Life Changing Event

[vh_bu98]

Originally Posted by fusionstorm

Do your due diligence. Emotional blackmail is as much of a potential hazard as financial pitfalls. Put some random person you barely know in place of your father for this particular situation. You'd take some time and effort to see what you're getting yourself into in that instance, right? Don't skip over that simply b/c he's biologically related to you.

I honestly don't believe there is any emotional blackmail. No one has said I should do this because he is my biological dad. The driving force is the opportunity to learn a business and the possibility of making more money than what my current career path has to other. Financial security...that's the motivator.

Originally Posted by fusionstorm

Surprised you haven't already realized from your time in Vietnam that you'll soon feel like you're the Viet Brad Pitt or Leo Di Caprio once you settle in there. Temptation will present itself early, often and continuously. You can view it as a blessing or a curse (or both), but you should go with eyes wide open that your vows of fidelity are going to be tested numerous times.

And having read that your wife is non-Viet, it's a good thing she's going to stay stateside. Otherwise, she'll be clamped to your side constantly to keep the ladies away.

My wife was with me during the trip and I was always with my mother or my biological father being chauffeured around so I wasn't exposed to a lot of things that a single traveler would have been.

Originally Posted by GothamG8or

I would be somewhat troubled by how quickly this has accelerated now (no shorter trial run...). With such a dramatic life decision why the seeming insistence on doing it so quickly? That being said, I've never walked a mile in your shoes so I don't pretend to know what is right for you. Good luck

Well the bypass of the trial period was actually my idea initially since I felt it was a waste of time and money to go over for a few months, come back for a few months and maybe go back again. I later changed my mind thinking I could go on a ski trip with friends if I came back before going back.

[DARK_KNIGHT]

Wow ! Amazing story. Amazing photos ! Amazing people !

With a well thought out "plan of action", you won't need luck.

If you do take the trip, post more of those amazing pictures.

[Beelzy]

Spectacular photos, Thanks for sharing them.

I for one don't know if I would feel comfortable living in a place where some folks wear masks. Just saying.

[vh_bu98]

Originally Posted by Beelzy

Spectacular photos, Thanks for sharing them.

I for one don't know if I would feel comfortable living in a place where some folks wear masks. Just saying.

Most people travel by moped so the masks are their to protect their face when riding. They don't wear them when they walk around.

[Beelzy]

Originally Posted by vh_bu98

Most people travel by moped so the masks are their to protect their face when riding. They don't wear them when they walk around.

Holy Guacamole!............Are the bugs that big and bad there?

[vh_bu98]

Originally Posted by Beelzy

Holy Guacamole!............Are the bugs that big and bad there?

I actually don't recall seeing any flying bugs. It's mainly for the dust and pollution. A lot of people burn their garbage as well which contributes to the problem.

[Beelzy]

Brother, I was being facetious.....I know what the air is like there. That place is the Los Angeles of the Orient. LOL!

Now, let me tell you a little tale of a Vietnamese friend of mine. He left Hanoi with his pants on fire leaving his parents behind.
He went back and saw his folks years later and a scenario similar to yours occurred. He however was clever enough to realize that his
parents simply saw how productive he was in the States and wanted to exploit him. Respect thy Parents runs deep in Asia lest we forget.

Even now, after my friend left there he still feels compelled to send them money. Fine save for the fact that they complain about "needing" more. Heck they had nothing before he showed up, obviously they forgot.

All I'm saying here is follow your gut or you'll take it up the butt.

Good Luck with whatever Destiny decides for you.

[vh_bu98]

Originally Posted by Beelzy

Brother, I was being facetious.....I know what the air is like there. That place is the Los Angeles of the Orient. LOL!

Now, let me tell you a little tale of a Vietnamese friend of mine. He left Hanoi with his pants on fire leaving his parents behind.
He went back and saw his folks years later and a scenario similar to yours occurred. He however was clever enough to realize that his
parents simply saw how productive he was in the States and wanted to exploit him. Respect thy Parents runs deep in Asia lest we forget.

Even now, after my friend left there he still feels compelled to send them money. Fine save for the fact that they complain about "needing" more. Heck they had nothing before he showed up, obviously they forgot.

All I'm saying here is follow your gut or you'll take it up the butt.

Good Luck with whatever Destiny decides for you.

