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Goodwatch · 19 July 2008, 05:46 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by roadcarver

You have no body issues. I have hair issues, well lack off. That doesn't stop me at all

"No, I'm not bald, I only have a rather high forehead".

Goodwatch · 19 July 2008, 06:04 AM

I'm sorry for my hijack. Ashley, you have grown into one of TRF's most valuable members, giving us well thought of posts that go way beyond my own shallow tom-foolery. Although all has been said by now I still want to add something to it.

In 2002 I had a complete mental collapse, preventing me from carrying on with my work and even to be a normal father and husband. The early signs were there in 2000 but I ignored them. I was offered and accepted special council and that has saved me.

It was a long and very winding road and there were times I found myself sitting on a small stool under a hot shower, trying to calm down and stop my racing pulse and pounding heart. I sometimes thought I was going to die.

After eight long months I got back on my feet and defeated those who had whispered "he's a goner, we will never see him back in his job".

No one knows yourself better than you do, you only need a push in the right direction.

Terry Newton · 19 July 2008, 10:25 AM

Ashley:

You're gorgeous but what I think does not matter. You will have to believe this yourself. It sounds like you have a bit of lack of confidence going for you. Age has a way of taking care of this dilemma. You get to the magical age where self-absorption goes by the wayside as you realize you have given gifts to many who have crossed your path. You give to the world around you and you will receive many rich rewards. In the process you will lose sight of yourself, ego will go by the wayside as it has no place in society, you will realize you are nothing and, you will become everything.

I am the Executive Director of the program I run. I have 30 employees and yet nothing has been beneath me. I have stripped paint, busted up sidewalks, built rock walls and patios, moved furniture, scrubbed toilets, swept floors, planted trees, fixed broken things, etc. I never ask others to do what I am not willing to do myself and that is very little. I became a Rotarian many years ago as I believed in their motto; "Service Above Self". Do these things and, you will get outside of yourself and, these negative thoughts will go by the wayside. I would suggest to read; "The Velveteen Rabbit". My hair is all rubbed off and I am loved. What more can you ask for.

Terry Newton

East Bay Rider · 19 July 2008, 11:45 AM

Ashley, Give it time. You must remember that the weight you lost is recent. Your mind has not yet adjusted to seeing YOU as being so much thinner than you were. Your mind needs to be trained into thinking positive thoughts. It's not used to it. It will take time. It will take self affirmation. Try to notice that you don't take up as much of the mirror's space as you once did. Find the good. You worked hard and deserve to GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK. Think of the mean things you say to yourself. Would you let someone say those things to your best friend? Or your mother? Of course not. Then not to YOU either. Women are generally hard on themselves anyway. That's why men tune that stuff out. 3 or 4 years from now you will not think these things anymore - that's because by then you will be used to seeing yourself as you really are.
BTW I think you resemble Liv Tyler.

BTW - My wife and I are both overweight. It's really a tough road. Be strong.

Ashley · 19 July 2008, 12:49 PM

Thanks again to all of the kind, heartfelt responses that you guys posted. Each and every one means a lot to me.
I'm glad to hear responses from both the males and the females, as we all have our unique perspectives on things. I'm so happy to hear about the supportive husbands, and all the wives who have them

I'm very lucky to have Aadil in my life, I've never met anyone so supportive of me. He's seen me at my worst, as well as moving towards my best. Support makes all of the difference

Mireyna, dealing with all the weight added from pregnancy must be really hard, but I know that you are beautiful even if you feel awkward at the moment! Nicole Kidman was tiny when she was pregnant, I imagine you are something like that as well?
Frans, I'm so glad to hear that you overcame your problems so well. Keep going on the right track!

Terry, I have never read the Velveteen Rabbit, but it's a classic and I've heard nothing but good things about it. Next time I'm at the book store, I will check it out!
Bill, your common-sense approach to things is really refreshing to hear. Thanks for the advice

Good luck to you and your wife on the road to health! I know how hard the battle is, and I wish you the best

To everyone, again, my deepest and most sincere thank you to all of you. You are the greatest bunch of people, and I hope one day to be able to meet each and every one of you!

Uncle-AJ · 19 July 2008, 04:19 PM

Ashley I would have never thought you had misgivings about your size, weight etc. The problem these days is there's too much peer pressure put on young girls by these stick insects that grace our TV's and cinema screens. I reckon there's not one who has the personality you do. In almost every poll I've seen about what men like best in the fairer sex, personality always comes out on top or very high. You have an awful lot going for you, a great supportive guy and family, a chance of a great education and last but not least, I like you as you are.

