How do adults meet people?

[superdog]

Originally Posted by TheVTCGuy

You know, similar situation with me, but because I am single. I have good friends, hobbies, even though I work out if my house I meet a lot of people in my travels, but this year I noticed I wasn’t getting imvited to events, games, parties, barbecues,bowling, whatever. I call a friend out in it one time why I wasn’t invited to a cookout at his house a lot of mutual friends were, had I (unintentionally) offended him or his wife or some other reason? He was incredibly apologetic, and said that when he and his wife sat down to create the invitation list, I was overlooked not because I am bad company but because I was single. The list went something like: The millers (married couple) he Smiths (married couple) Bill and Lisa (Dating couple) John and Tim (Gay couple) etc. Because I do not have a significant other, my name was never brought up. I had heart to hearts with other friends and got the exact same response. It was not malicious nor representative of any desire not to have me at these events, but when inviting guests, the COUPLE was inviting COUPLES and I was overlooked. I pointed out, if they invited myself and single women, maybe I would end up with a significant other. They were all apologetic and promised it was just an overlook; it makes sense and I believe them. Anyway, to you middle age couples out there, remember your single friends when making plans, we are people too!

I have to go now... all of a sudden I’m depressed....

Paul. Please come over my house.

Let’s sit down and talk about everything from the holidays to the hover crafts.

[Sperry]

Hanging out, doing what I liked. Turns out a wonderful woman has been stalking me in her heart. Daytime fireworks, she said. Who knew?

Keep a clear eye. Respect yourself. You'll meet like-minded people.

[GLADIATOR]

Originally Posted by Bstewart

Yeah, mine is too, but there needs to be more than that I feel. Way too often I keep things inside that I should probably share.

So you have a wife, but you are "lonely" and without friends?
Do you talk to your wife? Do you go out places together?
Do you do anything together.

Alone is NOT having any one around? Alone is going for weeks or days without talking to anyone but yourself!

You sound like someone that has everything, but does not realize it (yet)

From a loner, who is alone!
A

[bdex75]

Originally Posted by DJ TT 2002

From negative to positive, I have run the gamut


Frenemies/Fake Friends/Acquaintances/Friends/Good Friends/True Friends


It all boils down to this:

A Good Friend will probably help you move

A True Friend will help you move ...................a body

I call those last ones the “Shovel Crew”. Meaning if anyone calls any of the others at anytime and says “Grab a shovel” the only acceptable answer is “coordinates?”


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[Widows Son]

Church is a great way to form friendships and there are also tons of opportunities for volunteerism. Ever thought of petitioning a Masonic Lodge??? My lodge has a good number of younger men.

[TheVTCGuy]

Originally Posted by superdog

Paul. Please come over my house.

Let’s sit down and talk about everything from the holidays to the hover crafts.

Thanks Seth!

[Nicoleinfl]

Please take this in a constructive manner. After reading a few of your comments, I see the problem. Your friends don’t need to have the exact same interests you do. So what if they are old, fat and out of shape. I’ve had a few good friends with 10-20 year age differences from myself. The younger ones appreciate my wisdom and experiences, while I appreciate the wisdom and experiences shared by the older ones. Some friends are dinner buddies, some are travel buddies, and some are phone buddies. The important thing is that I benefit from having someone I trust to share my joys and pains with. Open your mind and you will meet new friends!


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[yannis]

Originally Posted by Nicoleinfl

Please take this in a constructive manner. After reading a few of your comments, I see the problem. Your friends don’t need to have the exact same interests you do. So what if they are old, fat and out of shape. I’ve had a few good friends with 10-20 year age differences from myself. The younger ones appreciate my wisdom and experiences, while I appreciate the wisdom and experiences shared by the older ones. Some friends are dinner buddies, some are travel buddies, and some are phone buddies. The important thing is that I benefit from having someone I trust to share my joys and pains with. Open your mind and you will meet new friends!


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Exactly that

[arinsd]

As you get older you realize it’s better to have 2-3 close friends... instead of 20 buddies who want to hang out and use you.

[TK-710]

Originally Posted by arinsd

As you get older you realize it’s better to have 2-3 close friends...

I live over 750 miles from my hometown and over 800 miles from where I went to college and although we live in my wife’s hometown she went to a boarding/prep school so neither of us live in a town with a huge base of friends. But I do believe that the above statement is very accurate. My wife and I both have full time jobs, we are raising kids and doing all that comes with both and a dog I try to walk an hour every day. Add in 7-8 hours of sleep and that leaves very little time for anything else.

Even if I did live in my hometown I would have no way of socializing with the dozen or so close friends I had in high school at the same rate and frequency I did when I had no responsibilities. Now most of my socializing is done at work parties, block parties and the sidelines of my kid’s soccer game with occasionally grabbing a coffee with the two or three friends I try to keep up with. Other than that any free time I get is spent on “ date nights” with my wife. I think our babysitter is literally our best friend!

The point is your married, you seem to be big in to fitness and you work a full time job. I don’t know what your particular child situation is but most couples in their late 20s early thirties are starting family expansion efforts. You may not have as hard a time making friends once you reestablish what type of friendships are practical at this point in your life. You need to adapt your expectations of a social life to the current reality of the rest of your life. Your free time is probably limited and will rarely overlap with others your age dealing with similar life circumstances.

