Older Brother problems....

[Hooper]

You might be inclined to offer some help, but tell him there are strings attached I.e. going to AA or rehab! However, at the end of the day, if you can't afford to help, then the point is moot! Sorry you have to go through this. Any family member in trouble is heart breaking, even if it is their fault!

[Canefan1]

Originally Posted by SkyKing31

My answer is different from everyone here. If it were my brother, I would open my home to him, I would clothe him, feed him. I would not turn him away. While he was staying in my home, I would be trying to get him help for his drinking problem. I would be looking for the services that can provide assistance. That would be a condition of him living in my home .. Look for services to help him clean himself up .. Failure to do so would result him having to leave .. But I could never leave him out in the cold. I personally could never imagine being homeless, and I'd prefer death over homelessness.

Now .... I'm not saying you are wrong, nor am I saying you are a bad brother. I'm only saying what I myself would do. No matter what though, you need to do what is best for you. You obviously love him because he's on your mind. You wouldn't have shared this situation if he wasn't on your mind. Perhaps you can talk with social services who can direct your brother to services which can help him? His situation will always be bad until he can get into recovery from his drinking. Whatever you do for him, don't drain your emotional and physical well being.You'll be in no position to help if you don't have the emotional and physical strength to do so.

Thanks for this post. Very good man.

[daveathall]

Originally Posted by SkyKing31

My answer is different from everyone here. If it were my brother, I would open my home to him, I would clothe him, feed him. I would not turn him away. While he was staying in my home, I would be trying to get him help for his drinking problem. I would be looking for the services that can provide assistance. That would be a condition of him living in my home .. Look for services to help him clean himself up .. Failure to do so would result him having to leave .. But I could never leave him out in the cold. I personally could never imagine being homeless, and I'd prefer death over homelessness.

Now .... I'm not saying you are wrong, nor am I saying you are a bad brother. I'm only saying what I myself would do. No matter what though, you need to do what is best for you. You obviously love him because he's on your mind. You wouldn't have shared this situation if he wasn't on your mind. Perhaps you can talk with social services who can direct your brother to services which can help him? His situation will always be bad until he can get into recovery from his drinking. Whatever you do for him, don't drain your emotional and physical well being.You'll be in no position to help if you don't have the emotional and physical strength to do so.

I agree with this.

[function12]

Originally Posted by SkyKing31

My answer is different from everyone here. If it were my brother, I would open my home to him, I would clothe him, feed him. I would not turn him away. While he was staying in my home, I would be trying to get him help for his drinking problem. I would be looking for the services that can provide assistance. That would be a condition of him living in my home .. Look for services to help him clean himself up .. Failure to do so would result him having to leave .. But I could never leave him out in the cold. I personally could never imagine being homeless, and I'd prefer death over homelessness.

Now .... I'm not saying you are wrong, nor am I saying you are a bad brother. I'm only saying what I myself would do. No matter what though, you need to do what is best for you. You obviously love him because he's on your mind. You wouldn't have shared this situation if he wasn't on your mind. Perhaps you can talk with social services who can direct your brother to services which can help him? His situation will always be bad until he can get into recovery from his drinking. Whatever you do for him, don't drain your emotional and physical well being.You'll be in no position to help if you don't have the emotional and physical strength to do so.

I will just say, that will only work if the person wants help. There seems to be an addictive gene in my family and thank goodness it skipped my sister and myself. I have seen many family members destroyed by a selfish family member with an addiction. That family member doesn't believe they have a problem. Then it always becomes an us vs them. It gets very ugly. Thank goodness a few have been able to seek help after many many years of addiction. I have also witnessed a close family member kick the addiction for 20 years only to relapse.
So, you can choose to have this hell brought upon you and your family (the stealing, fights, yelling, crying, destruction of you home or tell the person you are here to help 100% once they are ready for the help but they must take the first SEVERAL steps.

[SkyKing31]

Originally Posted by function12

I will just say, that will only work if the person wants help. There seems to be an addictive gene in my family and thank goodness it skipped my sister and myself. I have seen many family members destroyed by a selfish family member with an addiction. That family member doesn't believe they have a problem. Then it always becomes an us vs them. It gets very ugly. Thank goodness a few have been able to seek help after many many years of addiction. I have also witnessed a close family member kick the addiction for 20 years only to relapse.
So, you can choose to have this hell brought upon you and your family (the stealing, fights, yelling, crying, destruction of you home or tell the person you are here to help 100% once they are ready for the help but they must take the first SEVERAL steps.