Hey if I was a few years younger, that Adil chap would have to watch I didn't steal you away. Mind you, Brenda might have a few words to say about that.

Ashley, you are gorgeous, live with it.

JJ Irani · 19 July 2008, 04:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncle-AJ

Hey if I was a few years younger, that Adil chap would have to watch I didn't steal you away.

Get in line, Casanova....

Uncle-AJ · 19 July 2008, 05:02 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Get in line, Casanova....

I happen to know she prefers men with hair.

JJ Irani · 19 July 2008, 05:04 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncle-AJ

I happen to know she prefers men with hair.

Always ready with a witty answer, eh Adrian? That's what I love most about you - a gentleman tosser with a sense of humour!!

Uncle-AJ · 19 July 2008, 05:06 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by JJ Irani

Always ready with a witty answer, eh Adrian? That's what I love most about you - a gentleman tosser with a sense of humour!!

I'll try to change my ways.

JJ Irani · 19 July 2008, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncle-AJ

I'll try to change my ways.

Please don't, buddy!!

Ashley · 20 July 2008, 12:06 AM

Thanks for your kind words, Adrian

I appreciate it. And you two guys are hilarious, thanks for the laughs before I head off to work!

gmh1013 · 20 July 2008, 12:18 AM

Yep, you are hot...dont worry...
After reading that statement men and women are REALLY different
I dont give a rats A$$ what anybody thinks of me..Im fat and know it...who cares
Now give that chicken fried steak and gravy ...

Lisa · 20 July 2008, 12:26 AM

Ashley, I'm posting rather late in the game, but I want you to know I completely understand what you're going through. I was caught up in the same issues when I was your age. I was about 20 pounds heavier during my college days than I am now (and I'm a shortie, so 20 pounds would be like 40 pounds on a tall gal!) I went the dark route for more than a decade - eating disorder, hospitalization, years of therapy. It was crazy. My future seemed hopeless.

Looking back, 25 years and three kids later, I see all that time and energy I spent obsessing about myself was time poorly spent. I should have been focusing on more important things. At the time, there was no way I could have understood that there WAS anything more important. It's easy to look back now and see what I was doing, and how useless it was, but at the time I didn't have the ability to see myself and my situation objectively. And unfortunately I got lots of reinforcement to continue doing what I was doing - because I was pretty and petite and had learned to gauge my value based on others' reactions to me.

And it's interesting that all these years later, my life has become so busy and focused on my famiy that my looks and body barely cross my mind. I am the epitome of LOW MAINTENANCE and you would not believe how GREAT that feels to be unencumbered that way. I don't spend time in front of the mirror. I'm making sure my kids aren't running into the street instead of checking out my figure in the store window. I rarely notice other people looking at me (well, because they usually AREN'T, which I must say is freeing on many levels!) I don't worry much about what I eat, but must admit that I don't have the appetite I used to, either. I'm satisfied with how I look, and am glad that my body is strong and healthy. I've earned my crow's feet and skin blotches and gray hairs.

It's very tough to overcome the kind of self-defeating thinking that plagues you, Ashley, especially, as others here have pointed out, when we're faced from birth with a society/media that barrages us with the unattainable ideal of what a woman should look like. But look through a People magazine and you'll see that most of these "perfect" and beautiful women are dumb as dirt, not to mentioned airbrushed! But you are strong and smart and you're doing the right things to help you see yourself in a healthy way. Over time, you will see a change for the better.

Best to you, my dear.

Jimbits76 · 20 July 2008, 12:42 AM

Ashley

Sorry I missed so much of this thread and did,'t get a chance to reply sooner.

PM sent.

We all have our own personal demons to contend with, you are not alone, you now how folk in far away lands you couldn't imagine caring about you....see the 44 posts above this one as evidence!

Keep smiling

Jim

Lisa · 20 July 2008, 12:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbits76

Ashley

Sorry I missed so much of this thread and did,'t get a chance to reply sooner.

PM sent.

We all have our own personal demons to contend with, you are not alone, you now how folk in far away lands you couldn't imagine caring about you....see the 44 posts above this one as evidence!

Keep smiling

Jim

PM? PM? Jim, this is the Publicly Spill Your Guts thread!

