I May Not Be Around For a While - The Black dog

[Leigha2z]

Dear Michael,
I know you don't know me, I'm relatively new here, and I've been reading your posts.
I am thinking of you, sending you positive energy, wishing you relief and release, I know how you feel, I really do. You can conquer this, the meds will kick in and you'll feel better, and you'll get better.
I am wishing you safety, protection and comfort and to get better soon.

Leigh

[GerardoG]

Hang in there Michael; we will be thinking about you.

[Carolina]

Michael, please stay strong and we'll be here when you get back!!

[JimSnyder]

We all care about you Michael! Take care friend

[East Bay Rider]

I wish you well. You have had a very busy time of it lately and are burned out. I hope you find peace and return.

[-Subsevens]

Michael, I don't know you, but I sincerely hope that you feel better soon.

[Ashley]

Stay strong, Michael. I understand how you are feeling, and I believe in you. I believe that you can beat this and come back stronger than ever. You are in my thoughts and heart, and I am sending my best wishes to you.
Please come back soon, my friend. Good luck.

[FBender]

Chin up mate, there is nothing better than feeling the sun on your skin and the wind in your face.

It doesnt matter how bad your feeling there is always someone in a worse situation whatever that may be.

Talk to your family or close mates and you will feel better for doing so.

Good luck

[Oscar]

Thanks to All,

Especially Joe...........a true friend too

I'm not kidding I cried my eyes out reading everyones' kind thoughts and wishes.

I can never open up to family or friends. That's just me. I can do it with some degree of anonimity here. Why can't everyone in this world be as nice as you guys? Life is too short to put up with crap and back stabbing work colleagues and upper management. I can't show emotion at work with my staff as they will see it as a weakness. Then the gossip starts. I never share any of my private life at work and how I'm feeling except for just one colleague that is a good buddy and does keep his mouth shut. I hate the office gossipers..........

I brokedown with the wife last night and told her truely what was bothering me. I had kept a lot of things bottled up for years and I do mean years. She had no idea either. Gill always thought I was too tough and always used to have a shot at me for never showing any emotion in any situation and always thought I was too clinical in my analysis of those same situations. I have really shown Gill how uch more frail I am than what I try to portray.

I went back to the doctor's office today. I unloaded completely to him about everything. Even something I never ever wanted to disclose to anyone even Gill.

I have a few issues of PTSD from some major critical incidents. One involved a mass shooting where my sister was involved. Not killed thank goodness. She was directly behind the offender (Perp) when someone was shot and killed. I was one of the investigators at that time. I had no idea at the time when I took control that my sister had been working on that floor.

Google search:- Australia Post Massacre, Queen Street, Melbourne, Australia.

The offender (Perp) was one Frank Vitkovic who jumped out of the building. I saw him hit the a large metal grate on the pavement and bounce back about 8-10 feet into the air. I was in the street at that time. At that time we did not know know if that was a Australia Post employee or not. I wont go on to describe the crime scenes, but it was horrific. All victims head shot while hiding under desks. That's all I say.

Back in those days there were no proper debriefings, support was non-existent for all of those that were affected. Not having a shot here, but the live witnesses/victims of the incident received far better support than us. We received virtually jack shite.............

It does feel good to unload a bit with some issues.

Well, I am now off for a few weeks on Work Cover. To be reviewed. I don't think I'll be back at work soon and I don't care. My health and soundness of mind are far more important. At the end of the day, I am just a number to the organisation and if I died would they care. No, they would not and life just moves on.

I am going back to the docs next week to get the Prozac reviewed and up the dose. Plus, I have an appointment with a damn good Psychologist next week. This person was referred to me by a work colleague in whose opinion I trust.

My wife was even hinting last night at cancelling our Noosa Heads, QLD trip next month. I think she was concerned that I would be just too down. She wanted me to ring and cancel everthing. It would have cost money, but who cares at the end of the day. Now, I think she is having second thoughts. I think I really need a break away from here to somewhere warmer to unwind for a week. I'll know more when she gets home from work tonight. I think I would feel better getting away from home for a solid week eating seafood at great restaurants, drinking wine to excess, clothes shopping, plus put some weight back on............and no there are not any Rolex Dealers in Noosa Heads........

Thanks for listening.


Michael

[swatty]

Thanks for the frank update Michael, keep up the fight , you're gonna win this one mate

[Oscar]

Originally Posted by swatty

Thanks for the frank update Michael, keep up the fight , you're gonna win this one mate

Thanks Pete.......

[Jimbits76]

Micheal

You have truly experienced some horrifying things from the sound of it, experiences that the vast majority of us here will never have to misfortune to have to go through.

Although the memories are terrible, the fact that you are still here with us today shows that you have the fight inside to keep on keeping on. You should take strength from that and augment that inner steel you obviously have.

