Adoption and reaching out to birth parents

[zeuloa]

The closest to this scenario I have is the story of a friend and it's a bit different:

My friend's mom was dating an Argentinean soccer player in the 70s when she became pregnant with my friend. When her parents found out their daughter was pregnant, they sent her to their ranch with no communication (no phone or mail service at ranch). She was never able to tell the father that they were having a kid. When the father came looking for her after not hearing from her for a few days they told him she decided to go to Europe for the summer. It all sounded strange to him as she never told him anything about this. He eventually returned to Argentina without knowing anything else about her...

My friend was born and years passed... She married a man when my friend was about 2, who brought him up as his father and gave him a brother. When my friend was still young his mother told him the story, and planted the seed of curiosity.

When my friend was in his early 20s, he decided to go look for his biological father. All he had was his name and city were he was from, which luckily was not Buenos Aires but a much smaller city. He took of for Argentina and found his father!

To make the story short his father now had a family with 5 kids, and they all welcomed my friend as part of the family. His father told him he always had a strange feeling about what happened and often wondered why she disappeared. Now my friend visits his father and family frequently and has a great relationship.

I know this is a bit different, but not all stories end in a bad way.

[cecilia]

if you really feel that you need to meet them why not. You could always walk away and in fact you allready have a family that have taken care of you. but as you mentioned you could end up regretting not seeing them and when they are gone its to late to look them up. i can imagine that there are some questions that needs to be answered and for you self being its important. But as some already said. leave it, youre birth parents did have plenty of time to look you up and it didnt seems very important to them. or it could be like as it is for many of us. times just flies away and all the sudden it has gone decades. do what really feels right for you. remember that you can always walk away.

[jankoxxx]

hard to feel into your situation pal, but if from my point of view you got nothing to loose if you are emotionally prepared for this. i would also think about a 3 party checking out the situation first. anyway good luck with this.

[jdc]

Originally Posted by JasoninDenver

Birth mom was very angry for being contacted and I guess felt she had to be very mean and hurtful to my friend to make sure she did not try to make further contact. my friend perceived it as a double rejection but also began to have some serious doubts about her own character and whether she was as crazy & mean as the birth mom. It had a very hard effect on the adoptive mother as well.

A sad situation and one of the reasons its recommended to use a third party organisation to test the waters

[gwozhog]

I say find them and you will have closure. you deserve an answer may it be good or bad.