JimSnyder · 20 July 2008, 01:10 AM

Ashley I think you have helped all of us by posting your open letter. You have sure opened my eyes. It is very hard to be secure with ones self in this day and age. There is so much presure on people today. I see it in my children every day. I wish they could have had the chance to enjoy their childhood. But as a whole the U.S. and their generation they have lost their innocence. With the internet, utube, 2000 cable channels, reality tv,satalite radio, my space, and certain video games they go from 12 to 20 in the blink of an eye. And it not giong to get any better. Also the fact that both parents these days have work careers makes it to easy let all these things babysit or kids for us. It is also to easy to let McDonalds feed them. Parents need to get a grip on this and really moniter what their kids are doing. I go to my kids parent teacher confrences and the teacher thanks me for being one of few parents that show up. I guess 15 minutes once every nine weeks is to much time to ask of most parents. Adding to this hole problem is the middle class is dying. Soon there will only be an upper class and a lower class. I could go on and on. Maybe this should have been my rant thread. The bottom line is forget what everyone else thinks and be happy with yourself. From your new pic I can see your True Beauty! Take care and I hope you find the happiness you deserve.

Jimbits76 · 20 July 2008, 01:17 AM

Quote:

PM? PM? Jim, this is the Publicly Spill Your Guts thread!

I don't know what you are trying to imply!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm happy here in the closet.....although I do come out now and again to watch the Wizard of Oz.

I like Dorothy....she seems like she'd be a great friend!

J

Lisa · 20 July 2008, 01:23 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbits76

I don't know what you are trying to imply!!!!!!!!!!!

I'm happy here in the closet.....although I do come out now and again to watch the Wizard of Oz.

I like Dorothy....she seems like she'd be a great friend!

J

Hmm.... in the closet.... Dorothy/Judy Garland....

Say no more, Jim.

Uncle-AJ · 20 July 2008, 01:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

Hmm.... in the closet.... Dorothy/Judy Garland....

Say no more, Jim.

Told you he was a southern Jessie.

Jimbits76 · 20 July 2008, 01:33 AM

Quote:

Say no more, Jim.

Ooooh Lisa you are the living end. But you are simply fabulous dear and have taste to die for.

Quote:

Told you he was a southern Jessie.

Not until I've had the op darling!

J

Uncle-AJ · 20 July 2008, 01:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jimbits76

Ooooh Lisa you are the living end. But you are simply fabulous dear and have taste to die for.

Not until I've had the op darling!

J

Well, I'll go to the foot of our stairs.

Lisa · 20 July 2008, 01:43 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncle-AJ

Told you he was a southern Jessie.

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That.

Uncle-AJ · 20 July 2008, 01:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

Not That There's Anything Wrong With That.

There is in England Lisa.

jdc · 20 July 2008, 04:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncle-AJ

There is in England Lisa.

Are now we know why you are overseas !!

Lisa · 20 July 2008, 04:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jdc

Are now we know why you are overseas !!

Don't blame me - blame my great-great-great grandparents. But I've still got a liking for scones and lemon curd. Eel, not so much.

Uncle-AJ · 20 July 2008, 05:17 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by jdc

Are now we know why you are overseas !!

Yes but I'll be back next month.

Goodwatch · 20 July 2008, 05:36 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Uncle-AJ

Yes but I'll be back next month.

It's as if you were never gone, isn't it you Limey

Carolina · 20 July 2008, 05:40 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Lisa

Don't blame me - blame my great-great-great grandparents. But I've still got a liking for scones and lemon curd. Eel, not so much.

Mmmm - scones, lemon curd (I just typed lemon crud -oops)

Great post, BTW. By that I mean the one a page back or so, not the Judy Garland references!

Carolina · 20 July 2008, 05:42 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Goodwatch

It's as if you were never gone, isn't it you Limey

Frans, I have four more of those fruity beers in my refrigerator - want one??

19 July 2008, 06:04 AM	#32
Goodwatch "TRF" Member Join Date: Aug 2005 Real Name: Frans ® Location: Rotterdam Watch: the sunrise... Posts: 10,230	I'm sorry for my hijack. Ashley, you have grown into one of TRF's most valuable members, giving us well thought of posts that go way beyond my own shallow tom-foolery. Although all has been said by now I still want to add something to it. In 2002 I had a complete mental collapse, preventing me from carrying on with my work and even to be a normal father and husband. The early signs were there in 2000 but I ignored them. I was offered and accepted special council and that has saved me. It was a long and very winding road and there were times I found myself sitting on a small stool under a hot shower, trying to calm down and stop my racing pulse and pounding heart. I sometimes thought I was going to die. After eight long months I got back on my feet and defeated those who had whispered "he's a goner, we will never see him back in his job". No one knows yourself better than you do, you only need a push in the right direction. __________________ Member# 127