There are not many of us who wouldn't be affected by your past. We are not robots, we have feelings and souls and any wrongdoing or horrific acts will sicken or cause pain. That is what I personally guess it is to be human. Nobody is perfect, we feel hurt, pain and trauma and these things continually test us.

Forget about everybody else and how they may see you or what they think of you. Take solace in the fact that you are human and display these qualities. You are obviously a sensitive, caring, loving man. That is something to be proud of!!!!!!!! The multitude of responses here back that up.

As for the last part of your last post, write a quick list of all those things that you want to do or that your heart desires. All those things that are usually considered decadent or bad for you or just plain silly. Start doing them today.
Live your life for a bit, act like a kid, stuff yourself silly, eat and drink too much and throw caution to the wind for the next few weeks.
Enjoy yourself with Gill and remember if you need anything, anything at all....I'm sure your friends here can muster it up!

Take care of yourself

Jim

[Tony-GB]

Hi Michael

I'm sure you are legally entitled to "domestic" or some kind of paid leave.

Have you tried Camomile tea? That has a calming effect & is nice with a splodge of honey.

Take time out & recharge your batteries. Some people cope with trauma by developing a "gallows humour" to mask their true feelings. As as result they become desensitized humans. You are still very much a human being with feelings, emotion, empathy & an appreciation for life.

You are man enough to realise you need a little help & that realization is 90% of a cure. Not many people would be as strong as you, Michael.

You are not alone & all of us want you back on top form.

My very best wishes to you

Tony

[toph]

Michael i also wish you the very best!

Originally Posted by Tony-GB

Hi Michael



Have you tried Camomile tea? That has a calming effect & is nice with a splodge of honey.



Tony

Tony, that made me laugh- when all else fails, what do the British do?- offer a cup of tea

[Tony-GB]

Originally Posted by toph

Michael i also wish you the very best!



Tony, that made me laugh- when all else fails, what do the British do?- offer a cup of tea

I wasn't being flippant & I hope I haven't come across that way. I started drinking it a couple of years ago just before tense situations & actually found it works!

It was recommended as a natural remedy for stress & anxiety & I have been drinking it daily ever since.

Tony

[toph]

Originally Posted by Tony-GB

I wasn't being flippant & I hope I haven't come across that way. I started drinking it a couple of years ago just before tense situations & actually found it works!

It was recommended as a natural remedy for stress & anxiety & I have been drinking it daily ever since.

Tony

no no not at all, you have given him good advice

[JimSnyder]

Michael, after reading your newest post it seems that in your line of work you do alot of good. I hope you realise this. Your work sounds tough but we need people like you and the good you do. My wife is a Trauma Room nurse in the biggest Hospital in Dayton, Oh. and only God knows how she does it. I am proud of her and the work she does. It really helps her to come home and talk to me about her day. Always be open with your loved ones. There is alot of bad in the world but at the end of the day getting to go home to your family and sharing your life with them is what life is all about. Take care and good luck.

[Trurolexer]

Michael stay strong, Buddy!!!
I believe "SOMEONE" want carry your cross, if you surrender. Let HIM carry your cross. And you will be free.

[Trurolexer]

"Therefore If The SON Makes You Free, You Shall Be Free Indeed" John 8 : 36.

[Gaijin]

As a former brother in arms I know exactly how you feel. Been out of the job for several months now and don't miss it one bit. Well some of the people yes, but the calls for service no.

Hang in there Bro! It will get better. I went through what you are going through. Booze, then calling out for help, crying my eyes out and wanting to end it. Got some help, took some meds for a little while and got in to see a great therapist.

My life is very nice right now! Your's will be too!

[Quicksilver]

Keep strong Michael and God bless you.

[Earl]

Stay strong, Michael don't forget your in no danger of slipping from the rope here! as soon as one person gets tired someone else grabs on to ya! :o) You are on your way to recovery Michael, whether you want to believe it or not!

The Best to you and yours,
Earl

[Latrodectus]

Michael,
thank you for telling us. I really feel with you and I think I know, what you are going through. I think it is a good idea to get away and also: take that medicine. The more you talk about this with a good doctor the better it will get. You will see the incidents from a different point of view and I know this will help. Just know, you are not alone with this at all, my friend!
All the best wishes from far away...
Fred

[TswaneNguni]

Careful of the Temazepam,it may worsen your depression.

All the best

[SSD]

Michael,

I've been on the job for nearly 16 years now, and have been witness to several, shall we say, "messed up" incidents myself. I have escaped (so far, and forever, God willing) without doing the unthinkable, but the things people do to others sometimes have a crushing effect on your view of humanity. I think the most important part of the job, sometimes, is to see to it folks don't know what other people are truly capable of. They don't need to know, and no matter what sensationalistic headlines may appear or be sought, they just plain do not want to know...

