Dating Advice: How do you guys get over someone that was “special”

[SG56]

Dear Paul,

I am your female friend and I'm not gonna sugar coat this.

You need to put this behind you.
She clearly doesn't deserve you and you should not waste your time.
If she wanted to be with you, she would have let you know. At this age, there is no playing games who calls whom.
As long as you keep in touch, you will never gain the needed distance to put her behind you.
And as long as she is lingering, no matter who you meet, will not feel special enough.

One day you will shake your head and say, man was i an idiot to waste that time on someone who doesn't deserve it.

Screw the comeback. If she was the right one, she would have never left. Period.

Break any and all contact. No exceptions. Only that will help you shift your focus and maybe give the attention to someone else who is maybe just as special but you don't see it, because your eyes are clouded.

Short version:
Break contact. Move on. She is not worthy of you wasting time. Life is too short to waste it on the people who don't deserve us.
You won't find happiness as long as she's around.

Good luck and here to talk if you need me,

Tea

[codecow]

What I used to do is play Ozzy songs on my acoustic guitar.

[The Libertine]

For what it’s worth, all the wrong girls eventually helped me find the right one that I married 10 years ago. I learned what I liked, didn’t like, and how to make a successful relationship last. Yes, there were a few girls that when we broke up I was miserable. But, looking back then at what I know now, those were the relationships that I learned the most from.

[TK-710]

Originally Posted by TheVTCGuy

...currently seeing a very nice one that is actually the same age as my ex, but there is not the ... “feeling”... I had with her.

I’m not sure about the rest of this but I’m thinking you should let this one go or at the very least let her know how you feel so she knows where things stand. I’m pretty sure no one wants to be dating someone who doesn’t think they have the same feelings toward them as they do their ex.

[SG56]

Originally Posted by JES77

I’m not sure about the rest of this but I’m thinking you should let this one go or at the very least let her know how you feel so she knows where things stand. I’m pretty sure no one wants to be dating someone who doesn’t think they have the same feelings toward them as they do their ex.

Agreed, else you're not better than the ex.

[DARK_KNIGHT]

Originally Posted by TheVTCGuy

So... I dated this nice young woman for 11 months, it ended about a year ago. It was fantastic; suffice it to say I was very happy. She is quite a bit younger then me so we both knew we were not each other’s “end games” but nonetheless, we got along great and it was a very enjoyable relationship. The inevitable happened, I got dumped. It ended very abruptly with her saying: “Let’s just be friends.” Now, I have been dumped many many.. many many times in my life, so I knew how to handle this, play it cool, don’t chase, but I really was broken hearted. Ask Larry, BnLion, when I pleaded to let me come over to his house and cry on his shoulder he was kind enough to listen.

She and I have spoken on the phone several times, met for lunch a couple occasions, but what I was hoping for, the: “Take me back” statement never came. I have since dated a couple pleasant ladies, currently seeing a very nice one that is actually the same age as my ex, but there is not the ... “feeling”... I had with her. I know, it never could have ended much of any other way, shouldn’t have gotten myself emotionally involved to the point I did, but it was so much fun, such a great time.

Paul, you have answered your own questions. You were already being prescient.........."we both knew we were not each others end games...........the inevitable happened........

Ask yourself what is it about her that really attracts you? Was she beautiful/hot...........like beyond the norm for you? Was it the intimacy?


The answer is in front of you.............but this does not seem to be the girl for you, because you seem to be her "plan B". Simply put, there is not a convergence of feelings.........she has moved past, now it´s your turn.

[Star Ferry]

Originally Posted by codecow

What I used to do is play Ozzy songs on my acoustic guitar.

How were you ever single to begin with?

[superdog]

you will not like this. but it is tough love. because I genuinely care about you.

and reality.

suck it up butter cup. man up. put her out of you mind. cut her off. mentally, physically and emotionally.

make a conscious choice to shut it off and shut her out.

and tell yourself to stop feeding into this. you are your own worst enemy.

make a choice. let it go. and stick to that.

[N5XTC]

i still say there is no easier way to getting over something like this than finding an IMMEDIATE replacement. easier said than done, but that has always been my solution.

[CRM114]

Originally Posted by superdog

you will not like this. but it is tough love. because I genuinely care about you.

and reality.

suck it up butter cup. man up. put her out of you mind. cut her off. mentally, physically and emotionally.

make a conscious choice to shut it off and shut her out.

and tell yourself to stop feeding into this. you are your own worst enemy.

make a choice. let it go. and stick to that.

