How do adults meet people?

[Bstewart]

Originally Posted by mjclark32

The whole “I workout” thing seems odd, I’m 32played football through college (started every year) and workout 6 days a week now, sometimes two a days. I’ve met plenty of friends through my neighborhood and I don’t think any of them workout. Do I care? No. Would it be fun if they came to the gym with me? Yeah. But, I also have some guys from the gym I see.
I moved to a place after college I never thought I’d live and knew no one.
My wife and I joined a golf club and a racquet club over the past five years. We’ve met some people were friendly with, but really the majority of the friends I/we’ve made came from our neighborhood. We recently moved, but not far away, and still see our friends regularly.
The bigger issue you may encounter, since you’re 29, may be finding friends that aren’t chasing their kids around. That’s kind of what we’ve been dealing with now. We just had our first and a lot of our friends are on their second so finding the time to go out is more difficult. It’s turned into - come over for drinks before/after feeding babies. But, I’m sure once our kids get older together we’ll get back to normal.
Hit up a few local bars, invite some of your younger neighbors over for a beer, help out in the community and you’ll be just fine.
All the best

Thanks, that is helpful. I agree, all my friends we did have went from being down to go have steaks/drinks/cigars anytime to pretty much just being with their kids 24/7 (which is understandable certainly, but just sucks for me).

[Bstewart]

Originally Posted by droptopman

Golf is a great way to meet and spend time with people/friends. Join a club. I tend to isolate and I don’t drink which eliminates some other social events, so golf is great way to enjoy the outdoors and spend some time with my peeps.
I workout everyday too but rarely talk to folks at the gym. I go at 5 am during the week so want to get my exercise done quickly and go to wok. Socialize a little at the gym on the weekends but nothing more than superficial talk.

Thanks. I’ve been considering getting into golfing. It just seems like a difficult sport to try out as you need a lot of special clothing/shoes/clubs to play, no?

[FTX I]

I'll be honest with you here. You sound a bit boring. Doesn't matter if you workout or if you own a house, car or if you're married or not, only thing that matters is the way you are. Fun people always have friends regardless of where they are. You need to get out more, get high, drink, smoke, everything you avoid when you try to be physically healthy, but you're getting mentally sick. Cut the workout BS and go have fun man. You may find yourself in the near future with lots of friend especially girls. It works.Trust me.

[Bstewart]

Originally Posted by FTX I

I'll be honest with you here. You sound a bit boring. Doesn't matter if you workout or if you own a house, car or if you're married or not, only thing that matters is the way you are. Fun people always have friends regardless of where they are. You need to get out more, get high, drink, smoke, everything you avoid when you try to be physically healthy, but you're getting mentally sick. Cut the workout BS and go have fun man. You may find yourself in the near future with lots of friend especially girls. It works.Trust me.

I have no interest in making friends with a lot of girls. I am married. And I wouldn’t put my physique at risk for any activity, especially to be considered “fun”. I do drink though.

[droptopman]

Originally Posted by Bstewart

Thanks. I’ve been considering getting into golfing. It just seems like a difficult sport to try out as you need a lot of special clothing/shoes/clubs to play, no?

Yes, golf is very difficult to get good at and an expensive hobby. Takes a lot of work to be a low handicap. I played sports my whole life and didn’t start golfing until I was 30. Hardest sport to master imo. That is what makes it awesome.

[mjclark32]

Originally Posted by Bstewart

Thanks, that is helpful. I agree, all my friends we did have went from being down to go have steaks/drinks/cigars anytime to pretty much just being with their kids 24/7 (which is understandable certainly, but just sucks for me).

Went through the exact same thing and now since I have a two week old I'm trying to keep the normalcy up with our friends, but it's tough.
One second your buddies are always down for a few beers/late night. Then the baby comes and they vanish. It'll get better

[Bstewart]

Originally Posted by droptopman

Yes, golf is very difficult to get good at and an expensive hobby. Takes a lot of work to be a low handicap. I played sports my whole life and didn’t start golfing until I was 30. Hardest sport to master imo. That is what makes it awesome.

Thanks. As a child I would sometimes go to the driving range with my dad. Maybe I’ll start there and work my way up.

[Bstewart]

Originally Posted by mjclark32

Went through the exact same thing and now since I have a two week old I'm trying to keep the normalcy up with our friends, but it's tough.
One second your buddies are always down for a few beers/late night. Then the baby comes and they vanish. It'll get better

The more I think about it, the more I start thinking this may be a big part of my problem. I’m just not ready to take that plunge yet though, personally.