19 July 2008, 10:25 AM	#33
Terry Newton "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2008 Real Name: Terry Newton Location: Michigan Watch: Rolex TT GMT II c Posts: 6,644	Ashley: You're gorgeous but what I think does not matter. You will have to believe this yourself. It sounds like you have a bit of lack of confidence going for you. Age has a way of taking care of this dilemma. You get to the magical age where self-absorption goes by the wayside as you realize you have given gifts to many who have crossed your path. You give to the world around you and you will receive many rich rewards. In the process you will lose sight of yourself, ego will go by the wayside as it has no place in society, you will realize you are nothing and, you will become everything. I am the Executive Director of the program I run. I have 30 employees and yet nothing has been beneath me. I have stripped paint, busted up sidewalks, built rock walls and patios, moved furniture, scrubbed toilets, swept floors, planted trees, fixed broken things, etc. I never ask others to do what I am not willing to do myself and that is very little. I became a Rotarian many years ago as I believed in their motto; "Service Above Self". Do these things and, you will get outside of yourself and, these negative thoughts will go by the wayside. I would suggest to read; "The Velveteen Rabbit". My hair is all rubbed off and I am loved. What more can you ask for. Terry Newton __________________ Terry Newton; Superstar and Fake Sleuth "Z" SS Date Submariner "Z" TT GMT-Master IIc

19 July 2008, 11:45 AM	#34
East Bay Rider "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2007 Real Name: Bill Location: East Bay RI Watch: GMT-II 16710LN Posts: 12,073	Ashley, Give it time. You must remember that the weight you lost is recent. Your mind has not yet adjusted to seeing YOU as being so much thinner than you were. Your mind needs to be trained into thinking positive thoughts. It's not used to it. It will take time. It will take self affirmation. Try to notice that you don't take up as much of the mirror's space as you once did. Find the good. You worked hard and deserve to GIVE YOURSELF A BREAK. Think of the mean things you say to yourself. Would you let someone say those things to your best friend? Or your mother? Of course not. Then not to YOU either. Women are generally hard on themselves anyway. That's why men tune that stuff out. 3 or 4 years from now you will not think these things anymore - that's because by then you will be used to seeing yourself as you really are. BTW I think you resemble Liv Tyler. BTW - My wife and I are both overweight. It's really a tough road. Be strong. __________________ I bought a cheap watch from the crazy man Floating down canal It doesn't use numbers or moving hands It always just says "now" Now you may be thinking that I was had But this watch is never wrong And if I have trouble the warranty said Breathe In, Breathe Out, Move On J. Buffett Instagram: eastbayrider46

19 July 2008, 04:19 PM	#36
Uncle-AJ "TRF" Member Join Date: Dec 2004 Real Name: Adrian Location: Bolton, UK. Watch: Daytona 116520 Posts: 6,844	Ashley I would have never thought you had misgivings about your size, weight etc. The problem these days is there's too much peer pressure put on young girls by these stick insects that grace our TV's and cinema screens. I reckon there's not one who has the personality you do. In almost every poll I've seen about what men like best in the fairer sex, personality always comes out on top or very high. You have an awful lot going for you, a great supportive guy and family, a chance of a great education and last but not least, I like you as you are. Hey if I was a few years younger, that Adil chap would have to watch I didn't steal you away. Mind you, Brenda might have a few words to say about that. Ashley, you are gorgeous, live with it. __________________ A man with a watch knows what time it is. A man with two watches is never sure.........Segal's Law Member #10

20 July 2008, 01:10 AM	#47
JimSnyder "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2007 Real Name: Jim Snyder Location: Ohio Watch: Ask me later..... Posts: 7,726	Ashley I think you have helped all of us by posting your open letter. You have sure opened my eyes. It is very hard to be secure with ones self in this day and age. There is so much presure on people today. I see it in my children every day. I wish they could have had the chance to enjoy their childhood. But as a whole the U.S. and their generation they have lost their innocence. With the internet, utube, 2000 cable channels, reality tv,satalite radio, my space, and certain video games they go from 12 to 20 in the blink of an eye. And it not giong to get any better. Also the fact that both parents these days have work careers makes it to easy let all these things babysit or kids for us. It is also to easy to let McDonalds feed them. Parents need to get a grip on this and really moniter what their kids are doing. I go to my kids parent teacher confrences and the teacher thanks me for being one of few parents that show up. I guess 15 minutes once every nine weeks is to much time to ask of most parents. Adding to this hole problem is the middle class is dying. Soon there will only be an upper class and a lower class. I could go on and on. Maybe this should have been my rant thread. The bottom line is forget what everyone else thinks and be happy with yourself. From your new pic I can see your True Beauty! Take care and I hope you find the happiness you deserve. __________________ "You ain't lived, 'til you've had your tires rotated by a red-headed women."