But, is seems that God in His wisdom somehow always seems to know when I've had enough, too. His relief comes in small but vivid ways. A hug from a small child, a smile and word of thanks just for giving directions, a handshake from a Veteran, even a nod from an officer from some other department that says "family".

I am a supervisor now, but am also fortunate to work with other senior officers. We, together, have discovered that it is OK to talk because we are human, too. We also can't work out the perceived need for bureaucratic BS. I have been trained in everything from small unit leadership to professional management (hey, free grad school credit!) and still don't get that.

But what I do get is this: We, like the fire fighters, military and uncountable others require time and attention for personal maintenance. This, in turn, requires communication. Its not optional. What you have done, telling things to your beloved and your doctor, took far more courage than engaging an active shooter by yourself or running into a burning building. It is tougher than delivering the BAD news to someone's family, or seeing the tragedy at an automobile accident. Doing it speaks volumes about your character!!!

The point? You just may find you are far more resilient, and have many more able supporters surrounding you, than you think. God makes folks tougher than they sometimes believe, but you must rely on Him first. I recommend you seek counseling, and also that you TAKE your wife. Amazing how it helps, even if it is just informal or peer counseling! Prolonged stress, as in "what we do", takes a big a toll as sudden, traumatic stressors, and must be addressed equally. We have found in the U.S. that the after-work "choir practice" just isn't effective sometimes! You are on the right road, and are already getting better because you have taken action to set things right. Good man!

Brother, you have my prayers and support automatically! If you need anything, please feel free to contact me anytime.

,
Jamie

[Oscar]

Jamie,

Thanks for your your kind words.

Michael

Originally Posted by SSD

Michael,

I've been on the job for nearly 16 years now, and have been witness to several, shall we say, "messed up" incidents myself. I have escaped (so far, and forever, God willing) without doing the unthinkable, but the things people do to others sometimes have a crushing effect on your view of humanity. I think the most important part of the job, sometimes, is to see to it folks don't know what other people are truly capable of. They don't need to know, and no matter what sensationalistic headlines may appear or be sought, they just plain do not want to know...

But, is seems that God in His wisdom somehow always seems to know when I've had enough, too. His relief comes in small but vivid ways. A hug from a small child, a smile and word of thanks just for giving directions, a handshake from a Veteran, even a nod from an officer from some other department that says "family".

I am a supervisor now, but am also fortunate to work with other senior officers. We, together, have discovered that it is OK to talk because we are human, too. We also can't work out the perceived need for bureaucratic BS. I have been trained in everything from small unit leadership to professional management (hey, free grad school credit!) and still don't get that.

But what I do get is this: We, like the fire fighters, military and uncountable others require time and attention for personal maintenance. This, in turn, requires communication. Its not optional. What you have done, telling things to your beloved and your doctor, took far more courage than engaging an active shooter by yourself or running into a burning building. It is tougher than delivering the BAD news to someone's family, or seeing the tragedy at an automobile accident. Doing it speaks volumes about your character!!!

The point? You just may find you are far more resilient, and have many more able supporters surrounding you, than you think. God makes folks tougher than they sometimes believe, but you must rely on Him first. I recommend you seek counseling, and also that you TAKE your wife. Amazing how it helps, even if it is just informal or peer counseling! Prolonged stress, as in "what we do", takes a big a toll as sudden, traumatic stressors, and must be addressed equally. We have found in the U.S. that the after-work "choir practice" just isn't effective sometimes! You are on the right road, and are already getting better because you have taken action to set things right. Good man!

Brother, you have my prayers and support automatically! If you need anything, please feel free to contact me anytime.

,
Jamie

[Trurolexer]

This is for you Michael...

"For GOD So Loved The World That HE Gave HIS Only Begotten SON, That "Whoever" Believes In HIM Should Not Perish But Have Everlasting Life. John 3 : 16

Which Of You By Worrying Can Add One Cubit To His Stature? Matthew 6 : 27

But Seek First The KINGDOM Of GOD and HIS Righteousness, And All These Things Shall Be Added To You." Matthew 6 : 33

That's all I can do for you Buddy. Stay Strong once again.
Be POSITIVE is THE KEY to solve your problem.
GOOD LUCK, GOD BLESS...TR.

[Gerry]

Michael,

That's a hell of a lot to have gone through. Thank you for opening up to us. It's not easy but it can be beaten. I have a friend who went through severe depression when he was younger and it too awhile to get through but he did. He did it without medication but that's not always the way and he told he it's something he has to be conscious of everyday. I have relatives who are going through this as well who are responding to the medication.

Just saying that there are many paths there but you can come out of it. The stories posted so far are testimony to that. I wish you all the very best, Michael and please feel free to contact me if I can help in any way.