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Old 10 June 2009, 10:34 AM   #31
Taffi Abernathy
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Barf, explosive diarrhea and a 1980's haircut and suit.

Nothing like reading TRF while waiting for the microwave to ding...
Bon appetit!
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Old 10 June 2009, 10:35 AM   #32
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Barf, explosive diarrhea and a 1980's haircut and suit.

Nothing like reading TRF while waiting for the microwave to ding...
Having mexican food again
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Old 10 June 2009, 01:38 PM   #33
pz93c
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Had the dropped ceiling collapse on me during a Homecoming dance.

Needless to ay, I blew off prom.
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Old 10 June 2009, 05:16 PM   #34
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Let me elaborate. T'was a moonlit night. Although the Dog and Duck in Kings Lynn lacked the buzz of the more swanky nightclubs in the West End it did have a rustic charm.
The airforce base was only a few miles away and the American airman were much in demand with the local lasses, and added much merriment to village life; especially the men from the Georgia Goosers. The maverick in the pack was a guy named "afterburner"1957, not for his jet stunts, but his famous chilli escapades.
Runflat'76 was an easy conquest for "afterburner"1957 and after being regaled with tales of tail spins, tagging, and dogfights she soon became his wingman.
The love continued and Runflat'76 was looking forward to moving to the USA and spending her days at the doublewide, but alas it was never to be.
Post of my membership...that made me laugh out loud more than any I've seen here...

Georgia Goosers

J
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Old 10 June 2009, 05:37 PM   #35
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Had the dropped ceiling collapse on me during a Homecoming dance.

Needless to ay, I blew off prom.

Oh please, why quibble over a mere technicality?
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Old 10 June 2009, 06:06 PM   #36
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Post of my membership...that made me laugh out loud more than any I've seen here...

Georgia Goosers

J
thank you kind sir
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Old 10 June 2009, 10:04 PM   #37
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thank you kind sir




Good one Martin and looks like I came out on top, once again.
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Old 10 June 2009, 10:05 PM   #38
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There's really no nice way to tell this story, but the thread brought up this repressed memory so here goes.

I was on a first date with a guy in college, he parked his car at my place and we went to dinner. When we came back, he came inside to use the bathroom before he left. While he was standing up to pee, he farted, but he had explosive diarrhea and and it went, literally, everywhere. NO, I don't know why his pants were off, and I certainly never followed up to ask.

I had just moved into this apartment (my first!) and had the cutest bathroom stuff. Well the mat, the shower curtain, and yes, even the decorative towel, went in the garbage (he actually asked if I wanted to throw it in the laundry!). I tossed rolls and rolls of paper towels and garbage bags down the hallway until he finally came out. I didn't use that bathroom for weeks, and after that, I was always fearful that he had missed a spot.

I was nice to him after that when I saw him around school, but he could never look me in the eye...
That is truly a tale from the darkside.
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Old 10 June 2009, 10:30 PM   #39
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Well, I certainly have no story that matches any of the ones posted here. Only to say, I knew I should have resisted clicking on the lead, but just couldn't. Faith, you've outdone yourself. Your triumphant return to TRF is complete, and you've attracted the 'elite'.

Martin: There simply are no words......you've left me speechless.
Jen: whoa, girl. that is one yucko date.
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Old 10 June 2009, 10:36 PM   #40
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There's really no nice way to tell this story, but the thread brought up this repressed memory so here goes.

I was on a first date with a guy in college, he parked his car at my place and we went to dinner. When we came back, he came inside to use the bathroom before he left. While he was standing up to pee, he farted, but he had explosive diarrhea and and it went, literally, everywhere. NO, I don't know why his pants were off, and I certainly never followed up to ask.

I had just moved into this apartment (my first!) and had the cutest bathroom stuff. Well the mat, the shower curtain, and yes, even the decorative towel, went in the garbage (he actually asked if I wanted to throw it in the laundry!). I tossed rolls and rolls of paper towels and garbage bags down the hallway until he finally came out. I didn't use that bathroom for weeks, and after that, I was always fearful that he had missed a spot.

I was nice to him after that when I saw him around school, but he could never look me in the eye...
Okay I can post something. Most of mine are about sexual dysfunction or bodily functions but this is about as clean as I can go (many of you know the tale of the damaged wiener anyway so add this to your list of J embarrassments).

It is probably the flipside of Jen's tale.

I once went out with a girl when I was a sixth former...I was around 17 years old. This was the first girl I'd been out with since a bad teen relationship so I was a little nervous and uncomfortable.

We went to a party at a friend parent's house. They had a barbecue and drinks (underage yikes!). Like an idiot I left the girl and went talking to my friends only to discover they had some rather dodgy looking scrumpy cider in a big gallon plastic jug.
Moron here decided to have a few swigs of this warm, apple sauce thick, lumpy potent witch's brew. After a few pink hot dogs and a bit more cider I was feeling a little more relaxed.
The girl whose party it was told us her parent's were going to let everybody stay. My date fluttered her eyes and we decided to crash the night to...perhaps get a bit of cuddling and kissing going on whilst tucked up on the living room floor with everybody else.

Anyhoo...as soon as I laid down beside her, something was amiss with my internals. My stomach made the most awful gurgling sound and hurt like hell.

I made my excuses, ran to the nearest bathroom and let it all out.

The sound and smell were horrific.

