The TRF Pre-Marriage Counselor Thread

[BristolCavendish]

Originally Posted by BristolCavendish

A typical dinner consists of white rice + bock choy and some scraps of pork or fish.

Originally Posted by Star Ferry

That is a bizarre dinner menu. Construction workers in China eat better than that, even for lunch

Originally Posted by Star Ferry

Assuming your friend did tell this story, he probably exaggerated his plight. If people in China are eating that for dinner, it's due to financial necessity. They wouldn't move to a cushy life in Silicon Valley and continue to eat the same crappy food

Originally Posted by tamiya

What's wrong with that? That's our usual daily feed - rice with a stirfried veg dish and some meat dish, occasionally a 4th dish if I can be bothered or a clear soup.

Wondering if this culturally-inspired dinner/menu scenario is more attributable to frugality or a continuing effort towards maintaining a healthier lifestyle?

The irony is that in order to avoid this somewhat boring dining experience, Chet has been frequently hitting the local fast food joints prior to joining the family for dinner and in essence, eating somewhat unhealthy on his own accord.

[Star Ferry]

Originally Posted by BristolCavendish

While everyone has their own 'baggage' so to speak, sometimes it can also get a bit out of hand. Further down the south peninsula/Silicon Valley, a former college room-mate got remarried, this time to a woman from Asia/China. At first everything seemed to be going OK but within a year her elderly parents came to visit from the mainland and never returned home. They simply let their visas expire and permanently moved in. Next came a younger sister who had an X-1 work visa at a prominent high-tech company and she also took up lodging in his 4BR/2.5B house. In retrospect, he now realizes that this marriage came with clandestine and ulterior motives (i.e. procuring a green card and permanent housing for relatives). And of course, these potentially disruptive plans were never discussed out in the open prior to the marriage. Barring a second divorce, he is totally screwed.

Having some baggage from the past is one thing but marrying someone with steamer trunks is an entirely different situation.

1) If the wife has a green card, then she can sponsor her immediate relatives for green cards. there's no need for her parents to overstay tourist visas

2) An X-1 is a student visa issued by China to foreigners who want to study in China. If the sister worked for a tech company, she would have come to the US with an H-1B (job requiring special knowledge) or L (company transfer) visa. But with both of her parents already overstaying tourist visas, it's doubtful she would be approved for any US visa

If you want to present a hypothetical situation for the sake of discussion, just be upfront that it's hypothetical. People would still participate -- you don't have to pretend it's real

[BristolCavendish]

Originally Posted by Star Ferry

1) If the wife has a green card, then she can sponsor her immediate relatives for green cards. there's no need for her parents to overstay tourist visas

2) An X-1 is a student visa issued by China to foreigners who want to study in China. If the sister worked for a tech company, she would have come to the US with an H-1B (job requiring special knowledge) or L (company transfer) visa. But with both of her parents already overstaying tourist visas, it's doubtful she would be approved for any US visa

If you want to present a hypothetical situation for the sake of discussion, just be upfront that it's hypothetical. People would still participate -- you don't have to pretend it's real

As I am unfamiliar with most of these issues (regional cuisine, immigration protocols etc.), I was conveying the situation/scenario exactly as it was told to me. To have altered (or corrected) the details in any way or form would have made it hypothetical so to speak. As far as U.S. work visas and green cards are concerned, I always thought they were called H1-Bs but I didn't know that someone with a green card could import their entire clan to the United States. Regarding the sister with the U.S. work visa, I understand that she accompanied her parents to the country at the time of their initial arrival.

In any event, there are definitely times when one is truly grateful that the shoe is on someone else's unfortunate foot.

[FTX I]

Originally Posted by BristolCavendish

there are definitely times when one is truly grateful that the shoe is on someone else's unfortunate foot.

Well said.

[zama]

Sounds like they both MAY be happier in a different situation.

[locutus49]

I told my wife when were dating that I would only go to one wedding and one funeral in my life: both my own. And we have been married over 30 years and my cremation arrangements have already been made.

[Headshrinker]

Where is my popcorn?

[Gaijin]

This guy sounds like a career bachelor and that’s the way he should remain. The scenario painted will be disastrous for him being set in his ways.

[Fleetlord]

Originally Posted by Gaijin

This guy sounds like a career bachelor and that’s the way he should remain. The scenario painted will be disastrous for him being set in his ways.

Yep...Marriage isn't for everyone and that's ok.

[Rock]

Marriage is a bit of a lottery, even with good people with the best of intentions.
Life is full of risks, but you take them because otherwise there is no richness in the mix.
People come with baggage - that's the way it is. If you don't want the baggage you don't want the relationship.

[Star Ferry]

52 seems a little young to have a 9 year old grandchild...