If you ever been to Texas, you would know that locusts and grasshoppers are not uncommon so plenty of big bugs over here in the US.

I can see where you are coming from and am familiar with stories similar to your friend. My situation is a little different since my biological father is way more wealthier than I am. He is more interested in me taking over his business so he has more free time to travel and have fun. Also, he has three other children in Finland and he gives them money and not the other way around. I think that's why I am not as concern as being used. By the way, I'm very Americanized so my cultural roots don't run that deep.

Thank you for your concern.

[nolawis]

Like my friend Duong says, "What happens in Vietnam stays in Vietnam."

[gator4life]

Vu, thank you for the story. Tough decision, but since your dad is wealthier than you, then some normal concerns may not be there. Also, the older we get, family and lost time sometimes means a great deal. So, he very well could just get want to know you. I can understand that. Your wife actually sounds very supportive of you, which is great. My wife and I were apart for 8 months as she went to school, and that was after we were married for 25 years. Our relationship remained strong and she was able to realize one of her dreams. Isn't that what a marriage is about - helping each other realize their dreams? However, 2 years is a very long time. In my case, I was able to fly in for visits every 2 weeks(across the country - USA- but not in a different country) but you won't have that luxury however, I would imagine. Also, you will without a doubt be propositioned by many young and pretty women - that can cause lots of problems for you. Lots to think about, but if it isn't working out you can just end it at any time and fly home can't you? I mean, no employment contract or any other type of legal duties involved, correct? Even if there were, I can't imagine anyone would try to sue in international court for any breach of contract. So really, what is the downside to going?

[vh_bu98]

The only constant in life is change and that is what is occurring.

With almost six years with the current company, I have put in my notice and will be leaving my job at the end of the month to head over to Vietnam for about three months. I don't know what to expect while I am over there, except that I have at least three options when I return to the US. I will either agree to a two year stay in Vietnam, find another IT job in Dallas, Texas or move to Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

No matter what I choose, things will never be the same again. I guess I should consider myself fortunate to have such opportunities. And with that in mind, I scheduled a two day lay over in Seoul, South Korea and a two day lay over in Los Angeles, California on my trip back. With the time restraints lifted, I now have the chance to do some traveling and sight-seeing.

This year has been an interesting one to say the least with plenty of months remaining.

[Lisa]

Wow, Vu. I hope you'll have time to keep us posted about your adventure. This is BIG.

[bayerische]

Congrats on your decision!

I wish you the best, and keep us posted!

[gmh1013]

It takes a pair to do stuff like that and ride off into the great "unknown"
Six years ago I left a very high paying job at IBM to retire at 48.
Plus I was having so much back pain I could not travel anymore.
Looking back....it was not the best decision I could have made but
how could I know bank rates would be 1.25 percent?...you just dont know what will happen.
But you live and learn....I im running out of time at my age....
You seeem to be very young and what ever happens you have plenty of time left to fix
it....IF something happens that does not goto plan.
Good-luck!

[fusionstorm]

Good luck, Vu. Keep us posted on your journey!

[Art 1]

Sounds so exciting. Good luck with it all. I'm sure that it will all work out fine.

[mtrunner]

Congrats, it sounds like you have an exciting road ahead of you. Good luck and enjoy the ride.

[joleel7]

Enjoy reading your post and good luck with the road ahead of you and keep us posted

[00Seven]

I say go for it.
You only live once and it sounds like a great opportunity. You can visit your wife in the US and she can come visit you as well.

[vh_bu98]

I made it to Vietnam a few days ago and I can say being in the air for about 20 hours does suck. The trip from Dallas to Seoul was about 14 hours in the middle seat of a full plane. Even though it's a wide body, it's not the most comfortable. At least there were no crying babies nearby. The trip from Seoul to Ho Chi Minh City was better since it wasn't as full and managed to have all three seats to myself for most of the 6 hours. Struck up a conversation with an American from Tampa, Florida who is moving to Vietnam. It always amazes me how people can just leave everything they know and start fresh. For me, I at least have family to provide for me.

So far, things have been pretty much a vacation. All I've really done is go out and eat. My dad is happy to see me although he thinks my clothes are too casual. I had to pick out fabric and get measured to get some slacks and dress shirts made. Apparently I need to be well dressed when I meet the people he knows. I prefer to be in shorts and a t-shirt in this heat and humidity, but I don't have much choice in the matter.

