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goin camping · 5 December 2015, 10:53 AM

This thread is for 1 or 2 line stupid jokes and everyone is welcome to post.

I'll start.

Guy walks into a bar and says. "ouch!" (If you are thinking alcohol bar. Try again.)

Grasshopper sits down at a bar. Bar tender says. "We have a drink named after you."

Grasshopper says. "You got a drink named Bob?"

Someone stole all the toilet seats at the Police station. When asked by reporters. Detectives said they have nothing to go on.

Your turn.

Hairdude1 · 5 December 2015, 01:25 PM

asadtiger · 5 December 2015, 07:51 PM

Lol.

I know a one liner I found very funny:

You don't need a parachute to para-jump. You need a parachute to para-jump twice :)

AzPaul · 5 December 2015, 10:36 PM

It isn't fair that only one company makes the game 'Monopoly'.

Rogdogg · 5 December 2015, 10:55 PM

What's the difference between snowmen and snow ladies......snowballs

clock · 6 December 2015, 02:28 AM

Why did the spider cross the street?

To find the next website.

SecondAmend · 6 December 2015, 08:33 AM

How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

The Joker · 6 December 2015, 10:37 AM

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?

A: Wiped his ass.

Hamish · 6 December 2015, 09:57 PM

Why did the bee cross the road?
To get to the buzz stop!

Rogdogg · 6 December 2015, 10:58 PM

Stalking is when two people go on a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it.

clock · 7 December 2015, 02:28 AM

Why do a group of birds fly in a arrow like pattern following one bird?

He's the one with the map.

SecondAmend · 8 December 2015, 01:43 AM

When I was in high school I tried out for the track team but I didn't get on, and I think the coach just didn't like me. I knew I had the ability cause the team doctor told me that I had the feet of an athlete.

goin camping · 8 December 2015, 10:28 AM

Had a cousin who was a karate expert and he joined the army.

First time he saluted. He killed himself.

goin camping · 8 December 2015, 10:30 AM

Guy walks into a psychiatrists office. Dr. asks. "What do you do?"

Guy replies. "I'm an auto mechanic." Dr. says. "Get under the couch."

Robbie68 · 8 December 2015, 12:12 PM

High rise buildings.
Wrong on so many levels!

El Cascarrabias · 8 December 2015, 12:41 PM

Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Why did the bee fly around with his back two legs crossed?
He was looking for a BP station.

GradyPhilpott · 8 December 2015, 04:19 PM

A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it.

Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage.

If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying.

A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.

Ruud Van Driver · 9 December 2015, 03:37 AM

Why does it take 15 pre-menstrual women to change a light bulb?

It just f**king does, right!

Tri-Tip · 9 December 2015, 09:10 AM

Q: What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down?
A: It gets toad away!

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

Q: Why shouldn't you make fun of a paleontologist?
A: Because you will get Jurasskicked.

Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals.

A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

goin camping · 12 December 2015, 12:38 PM

A pancake, a piece of bacon and a sausage walk into a bar...

Bartender says. "We don't serve breakfast here."

Nick M · 14 December 2015, 01:54 AM

Why did Adel cross the road?

To say "Hello from the other side."

james89 · 1 February 2016, 08:15 PM

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor.

TheVTCGuy · 2 February 2016, 08:17 PM

A guy walks in to a bar and says: "Is the bartender here?"

Another guy answers: "Yeah, so don't lean on it"

TheVTCGuy · 2 February 2016, 08:22 PM

A skeleton walks in to a bar and says: "Give me a beer, and a mop"

beer · 4 February 2016, 11:23 PM

two guys are walking down a street when a mugger approaches them with a gun and demands their wallets

one of the guys hands some bills to the other and says "here's that $100 i owe you"

kcjack · 5 February 2016, 11:59 AM

dwarf shortage

Abdullah71601 · 17 February 2016, 01:42 AM

What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back?

A stick

Porsche · 19 February 2016, 09:47 PM

A clown, a priest and a midget walk into a bar...

the barmen looks up and says... "what is this, some kind of joke?"

BBL · 20 February 2016, 01:17 AM

I saw a man yesterday who was so bald I could see what he was thinking.

I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer to wash my face.

hbbfam · 20 February 2016, 02:25 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Porsche

A clown, a priest and a midget walk into a bar...

the barmen looks up and says... "what is this, some kind of joke?"

My daughter and I trade "bar" jokes. This is a worthy addition.