Since the woman is an empty-nester & the kids will only come by for visits and holidays, I don't see why this is "baggage." Also, what kind of person finds the occasional presence of grandchildren to be a "disturbing thought"?

[SearChart]

Originally Posted by Star Ferry

52 seems a little young to have a 9 year old grandchild...

Since the woman is an empty-nester & the kids will only come by for visits and holidays, I don't see why this is "baggage." Also, what kind of person finds the occasional presence of grandchildren to be a "disturbing thought"?

If both mother and daughter were 20-21 when they had a child it is entirely possible. It's a good age from a health perspective.

[Vaxe]

Wow shortcut to a free family, sign me up

[Ruud Van Driver]

Originally Posted by Star Ferry

52 seems a little young to have a 9 year old grandchild...

There are some women living in, um, 'challenged' areas in the UK who are grandmothers in their 30s. Unfortunately, I'm not joking.

[Abdullah71601]

Originally Posted by Ruud Van Driver

There are some women living in, um, 'challenged' areas in the UK who are grandmothers in their 30s. Unfortunately, I'm not joking.

I had a mate in the Army who had his first kid at 13 and his first grandkid at 28. When I knew him in his late 30's he had 10 kids and 6 grandkids.

[brandrea]

Originally Posted by Abdullah71601

I had a mate in the Army who had his first kid at 13 and his first grandkid at 28. When I knew him in his late 30's he had 10 kids and 6 grandkids.

My head hurts just thinking of that

[Ruud Van Driver]

Originally Posted by Abdullah71601

I had a mate in the Army who had his first kid at 13 and his first grandkid at 28. When I knew him in his late 30's he had 10 kids and 6 grandkids.

He should have bought a tv and a PlayStation

[locutus49]

Or one of those inflatable dolls. No kids to worry about, although you have to order delivery all the time as inflatable dolls don't cook. At least not yet.

Originally Posted by Ruud Van Driver

He should have bought a tv and a PlayStation

[crew]

Originally Posted by BristolCavendish

Open to all opinions and previous life experiences as each one is valid and pertinent to this topic.

An older co-worker (60 years old) is currently contemplating marriage to a divorcee (aged 52). They have been dating for the past 3 years and she is now pressing for a long-term commitment of sorts. The background info: He has never been married while she has two children (from her previous marriage) in their early 30s with grandchildren ranging from 5 to 9 years of age.

His concern is that he does not want to be inundated with various issues from her past and the thought of having to listen to and/or endure her children's problems (along with the grandchildren running around the house disrupting his 'inner peace' during holidays and visitations) is a disturbing thought.

When asked for my opinion, my basic suggestion was to forego this proposed matrimony and perhaps hook-up with someone younger who is bringing less 'baggage' to the table. In essence, start off with a clean slate.

BTW. Outside of some of the folks here, this guy is a real-life WIS with a nice accumulation/collection of watches (i.e. a VC chronograph and a couple of 4-digit Rolexes) + a '57 Speedster and a Mark I Cobra. I suspect that his being a bachelor for all these years afforded him the opportunity to be somewhat self-centered in his recreational pursuits and ambitions. So why gamble and screw things up now?

You lost me at the age slander.

[BristolCavendish]

Originally Posted by crew

You lost me at the age slander.

No slander intended as I was referring the person being older than me.

[crew]

Originally Posted by BristolCavendish

No slander intended as I was referring the person being older than me.

You’re not making this better.

[Kyle13]

Yeesh, I’m starting to question my choice of getting married after reading some of this. Lol


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[Hooper]

I believe this thread is nothing but a proverbial rabbit hole

[MonBK]

Originally Posted by Hooper

I believe this thread is nothing but a proverbial rabbit hole

And an imaginary one on top of that!

[1William]

I think that it is simple. The friend either loves and cares for the woman enough to make modifications to his established life or he does not. If he does, great, if not, then move on.

[Wesley Crusher]

BC, you’re like a real life Curb Your Enthusiasm episode.

[Wcdhtwn]

He tells her he wants to stay together but not get married. If she walks then there's the answer.

[BristolCavendish]

Originally Posted by Wcdhtwn

He tells her he wants to stay together but not get married. If she walks then there's the answer.

Mrs. BC and I have known a few couples who have been together for awhile (15 to 20 years+) without ever having gotten married and they are still going strong. On the other hand, we have also seen several couples split-up after 8-10 years (or less) of marriage despite exchanging lofty (and oftentimes unrealistic) commitment vows at the alter. Maybe this whole paper certificate/wedding ceremony tradition is an overrated and/or over-commercialized hype as there's big money to be made on the part of professional wedding planners, formal outfitters and dining/entertainment venues.

[bdex75]

She should run and he should not follow. Way to different that this point. He needs a 25 year old single gal that likes watches and his cars.


Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

[BNA/LION]

Nothing To See Here... True LOVE!