[FTX I]

Originally Posted by Bstewart

I have no interest in making friends with a lot of girls. I am married. And I wouldn’t put my physique at risk for any activity, especially to be considered “fun”. I do drink though.

Well.. good luck then

[bdex75]

You have had a lot of good suggestions in here already.

One more idea, what does your wife do for a living? Reason I ask is that my wife is great at making friends thru work/social groups she joins (enjoys) and neighbors and school etc. I usually get dragged along for the ride and have met some really cool people. I travel for work and don’t have a lot of time at home so this works for me. I also tend to befriend people that are a lot older than I am. I am a 42 year old Christian male and one of my better friends is 74 year old Jewish female. We disagree on about every hot button issue. Politics, abortion etc. but we are open to others opinions and like to have spirited discussions. We also both enjoy similar work things.

But I will second someone’s comment of “you get what you give”. If you say and think and act like all you want to do is go to work and go to the gym and go home then that is what you will get. If you aren’t willing to invest in people beyond the time at the office or gym then this quest will likely be impossible.

Just be open to whatever friendships may come your way as you never know when that lightbulb will light and you will meet a new best friend.


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[Bstewart]

Originally Posted by bdex75

You have had a lot of good suggestions in here already.

One more idea, what does your wife do for a living? Reason I ask is that my wife is great at making friends thru work/social groups she joins (enjoys) and neighbors and school etc. I usually get dragged along for the ride and have met some really cool people. I travel for work and don’t have a lot of time at home so this works for me. I also tend to befriend people that are a lot older than I am. I am a 42 year old Christian male and one of my better friends is 74 year old Jewish female. We disagree on about every hot button issue. Politics, abortion etc. but we are open to others opinions and like to have spirited discussions. We also both enjoy similar work things.

But I will second someone’s comment of “you get what you give”. If you say and think and act like all you want to do is go to work and go to the gym and go home then that is what you will get. If you aren’t willing to invest in people beyond the time at the office or gym then this quest will likely be impossible.

Just be open to whatever friendships may come your way as you never know when that lightbulb will light and you will meet a new best friend.


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Thank you and thank the rest of you as well. I will truly take all of this into consideration, you guys have all provided me with a lot of great suggestions that I think can really help.

[Boothroyd]

You have the advantage of being in a major metro area (Indianapolis). Do you have an alumni chapter from your college that is active there?

A lot of Wisconsin grads in Minneapolis, and that helped a lot when I moved here not knowing a soul after college.

[SDRider]

I moved from upstate NY to Los Angeles when I was 22 years old. My boss was promoted to regional manager of the L.A. area and called me up after he had been out here for 6 months and asked me if I wanted to move out here and work for him. He said I could stay with him, he would give me a company car and a branch to manage so I said sure, why not. I had never even been to California before. I knew literally one person here.

Fortunately, I worked in an industry where you meet many different people on a daily basis. I met the woman I eventually married only a few months after moving here and nearly all of my friends I’ve met through work or they were neighbors of mine at some point. I know guys I was friends with in high school, but only through Facebook do I keep in touch with them. My closest friends I’ve known now for more than 25 years. We go on vacations together, we go on fishing trips together, we chat via email or text nearly every day. These are lifelong friendships that I cherish.

Like Seth mentioned earlier in this thread, it takes work. Find people with common interests to yours and see if you connect with someone and can develop a friendship. Some will come and go over the years but the good ones you’ll want to keep in your life.

[GB-man]

Originally Posted by FTX I

I'll be honest with you here. You sound a bit boring. Doesn't matter if you workout or if you own a house, car or if you're married or not, only thing that matters is the way you are. Fun people always have friends regardless of where they are. You need to get out more, get high, drink, smoke, everything you avoid when you try to be physically healthy, but you're getting mentally sick. Cut the workout BS and go have fun man. You may find yourself in the near future with lots of friend especially girls. It works.Trust me.

[PascalSwiss]

Originally Posted by Bstewart

Thanks, that is helpful. I agree, all my friends we did have went from being down to go have steaks/drinks/cigars anytime to pretty much just being with their kids 24/7 (which is understandable certainly, but just sucks for me).

Stewart...imho you should get your priorities straight.

[tbonesteak]

Wrong thread, sorry.

[DJ TT 2002]

From negative to positive, I have run the gamut


Frenemies/Fake Friends/Acquaintances/Friends/Good Friends/True Friends


It all boils down to this:

A Good Friend will probably help you move

A True Friend will help you move ...................a body

[Thatguy]

Seems you have eliminated a very large part of the population before meeting them. Women, people who don’t work out seriously and older people for example. You can make friends with people much different than you, in fact, it’s the best way to broaden your horizons.