One thing I am trying to get used too is the lost of independence. I am a very independent person in nature so to be driven around in a Mercedes and having doors open for me feels odd. People putting food in my bowl while I am eating is something I may never get used too being my dad or cute girls doing it. The most awkward experience for me so far is handing a dress shirt to the housekeeper and asking her to wash and iron it for me within 3 hours. She actually seem happy to do it. At least I got a set of keys to the gates where I can come and go as I please now. I hate feeling like a prisoner no matter how nice the surroundings are.

But besides that, everything else isn't too bad although I am still dealing with jet lag. The next few days may provide more insight on how my dad runs his businesses and I still have over two months to decide if I can tolerate things enough to live here more in the long term.

[Lisa]

Thanks for the update, Vu. Dave and I are rooting for you. It's amazing how quickly a person can get accustomed to a new set of circumstances... hopefully soon you will feel more settled in.

So glad you took the time to fill us in. When can you post some pics?

[vh_bu98]

The only pictures that I've really taken are of food and those are on my Facebook account. I really haven't taken many photos just because I haven't felt like lugging around my DSLR. I thought about bringing it to a wedding that I attended, but I didn't want to upstage the wedding photographer.

It was our housekeeper's son and they are out in the country. My first wedding in Vietnam and quite interesting. I was better dressed than the groom and was getting more attention then I wanted. And they kept making me drink to the point that I had a hard time walking by noon when it started at 10 AM.

[Lisa]

My gosh... seems like they're making you out to be some kind of celebrity!

What is your house like?

[vh_bu98]

I am far from a celebrity, but I do get stares around the city. Not sure if it's because I'm 5' 11", being driven around or carrying a big DSLR. Maybe it's a combination of the three. :) I do feel more comfortable when I'm in areas where there are other Westerners.

As for the house, I would say it is above average.

[Lisa]

Um, yes, I'd say it's above average!

Enjoy the adventure... I'm tempted to get back to Facebook to follow your journey...

[hdrazor251]

Thanks for the update. Enjoy the adventure and the above average house.

[david_ord]

Originally Posted by vh_bu98

Is my biological dad's business legit? I don't know since we didn't talk much about business during my two weeks. I did visit a farm that he owns and we tour a development area where he was making note of things that were wrong and having his secretary calling people asking them why. It's possible that it was an act but it didn't seem like it. I stayed at his main house which would be well off even in US standards. He showed me another home closer to the city and said I could have it if I wanted it. I chatted with my new founded half brother and he made the comment that our dad wouldn't have a problem paying me a salary of a few thousand US every month. So I'm not quite sure how I would be an inviting target since I really don't have anything financially to lose. For him to pay me the salary that he is talking about, he has more to lose financially considering that the average monthly income in Vietnam is only about $150 USD. But you're right to say that a guy with money can live like a king in a third world country.
l:

I'm Vietnamese. I started visiting the country 1994. Later on, I worked for a multinational company in Hong Kong, during which time I was being sent to Hanoi and Vung Tau about once a month to work on the company's projects. I watched a couple of my cousins go from having nothing to being millionaires in less than a decade, yes, in usd. Thus, I think I understand the economy there pretty well, both at the big company level as well as at the small business, "street level." It sounds like your dad is a wheeler-dealer, running a variety of small businesses. This is pretty common. It's a developing country, and there's a lot of money to be made being multi-faceted businessman.

My advice to you is: be humble, and don't take a salary. You're a new comer with an IT background. You're throwing yourself into a world of business run by veteran businessmen whose IQ and street smarts are just as high as yours. There's nothing you can do that could warrant a salary of a couple of thousand a month. If you're like me, you can't read or write past the elementary school level. Any salary you take would simply be a drain on the business's cash flow. Unless you're repeatedly closing deals that YOU single-handedly brought to the table (unlikely in the beginning), drawing a huge salary without corresponding productivity would make you a target of resentment and ridicule from local people who have been loyal to your father for years. Work for food and shelter, and start taking a portion of the profits if and when the deals you brouught to the table start generating money.

Btw, when my company started sending me on regular trips, I bought an english-viet business & legal dictionary and tried to learn all the relevant terms. I would read the dictionary during down time, like on the plane. You should do the same.