5 December 2015, 10:53 AM	#1
goin camping "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2015 Real Name: Milo Location: Mojave Desert Posts: 922	1 or 2 liner stupid joke thread This thread is for 1 or 2 line stupid jokes and everyone is welcome to post. I'll start. Guy walks into a bar and says. "ouch!" (If you are thinking alcohol bar. Try again.) Grasshopper sits down at a bar. Bar tender says. "We have a drink named after you." Grasshopper says. "You got a drink named Bob?" Someone stole all the toilet seats at the Police station. When asked by reporters. Detectives said they have nothing to go on. Your turn.

5 December 2015, 01:25 PM	#2
Hairdude1 "TRF" Member Join Date: Apr 2012 Real Name: Alex Location: Chicago Watch: AP,PP, Rolex Posts: 37,156	__________________ Instagram: @Hairdude Watches in Collection 5070R, 5522A, 214270 MK1, 228238 16750, 26401, 5711, 116718, 116710LN, 116300, 16710"Coke", 372, 15300, 15703 (All Flipped) Official Member "Perpetual 30" Las Vegas GTG 2016 Official Member "WIS-CON" Las Vegas International GTG 2017 Official Member 'WIS-CON' Las Vegas Int'l GTG 2018

5 December 2015, 10:36 PM	#4
AzPaul 2024 ROLEX SUBMARINER 41 Pledge Member Join Date: May 2012 Real Name: Paul Location: Tucson, Az Watch: Rolex 1501 Posts: 13,893	It isn't fair that only one company makes the game 'Monopoly'. __________________ Ain't much of a crime, whacking a surly bartender

5 December 2015, 10:55 PM	#5
Rogdogg 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Bangkok Posts: 6,124	What's the difference between snowmen and snow ladies......snowballs __________________ Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

6 December 2015, 10:58 PM	#10
Rogdogg 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Nov 2012 Location: Bangkok Posts: 6,124	Stalking is when two people go on a long romantic walk together but only one of them knows about it. __________________ Nil Satis Nisi Optimum

5 December 2015, 07:51 PM	#3
asadtiger "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2007 Real Name: Asad A. Awan Location: kabul, Afghanista Watch: Tissot PRX Posts: 2,698	Lol. I know a one liner I found very funny: You don't need a parachute to para-jump. You need a parachute to para-jump twice :)

6 December 2015, 02:28 AM	#6
clock Banned Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: in a house Posts: 13,510	Why did the spider cross the street? To find the next website.

6 December 2015, 08:33 AM	#7
SecondAmend "TRF" Member Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: MI Posts: 98	How many psychiatrists does it take to change a light bulb? Only one, but the light bulb has to want to change.

6 December 2015, 10:37 AM	#8
The Joker "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2010 Location: Gotham Posts: 9,641	Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend? A: Wiped his ass.

6 December 2015, 09:57 PM	#9
Hamish "TRF" Member Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Earth Watch: 5575 Posts: 1,674	Why did the bee cross the road? To get to the buzz stop!

7 December 2015, 02:28 AM	#11
clock Banned Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: in a house Posts: 13,510	Why do a group of birds fly in a arrow like pattern following one bird? He's the one with the map.

8 December 2015, 01:43 AM	#12
SecondAmend "TRF" Member Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: MI Posts: 98	When I was in high school I tried out for the track team but I didn't get on, and I think the coach just didn't like me. I knew I had the ability cause the team doctor told me that I had the feet of an athlete.

8 December 2015, 10:28 AM	#13
goin camping "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2015 Real Name: Milo Location: Mojave Desert Posts: 922	Had a cousin who was a karate expert and he joined the army. First time he saluted. He killed himself.

8 December 2015, 10:30 AM	#14
goin camping "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2015 Real Name: Milo Location: Mojave Desert Posts: 922	Guy walks into a psychiatrists office. Dr. asks. "What do you do?" Guy replies. "I'm an auto mechanic." Dr. says. "Get under the couch."

8 December 2015, 12:12 PM	#15
Robbie68 "TRF" Member Join Date: Aug 2012 Location: NH Watch: SD4K Posts: 492	High rise buildings. Wrong on so many levels!

8 December 2015, 12:41 PM	#16
El Cascarrabias "TRF" Member Join Date: Sep 2014 Real Name: Frank Location: USA Watch: 16613LB Posts: 1,006	Horse walks into a bar. Bartender says, "Why the long face?" Why did the bee fly around with his back two legs crossed? He was looking for a BP station.

