts: 42,010	Jocke - you've been studying Rodney Dangerfield??? Very funny stuff - love the one-liners __________________ Does anyone really know what time it is?

19 March 2013, 09:47 AM	#13
SWISSAHOLICS "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Location: Here! Watch: Rolex Posts: 4,366	Love the one liners....too funny!! __________________ 16610LN \| 16613LB \| 16710 Pepsi \| 118238 \| 116500 (White) \| 116500 (Black) \| 116710BLNR \| 116610LV "The one thing I fear most is time; time waits for no one and leaves no options."

4 March 2013, 02:14 AM	#2
MonBK Banned Join Date: Nov 2010 Location: Kingstown Posts: 58,279	:)

4 March 2013, 03:46 AM	#4
ROLEX2447 "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2013 Real Name: A.J. Location: USA Watch: TT Yachtmaster II Posts: 347	Love it!!

4 March 2013, 04:17 AM	#6
tanman79 Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: New York City Watch: Explorer 214270 Posts: 54	😄

4 March 2013, 07:20 AM	#7
porschejeff "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2012 Real Name: Jeff Location: Michigan Watch: DD 228238 Posts: 2,460	Ha Ha. I'm not sharing this one with my wife!

4 March 2013, 07:22 AM	#8
brkanand 2024 Pledge Member Join Date: Jul 2009 Real Name: DrK Location: India Watch: 4=YMDaytonaGMTHulk Posts: 7,052	But every wife here will hate you my friend....

6 March 2013, 11:30 AM	#10
swatty 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Dec 2007 Real Name: Peter Location: Sydney Watch: The Game Posts: 17,415

6 March 2013, 03:59 PM	#11
Kingair "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: USA Watch: Not enough ;-) Posts: 21,232	HAGOne

10 March 2013, 04:00 AM	#12
eric23 "TRF" Member Join Date: Apr 2008 Real Name: Eric Location: Calgary Posts: 9,595

21 March 2013, 12:24 AM	#14
cop414 TRF Moderator & 2024 SubLV41 Patron Join Date: Apr 2012 Real Name: Tim Location: Pennsylvania Watch: 14060M Posts: 72,232	Hilarious, but I think I'll keep these to myself!! __________________ Rolex Submariner 14060M Omega Seamaster 2254.50 DOXA Professional 1200T Card carrying member of TRF's Global Association of Retro-Grouch-Curmudgeons TRF's "After Dark" Bar & NightClub Patron P Club Member #17 2 FA ENABLED

21 March 2013, 12:39 AM	#15
mjclark32 "TRF" Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Real Name: MJC Location: PHL USA Watch: IWC, Rolex, AP Posts: 29,232	__________________

21 March 2013, 01:45 AM	#16
Sperry "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Real Name: Jim Location: Alpha Posts: 3,383	I can read these once a week and still laugh!

28 March 2013, 09:45 PM	#17
Cru Jones 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Mar 2010 Location: Paris, France Posts: 35,297	:-))

29 March 2013, 03:25 AM	#18
Lion "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2009 Real Name: Leo Location: Midwest Watch: GMT-II 16710 PEPSI Posts: 21,461	Yikes..... __________________ SS GMT-II 16710 PEPSI(Z-serial#) THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN MEN AND BOYS IS THE PRICE OF THE TOYS!!! MontBlanc Meisterstuck Doue Silver Barley MontBlanc Meisterstuck Solitaire Doue Signum Proud Card Carrying Member of the Curmudgeons.....Yikes!!!

29 March 2013, 03:34 AM	#19
GermanyMatt "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2012 Real Name: Matt Location: Northern VA Watch: 126711, 126610 Posts: 1,803	Even my wife loved 'em!!

31 March 2013, 06:29 PM	#20
Andad 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Nov 2006 Real Name: Eddie Location: Australia Watch: A few. Posts: 37,521	__________________ E

31 March 2013, 07:22 PM	#21
crowncollection "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Real Name: David Location: australia Posts: 20,216	Rofl Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk __________________ watches many

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