I agree with Superdog.

Paul, you need a new mistress you can get back in the saddle with, spend some time and money on to keep her fresh and looking good, just for you. In return, she'll always be there whenever you want whether it's for a nice relaxing afternoon or, if you feel like getting sweaty and grunty, really have your way with her, getting your ya-yas out and turning her every which way you can with no complaints because that's what she's built for.

Of course, I'm talking about an airplane, a Pitts. Maybe a two-place S2B on the chance you ever meet woman cool, thrill-seeking, and confident enough to want to experience a threesome with you and your girl in the hangar. That'll be her real competition if she wants to land you.

[Redtele58]

Originally Posted by CRM114

Of course, I'm talking about an airplane, a Pitts. Maybe a two-place S2B on the chance you ever meet woman cool, thrill-seeking, and confident enough to want to experience a threesome with you and your girl in the hangar. That'll be her real competition if she wants to land you.

Ooooh!

An S2B. Best advice yet.

[codecow]

Originally Posted by Star Ferry

How were you ever single to begin with?

Lol I was a young man at the time.

[Brenngun]

Send her a link to this thread and then just sit back and wait for a reaction. You'll know everything is short order.

[Dyim]

Maybe she wants to be friends with benefits.

[GB-man]

I think you need a trip to Montreal. Pm for recommendations lol

[Dr.Brian]

The only way to move on is to move on.
She dumped you, so if she wants to come crawling back, that’s her move to make. But I’d probably pass.
It sounds like you knew it was just temporary, so enjoy the memories and get back in the saddle.
All the middle aged single people I know have two things in common, they work too hard and put too much of their self worth in their professional life and they regularly pass up social opportunities (don’t belong to clubs, don’t go to charity events, participate in solo sports, choose work or they’re “too tired” instead of going out with friends/colleagues, etc.). Those are things you can change. Either that or they are divorced and serial daters with no plans to settle down ever again. 6 weeks to 6 months and done no matter what.

[Investr]

Originally Posted by Etschell

this sounds cold but cut her off. block her number and move on.

now how to move on? meet another person you like more. don't continue relationships just because you don't want to be lonely.

i deal with divorce daily paul. there is always happiness later on. how much and when is up to you and only you.

This IS the answer! The being friends does not work when there was a serious relationship unless both people truly want to be just friends, and that’s not the case here! These little meet ups and phone calls only cause you grief. Cut ties completely and move on. Good things are ahead......

[fusionstorm]

Go date her younger sister!

[AK797]

Probably best to find a woman closer to your own age now, only works if you look and earn like Di Caprio.

[Fat_ninja]

Originally Posted by GB-man

I think you need a trip to Montreal. Pm for recommendations lol

Or columbia, dont PM me tho

[joeychitwood]

Originally Posted by TheVTCGuy

Oh THANK YOU JOCKE! Does this mean I can move in to my room now?

You slut! Keeping a room in Europe in case moving to Minnesota doesn't work out!

Just so you don't always wonder what could have been, ask her flat out if she wants relationship again. If she says no, then cut all ties and move on. No communication, no ruminating.

[Andad]

Originally Posted by SG56

Dear Paul,

I am your female friend and I'm not gonna sugar coat this.

You need to put this behind you.
She clearly doesn't deserve you and you should not waste your time.
If she wanted to be with you, she would have let you know. At this age, there is no playing games who calls whom.
As long as you keep in touch, you will never gain the needed distance to put her behind you.
And as long as she is lingering, no matter who you meet, will not feel special enough.

One day you will shake your head and say, man was i an idiot to waste that time on someone who doesn't deserve it.

Screw the comeback. If she was the right one, she would have never left. Period.

Break any and all contact. No exceptions. Only that will help you shift your focus and maybe give the attention to someone else who is maybe just as special but you don't see it, because your eyes are clouded.

Short version:
Break contact. Move on. She is not worthy of you wasting time. Life is too short to waste it on the people who don't deserve us.
You won't find happiness as long as she's around.

Good luck and here to talk if you need me,

Tea

The Forum thanks you...

[Andad]

Originally Posted by superdog

you will not like this. but it is tough love. because I genuinely care about you.

and reality.

suck it up butter cup. man up. put her out of you mind. cut her off. mentally, physically and emotionally.

make a conscious choice to shut it off and shut her out.

and tell yourself to stop feeding into this. you are your own worst enemy.

make a choice. let it go. and stick to that.