8 December 2015, 04:19 PM	#17
GradyPhilpott 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: New Mexico Watch: Seiko #SRK047 Posts: 34,460	A recent study has found that women who carry a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it. Strong people don't put others down. They lift them up and slam them on the ground for maximum damage. If you think nobody cares whether you're alive, try missing a couple of payments. Ask your child what he wants for dinner only if he's buying. A clean house is the sign of a broken computer. __________________ JJ Inaugural TRF $50 Watch Challenge Winner

9 December 2015, 03:37 AM	#18
Ruud Van Driver "TRF" Member Join Date: Oct 2014 Real Name: Chopped Liver Location: S. Wales Valleys Watch: Mickey Mouse Posts: 9,926	Why does it take 15 pre-menstrual women to change a light bulb? It just fking does, right! __________________ 116520 Black, 116610 LVc, 116660 D-Blue, 116610 LNc, 116622 Blue, PAM359, PAM689, PAM737 "Why should you allow an AD to shake you down, just so you can buy a watch" - Grady Philpott** Card carrying member of TRF's Global Association of Retro-Grouch-Curmudgeons

9 December 2015, 09:10 AM	#19
Tri-Tip "TRF" Member Join Date: Jan 2011 Location: CA, USA Watch: Out!!! Posts: 6,474	Q: What happens to a frog's car when it breaks down? A: It gets toad away! I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there. Q: Why shouldn't you make fun of a paleontologist? A: Because you will get Jurasskicked. Two men broke into a drugstore and stole all the Viagra. The police put out an alert to be on the lookout for the two hardened criminals. A man speaks frantically into the phone, "My wife is pregnant, and her contractions are only two minutes apart!" "Is this her first child?" the doctor queries. "No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"

12 December 2015, 12:38 PM	#20
goin camping "TRF" Member Join Date: Nov 2015 Real Name: Milo Location: Mojave Desert Posts: 922	A pancake, a piece of bacon and a sausage walk into a bar... Bartender says. "We don't serve breakfast here."

14 December 2015, 01:54 AM	#21
Nick M "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2013 Location: Philadelphia, PA Posts: 244	Why did Adel cross the road? To say "Hello from the other side."

1 February 2016, 08:15 PM	#22
james89 "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2011 Real Name: Tho Location: So Cal Watch: Nomos Club Datum Posts: 273	Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make. Then they call me ugly and poor.

2 February 2016, 08:17 PM	#23
TheVTCGuy Banned Join Date: Jul 2008 Real Name: Paul Location: San Diego Watch: 126619LB Posts: 21,540	A guy walks in to a bar and says: "Is the bartender here?" Another guy answers: "Yeah, so don't lean on it"

2 February 2016, 08:22 PM	#24
TheVTCGuy Banned Join Date: Jul 2008 Real Name: Paul Location: San Diego Watch: 126619LB Posts: 21,540	A skeleton walks in to a bar and says: "Give me a beer, and a mop"

4 February 2016, 11:23 PM	#25
beer "TRF" Member Join Date: May 2015 Location: Watch Dealer atm! Watch: all Posts: 2,800	two guys are walking down a street when a mugger approaches them with a gun and demands their wallets one of the guys hands some bills to the other and says "here's that $100 i owe you" __________________

5 February 2016, 11:59 AM	#26
kcjack "TRF" Member Join Date: Feb 2013 Location: Missouri Posts: 30	dwarf shortage

17 February 2016, 01:42 AM	#27
Abdullah71601 Banned Join Date: Aug 2014 Location: Calumet Harbor Watch: ing da Bears Posts: 13,568	What do you call a boomerang that doesn't come back? A stick

19 February 2016, 09:47 PM	#28
Porsche 2024 SubLV41 Pledge Member Join Date: Jun 2008 Real Name: John Location: ɹǝpun Watch: and learn Posts: 2,986	A clown, a priest and a midget walk into a bar... the barmen looks up and says... "what is this, some kind of joke?" __________________ Obey Gravity, it's the Law! ROLEX --- SEIKO --- HEUER TRF REHAUT T H E R O L E X F O R U M T H E R O L E X F O R U M T H E R O L E X F O R U M T H E R O L E X F O R U M T H E R O L E X F O R U M T H E R O L E X F O R U M

20 February 2016, 01:17 AM	#29
BBL "TRF" Member Join Date: Aug 2015 Real Name: DM Location: USA Watch: DD-YG/DJ/Breitling Posts: 8,896	I saw a man yesterday who was so bald I could see what he was thinking. I knew I was going bald when it was taking longer to wash my face.

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