I believe addiction is a disease, and the person suffering from that disease is unable to help having that disease. It's no different from me having a tumor. My only option was treatment, and the same is true for anyone with addiction. Sadly, those who suffer from addiction can and often do relapse. Again it's no different if a tumor returns after treatment .. It can't be helped.

I myself cannot and will not ever turn away a sibling or any other close loved one if they are homeless. My home is their home, my food is their food, my clothes are their clothes (well, except anything labeled Brioni). If I end up getting yelled at, if I end up crying .. that's on me. I simply will not allow any of my family to be homeless or hungry. I honestly believe that homelessness will only help the person to feed into their addiction as they try to medicate themselves to numb the pain rather than force them to seek help on their own.

Some people simply don't know how to help themselves, and some people are unable to seek help on their own. "Tough Love", and "Sink Or Swim" doesn't always work. Some people need someone to guide them to the proper people and places who can provide the services they need. ALL of them certainly need the emotional and moral support of someone they love and trust. There is a quote which comes to mind "Whatever you've done to the least of these, you have done it unto me" Never mind where I read that quote, but it is something I believe with all my heart. I am a very lucky man, probably the luckiest man alive. I have been given so much in my life, therefore I too must give.

I have said before, and I'll say it again. I don't believe the OP is wrong, nor to I believe he is a bad brother. The OP must do what is best for him and his family. I also do not believe any of the other members who posted a reply is wrong. They simply have their beliefs and opinions, and every single one of them are entitled to those beliefs and opinions. Mine just happen to be different. Besides, everyone who replied did so in a way that shows their beliefs and opinions are based on love.

I feel horrible for the OP, and I stand by what I said to him. He's got to make certain he doesn't become emotionally or physically drained otherwise he won't be in a position to help his brother, or look after his own family.

As for you, I am sorry you have had to experience the unpleasant experience of having loved ones suffer with addiction. I know it isn't easy for you, and I wish you all the best as well as those who are suffering.

[austinp]

Originally Posted by SkyKing31

My answer is different from everyone here. If it were my brother, I would open my home to him, I would clothe him, feed him. I would not turn him away. While he was staying in my home, I would be trying to get him help for his drinking problem. I would be looking for the services that can provide assistance. That would be a condition of him living in my home .. Look for services to help him clean himself up .. Failure to do so would result him having to leave .. But I could never leave him out in the cold. I personally could never imagine being homeless, and I'd prefer death over homelessness.

Now .... I'm not saying you are wrong, nor am I saying you are a bad brother. I'm only saying what I myself would do. No matter what though, you need to do what is best for you. You obviously love him because he's on your mind. You wouldn't have shared this situation if he wasn't on your mind. Perhaps you can talk with social services who can direct your brother to services which can help him? His situation will always be bad until he can get into recovery from his drinking. Whatever you do for him, don't drain your emotional and physical well being.You'll be in no position to help if you don't have the emotional and physical strength to do so.

Same.

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[SkyKing31]

Originally Posted by austinp

Same.

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Dealing with family can sometimes be the most difficult experience in our lives.

[austinp]

Originally Posted by SkyKing31

Dealing with family can sometimes be the most difficult experience in our lives.

No doubt. It's also the most important to me.

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[SkyKing31]

Originally Posted by austinp

No doubt. It's also the most important to me.

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Same .... I have a family member who can be a bit problematic, and the rest of the family is close to turning their backs on him which really infuriates me. Families are forever, and we should always look after our family members.

I personally will look after my family member no matter the cost. The good ones, the bad ones, and even the self righteous ones who think they are to good to care about the ones they consider bad and beneath them.

[austinp]

Originally Posted by SkyKing31

Same .... I have a family member who can be a bit problematic, and the rest of the family is close to turning their backs on him which really infuriates me. Families are forever, and we should always look after our family members.

I personally will look after my family member no matter the cost. The good ones, the bad ones, and even the self righteous ones who think they are to good to care about the ones they consider bad and beneath them.

That's right. Friends come and go. Family is forever.

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[landroverking]

He. Needs help, not a handout.