You talkin' 'bout your next car?

[Andad]

Originally Posted by joeychitwood

You slut! Keeping a room in Europe in case moving to Minnesota doesn't work out!

Just so you don't always wonder what could have been, ask her flat out if she wants relationship again. If she says no, then cut all ties and move on. No communication, no ruminating.

Hacked account?

[michaelodonnell123]

Dude, with all the beautiful women available in the world, there is no reason to get hung up on that one? Go to Medellin Colombia. Problem solved.

[CRM114]

Originally Posted by michaelodonnell123

Dude, with all the beautiful women available in the world, there is no reason to get hung up on that one? Go to Medellin Colombia. Problem solved.

And after Columbia there's Hong Kong, Japan, Ukraine, Russia, Italy.....but not until after the Pitts. Faithful mistress first.

AK797
Probably best to find a woman closer to your own age now, only works if you look and earn like Di Caprio.

If he stays at home, yes. However, half the female world out there (nor did our society for most of it's history) isn't so hung up on ages differences, and an older guy is seen as actually good. If Paul's woman liked him enough to date him yet ultimately waved him off because of something as narcissistic as age difference, good riddance, her loss. There's at least a billion women out there who don't see it the way, millions of which would be just as special plus would happily be his end game, and him hers.

[Star Ferry]

Originally Posted by CRM114

And after Columbia there's Hong Kong, Japan, Ukraine, Russia, Italy.....but not until after the Pitts. Faithful mistress first.

If he stays at home, yes. However, half the female world out there isn't so hung up on ages differences, and an older guy is seen as actually good. If Paul's woman liked him enough to date him yet ultimately gave him the wave-off because of something as narcissistic as age difference, good riddance, her loss.

Another issue is that women in America, on average, weigh over 160 pounds. The literary James Bond was 6 feet, 167 pounds. I'm not dating a 5'4" 165 pound woman with 40% body fat. I can't appreciate the female form when it's obscured by 30 pounds of excess lard

[SG56]

Originally Posted by Star Ferry

Another issue is that women in America, on average, weigh over 160 pounds. The literary James Bond was 6 feet, 167 pounds. I'm not dating a 5'4" 165 pound woman with 40% body fat. I can't appreciate the female form when it's obscured by 30 pounds of excess lard

Wow, thumbs down.
you must look like James bond to claim that.

I'm not dating shallow people, even if they look like any of the bonds.

I'm 5'9" 145 lbs for the record.

[wantonebad]

Agree with the others who are saying move on, it's over. She's using you as an emotional crutch. The "lets be friends" request more times than not is a let him down easy tool and usually contact ceases. She still reaches out to you not because she wants to be with you but there is something in her that needs reinsurance that you are still around if she needs you, don't be. It's rare that exes are friends and if they are it's usually unhealthy or co-dependent. I'm not saying never be friends with her, though that's what I want to say, what I am saying is you can't be friends right now. It's not fair and you can't be available to her and truly move on. See "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" very good breakup movie!!

[CRM114]

Originally Posted by Star Ferry

Another issue is that women in America, on average, weigh over 160 pounds. The literary James Bond was 6 feet, 167 pounds. I'm not dating a 5'4" 165 pound woman with 40% body fat. I can't appreciate the female form when it's obscured by 30 pounds of excess lard

You'll get no argument from me. In their 20's and 30's no less, young men as well. I come home from extended time abroad, just shake my head and think "Yikes, I sure am glad my parents made me go outside and run in the neighborhood getting into rock fights, playing with matches, and pulling the legs off of bugs instead of sitting around all day watching Hogan's Heroes and Gilligan's Island reruns stuffing my face with Doritos, Moon Pies, and drinking RC Cola" (No Xboxes, Playsations, or computers back then). Developed good habits, and people were normal-size. I sure am glad I aged past those years ahead of whatever the hell happened to yutes and young adults happened.

Paul, if you go abroad to cast your net it won't have to be a stretch-fabric, Size 20 Plus to catch someone. There's tons of normal people out there beyond the horizon where it takes almost 20 of them to make one of those tons instead of just 9 or 10. Not coincidently, if you happen to turn on a TV in any of those places you'll also notice that unlike at home 3 out of 4 commercials aren't advertising some sort of food.