19 July 2008, 12:49 PM	#35
Ashley "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Real Name: Ashley Location: Calgary Posts: 6,967	Thanks again to all of the kind, heartfelt responses that you guys posted. Each and every one means a lot to me. I'm glad to hear responses from both the males and the females, as we all have our unique perspectives on things. I'm so happy to hear about the supportive husbands, and all the wives who have them I'm very lucky to have Aadil in my life, I've never met anyone so supportive of me. He's seen me at my worst, as well as moving towards my best. Support makes all of the difference Mireyna, dealing with all the weight added from pregnancy must be really hard, but I know that you are beautiful even if you feel awkward at the moment! Nicole Kidman was tiny when she was pregnant, I imagine you are something like that as well? Frans, I'm so glad to hear that you overcame your problems so well. Keep going on the right track! Terry, I have never read the Velveteen Rabbit, but it's a classic and I've heard nothing but good things about it. Next time I'm at the book store, I will check it out! Bill, your common-sense approach to things is really refreshing to hear. Thanks for the advice Good luck to you and your wife on the road to health! I know how hard the battle is, and I wish you the best To everyone, again, my deepest and most sincere thank you to all of you. You are the greatest bunch of people, and I hope one day to be able to meet each and every one of you!

20 July 2008, 12:06 AM	#42
Ashley "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2007 Real Name: Ashley Location: Calgary Posts: 6,967	Thanks for your kind words, Adrian I appreciate it. And you two guys are hilarious, thanks for the laughs before I head off to work!

20 July 2008, 12:18 AM	#43
gmh1013 Banned Join Date: Jun 2008 Real Name: greg Location: Tempe AZ Watch: GMT Posts: 5,703	Yep, you are hot...dont worry... After reading that statement men and women are REALLY different I dont give a rats A$$ what anybody thinks of me..Im fat and know it...who cares Now give that chicken fried steak and gravy ...

20 July 2008, 12:26 AM	#44
Lisa "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: oklahoma city Posts: 15,741	Ashley, I'm posting rather late in the game, but I want you to know I completely understand what you're going through. I was caught up in the same issues when I was your age. I was about 20 pounds heavier during my college days than I am now (and I'm a shortie, so 20 pounds would be like 40 pounds on a tall gal!) I went the dark route for more than a decade - eating disorder, hospitalization, years of therapy. It was crazy. My future seemed hopeless. Looking back, 25 years and three kids later, I see all that time and energy I spent obsessing about myself was time poorly spent. I should have been focusing on more important things. At the time, there was no way I could have understood that there WAS anything more important. It's easy to look back now and see what I was doing, and how useless it was, but at the time I didn't have the ability to see myself and my situation objectively. And unfortunately I got lots of reinforcement to continue doing what I was doing - because I was pretty and petite and had learned to gauge my value based on others' reactions to me. And it's interesting that all these years later, my life has become so busy and focused on my famiy that my looks and body barely cross my mind. I am the epitome of LOW MAINTENANCE and you would not believe how GREAT that feels to be unencumbered that way. I don't spend time in front of the mirror. I'm making sure my kids aren't running into the street instead of checking out my figure in the store window. I rarely notice other people looking at me (well, because they usually AREN'T, which I must say is freeing on many levels!) I don't worry much about what I eat, but must admit that I don't have the appetite I used to, either. I'm satisfied with how I look, and am glad that my body is strong and healthy. I've earned my crow's feet and skin blotches and gray hairs. It's very tough to overcome the kind of self-defeating thinking that plagues you, Ashley, especially, as others here have pointed out, when we're faced from birth with a society/media that barrages us with the unattainable ideal of what a woman should look like. But look through a People magazine and you'll see that most of these "perfect" and beautiful women are dumb as dirt, not to mentioned airbrushed! But you are strong and smart and you're doing the right things to help you see yourself in a healthy way. Over time, you will see a change for the better. Best to you, my dear.

20 July 2008, 12:42 AM	#45
Jimbits76 "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: UK Posts: 9,407	Ashley Sorry I missed so much of this thread and did,'t get a chance to reply sooner. PM sent. We all have our own personal demons to contend with, you are not alone, you now how folk in far away lands you couldn't imagine caring about you....see the 44 posts above this one as evidence! Keep smiling Jim

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