Unfortunately for me, a few of the girls, including my date were concerned about sensitive, nice old Jamie and knocked gently to enquire if I was okay.

Even more unfortunately the response to them was a trumpeting squelchy chorus arrangement from my colon and a stench which was not unlike if you found a rotten eat stuffed inside a dead rat that had been buried for a year in sulphur.

And...even more unfortunately I discovered the bloody toiler was broken and didn't flush.

I wanted to die.

Stuck in there for what seemed like an age, I finally had a stroke of genius.

This is disgusting and I am so ashamed...

I emptied the existing shampoo and bubble bath bottles down the basin plug hole.

Then squeezing all of t6he air out of them, I placed them into the toilet (right in the middle of Joe's Friday Chilli special) and released my grip, thus sucking the contents into the bottles.

I then pour the new contents down the sink and repeated.

Following that I washed out the bottles and then poured some clean water into the toilet.

After about 90 minutes I was done. I pretended I had passed out but it wasn't enough...I had to live with the aftermath...no kisses and cuddles for Jim.

Later that year Dumb and Dumber came out and featured a similar scene...I bet you can all guess what my nickname was a while!!!!!!

J
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Old 11 June 2009, 12:21 AM   #41
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Jim..... you have topped the frenulum story.
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Old 11 June 2009, 12:30 AM   #42
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Jim, once again you have allowed me to laugh harder than I have all week!

No crazy stories for me, I'm afraid. The only unusual thing that ever happened was I went to homecoming with a friend of a friend because neither of us had been able to scrounge up a date. We ended up leaving the dance with other people.
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Old 11 June 2009, 12:48 AM   #43
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Jim,

You poor pup (although it made for a great story!).
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Old 11 June 2009, 12:55 AM   #44
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[QUOTE=Carolina;1212863]Seriously - bravo!!!

That guy's hair is about to take flight or something!

If memory serves my divorce lawyer cited his hair as the primary grounds for divorce.
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Old 11 June 2009, 01:03 AM   #45
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Jim that is truly disgusting and something you should never have owned up to
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Old 11 June 2009, 01:47 AM   #46
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Jim, you really are some bored author stuck in a basement, aren't you?!
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Old 11 June 2009, 02:36 AM   #47
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Pah...that aint the worst of it.

There is one story so shocking that if I posted it I'd be banned.

It involved a hot woman, a very unusual request and premature...well you get the picture.

J
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Old 11 June 2009, 02:38 AM   #48
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rotten eat stuffed inside a dead rat that had been buried for a year in sulphur.
That was supposed to read "rotten egg"

J
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Old 11 June 2009, 02:39 AM   #49
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Jim, once again you have allowed me to laugh harder than I have all week!
Dude you sometimes need to laugh huh?

You know where to reach old J for more tales of sexual inadequacy!

J
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Old 11 June 2009, 03:17 AM   #50
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Dude you sometimes need to laugh huh?

You know where to reach old J for more tales of sexual inadequacy!

J
The bus station
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Old 11 June 2009, 03:20 AM   #51
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Jim, You are the man. Thats the funniest "guy" story I've heard in a long, long time! You must have been "legendary".
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Old 11 June 2009, 03:22 AM   #52
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Jim, You are the man. Thats the funniest "guy" story I've heard in a long, long time! You must have been "legendary".
Errrmmmm my lower intestine was!

J
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Old 11 June 2009, 03:25 AM   #53
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Seriously - all my wild stories happened in college! I escaped high school with a fair amount of innocence.
Wild at OSU....I went there and although I was married I thought
Stillwater was a nice little town back in 84 to 87 when the Ex wife from hell
and I went there....She was a nice western Oklahoma farm girl....or so I thought....but nothing ever happened bad in Stillwater.
The worst thing that happened to me was I was so drunk one night riding
my new Harley home from Wet Willies I forgot to put my foot down at a stop sign....fell off and dented my gas tank....was to drunk that night to care but the next day I was P.O.ed
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Old 11 June 2009, 05:04 AM   #54
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Pah...that aint the worst of it.

There is one story so shocking that if I posted it I'd be banned.

It involved a hot woman, a very unusual request and premature...well you get the picture.

J

Brings back old memories of brown bagging it in college.
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Old 11 June 2009, 08:40 AM   #55
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I wish Jen would have been my prom date, she looks hot in her sig!!
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Old 11 June 2009, 01:39 PM   #56
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I wish Jen would have been my prom date, she looks hot in her sig!!
Haha thanks. My prom date was completed wasted and slept in a kiddie swimming pool. Good times, good times.
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Old 11 June 2009, 05:21 PM   #57
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Haha thanks. My prom date was completed wasted and slept in a kiddie swimming pool. Good times, good times.
What is a SIG? orther than a pistol
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Old 11 June 2009, 05:40 PM   #58
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Jim, congratulations. YOU sire have hit new highs of lows, mr. colonoscopy#2.
woof...the waves of nausea......
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Old 11 June 2009, 07:08 PM   #59
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Jim, congratulations. YOU sire have hit new highs of lows, mr. colonoscopy#2.
woof...the waves of nausea......
It saddens me a little that I am so depraved and shameless.

If only I could keep my mouth shut...

J
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Old 11 June 2009, 07:11 PM   #60
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It saddens me a little that I am so depraved and shameless.

If only I could keep my mouth shut...

J
keeping your mouth shut is the least of your worries
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