I agree with the recommendations to find a friend at the gym. I started to work out at home this year but for years I would meet up with the same friend for an hour five times a week at the gym to have a spotter. One time we went on a double date with our wives. Other than that our friendship was based out of the gym because that’s all the time we had free in common.

2-3 friends. Right now that’s perfect.

[SpeedyTuomas]

Originally Posted by TheVTCGuy

You know, similar situation with me, but because I am single. I have good friends, hobbies, even though I work out if my house I meet a lot of people in my travels, but this year I noticed I wasn’t getting imvited to events, games, parties, barbecues,bowling, whatever. I call a friend out in it one time why I wasn’t invited to a cookout at his house a lot of mutual friends were, had I (unintentionally) offended him or his wife or some other reason? He was incredibly apologetic, and said that when he and his wife sat down to create the invitation list, I was overlooked not because I am bad company but because I was single. The list went something like: The millers (married couple) he Smiths (married couple) Bill and Lisa (Dating couple) John and Tim (Gay couple) etc. Because I do not have a significant other, my name was never brought up. I had heart to hearts with other friends and got the exact same response. It was not malicious nor representative of any desire not to have me at these events, but when inviting guests, the COUPLE was inviting COUPLES and I was overlooked. I pointed out, if they invited myself and single women, maybe I would end up with a significant other. They were all apologetic and promised it was just an overlook; it makes sense and I believe them. Anyway, to you middle age couples out there, remember your single friends when making plans, we are people too!

I have to go now... all of a sudden I’m depressed....

I think you should rethink your social circle - they don't really seem that close if your marital status somehow has an effect on getting an invite.

[Star Ferry]

Originally Posted by TheVTCGuy

You know, similar situation with me, but because I am single. I have good friends, hobbies, even though I work out if my house I meet a lot of people in my travels, but this year I noticed I wasn’t getting imvited to events, games, parties, barbecues,bowling, whatever. I call a friend out in it one time why I wasn’t invited to a cookout at his house a lot of mutual friends were, had I (unintentionally) offended him or his wife or some other reason? He was incredibly apologetic, and said that when he and his wife sat down to create the invitation list, I was overlooked not because I am bad company but because I was single. The list went something like: The millers (married couple) he Smiths (married couple) Bill and Lisa (Dating couple) John and Tim (Gay couple) etc. Because I do not have a significant other, my name was never brought up. I had heart to hearts with other friends and got the exact same response. It was not malicious nor representative of any desire not to have me at these events, but when inviting guests, the COUPLE was inviting COUPLES and I was overlooked. I pointed out, if they invited myself and single women, maybe I would end up with a significant other. They were all apologetic and promised it was just an overlook; it makes sense and I believe them. Anyway, to you middle age couples out there, remember your single friends when making plans, we are people too!

I have to go now... all of a sudden I’m depressed....

I think some of the wives may be worried you'll bring their husbands into the bachelor lifestyle

And there's an even lower chance they'll want single women there

[Gaijin]

Originally Posted by Star Ferry

I think some of the wives may be worried you'll bring their husbands into the bachelor lifestyle

And there's an even lower chance they'll want single women there

Exactly this.

and my married friends often throw me under the bus with their wives to stay out of hot water

Seriously. "I had to hang out with him because of this or I'm home late because of him.." etc, Whatever I don't care. I'm not taking them to strip bars and whore houses. Just out boozing and yucking it up.

I am a life long bachelor with no thoughts of marriage. My married friends love going out with me but it gets them into the grease with their wives sometimes. Cuz when I'm out I'm not on the sidelines of a soccer game if you know what I mean.


I don't get invites to their house for dinner or barbecues.

[TheVTCGuy]

Originally Posted by Gaijin

Exactly this.

and my married friends often throw me under the bus with their wives to stay out of hot water

Seriously. "I had to hang out with him because of this or I'm home late because of him.." etc, Whatever I don't care. I'm not taking them to strip bars and whore houses. Just out boozing and yucking it up.

I am a life long bachelor with no thoughts of marriage. My married friends love going out with me but it gets them into the grease with their wives sometimes. Cuz when I'm out I'm not on the sidelines of a soccer game if you know what I mean.


I don't get invites to their house for dinner or barbecues.

We should hang out

[hsm]

I went from having many friends which came from school and work, in my early days,

I made a few more as the years went by, but it was always a bit of a struggle to be honest, I felt I was a good friend but found people not really on my wavelength, with many carrying an agenda,

Fast forward to today, they have now been long gone, I don't miss them, I haven't a clue really what they are doing nowadays, these were people I holidayed with, laughed with, watched sport with,

no one bothered to pick up the phone, so I assume the friendships ran their course, shame really, but talking to other people it appears very common.

I have people I know, I can talk to someone without a problem, but friends are no more,

I have family and interests, would be nice to have that great buddy for your whole life, but it wasn't to be for me.

I think its a 'male' thing, women have friends galore, its easy for them.

It gets harder as you get older as you become cynical, try not to be, try and stop the rot, never say never.

[Gaijin]

Originally Posted by TheVTCGuy

We should hang out

Anytime Paul.