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[ajas]

Most of socialising through kids sport clubs as soccer academy or swimming club, school events or church.
Sharing the same hobbies as outdoor activities or collecting watches also help.
Maybe time for kids.
Good luck.


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[codecow]

If you like working out you should try a martial art like boxing or BJJ. I have gained many friends that way.

[austinp]

Get out there young man and take a chance. Work at relationships. Be interested in others. It will pay off in spades. Put in the work. I joined a softball league when I was about your age and met lots of people I'm still good friends with.

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[bdex75]

Originally Posted by Bstewart

Thank you and thank the rest of you as well. I will truly take all of this into consideration, you guys have all provided me with a lot of great suggestions that I think can really help.

My word. I just saw you are in Carmel. I am in Zionsville. We just moved here 2 years ago and my wife found all kinds of newcomer groups, obviously stuff for the kids etc. There are no shortage of philanthropy related and volunteer opportunities around. If you let me know what you are passionate about I may be able to steer you in a direction. Feel free to DM me.


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[topgear]

this is a common 'problem' of this generation and the future mainly because people move cities or countries for work and career aspirations and dreams...as a result, there is no strong roots in a particular place.

I am away from my home country for work and have been away for 6+years.

As suggested, you can start a family, or join a club be it golf, car club or other sports club. Out of so many people, they may be a few whom you can become friends with.

[MonBK]

Originally Posted by DJ TT 2002

From negative to positive, I have run the gamut


Frenemies/Fake Friends/Acquaintances/Friends/Good Friends/True Friends


It all boils down to this:

A Good Friend will probably help you move

A True Friend will help you move ...................a body

A good friend will bail you out of jail.

A true friend sits next to you in the cell.

[Laszlo]

Originally Posted by MonBK

A good friend will bail you out of jail.

A true friend sits next to you in the cell.

So true.

[Dyim]

Have a few kids and you will be too tired or busy to have friends. You'll meet lots of other parents.

[superdog]

Originally Posted by MonBK

A good friend will bail you out of jail.

A true friend sits next to you in the cell.

Love this.

[locutus49]

Meet-up on the internet is a great way to meet people in your area with common interests.

We used it in the D.C. area and met some great people, we met at local bars and restaurants to chat about our hobbies and all sorts of things.

[TheVTCGuy]

You know, similar situation with me, but because I am single. I have good friends, hobbies, even though I work out if my house I meet a lot of people in my travels, but this year I noticed I wasn’t getting imvited to events, games, parties, barbecues,bowling, whatever. I call a friend out in it one time why I wasn’t invited to a cookout at his house a lot of mutual friends were, had I (unintentionally) offended him or his wife or some other reason? He was incredibly apologetic, and said that when he and his wife sat down to create the invitation list, I was overlooked not because I am bad company but because I was single. The list went something like: The millers (married couple) he Smiths (married couple) Bill and Lisa (Dating couple) John and Tim (Gay couple) etc. Because I do not have a significant other, my name was never brought up. I had heart to hearts with other friends and got the exact same response. It was not malicious nor representative of any desire not to have me at these events, but when inviting guests, the COUPLE was inviting COUPLES and I was overlooked. I pointed out, if they invited myself and single women, maybe I would end up with a significant other. They were all apologetic and promised it was just an overlook; it makes sense and I believe them. Anyway, to you middle age couples out there, remember your single friends when making plans, we are people too!

I have to go now... all of a sudden I’m depressed....

[MonBK]

Originally Posted by TheVTCGuy

You know, similar situation with me, but because I am single. I have good friends, hobbies, even though I work out if my house I meet a lot of people in my travels, but this year I noticed I wasn’t getting imvited to events, games, parties, barbecues,bowling, whatever. I call a friend out in it one time why I wasn’t invited to a cookout at his house a lot of mutual friends were, had I (unintentionally) offended him or his wife or some other reason? He was incredibly apologetic, and said that when he and his wife sat down to create the invitation list, I was overlooked not because I am bad company but because I was single. The list went something like: The millers (married couple) he Smiths (married couple) Bill and Lisa (Dating couple) John and Tim (Gay couple) etc. Because I do not have a significant other, my name was never brought up. I had heart to hearts with other friends and got the exact same response. It was not malicious nor representative of any desire not to have me at these events, but when inviting guests, the COUPLE was inviting COUPLES and I was overlooked. I pointed out, if they invited myself and single women, maybe I would end up with a significant other. They were all apologetic and promised it was just an overlook; it makes sense and I believe them. Anyway, to you middle age couples out there, remember your single friends when making plans, we are people too!

I have to go now... all of a sudden I’m depressed....

Are you keeping Anna a secret from your friends?